Fraggle Rock

Please before you scoff and mock me, read what I have to say first!

Hi, as a newbie and my first post I thought I felt the need to vent off some anger and ask the question that why do long term relationships turn sour when one of the couple, have had enough and break up.

I've been in a relationship for a very long time now and my partner decided to move out a few months ago saying that they didnt love me anymore and that there life had been hell and I controlled them, even though there was no indication at all. They just got up and left when I went away for work one day and cleared all their belongs out. I mean we use to have arguements like every couple does and a few times I felt I couldnt handle it and wanted to finish it myself, due to them not communicating at times and bottling it up, but I felt that the rough times could be smoothed out like they always had been.

As far as I know theres no-one else involved, although when my ex left the children went with them and the kids dont seem to want to know me now. I dont know if its because they been told all the bad things about me and ex wants to hurt me more than they have up to now.

Anyway the long and short of it seems that although we have been talking on quite a regular basis in the past few weeks or so and have even spent the odd weekend together when her parents have looked after the kids, they seem to turn cold for no reason at all, why?!?

My ex has stated that although they dont love me, they do want me in their life and hopefully in time we can become a couple again and for them to love me again as there are very strong feelings for me, but there seems no light at the end of the tunnel. Though a couple of things seem very strange to me.

For one when their family is about they will drop me and go with them and their attitude to me completly changes and they have also said that they are getting used to the idea of living on their own (in other words, without me). Their are financial implications involved in the house I live in now and about £45k profit it in now after working 11 years or so.

I feel like I can offer them the world and get I seem to get nothing in return. They will only see me when its convenient to them. I end up dropping everything to be with them. My question is:

Do I walk away and make my own life?

It has got to the stage where I feel like ending my own life everyday as my world has been ripped in 2. I have never felt this low and am at my wits end. My friends have drifted away stating they dont want to get involved, but that leaves me feeling more than useless and having no-one to talk too. To make matters worse my partner even though they didnt really like my friends (male and female) has had contact them every now and again and occasionally go out with them, which puts them on the spot!

It feels like my ex has got me by the jugular and is controlling me to their every whim and is playing with my emotions. I cannot seem to say no to them nor am I brave enough to walk away. My best friend killed themself after a seriously bad failed relationship and now I can understand why I feel like doing it myself!!!!!!!!!

Paddy

You a male or female? Seems strange how you've never used "he" or "she"???

Anyway, whatever sex your ex is, it sounds like they've got you dangling by a piece of string, you need to go out and get your life back without them, you'll find you're better off almost immediately even though it may sem hard now.

As for all the suicide rubbish, thats the easy, weak way out. I'm sorry to hear about your mate, but nothing ever gets to the point where it can't be sorted in your own head

Eagle

iTrader: (2)

go out and get your life into some sort of normality .. always being there for when THEY want you is totally wrong .. if they are serious about you in some form of relationship at any stage then they have to show it .. its a 50/50 thing .. not in from what you are saying a 90/10 thing ..

life does and will go on ...new people will appear .. friends will be there for you .. only if they are true friends ...


as for the financial problem .. well only you 2 can sort that out ... go and seek legal advice first tho .. thats the major thing YOU have to do ..

hope summit works out for you in the long term tho .. but dont sit around feeling sorry for yaself go get a shag sorry

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

interesting first post

MADMATT

first of all suicide, wtf like paddy said easy weak bollox it might seam like the easy way out but life is tooo important and you only get one chance, one time through so make it the best single pass you can.

their family, they want me in their life, offer them the world????? do you mean you partner and the kids. it doesnt matter what sex you are really just seems wierd that its totally missed out even their sex but thats un-important.

they have chose to leave, now like i said you get one shot at life so make it the best posible time, i understand that you are going through a really hard time but you have to try to get back out there and enjoy life again or just a little.

i heard summin once that stuck with me for a long time " what dont kill us makes us stronger" i think that applies to alot of things and i know you dont see it now but you will get happier and time will help ease the pain.

they walked away so i think you should try and start a new life, its shitty but dont let sum one else ruin your life, get back out with your mates and try and enjoy life again.

i hope things work out for you and that life gets better, i think that you should get a cossy and let that take you mind off things and it'll deffo keep you entertained.

good luck

matt

pugo

sometimes lifes challenges are not always fun sometimes they take inner strength and inhuman resolve to get through

if yer cars broke, you take it to a garage!!
if your arms broke you go to the hospital
if your minds broke( not saying yours is) you go to counsellers and shrinks and talk it through

go talk it through with a proffesional dude(or dudette) that is what they are there for, its confidential and it works(believe me, i know)
and admittion of the problem is the first and most important stage of recovery, nobody says you have to deal with shit on your own,

keep your chin up and do not allow this person to run your life from there own little world, stand up and say you are either a part of my life in a way that is acceptable to both parties or your not a part of my life....end of!!!

its a hard thing to do but with support , it is so simple and in time you will know which ever way you choose(and only you will know deep down what is right)to go, it will be for the better


Good luck in your choices

Pugo



whoa!!! where did that come from?????

Fraggle Rock

Incidentally, we are both of the opposite sex if that makes any difference.

Thats part of my problems at the moment. I'm holding out for things to get better and I really hope they do and I s'pose thats why I haven't been prepared to give up as I want to fight for who I love. At times there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel but at other times I feel like I'm been emotionally snookered. I just dont think I've got much fight left in me now. How much time should I give them?

Its easy to say go out and do this and that, but how do I start it. I'm quite a shy person so getting to meet new people can be very difficult for me

I really want the loves of my life back but I dont know how to do it any more. I cant even begin to imagine my future without them. To me thats unthinkable. If my feelings and love was not so strong I would of moved on, but I cant.

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

you do realise this is a car forum????

you only joined today too

i'm sorry, just something VERY fishy here.

and why not say what sex you are????


IMA??????

Aaron1204

Hope all goes well if this is a serious post, but I'm sorry I agree with spiky

pugo

as in opposite to each other or opposite to the blokes on here???????

Pugo

LESBIANS ROCK!!!! WELL , IN MY VIDEO'S THEY DO!!!!

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

ok this is what i'm thinking....

1 it's your first day..so
2 it's your first post, so no-one knows you
3 it not car realted at all, so why post???

i'm thinking loads of other things but that invovles whips and other dirty stuff

SPADGE

I find it fookin amazing when people post stuff like this on an internet car based web site Try calling Relate or write to Trisha

Lou Lou.

i have to agree as above everyone goes through rough patches but this forum is for car enthusiasts thats not to say that people are not willin to help but for your first post it seems a bit odd

hope things go ok and never think that things cannot get better because i have been proved that they do many a time

good luck

Daveyboy

typical

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

shut it biatch, or you'll get another black eye

Gee

Physio

C'mon people give him/her a break! Perhaps they just need to talk to people, as they said in their post - they aint really got anyone to talk to at the moment. Some of you might remember when my wife left me & i posted a thread about it & ALOT of you replied & it made me feel better (which is why i love this place so much) <--real tears! Dude/ette, i know what your going thru but it does get easier over time, just stick in there & get the suicide thoughts out your head! I know it's not easy but you've gotta get out & about, try & meet people etc.

peteh

iTrader: (3)

think you may be right there!!

diesel dog

What the fecks the matter with some of you?
For all you know it could be a regular user from here who is crying out for help and all your doing is making matters worse by taking the piss about be a

*fecking newbie*
*strange first post*

Not everyone wants it known there pouring their fecking heart out and hurting. Who cares if its not car related? Nor have some the other posts I've read on here today, yesterday and last week, month, etc ...

Cut them fecking slack and instead of jumping on the band wagon taking the piss, think about how it would feel if it was YOU!!!!!

Daveyboy

jeeeesus, have a pill wont ya

whitneyd

You need to talk to a pro, not us. BTW killing your self is stupid

Eagle

iTrader: (2)

well said

Lee Reynolds

all i can say is samaritans, phone them!!!!!

DazC

iTrader: (1)

Both of the opposite sex? To what? Your ex is female cos you state that in your first post. Are you female then?

NO relationship is ever worth ending your life for IMO. be independant, don't rely on other people because the more you do, the more you need them and the less they rely on you then the less they need you. I found this out with my ex. After lots and lots of greif, I found that I needed her far less than she needed me....much too my relief!

Fraggle Rock

I had a feeling there would be some people out there replying just to take the mickey and to make themselves feel better

Well, just a quick update on how things have been for those that care.

I've now got over wanting to end things as its not the way forward nor the answer, but at times its really hard. My ex has resolved to making my life a misery with late night phone calls and pathetic mind games and I'm not going to let the bitch win or control me any more. I am a male for those that wondered for whatever reason

I've decided to carry on and I have recently started seeing an old school friend who wants more than just friendship, which suits me fine.

I'd like to thank those of you for your pms and for pointing me in the right direction. Its very inspiring to know that people are prepared to go out of there way to help others and to get nothing in return

I'm off on holiday soon with a few pals then I can forget the bitch and get on with my life!

Thanks

danvisteon

good on ya pal, have a good holiday!!!

cossiecrew

Less.

If this genuine best of luck

If its fake then its fucking sick as taking the piss out of thoughts of suicide aint funny

Mark 3D

iTrader: (29)

I wonder if he drives a Ford?

Eagle

iTrader: (2)

hey come on less... why would someone make all this up ????

Less.

Sorry looked a bit cut and paste when I had just woke up always a grumpy bastard firts thing in the morning

Eagle

iTrader: (2)

he he he .... hmmm friday night ... muppet room is calling me

Less.

Oh god no