Come on all tell us ya facts - that time like at school when you just cant help but laugh and send your self int to a tear giggling frenzy

Tonight this serious subject came up to our horror.


My friends son comes in the room and says -
'Dad a boy at school said to me today'
- Get lost go and eat ya mums minge'.
"what does minge mean?"

At this point im in more shock than anything!
My mate explained its a bad name for a lady's private parts and to be honest could not have explained it better.

Then muttered under his breath to me -
"You seriously dont want to lick that it tastes like a battery".
At this point his wife walks in and he then says

" here she is Ever Ready "
What!!!!!!!
I said - here what times dinner ready.


I was in stiches

 

When I was going through my training ( Im RAF ) I was stood by my bed one morning, and we all had to be ready for a certain time, 7am I think... anyway

this one guy "sloth" was far from ready, still putting his socks on, stood up falling about like a complete cunt.. anyway, no one now wanted to help him, even though we tried.. We didnt want to get in the shit for not being stood by the beds.. Corpral walks in and see's this mess lumbering around like a prize cock, Ive started to giggle, the guy in front has stared to giggle, the guy opposite him next to us has started to laugh.. it was just getting worse... stood there, with this jumped up Cpl, shouting his head off, and there me laughing out LOUD, looking away... Man I got in the shit, but was a fucking funny moment.... had loads like it


another was, I got in the shit and had to go stand up in front of the boss and get a bollocking!

So I get marched in, I stand in front of the boss.. I look down to him, and he starts waffling at how bad I been bla bla bla .... Anyway, my eyes stray away and I start to look above his head


he shouts " LOOK AT ME WHEN YOUR BEING SPOKEN TO!"

So I look at him and he then says " DONT EYE BALL ME BOY!"

Im thinking "WTF you just said look at you?!"

So then I get the giggles.. and my lip starts to move and now Im thinking " FUCK, Dont laugh you cunt, dont laugh... keep quiet, just a few more minutes!"


I got loads, but that'll do for now

 

 

I was going into a shop on Tuesday night, bloke walking in front of me with his daughter running around him, she was about six or something. Now the door is on the left hand side and a load of glass to the right but all sign-written up except for one pane next to the door, poor wee lass was so excited about something she must have thought it was an opening and runs straight into the glass face first, went down like a ton of bricks

I had to walk away

 

I just remembered another...

Walking through Uxbridge town, phone in car, and no watch on.. so i grab the nearest guy and say " got the time please mate?!" he looks and goes

" yeah course, its quar quar quar quar quar quart quarter t' t' t' to two"

Im there like "guys got a stutter don't laugh!" even though im not grinning like a cheshire cat


walk off and burst out laughing, he only fucking heard me

 

Right here's one!


Had a few drain problems at the house and of course the Mrs says ''Get it sorted please''

So I go out, rod the fucking drains, and for an hour its still fucking all backed up!

So I gave a mate a call and he says ''Mate just use some Caustic Soda and that will shift it''

So off me pops down the local DIY place and after a quick look round got the stuff, paid and fucked off home.

Get home and do the sensible thing and read the instructions.

I lobbed it down the bog and got a very good result with a bit more applied rodding aswell.

Well the amount of times I flushed the bog its kind spits water on the seat and due to my unknowing the strength of this Caustic stuff I thought fuck all of it. During this phase the Mrs had come home and was pleased to hear the problem had been sorted


So off she goes to use it and all I hear is a quick yelp!

''You cunt that fucking stuff has burnt my arse!''

''FFS couldn't you have cleaned up and wiped the seat''


All I could do is laugh when she pulled her trousers down and shown me the burnt bits

 

The only time a can seriously remember was when i was having an interview to get into a secondry school i liked,

The head teacher was chatting a load of old bollocks to my mum,
Then all of a sudden i had a little cough so i coughed away then a rip roaring fart just jumped out my arse but it was like gun fire..
BLAT...BLAT-BLAT...BLAT..BLAAAAAAAAAAAAT...

My mum went super red and the head looked at me like i was shit on her shoe and all i could do was piss myself laughing

If i remember right i got a proper clout when i got home too


Mart

 

Not so long ago i was with a mate at his brother in law (to be's) garage, fucking about with motors.

Anyway, one of them, who we didnt know, says;

"aye, my girl is off on the sick this week so i need to make sure im around for her if she needs me"

mate: "On the sick?? must be in the water, im not too well either haha!!"

the guy: "err, yeah, my girl had a mis-carriage...."

mate: "oh.. er... i never had one of those....."


I was GUTTING myself, to the point i had to turn away, seriously funny but so innapropriate as the poor fella had lost a child in effect

 

When I was in college they was going to throw me out for bad behavour but I had to go in front of a panel and explain why I should be given one more chance. I had dog shit on my shoe and I could see everyone was sniffing up and I was thinking 'Don't fucking laugh'. Then one of the posh men said to me 'Could you go out and come back when you have wiped the feces off your shoe'. The word feces had me in stitches to the point where I was nearly on the floor. I couldn't stop laughing even when I went back in. They told me to come back with a mature adult and I went back with my dad a few weeks later and was nearly in tears again.

Benni.

 

the other day, on the way home from ace cafe meet, i got the train home, a pisshead was holding on steadily to the grab bars, until the train went through a bumpy patch and he fell over fuck i shouldnt have laughed!!????? or should i

other passengers were looking at me all seriously have they no sense of humour, or is it just me with a sick one???

funny cunt

 

there's a guy at work who regulalry goes off on a rant about one thing or the other, and he's proper serious heart attack type ranting ehre

and he goes on and on and on

and soemtimes you just have to laugh when he's got himself so fired up he starts jumping around like a little rumplestiltskin and laughing at him winds him up even more

 

when i was in secondary school our head of sixth form was a south african!

they had a very strict smoking policy (even when still in sixth form) and i got seen smoking on my way home a few times. the head of sixth form drags me into his office and says this (i'll type phonetically (sp?) so the gag makes sense):

"binnit!" (my surnames bennett)

"yes sir?"

"we av repoorts that you have been misbeehaving an your way home"

"whys that sir?"

"cas you were seen smirking"

(imagine what i suddenly started doing )

"whats so funny binnit, we have a problem with your smirking!!!"
(in tears at the time, laughing out loud)

"right, come back and see me after school, and neh more smirking"

i left in fits of giggles

 

I remember years ago we use to go to the travelling fair which use to visit central park in dagenham.

Anyway me and my mates sitting on the grass with a few cans whilst watching some birds on the ride called the eliminator. Now this ride is like a long row of seats where the riders all side by side as if on a long bench, and the ride just go's up and down in a circular motion. Anyway there was this fairground worker walking along checking the riders safety straps whilst eating a bag of chips.. I always remember him as he looked half sensible for a fairground worker and he had a full length leather jacket on and trousers. Anyway he is standing right beside the far end of the seats obviously locking the safety straps down when the female operator thought he had cleared the ride and decided to turn it on full whack. With this the ride has caught this blokes leather jacket and picked him up on the edge of the ride. His chips went flying as he went flying in the air with the ride and as the ride got to the top with him still attached to it by his jacket it threw him off and he went down behind it where all the machinery is. Anyway after several people screaming is he dead etc there is me and my mates cracking up thinking this was the funniest thing ever.. all the local fair ground workers wanted to give us a kicking as we were laughing at one of the lads misfortune. At this point the bloke reappears from behind the machine still holding the chip bag but his jacket looks like it has been put through a shredder including his trousers... he seriously looked like one of those cartoon characters who are blown up by tnt... was the funniest thing ever


Neil

 

Me and a stupid friend from here ( rabmc) have a serious problem while in elevators, i shit you not for no reason what so ever i cant look at him and he cant look at me, in the lift in benidorm it was all mirrored and everywhere i looked i seen him, while a family of spanish people were in, it was like being at school when the teacher shouted at you and said, dont you laugh at me boy! Imagine two 25 yr old guys snorting and choking in a lift for fuckall

 

Shit mate that was very funny!!!

I now do it in my lift myself for no reason !! I think im unwell

But you are the worlds worse for laughing, even if this storry is bad, remeber roy that time at eurocentral

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7SLC5prA78

 

aw that is brilliant man i`d love to no what they were saying tho






Mate that was bad, you were worse than me tho, infact its you that makes me do it ya bad b*st*rd

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nPbmQYIkmX8

 

AAFPPPMSSLLl

nick u can watch the english version and the full version.
________
LIVE SEX

 

I used to work in a carpet shop with ilses of carpets 13' high.

A deaf woman came in and one of the lads was serving her in one isle. My boss was in another and was shouting "show her your cock etc"

Poor austin was wetting himself and the deaf woman must have thought he was crazy, standing there pissing himself.

 

Me and 2 mates (Andy and Grant ) stood in a queue in Morrison behind a woman and her daughter, next thing you know Emma a girl Andy knows walks past and says hi to him, Andy turns to me and said "She is a right horny bitch, she sucks like a dyson!" me and Grant were like , then Emma comes back walks up to the woman infront of us and said "Mum, Do we need anything else or is that the lot?" holding a pack of crisps.

All 3 of us roared with laughter and Emma's Mum was nearly in tears

 

 

o my sides, was proper crying with laughter to that

 

THere's a bloke in Neston,. where I work who refuses to get any help for being partially sighted and alway shouts at anyone trying to help him over the road or carry stuff for him. Right narky twat he is, about 2 months ago he's strolling down the road past my shop with his DIY white stick (garden cane with ptfe tape on it ) he's walking down minding his own business and walks full tilt into a parking sign, goes on his arse, calls the sign a cunt, then walked straight into the side of a phone box!
I nearly fuckin pissed myself laughin out loud

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sJZ8NEEw5Jo

 

 

fpmsl
wonder if the guy still presents?

 

Soooo funny read that was the video was class..... Christain


I got another one that comes to mind....

On holiday i was 7 my brother 15 and he ends up back in this girls room, me my brother and two other lads with the girl and her sister and some boooze, my first taste of Malibu too...

Anyway we snuck in the girls room late and all chatting away then a knock on the hotel door, its the girls mother.. You two still up come on open the door......

We were like shit shes going to kick off if she knows we are in here..

We all darted in to the bathroom and jumped in the bath behind the shower curtain... I was in fooking Heaven, bras, thongs bikinis everywhere hanging from the rails drapped on the sink etc....

I thought it was so funny, and my uncontrolable laughing set the others off ... Next thing there is a silhoutte of a larger northern lass, pulling the curtain back to find 3 lads and a lil boy stood in a bath drapped in underwear crying with laughter....





She saw the funny side and fucked us off out the room

 

In B&Q today at the help desk and my mate standing behind me reading the paper

been there about 10 mins waiting so starting looking round as you do, anyway clocked this Gezza about my age with a proper dodgy eye I took no notice and carried on waiting and looking about

another 10 mins went by I looked round a my mate and behind him about 10ft away to the left is this Gezza, my mate sees him looks at him looks at me then the Gezza smiles at him but he’s looking straight at him and I just burst out laughing and turn my back on the pair of them

i said loud enough so my mate could here think he wants your number, my mate starts to laugh and walks out the shop

Nothing wrong with people with a funny eye just i noticed him because of it