Im currently thinking of letting my Girlfriend move in with me as shes stuck in a homeless hostel!! Just waiting until Ive got a job as at present I cant afford to keep her as shes got 2 kids and would loose a lot of her benefits as things stand due to my pension!!

I was talking to a mate earlier and he was saying "your nuts to take on a bird with 2 kids as youll loose the house if it goes wrong".

Now obviously this got me thinking. I always think "what if" and have enough experience in life to know that despite loving her loads now, things may still change later on!!

Ive had a look online but all the info seems to be based on married couples with thier own kids. We arent married and the kids are from her last relationship and i cant see anything obvious about how that works if you split. I know with a normal unmarried relationship without kids, the ex-partners claim on a house is very much dependant on names on mortgage, who pays it, contributes to bills etc etc.

But how does this work with kids??? I know in married couples generally the rules work in bias of the kids best interests. But how does this work when im not the father?? IE do i become legally responsible for the kids once they live in my home?? Obviously while we are together I accept that kids come with my girlfriend and will help support them, but if we split up, other than giving reasonable notice to leave and helping her relocate is that the limit of my responsibilities??

I know it might sound a bit cold and selfish but if things go wrong i dont see why i should loose my house/ or have to maintain someone elses kids.

Any ideas???

 

does can of worms give you and idea...
but I would say it's your home to start with, and if she comes to live with you then, she would have to leave your house thats the way I see it.. and i dont see why you should take responsability for her kids if you do split up

 

Thats what logic would suggest to me too but logic and the law dont seem to go together

Agreed on can of worms

 

read the first line of the first paragraph in your first post

as soon as she loses her money because you have more than her, you will have basiclay agree'd to look after the kids and support them financially as she won't be able to and won't get a place to stay if she's taken off the housing list

it is indeed a right can of worms

a mate of mines siste is a single teenage parent (well, she was back in the day) and got into all sorts of touble when the council found out that her brother was spending the nights there at her 1 bed council flat (he worked nights as recovery and used to help out looking after the baby while she had a bit of shut eye so it was all above board and stuff, he had his own house etc) so it might look to you very simple, but as soon as there is a problem then all hell can, and normally does, break loose

tell her to stay put until she's sorted a place out for herself, then look at co-habiting in her gaff

at least that way if you leave she won't be in the shit, and more importantly, the kids won't be in the shit either, and nor will you

 

simplest way around this is to to get a rent book, even if you only charge her a pound a week and you get her to sign it each week nothing should change, as she is a tennant and not legally dependant on you, this way she should still be able to claim her benifits

 

hey thats a good idea, gona get 1 for my las

 

Could be worth speaking to a solicitor about it and draw up some kind of contract? I would also explain to your missus about it etc and see her feelings. If she wasn't in for it for the money then she would have no problem in signing something. Sounds all official but you can't be too safe when it comes to that sort of money.

Am in the same boat with my missus at the moment, currently looking for a house, mortgage is going to be in my name, deposit has come from my savings, mortgage will be paid from my account etc but she will be paying the bills. (she earns a good wage as well). I've explained to her what if we split up etc and she agrees that the house is mine etc so she couldn't claim anything.

Chris

 

But likewise to enable her to still claim her benefits you will have to register as her landlord which may effect your mortgage agreement.

I know people who have tried this and when it was discovered they were actually in a relationship and cohabiting they ended up in court for benefit fraud.
Deserved everything they got imho as well, I object to my taxes being used in this manner. I would recommend to everyone to grass up people committing benefit fraud as they are leeching from everyones taxes. There is nothing to stop anyone from contributing to society.

On a positive not I would get myself down the CAB or a solicitors to find out the position you are putting yourself in.

 

wot about , renting ur place out then renting a place with her? ur not gonna be worse off because costs u incur for rent etc ur gonna gain on ur own place , then if it does go tits up u end tennancy on the place ur rentin "together" give ur tennants relevant notice and have ur home back ,

as for her benefits , she should still get child benefit and may be able to claim some sort of help dependant on wot ur income is ,

hard as it sounds she then goes back to the situation shes in now only without u!

 

Definitely go to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau and ask them where you stand legally. I think it's a perfectly valid thing to ask, as you could well end up being homeless if it goes tits up.

 

the soliciter you use to do the house buy will be able to write you up a contract explaining al this in legalese

the only thing then will be some sort of settlement if she's been paying the bills etc

i had this problem when i had to use my brothers name to get a mortgage, i pay th ebills and the general running of the house as wll as the Ł100k deposit and all sorts, but he will, during the tiem of the mortgage, put in his share over time, which will reduce the cost of the mortgage as he'll be putting in Ł10k a year to make up the difference

it's very techincally detailsed about who would get what and what % would be based on how much each had put in etc, etc were we ever to have a falling out but it's worth investigating this very very thouroughly as there was a point in it where i was asked if i would subsidise his rent because he's not living there but is still paying towards the cost of the mortage

on the flip side, my dad has it put into his will that, as long as the agreements are kept as they are on the contract, my brother and me will get an equal 50% share upon his passing, otherwise, any outstanding moneies oweing on the house will be settled first, before there is a 50% split of the remainder of his estate

so there is lots and lots of forms to fill in and contracts to writeup, and we are family by blood and it's only 3 of us, if it's a wife you are thinking of bearing your kids, then it gets even more complicated

 

can of worms don't do it find a girl that is child free.
the longer she lives in your house with her kids and you supporting her the more rights she has to stay in your home and bring anyone home she chooses should she fall out of love with you,if she was ever in love with you or just the home you could provide.The council will provide her and her kids a house,let them provide the house and take the relationship on from there .Never house a homeless women with kids

 

VERY VERY VERY true

cause your taking her in,,,, you are doing just that,,, THEN the KIDS come first,, dont make a difference if your or not as YOU agreed for them to not have a house TO have yours

kids are what they go on,,, how would you feel if your kids went to live with some other bloke then one day she and him split and the kids are BACK in a hostel

let them get a place OR get over the fact that you are sharing your house with her,,,, fuck me shes gonna be giving up HER chance t live somewhere with her kids

oh and the fact your even comming up with this worry tells me you AINT ready for a relatiionship with her

imagine how you would feel moving in with her,,,, and YOU have 2 kids,,,, then 6 months down the line your kids aint got a home ???

kids come first and ANYONE whos shagging the mum HAS to accept the kids as there own,,,, otherwise find a bird without kids

 

All very true

From a different perspective, people saying about taking on another blokes kids, well there is NO WAY id want anyone taking on my son, if it meant my ex moved into my house even with another bloke, and I lived in a shit hole, then so be it, no way would my son be living in some shitty hostel, and dont understand how any bloke could see his kids (no matter how much he now hates the mother) living like that
House would still stay in my name and when my son wanted to move out then thats when she could fuck right off.

But maybe there would be another way like I get to keep my son, he lives with me, and she can make her own way in life, she can come visit him etc. Am lucky I guess cos my split aint nothing like that, very ammicable, get to see my son whenever i want, still do lots of stuff as a family (hell get on better with the ex now than for a long while lol), and financialy it just better for the ex to have him, he does get a better life that way, cos the other way I would have to give up my current reasonably paid job to be there for him, as it is now he gets the love and the money

Steve

 

I'd be asking where is the kids father is he paying ,did he leave or did she just use the last bloke and went psycho on him ,she could be heather mills sister for all you know roflol

 

since my divorce all the women I have found who love me have next to nothing ,some single no kids , some divorced with kids ,some young some middle age with kids and no kids,what I can't find is anyone to love me who has no kids a career and money ,this tells me something

 

that you shouldn';t be dating women in the queue at the job centre?

 

lol
they aren't from the job centre

 

maybe they are from the "ex council house but now inbetween residences" commitee

what you do is find a posh bit of skirt, then pretend to be skint and see what she says

either way you'll get some kinky boots going on

 

its always the rough old smelly dogs, or the nasty and vicious animals that do not know any tricks which are the strays.. all the good ones people generally keep.

same could be said for women

 

thats not fair mate, we dont know ANYONES reasons so unfair to judge, people split for the wrong reasons and regret it also

think its infair to comment like that about someone you aint met

 

run!

 

I totally agree that its unfair to judge others which I have not met which is why I never stated a specific individual, however speaking from personal experience and observations I feel is valid. (although I must admit my humour can be a bit tasteless at times )
I do not think people split for the wrong reasons, in general I find they get together for the wrong reasons, so many women marry men who are known to be serial philaners and then complain when they continue to bed hop after they are married.
Likewise tough and violent bad boys which some women are attracted to ultimately bring this behaviour into the relationship.

I think people always split for the right reasons !!

Most women I am personally aware of which are of a certain age and attracted to me are either broke, or carry baggage both emotionally and/or physical

It may very well be the circumstances which I find myself and the area where I live which brings me in contact with such women, however every single women of 35+ I seem to meet who is not widowed are either desperate not be left of the shelf or confident or very successful and happily single.

 

But is that the legal "maintenance" position as far as CSA and family courts are concerned??

I know when she lives with me ive agreed to support her and i dont mind (yes im insane) its just if things go wrong am i legally fucked too??

After all im not the biological father so surely my responsibilities end if the relationship ends (subject to being reasonable about rehousing etc).

I dont want to rent my current place out as its only recently been completely redone prior to my purchase, not to mention finding another place to rent with a large garage isnt going to be easy!!!!

I can see your point though, make her get her own place that way i can tell her motives are more relationship based rather than escaping her current shithole.

 

well im stupid enough to love the woman so just ditching and finding another isnt really that simple!! She aint just an easy shag i can throw away.

You got any links to the details on the housing rights stuff?

 

warrren seriously when the kids move in they NEED to be treated like your own, you WILL need to get closeto them and allow yourself to get emotionally tied to them, its NOT just the missus your getting with,,,, the fact you dont seem to get this means she aint the person for you mate

ive got a mate whos kid aint hes and you would never tell and hes VERY happy,,,,, they are a family which is what your about move into... think of the kids also mate honestly and not look at them as " i aint there real dad"

 

this has to be the best bit of advice IMO

 

you are an ugly sod?

 

she hasnt got a home to loose as shes living in a homeless hostel, so im not taking them from any house.


The biological father is an arsehole whos not paying maintenance and who even now only bothers to turn up for access 50% of the weekends he agreed to, then palms them off on his mum so he can go on the piss with his mates. They wernt married and CSA havent chased him yet, and whenever hes threatened with court for access he behaves for a few weeks then becomes shitty again!!

And on the comment about how the father would feel, surely its better the kids are in a decent house for 6 months than staying in the hostel. plus i wouldnt throw them on the street anyway. Im not an arsehole and would have no problem helping her get a private rent which she can claim Housing benefit on if we split up.

I think worst case in almost all situations!! Its not a problem with our reationship which is very strong!!,but a mental issue with me. I have 4 smoke alarms, 2 fire extinguishers, escape breathing apparaus, not forgetting the extendable ladder is kept upstairs so escape from first floor is possible if needs be!! ....... etc etc etc just in case the house catches fire
imagine how you would feel moving in with her,,,, and YOU have 2 kids,,,, then 6 months down the line your kids aint got a home ???

That i do accept but when the relationship ends surely for maintenance purposes its only the biological father that has life long responsibility??? otherwise thousands of dodgy dads would legally be able to stop paying maintenance, forever, when the mum goes into a new relationship.

 

looks has nothing to do with it they do say love is blind

 

for all u know she could be a psycho once she gets her feet under the table

 

Genrally the best thing to do is makesure that around the time you split up, you lay a nice concrete patio outside the back doors. Should stop any claims she may try on!

 

I do understand this and we have as a couple discussed the emotional side of things and even worked towards building relationships with the kids and me. I would like it to be a single family unit as such.

Im just being paranoid about the opractical aspects of housing if it goes wrong and surely the legal aspects of that are not emotionally controlled????

 

no i just thought that you wasnt getting some sort of bond for the kids,, alot of people do this as " its not there kid" but needs to be thought of as your getting a relationship with 3 people and not one

maybe its cause im a parent i think different but moving in with someone with kids is TOTALLY differnt to moving a bird in

also she may not have a house now,, but shes gonna be fucked to get one if she moves in with you then a year later it breaks up

IMO you should keep things as they are till you wanna get married IMO as you could be held responsable after 2 years to house them DUE to her having kids,,,, becomes comon law and it WILL be the kids ACTUAL HOME,,,,, no mater if you aint the dad or not

 

No I'm the psycho

 

Im getting a good bond except when they come back from the biological father as he teaches them rude phrases to say about the mother and me and its quite hard explaining to them why those words are bad and why they should say it. Luckiliy they are young enough and niaive enough to say when questioned "daddy says to say this to mummy's boyfriend" etc

She was quite clear when things started getting serious that its a package with the kids.

Im not a fan of marriage in a religous sense, or all the ceremony stuff. Niether is she.

 

Warren, do the right thing mate. The woman you love is living with her children in a hostel, which are by rights, total shitholes.

If it's not going to ruin you both, then you should move her in. You will NEVER have a responsability for her children, thats the fathers sole responsability. She will not be allowed to leave you in 6 months with half of everything. But right now, she's living in a shithole, and you can get her out of it.

Ignore all these fuckers giving you the doom and gloom, for all you know, she moves in and you both have a great life together. If you love her, and trust her, then get her out of her hell.

Go on mate. BE the hero.

 

Rab this is the problem though, what seems the right thing to do by instincts isnt necessarily going to work long term. Plus i like to have all bases covered and worst case scenarios considered

 

Worst case scenario is that you split up. You have no responsibility to her kids mate. Get her to sign a document saying she waives her rights to your house and possesions if you split. Badda bing.

 

as soon as she moves in with you, housing are going to say you've agree'd to look after her and the kids, so you won't be able to boot them out if things all of a sudden turn all polish and she brings her heavies in

seriously, it's a very tricky situation and one that you'e got to think about from all angles, no matter how much you want to follow your gut instincts

the thought of being a hero is great, but a lot of potential hero's tend to get fucked along the way