Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Be warned, this is a bit of a ramble lol!

From a thread on another forum I use about kids (as in, people saying they do or don't want kids) got me thinking. Cos I don't - want kids that is...

Anyway, it got me thinking why, and apart from the usual selfish reasons; I like my own space and my own life, and don't want to be tied down and have my life revolve around kids etc, along with the financial reasons (I can't barely take support myself, let alone a family!), I just don't think I have that paternal instinct or yearning to have kids... They just don't interest me!

I don't hate kids as such - well actually, on the whole I do dislike them actually; a select few I do like; a couple of my friends have two daughters (I think 2 and 4?) and they are delightful. But even them, after a while, I tire of, and am glad I don't have them 24/7! Erik and Taryn on here have a daughter, and she is just the most ADORABLE thing ever. She didn't like me so much when I first met her (when she was one) and just cried most of the time I was in the room lol, but when I went back last year when she was three, she was just adorable and we were best friends by the second day I was there! lol Another couple of friends locally have two kids, a boy and a girl (I think 5 and 7 repsectively) and I get on with them fine - the boy is a bit of a handful, I guess he's at that age where when another adult is present so he show's off quite a bit, but on the whole he's a good kid.

But otherwise, I just don't really like kids! Screaming toddlers in supermarkets, youths hanging out in bus shelters, etc... There are three noises in the world that I hate more than anything - the sound of a car horn being held, the sound of "white noise" when a radio is not tuned, and the sound of a baby/young kid crying. It's like nails down a blackboard to me, I hate it!!!! so how I'd cope if I had kids I just don't know!

But then that got me thinking how callous and cold that makes me sound. Which was backed up by some news I got recently. My father, from whom I've been estranged from for some years, had a stroke last week. He lived, and is apparently on the road to recovery, but I was just totally indifferent to the news; I just didn't really feel anything. I haven't spoken to him, nor made any other kind of contact, and don't have any intention to. and that's not out of "fuck you, I'm still mad at you for being a cunt and I'm gonna not call you to be nasty", it's just I don't feel anything, so have no reason to call him, stroke or not...

Which makes me feel like a cold heartless bastard!

I'm not really a family person, and don't see mine for months at a time. I probably see my brother (older) most of all, and don't see my sisters (younger) or my mother that often - usually only birthdays, christmas etc. I recently had to find an excuse to not go to a family gathering/dinner as I just couldn't be dealing with a room full of family/people I wasn't interested in seeing! Again, I feel like a cold hearted cunt!

I mean, if it came down to it, sure, I'd take a bullet for any of my siblings or my mother. And for a couple of proper close friends too. But on the whole, I just don't feel like I have a lot of love or care to give, and that's one thing I feel very strange about with the whole "do I want kids" thing - I just don't think I'd be able to give the kid the love I should! And it worry's me that if I had kids, I wouldn't "take to them" and just not care enough for them and they'd turn out to be cunts. Or I'd turn out to be a cunt. Maybe I'm scared I'll turn into my old man? (Who to be fair, always seemed to love me and my brothers and sisters, but obviously not enough to warrant staying around )

Told you this was a bit of a ramble... And I've not even started drinking yet!

XRdodgybird

Do you know something - I have read that and can totally relate to all of it because I was just the same. Never wanted children and although I wouldn't give her back now, it wasn't my choice. That sounds odd but it really wasn't. I think I tollerate them more than love children, bar my own of course, because even tnough at times I could shut her in the bedroom and happily scream the house down, she's mine and I love her more than anything.

I wasn't expecting to be able to get through the first days of parenthood without asking questions but I didn't. It all came so natrually it was frightening.

I think what I am trying to say is that even the most unwanting and unlikely people can make good parents, sure it's totally life changing but it only restricts tou as much as you let it!

Ryan_3

snip time?

Saaamon

iTrader: (2)

Do you feel like your old man has let you down?

Iain Mac

I don't think you are strange (or, if you are, so am I!)

Other people's kids are normally a pain in the arse, mainly because we aren't allowed to tell the doting parents how obnoxious their little darling really is. At least when the brat is your own, you can be honest but, of course, your own kid is always going to be so much better! And it is instinctive when you are delivered a little bundle of joy...

As for no feelings for your estranged dad, why would you be surprised? He's not part of your life - and whether that is his choice or yours, he just isn't important to you.

Brothers/sisters/extended family? You choose your friends, not your family, so you may just not get along, but I would encourage you to try. I never kept in touch with my sis or my cousins for years, and even now we can go for months at a time but we all seem to get on well when we do get together - shit, we even went on holiday for a week in 2008!

XRdodgybird

I did with mine, because even though he'd stuck around til I was 14, I knew the day he turned to me in the car and said "You will look after your mum won't you?" that he was leaving. He did and we had a couple of access visits and after that I never saw him for 13 years!! I will never let Enya-Mae down in the way he let me down.

Coldo

Don't think there is anything wrong with that. Some people are just made that way.

I do want kids some day but i sometimes think im pretty cold/heartless/selfish. I've got plenty friends, good family that i get on with, good social life etc... but i could relatively easily cut all contact with them tomorrow and i rekon i'd be content in my own company.

Obviously thats drastic and purely hypothetical but i don't have a strong enough love for anyone around me that i would be a ruin if i never seen them again.

HOWEVER... Everyone i know/speak to with kids say the love you feel towards a child of yours is like no other love on earth. So i dare say if/when i have nippers my attitude may change

Ryan_3

coldo jr u need to have your bollocks stapled son

Fiddy

Each to there own fella, there's nowt wrong with not wanting kids. mate of mine got the snip at 24 because he was sure he didnt ever want kids. he doesnt even want a girlfriend/wife. he's 34 now, good job, own house, couple of nice cars, couple of female freinds with 'benefits', loves his life. ive got 4 kids myself, and although ive always wanted kids, love them to death, and would never want to be without them, i can see the appeal of my pals life ive just mentioned, does what he wants, when he wants, no commitments bar his mortgage.

foreigneRS

you're just a greebo - don't worry about it.

st3v3

Matt, youre happy,thats all there is to it mate.

If youre happy living life as you are, then bollox to the rest of the world and everyone in it,in your life its only your happyness that matters.

I think this summer soon, we gonna have to meet at Marias for another bbq mate and a few beers also

Infact, i think we should get on FB and bug her for a date!

Cragrat

iTrader: (4)

Feel the same about my parents as they have let my brother and me down time and time again,we don't have any expectations of them so they no longer dissapoint us
When they are around (they live abroad) I have no interest in seeing them or hearing what they say,its just noise to me
But the love I have for my kids is unreal,they are mine and jos we made them and we adore the little buggers

No you are not dead inside you simply have no feelings for someone who for all intents and purposes is a stranger

pete mcrash

iTrader: (1)

i love kids me...................

Lee Reynolds

Matt, i NEVER wanted kids, and even after Esmay was born i certainley didnt want another. But i have two kids now, i love them both so much id die for them....cant imagine life without them, but looking back was i right then saying i never wanted kids? Yes, as i would still say the same, which makes me feel guilty as hell....And it is like you say, its the own space thing and the being tied that put me off and is what i still have to battle now and struggle with...its hard!

GTi-R23

Mate, I feel EXACTLY the same, although my parents are bonzer, so I really have no clue why I feel like I do.

Ryan_3

mate ure not dead inside, as long as ure happy thats all that matters

jammerrs

i want kids, but i know what you mean about family and that, i never understand people that say theyd take a bullet for someone because their in their family. family doesnt really mean anything to me, its friendship, you dont respect someone because their your uncle or cousin or something its because they are your friend.

my dad always said i was so much cuter than other babys, i guess when its your own you have a different feeling about them to some little brat screaming in tescos. speaking of screaming i used to hold my breath and pass out unless my mum bought me something

what does estranged mean?

Ellie

Not in contact with/separated from,that sorta thing.


I dont think it means you're dead inside. You just dont feel the desire for kids of your own, and as for your father, if you're not close to him or have a relationship with him then its not 'wrong' to not really feel anything toward him.

Gazzonator

iTrader: (9)

I feel pretty much the same way tbh. I can't ever see myself with kids.

Unless I know them, other peoples kids just do my fruit in! My best mate has got a little boy coming up to 2 years old and he's just a complete handful ALL of the time! He just never stops! I really don't think I would have the patience for all that malarkey!

I also haven't exactly made a success of my life so far either so the last thing I would want is for me to have kids and for them to turn out anything remotely like I have. I just don't have what it takes to be a good dad.

As for the rest of the family thing, I have no family at all and would do absolutely anything to see any of my family again. One of my mates really whinges and moans about his family and says he can't be bothered with any of it and thinks I'm mental when I say I'd trade places with him anyday. I honestly would.

I guess everyones different though!

Paul Eggleton

I'm a bit of both. I love my wife and daughter absolutely unreservedly, but my own family I'm very indifferent about. We don't see each very often at all, have nothing in common and when are in each others company it's very difficult.

It's a horrible thing to say but I've completely out grown them in ambition and ultimately achievement which has led to a lot of resentment on their side.

Hay ho - I don't lose any sleep over it; it's just the way it is.

Rod-Tarry

Hi
Perfectly normal thinking when i first got married kids were the furthest thing from my mind, Large houses, fast cars & wealth were all that mattered. Both mine were not planned but they changed everything, still had the fast cars but my house became a home not an investment & money will be used for their future.

You need to think longer term all you younger people dont think of being in your 60's 70's 80's 90's this is the time that you actually need to have children around you. I think of the last 10 years of my Mums life without her chidren to offer support it would have been hell. We are now offering that support to Annies dad.

Paddy

Too late.

It's possible he felt the same way you do. Like you said, you'd take a bullet for your mum, sister etc. but you just can't bare to be around them for long. You want to be independant etc. etc. Then you said the above about your dad.

I genuinely hope you saw the link.

Not that it matters either way, you've noticed it BEFORE you've had kids, probably as a result of what you consider to be your Father's mistakes.

To move away from seriousness, it does sound like you just can't stand the competition for attention.

Have kids anyway, if you get bored of them, then up until the age of about 3 [when their legs get less podgy] they taste just like chicken.