Dangerous Malcolm..

Basically I fell out with a mate yesterday and I feel like a cunt. I ain't even at work today but I've been stewing and can't sleep.

Long story short, he's a bit of a dick and has alienated himself from most of his good mates, but he's a good lad at heart and I've always got on well with him. He's got a thing for going out with fucking nutters which is up to him, but he always comes crying to me when it goes tits up.

He's started seeing a lass again that he's seen on and off before, and the last time it ended BADLY! She's a very destructive and controlling person and has been in pretty much all her previous relationships. When I found out he was seeing her again I basically called him a spastic and said he should know better and we fell out.

I know she's been through a bit of shit recently and he says she's completely changed, but I don't believe it for a minute and think he's just delusional! I've never known ANYONE completely change, because you can't change your personality...

I dunno, can people REALLY change???

cjwood555

I think there are circumstances in which one's fundamental personality (which particularly in women is an external display of their emotional response to things/life/the universe in general), e.g. in the case of clinical depression or anxiety being overcome, or getting over something from one's past following counselling or some kind of epiphany.

But, I do think it's more common for people (particularly those with high social intelligence) to chance their behaviour and manner of speaking than their fundamental approach to life and all it brings. How long such a veneer can be kept up depends on either how much of a nutter the self-delusional sod or how intelligent the schemeing syren actually is.

I.E leopards can change their spots, but their probably still a leopard underneath!

Chris

dojj

iTrader: (3)

You are looking for an answer to take your mate back from the woman who's stolen him from you, either be ause he's your mate and you want what's best, out of pity for him because all his other mates have cunted him off or out of spite because you think you know what's best for him.

Go and say sorry for getting all shouty with him and just tell him that if you want to meet up then it's fine. Don't for e yourself back into the situation and just be polite about it. If he fucks up he at least knows that you will be there for him and not across the street pointing and laughing.

Mate of mine got involved with this girl and she totally had him under her thumb, he had to ask her permission to go out, always on the phone to her etc and eventually we understood that that's what he wanted and he was happy to be at her beck and call so when he was allowed out we made the most of if. Sadly he passed away and she sort of turned back into the bitch that we all remembered she was, but there's no point in dwelling on the past as we remembered the good times we had.

Don't dwell on the negativity and just accept that things are the way they are and get on with you own life

Glenn_

iTrader: (1)

I think people can change yeh. I know ive been in some right shit relationships with women. They made me a totaly different person to who i am now. There isnt much you can do to help your mate. He will have to find out for himself if she has changed.

marky_g

I no a woman like this and i think its very much the person she's with at the time that influences her behaviour

Dangerous Malcolm..

I like that anology!


Dojj, fair point. But I've left him be every time and just been a mate. And every time he comes crying back on a proper downer. I guess I've just had enough now, but I still feel sorry for him! I'm a very black and white person, I don't have a middle ground so to speak, and I always learn from my own mistakes. Why can't others.....

tabetha

Yes without a shadow of doubt people can change.
Trust me from personal experience when holding your 16 year old girlfriends hand, on her birthday of all days as she slips away in front of you and dies from cancer changes you.
I'm sure other circumstances would change others, it's maybe not so much change as adjust owing to the new experience, your outlook on life, and the way you are with situations/people.
My bessie mate did 7 years for murder but I trust him 100%.
tabetha

Dangerous Malcolm..

That sums him up perfectly!

vaughant

iTrader: (1)

Basically,at this age no.

When your a teenager etc then IMHO you tend to do silly things as it's all part of growing up.fuck me,if asbos were around when I was young I'd have about 10 by now and so would most of the boys I know,now we all live in suburbia and a good few of my mates are doctors and lawyers etc,pillars of the community.

I see girls around where I live now and their so nicey nice mumsie types with their people carriers,2 perfect children and hubby who clearly knows nothing about them getting wrecked down mumbles on a Friday night and sucking off bouncers to get into nightclubs underage!!!100% true that,and I believe the girl involved is a social worker now!!

Sure,people can calm down,90% of the peeps I knew from back in the day have,the 10% that didn't are either dead or drug addicts by now!

It's a shame to say it but if you want someone back that badly you'll tell them pretty much what you want them to hear.I've been back tomalley my ex's at some point when Ive finished with them,it's rosy for a month or so then all the gremlins resurface again,the niggles that caused you to leave in the first place.

I've been here before with mates and tried to advise them but deep down they know their right,I know I thought that when my mates tried to warn mr,they were right but I was blind to it at the time and carried on with the girl and basically had my heart broken again.

Relationships can be really hard going,me and the missus have been together 9 years and I've never cheated on her and were 100% honest to each other,but we've had some major rows over the years usually over fuck all!!!

I know youre only looking out for your mate and so would I do the same thing,but be prepared to be the bad guy until it goes tits up with him and the missus,then be prepared to be the shoulder to cry on,that's where real mates come into play.

MadMac

Love is Blind it always is and you can go blue in the face trying to help him out but I guarantee he wont listen.

I mean, shit, when I have been in that situation like my last ex I listened to no one. Then that all went tits up and she nearly ruined my life!

Seriously fella, be his mate, be there to pick up the pieces, but don't mess with any guy when it comes to a woman they want to be with. They wont listen and you'll fall out if you keep it up.

DanW@FastFord

iTrader: (1)

If she's a bit mental maybe she's started taking Prozac (seriously) It can properly change a person's outlook for the better.

FredElliot

In short, if he is or has been a good friend to you, and vice versa, then is it really worth throwing your friendship away over a third party?

Be there for him if it goes wrong, and take the "I told you so" on the chin if she has changed and your friend is now happy with her. Let your friend make his own decisions, but dont fall out if he doesn't listen to your advice.

xr_craig

iTrader: (2)

The main thing is that even if she hasn't changed you stand by your mate. If she has then fair enough its all good. But if not then it doesn't matter. Proper mates can make as many stupid decisions as it takes to learn but you should always support them. In which case the arguement with him yesterday won't matter. You should both say your side and put it behind you.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Or whatever illness she has may just be in remission and due back any day, lol

RichieST

iTrader: (2)

i have always worked on the principle of, once a cunt, always a cunt. Hasn't failed yet! I told a mate a few years back his mrs is a nut job and be careful, he told me to shove it and we had a big bust up. He soon came running back when he realised i was right! I told him where to go.

saphlover

As most have said be there for your mate.

I am kind of like your mate and you are like my best mate, I am always falling head over heels in love with nutters (the current Mrs excluded, for now ) and he is always saying dont fall head over heels just take things slowly then low and behold I end up getting shit on and he is the shoulder to cry on.

We have fallen out over a girl once and not seeing each other was very hard but at times we can both be very stubborn but eventually we started talking and it was hard at first but now 18 months later its like we never had the argument.

I can see both sides of the tale here and its made me look at things in a different perspective.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

If you were friends why did you tell him where to go just over something as trivial as falling out over a bird?

Glad my friends arent that fickle, lol

Dangerous Malcolm..

Some properly sound advice, cheers fellas!


I dunno! I'll ask....

He's been a bloody good mate to me which is why I look out for him. I genuinely don't think she's changed and that she's just on her best behavior. And I'll happily take an 'I told you so' on the chin, I've said it enough times to him already!!!!!

But regardless of how good a mate he is, it just gets to the point when I can't be arsed anymore.

Dangerous Malcolm..

That's exactly what we're like!

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Giving him some good advice is a good friends thing to do.



Getting arsey with him for not taking it isnt.

FredElliot

This ^^

As you say if he has been a bloody good mate, then all you can do is offer your advice as a friend, you cant force him to accept it and you cant fall out with him if he doesn't.

saphlover

See its not just you, or me

If you want I will give you my mates number and you can swap hints n tips on dealing with "cunt struck" mates

Dangerous Malcolm..

True! I'll just leave him be and see what happens.

LMFAO!