hey everyone well a mate of mine an the lass im seein committed suicide on the weekend, i havent spoke to himn in a few years but he had been speaking to her recently an tell her how low he was feelin an that he didnt want to live any more,

Well me an the lass were having something to eat on saturday an a few drinks an headed to bed about 12ish, he texted her about this time asking to meet but not saying why,she said she was with me an asked whats up, the guy said it doesnt matter hes out with his mates,

So we woke up in the morning she has 4 missed calls from him an a answer phone message wishing her good luck with her degree an hope she has a nice life an that he was on the edge of a railway with a belt round his neck, so we both try to call everyone we know who could get in touch with him an everyone says hes at his mums an is ok, but we find out later he had told his mates this an went an hung himself,

Now the lass im seeing is getting really down an is angry with herself an keeps going over the scene in her head an keeps thinking what if she didnt have her phone on silent,

now i know he had tryed this befor an even if she was able to stop him he would of tryed it again, but she cant see this an is blaming herself.

So what im asking is some ideas for things to get her out this rut (i know itll take time) an help her get back to her normal life, (its also her last few months of uni an she has alot on her plate) any advice is welcome an will consider any ideas for things to cheer her up,

Hope use lot can help as im running out of ideas,

Mark.

 

In all fairness I dont think there is anything you can do other than be there for her

Make sure she knows your there, even if its just to hold her while she crys, sounds silly, but the little thinks help

 

sorry to hear this but i cannot think of anything that will help her to get over this situation.

time is the only healer in this i think.

 

How nice of this chap to load all of his problems on your girlfriend!!!.


At the end of the day this bloke obviously had major issues that were nothing to do with either you or your GF and i for one find it unforgiveable that he has involved you both in this way.

Sure its very sad that he was that down in life to do this but you must impress on your GF that had it not been now it would of been somewhere down the line and theres nothing either of you could of done about it.

You and her must not blame yourselves for what was a very selfish act by someone else!!

Hope you both fell better about this soon.

 

i feel really sorry for your girlfriend mate. thats a horrible thing that she, you and his family have to go through. i think the main thing is going to be time thats going to help. it a pain in the arse and you feel useless but it seems to be the only thing that works for people. a lot of people like to deal with by themselves (in the there head). but just being there for her and being a shoulder for her hopefully will be a big help. you have to tell her it wasnt anything to do with her. she was helping but it sounds like he already made up in his head what he wanted to do. and some people when they are in that state of mind arent going to be talked out of it.

what was his reasons for doing that?

 

I know this might not sound nice, but for him to commit suicide and constantly ring your girlfriend and then leave a message like that is really selfish. Clearly if he really liked your girlfriend he would of realised the damage he would do to her.

It's not your girlfriend fault thats what i'd tell her because he's in control of his own actions. If she had gone and met with him it may not have stopped him from doing something later. Clearly he must have been really down to do something like and losing a friend or relative can really get you down.

There isn't really and quick fix for this but as said times a healer.

Hope things get better for you two mate

 

It has to be said, that is not a nice story at all,


Fair enough the guy obviously has/had issues, BUT HOW Łcuking inconsiderate...

She has a few months left of course and he has loaded this on her


Try focussing on the message which stated HE hopes she does well with degree etc, she HAS to get the right result for him, he wanted her to achieve etc...

Apparently there are at least three forms of grief when it comes to dealing with suicide and they all appear at some stage, one is anger, another is guilt.... Right now she may be guilty, pretty soon she is going to be angry mate, so be prepared ay

 

Firstly, sorry to hear mate and from the first line, thought you meant your lass had done it as well.

My gf's sister in laws, brother did this. Sounds like a long connection but really isnt when they used to all catch up a few times a year. He was gay and had problems with acceptance. I was really angry at him for it as not only did he take this way out of the problems but did it in his parents house (overdose).

With your lass, I would just be there and definately take her away from it all for a day/afternoon to chat about it. You might get some more info on whats making her tick at the moment. Deep down she will know its not her fault but there are demons fighting that.

Just be with her and tell her how you feel but I would avoid any form of anger towards the guy and just be tolerant. It does get better and well done for posting

 

sorry to hear this mate

one of my mates did this last year. we had grown up together and i was with him the day before he done it and he was fine. i got a fone call at work to tell me what had happend.
its had to take at the time and is the most dificult thing ive ever had to go threw but time is a healer.
i think about it everyday but uve just got to get on with it.

i knew people were there for me so just do the same as it does help

 

Agree with that, My aunty killed herself 4 years ago.. it destroyed the family, we had just found out my grandma had cancer. I found out recently she had had mental health problems for years, had tried tablets and electric treatment (cant think of the name of it) she didnt leave a letter or something. It was a total shock to me, but hurts me the most is the way it hurt my grandma (after the news she had just had) and my grandad, as he had to identify the body.
I still think about what she must of actually of been thinking to walk into the sea, but then i realise she was just selfish!

 

yes a very selfish act indeed, it is a shame for the loss of life but it WAS this chaps choice!!!! nothing anyone could do about it if he wanted to do it,

a fellow musician and good friend of mine hung himself 2 years ago, he did it without telling anyone or making phone calls, he just went and did it, those of us who were there still blame ourselfs....what if......what if.....

all i can say is it does get better......thoughts with your g/f mate...

 

I was shocked when you told me mate.. I hope your lass can rise above it, gonna take a lot of support from you, her friends and her family though. Cant imagine what she feels like just now. There is some great advice on this thread, if she's feeling like she's let him down at the moment....... then keep plugging the fact that he wanted her to finish her course and do well and that she should do that rather than throw it all away. It might give her the drive to put in the work..

You gotta get her out and about, as I said before, take her down the beach for a walk.. or out to a country pub beer garden on a nice day for lunch etc. She cant be sitting in her room by herself mate.. its defo not going to help her sitting thinking about it on her own.

If you need any help or to chat to anyone, you know to just fire round mate.. or give me a buzz and we can meet up for a beer or something.


CheeRS,
Grant

 

Was this fella from dundee mate?

I got loadsa pals up there and I'm just thinking they may need to know. PM me if needs be.

Sorry to hear about this mate.

Si.

 

A mate of mine died at his own hands too but he didn't phone anyone or leave messages.

He suffered from depression and we were told that an illness like that meant that he simply wasn't aware of what he was doing.

Your bloke sounds like he had a similar problem that he reacted to slightly differently.

As above, even if she had answered the phone, he would have tried again and she has nothing to blame herself for. Maybe she could see a counsellor to help reassure her.

 

Hey everyone thanks for all the reply they all mean alot an glad use took the time to read it,

Well from what ive gatherd from his mates hes been down for a few years an had put alot into his football career an not had anything in return, then when his lass finished with him, he didnt think there was much left living for, an it dragged on for about 8 months an he had tryed it once before,

Ive been round as much as possible just now even buying her magazines just so she has something to do an isnt sitting about with time to think about it,

The night before he carryed it out i said to her she doesnt need this sort of thing on her plate with so little time left at uni, not knowing what was going to happen later that night,

Ive just heard that his flat mate whos in the olice was called to the scene not knowing it was his mate, its such a small place that everyone knows someone in some way or form,

Just a bit sureal an havent really taken any of it on board yet, but im just trying to keep her as ocupied as possible,

SimonT


PM sent mate

 

Thats what was said at my auntys inquest.. did help.

Is scary thou, im on anti depressents, but randomly been getting suicide thoughts, i went to the doctor about it an all they said was they were "automatic thoughts to do with the medication"
Id never ever do it, its weird how the thought randomly pops in my head, an as soon as it came its gone

 

Too right..This could cause big problems for you both now

 

gospel truth, the same kind of thing happened to me, a lass i knew hung herself, i had a missed call the morning after she did it. it affects you, you start thinking things like, if i had answered the fone and spoke to them they might not have done it. tell her to keep her chin up mate.

 

i lost a good freind this way

he was living down by the wash south east .. on contract work

had a wife and 2 loverly daughters one 19 one 24

he came back home to liverpool ..met us in a local pub and drank all night ...lot older than me 45 but was drinking buddy local pubs

so at 4am we all said are good bys to the person

and he went back home and GASSED HIMSELF IN HIS CAR

there was no look on his face as in depressed or pissed off

and i feel gutted i could have stopped him doing it ..but never new what was going on in his head STILL DONT

he was life and sole of the party in the pub and sunday nights was never the same ..

I MISS YOU JOHN ...and ive cried so many times about it

eyes welling up now

as they say its good to talk

 

bro's mate committed suicide (gassed in car) due to his girlfriend playin with his head and havin a broken home, all i can suggest is talk to ure missus let her weep an be there for her. ure mate obviousley had probs which u didn't know bout.

everyone has downers that is y the ones who love us are there for us. sounds soppy but true.

get ure missus a nice bouquet delivered to her home/work NO white roses and put a lovey card with it, i know as me missus (a florist) keeps on suggestin it......





......don't know y tho???????????????? lol


hope me advise helps

 

Suicide is the biggest killer of young men under 30 in this country today.

More people kill themselves every year than are killed on the roads... but do we ever see any adverts on the TV or the Press about it ? No.


To everyone who has said this is a selfish act I think they need to just take a moment to try and comprehend what must be going through someones head for them to take their own life. How unhappy and how desperate must someone be to think there is no other way ?


It is tragic, and to be left feeling... 'If only....' is something she'll be left with for the rest of her life.

I think the best thing you can do is get your girlfriend some specialist help, being there for her should go without saying but to talk to a professional counsellor may help her understand and come to terms with whats happened.

Most Uni's can arrange this alternatively she needs to speak to her GP and see if they can refer her to someone who can help.

Its also worth explaining to the Uni as soon as possible, they have things in place for students who suffer things like this.

My little sister had something done with some of her results in her first year at Uni when my Dad had cancer, cant think what they called it. But her tutor should know.

 

neilm

as you said some people say its a selfish act NOO

it takes balls to do it imo slashing your wrists across not down is a cry for help ..... sometimes it works

but in a car with a pipe in the window secluded area THEY WANT TO GO

this is my last post on this thread coss it upsets me sorry

but it brings back to many thoughts in my head

 

As much as i said its selfish, i agree with the above statement.. i have said that many times!
Must be awful thinking there is no way out of things, and the only way out is to end ur life
Everytime i walk past the beach, i think of my aunty (she walked/jumped into the sea) it upsets me she couldnt talk to any of us how she was actually feelin... but at least now she is with her husband and sister.

 

in our lives we all have choice to a certain degree, ppl that take their own lives have a choice.......but they think they dont.

yes it is a selfish act imo, as there will be so many hurt and upset ppl left behind constantly drilling themselfs over the 'i could have done something?' what if....what if.....

people who take their own lives must think that it is the only possible way left to them to actually feel better.....( agreeing with the above statement of no-way-out)

as i said in my post earlier, those of us that have been close to someone that has taken their life will never stop thinking about them or wheather we could have done somthing.... such a sad sad time and a real waste of life,

i hope my lost friend knows i am thinking of him.......and that i miss him dearly
as i hope all your lost friends/loved ones know you are thinking of them.


we can only hope they are happier and in a better place........

 

My auntie killed her self (doused herself in petrol and set her self on fire) she had a stroke a couple of years before her marriage broke up then kinda just gave up on life she had kids a nice house but sometimes if you cant be happy with who you are nothing is worth living for

some people hit rock bottom and it gives them a place to start again from work they way back on track and others hit rock bottom and find no reason to go on

 

I believe that some people are so set on committing suicide, that whatever you do or say will not deter them. Not all suicides are selfish acts though IMO, as some people committing them are not capable of thinking logically to realise the heartache and pain they cause to people close to them when they do it.

I think the most tragic case of suicide I've come across is a bloke who used to work with Andy.

He had 3 kids aged between 5 and 12, and his wife had committed suicide 3 years earlier by hanging herself off the balcony on the stairs. This cut the bloke up so much he had loads of depression problems after that. To everyone he appeared as if he was finally getting better, he had a good job, a nice girlfriend and had just bought a new car after getting his licence back after a ban.

One morning he'd got his kids off to school and hanged himself exactly the same way his wife had. Little did he realise that his little lad aged 7 yrs had forgotten his footie kit and had come back home to get it and it was the lad who found his dad hanging I can't imagine what affect this will have on the kids during their lives, especially as they weren't able to stay together and homes were found for the 2 girls with different family members and his girlfriend took on the lad. Having both parents committing suicide must be absolutely awful

There's no use in beating yourself up thinking 'what if' as more often than not, the person is so determined to end their lives no matter what.

Mark, I hope your girlfriend can realise that someone so determined to end it all, can't really be helped and she gets over this soon.

 

as ive said before thanks for readin the post everyone an every bit of advice is helping.

The first thing i done was buy her a bunch of her favorite flowers, just to try take her mind off it all, im going to look into who she could go see an have a read up on it aswell, an ill mention to her about letting the uni know,

going to see her after work tonight an makng her dinner, hopefully cheers her up a bit, an take her mind off things, it hasnt been the easyest year for the both of us so far an this isnt really helping but hopfully it will make us stronger,

MB.

 

ye its not going to good just now, everytime her phone rings she thinks its him an ive mentioned her seeking help an informing the uni but shes not sure of this yet, ive got a feeling the anger part is just about to start an think im going to get the brunt of it all but suppose thats what im here for,

MB

 

forgot to log my mate out there sorry