Anyone here suffered a baby loss?
26-06-2008, 02:30 PM
#82
What a terrible story. I can fully understand how you must be feeling.
Beccy's best friend has recently gone through something like this and we went through it with them. I'll give you the short version. She suffered 3 miscarriages during 2007 and had never been past 12 weeks. So, imagine the joy we all felt when she reached 12 weeks with not one baby, but twins. It was like a blessing for all she had been through with the miscarriages. The weeks passed and we all became a little more complacent, by the time she got to 20 weeks, we thought she was pretty much in the clear.
Then one Wednesday, I dropped Beccy off at work at lunchtime and 10 minutes later got a call from her, when she told me that 'Mum' had gone into labour. We were shell-shocked, it was 23 weeks gestation and I had no idea what to expect. Are they even fully formed babies at 23 weeks? So, I went back and got Beccy and we made our way to the hospital. By which time the first and smallest baby (Lucy) had just passed away, having hung on for 45 minutes. But Grace was alive. 1lb 2oz, but alive. It's hard to know what to do with your emotions at a time like that, but we just stayed close to 'Mum' and 'Dad' and gave them all the support they needed. Lucy was probably under 1lb and we never got to see her.
The next few weeks were spent with Grace in the NICU, as the smallest baby they had seen for a long time. Her eyes were undeveloped and black in colour, her lungs were so tiny and undeveloped that she was unable to breathe on her own, although the machine that was breathing for her, would probably cause her to have lung disease as it is just too harsh for such a small baby, but there is nothing more they can do. So, for the next few weeks, she was the centre of everyone attention and from time to time, coming off the ventilator and onto the slightly less aggressive machine, but that never lasted long before she had to go back onto the ventilator. Her feeds were 1ml (to put it in perspective, thats one fifth of a tea-spoon full) for the first few weeks and sometimes that was too much.
She really was the tiniest little baby I have ever seen, if you could have laid her on your hand with her head resting on your finger-tips, her feet would be just past your wrist. Hold your hand out now and try to imagine that. We have a photo of her with 'Mums' wedding ring on her arm, right at the top near her shoulder. That was at several weeks old, but we could only see her in the incubator. 'Mum' and 'Dad' had just begun taking an active role in her routine, sometimes changing her 2.5" wide nappies or helping with bathing her.
Then 'Dad' had no choice but to go back to work, which is miles away, imagine how hard that is. Your daughter in intensive care, and you have to go to work 150 miles away, but he dealt with it. Meanwhile 'Mum' spent 22 hours a day by Graces bed.
Then one night, 'Mum' left the hospital to pop home and freshen up at around 11.00. We were in bed and Beccy's mobile rang, it was 11.30 and 'Mum' was hysterical. She had just had a call from the hospital to say that she needed to get up there as fast as possible, but wasn't told why. Beccy went too and was there 5 minutes after 'Mum', but it was too late. Little Grace had passed away in her Mummies arms. Meanwhile, 'Dad' was making the 150 mile journey back from work. It still sends shivers down my spine now. Everything was fine when 'Mum' left moments earlier and within half-an-hour, everything changed and little Grace didn't make it.
To go from having spent so long at the bedside of your baby and to know EVERYTHING about what the doctors and nurses are doing, to be on first name terms with them, understanding every beep and every warning symbol, to nothing was just unthinkable for them. We were fortunate enough to be one of the very few that were invited to Graces funeral (Lucy had been buried with just the very close family present). It was a very solemn funeral, but the most harrowing thing was to see 'Dad' carrying the coffin in his arms, which wasn't much bigger than a shoe-box.
That was December/January this year and having come to terms as best as they can with the situation, they are now 13 weeks pregnant again, so to say we've got our fingers (and everything else) crossed is an understatement.
Having experienced something like this, it has certainly made me appreciate life a little more and when you see mothers with babies who are drinking/smoking and clearly have taken no care of themselves it does make you seethe, but you do have to try not to resent those people and think positively about the future.
If it is any consolation rocky_robin, whilst it is absolutely heart-breaking that you lost your little one in this way, it sounds like it was an isolated incident and unlikely to happen again. I have read about people that have premature babies going through it time and time again. Beccy and I will sit down later and watch your video, I'm sure there'll be tears.
Beccy's best friend has recently gone through something like this and we went through it with them. I'll give you the short version. She suffered 3 miscarriages during 2007 and had never been past 12 weeks. So, imagine the joy we all felt when she reached 12 weeks with not one baby, but twins. It was like a blessing for all she had been through with the miscarriages. The weeks passed and we all became a little more complacent, by the time she got to 20 weeks, we thought she was pretty much in the clear.
Then one Wednesday, I dropped Beccy off at work at lunchtime and 10 minutes later got a call from her, when she told me that 'Mum' had gone into labour. We were shell-shocked, it was 23 weeks gestation and I had no idea what to expect. Are they even fully formed babies at 23 weeks? So, I went back and got Beccy and we made our way to the hospital. By which time the first and smallest baby (Lucy) had just passed away, having hung on for 45 minutes. But Grace was alive. 1lb 2oz, but alive. It's hard to know what to do with your emotions at a time like that, but we just stayed close to 'Mum' and 'Dad' and gave them all the support they needed. Lucy was probably under 1lb and we never got to see her.
The next few weeks were spent with Grace in the NICU, as the smallest baby they had seen for a long time. Her eyes were undeveloped and black in colour, her lungs were so tiny and undeveloped that she was unable to breathe on her own, although the machine that was breathing for her, would probably cause her to have lung disease as it is just too harsh for such a small baby, but there is nothing more they can do. So, for the next few weeks, she was the centre of everyone attention and from time to time, coming off the ventilator and onto the slightly less aggressive machine, but that never lasted long before she had to go back onto the ventilator. Her feeds were 1ml (to put it in perspective, thats one fifth of a tea-spoon full) for the first few weeks and sometimes that was too much.
She really was the tiniest little baby I have ever seen, if you could have laid her on your hand with her head resting on your finger-tips, her feet would be just past your wrist. Hold your hand out now and try to imagine that. We have a photo of her with 'Mums' wedding ring on her arm, right at the top near her shoulder. That was at several weeks old, but we could only see her in the incubator. 'Mum' and 'Dad' had just begun taking an active role in her routine, sometimes changing her 2.5" wide nappies or helping with bathing her.
Then 'Dad' had no choice but to go back to work, which is miles away, imagine how hard that is. Your daughter in intensive care, and you have to go to work 150 miles away, but he dealt with it. Meanwhile 'Mum' spent 22 hours a day by Graces bed.
Then one night, 'Mum' left the hospital to pop home and freshen up at around 11.00. We were in bed and Beccy's mobile rang, it was 11.30 and 'Mum' was hysterical. She had just had a call from the hospital to say that she needed to get up there as fast as possible, but wasn't told why. Beccy went too and was there 5 minutes after 'Mum', but it was too late. Little Grace had passed away in her Mummies arms. Meanwhile, 'Dad' was making the 150 mile journey back from work. It still sends shivers down my spine now. Everything was fine when 'Mum' left moments earlier and within half-an-hour, everything changed and little Grace didn't make it.
To go from having spent so long at the bedside of your baby and to know EVERYTHING about what the doctors and nurses are doing, to be on first name terms with them, understanding every beep and every warning symbol, to nothing was just unthinkable for them. We were fortunate enough to be one of the very few that were invited to Graces funeral (Lucy had been buried with just the very close family present). It was a very solemn funeral, but the most harrowing thing was to see 'Dad' carrying the coffin in his arms, which wasn't much bigger than a shoe-box.
That was December/January this year and having come to terms as best as they can with the situation, they are now 13 weeks pregnant again, so to say we've got our fingers (and everything else) crossed is an understatement.
Having experienced something like this, it has certainly made me appreciate life a little more and when you see mothers with babies who are drinking/smoking and clearly have taken no care of themselves it does make you seethe, but you do have to try not to resent those people and think positively about the future.
If it is any consolation rocky_robin, whilst it is absolutely heart-breaking that you lost your little one in this way, it sounds like it was an isolated incident and unlikely to happen again. I have read about people that have premature babies going through it time and time again. Beccy and I will sit down later and watch your video, I'm sure there'll be tears.
26-06-2008, 03:06 PM
#83
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I am just simply blown away by your's and your wife's strength. I cannot imagine how you must be getting through this. The pain you both feel must be earth shattering.
What an amazing tribute to baby Murron, rest in peace little one.
Your video just highlights how precious life is and has stopped me in my tracks today. Everything can change in just a few moments. Such a devastating story, i sincerely hope you find the strength to get through this together
What an amazing tribute to baby Murron, rest in peace little one.
Your video just highlights how precious life is and has stopped me in my tracks today. Everything can change in just a few moments. Such a devastating story, i sincerely hope you find the strength to get through this together
26-06-2008, 03:54 PM
#84
when i was about 14 my mum was having one,i was exited at the thought of having another brother that i could look after and teach to drive and fix their car etc, then one day she had pains and had to go to hospital in a emergency.a day or so later and my ma lost him.
he would of been early 20's now,i get upset when i think about it
he would of been early 20's now,i get upset when i think about it
26-06-2008, 03:59 PM
#85
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Sorry to hear about this, it really is a tragic thing to happen.
Back in 2001 I was 19, my mum was pregnant, she lost my little sister Nicole at 36weeks, I couldn't handle it, spent the next few months depressed in my room listening to my mum crying in the room next door, I also have a brother who is 3 years younger than me, it made the whole family so much stronger. The following year my little sister Caitlin was born and in 2004 Emily came into the world.
The way I look at it if it wasn't for Nicole being born asleep I wouldn't have my 2 gorgeous sisters who think the world of their big bro who is old enough to be their dad!
We never forget about Nicole, she gets a card every birthday and xmas, but we are all thankful for what we have and it makes us appreciate life and all that we have so much more.
It's now 7 years since it happened, at the time it seemed like life wasn't worth living, it does get better. Although it was such a tragedy, if I'm honest it has made me a much better person and I never let thins get to me anymore, cos I know how much worse things could be.
My mum is now a member of S.A.N.D.S, the stillbirth and neonatal death society, talking to people in the same boat helped her alot.
Keep your chin up mate!
Rusty T
Back in 2001 I was 19, my mum was pregnant, she lost my little sister Nicole at 36weeks, I couldn't handle it, spent the next few months depressed in my room listening to my mum crying in the room next door, I also have a brother who is 3 years younger than me, it made the whole family so much stronger. The following year my little sister Caitlin was born and in 2004 Emily came into the world.
The way I look at it if it wasn't for Nicole being born asleep I wouldn't have my 2 gorgeous sisters who think the world of their big bro who is old enough to be their dad!
We never forget about Nicole, she gets a card every birthday and xmas, but we are all thankful for what we have and it makes us appreciate life and all that we have so much more.
It's now 7 years since it happened, at the time it seemed like life wasn't worth living, it does get better. Although it was such a tragedy, if I'm honest it has made me a much better person and I never let thins get to me anymore, cos I know how much worse things could be.
My mum is now a member of S.A.N.D.S, the stillbirth and neonatal death society, talking to people in the same boat helped her alot.
Keep your chin up mate!
Rusty T
26-06-2008, 04:05 PM
#86
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I, probably like many others have opened up this reply box umpteen times to try and write something thoughtful and caring and hopefully supportive for both you and your wife and have closed it down again and again.
I am hopless with words, was never my strength. But I just want to pass on my hope and best wishes to you both for now and for the future. I hope you both learn to deal with this and in time think about trying again. I don't think you will ever forget little Murron (which is good) but I also hope that this tragic event doesn't stop you from trying to move forward when you're both ready.
God Bless you both and little Murron
I am hopless with words, was never my strength. But I just want to pass on my hope and best wishes to you both for now and for the future. I hope you both learn to deal with this and in time think about trying again. I don't think you will ever forget little Murron (which is good) but I also hope that this tragic event doesn't stop you from trying to move forward when you're both ready.
God Bless you both and little Murron
26-06-2008, 05:30 PM
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Very very very moving.
The strength and courage it must of taken to make such a lovely video is incredible.
Murron would of been very very proud of her mummy and daddy.
The strength and courage it must of taken to make such a lovely video is incredible.
Murron would of been very very proud of her mummy and daddy.
26-06-2008, 06:15 PM
#88
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Had tears in my eyes watching that video Showed it to Becky (my partner) and she just said through tears, "Those poor people."
It must have taken immense courage to share that publicly on a forum such as PF, and even moreso to make that video about it.
The only thing I can say that may or may not help is just that its natures way of saying something is not quite right here.
My ex partner must have had over 10 suspected miscarriages, absolutely awful. We went for a scan and there was 2 amniotic sacs. One day she called me into the bathroom, to show me this hard red lump of "meat" is all I can describe it as, and was sent off to be analysed. Had a scan after that and there was only 1 Twins? Probably as they are due for my generation.
Also had the nurse/midwife (cant remember now) say they couldnt find a heartbeat the one time and that my ex partner might have to be booked in for a scrape!!! Lovely I thought, but we waited longer and they found it the next time.
Thankfully Aiden scraped it through everything and is now coming up to his 12th birthday.
I really really feel your pain at this difficult time.
Its good she at least she got to go on a holiday with you
Take care,
Stuart & Becky
Showed it to Becky (my partner) and she just said through tears, "Those poor people."It must have taken immense courage to share that publicly on a forum such as PF, and even moreso to make that video about it.
The only thing I can say that may or may not help is just that its natures way of saying something is not quite right here.
My ex partner must have had over 10 suspected miscarriages, absolutely awful. We went for a scan and there was 2 amniotic sacs. One day she called me into the bathroom, to show me this hard red lump of "meat" is all I can describe it as, and was sent off to be analysed. Had a scan after that and there was only 1
Twins? Probably as they are due for my generation.Also had the nurse/midwife (cant remember now) say they couldnt find a heartbeat the one time and that my ex partner might have to be booked in for a scrape!!! Lovely I thought, but we waited longer and they found it the next time.
Thankfully Aiden scraped it through everything and is now coming up to his 12th birthday.
I really really feel your pain at this difficult time.
Its good she at least she got to go on a holiday with you
Take care,
Stuart & Becky
26-06-2008, 06:26 PM
#89
Absolutely terrible news mate, not seen you for a while.. and cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through, but my thoughts are with the both of you. You're going to be seriously effected by this too, please try to stay strong for each other through this tough time.
Cheers,
Grant
Cheers,
Grant
26-06-2008, 08:06 PM
#91
Robin,
I just read this thread for the first time and it knocked me for six. I'm really sorry for you and your wife's loss, I remember when you were round at Chops house for the party, that is the last time I saw you and your wife together, clearly so happy about the pregnancy and what the future holds
Your tribute produced the first tear that has rolled down my cheeks in countless years...
I am totally lost for words.
Love is eternal... and it is so clear from your tribute, that Murron will be in your hearts forever.
Steven
I just read this thread for the first time and it knocked me for six. I'm really sorry for you and your wife's loss, I remember when you were round at Chops house for the party, that is the last time I saw you and your wife together, clearly so happy about the pregnancy and what the future holds
Your tribute produced the first tear that has rolled down my cheeks in countless years...
I am totally lost for words.
Love is eternal... and it is so clear from your tribute, that Murron will be in your hearts forever.
Steven
Last edited by Steven_RW; 26-06-2008 at 08:08 PM.
26-06-2008, 08:34 PM
#92
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a sad loss... rip..
i think this is something that every parents to be never wants to have to thing of, or go through..
a friend of my other half had the decision to make on aborting there baby at 12 weeks as the baby`s intestines were outside it`s body..
very hard decision to make but i think the decision has to be made in everybodys best intrests...
not the same as losing a baby i know, but still as hard to deal with..
my o/h is now 16 weeks with our second baby, so hope we have a healthy bro or sis for Ella,,,
i think this is something that every parents to be never wants to have to thing of, or go through..
a friend of my other half had the decision to make on aborting there baby at 12 weeks as the baby`s intestines were outside it`s body..
very hard decision to make but i think the decision has to be made in everybodys best intrests...
not the same as losing a baby i know, but still as hard to deal with..
my o/h is now 16 weeks with our second baby, so hope we have a healthy bro or sis for Ella,,,
Last edited by pau1rs; 26-06-2008 at 08:35 PM.
26-06-2008, 08:50 PM
#93
We have just had our 1st baby and I trust the Lord will look over and protect her,
One cot death and one still born in my family, sad to hear this as I'm aware of how much it hurts
Can't really say much to you but I hope all goes well for you both when you try again in the future,
Luciano
One cot death and one still born in my family, sad to hear this as I'm aware of how much it hurts
Can't really say much to you but I hope all goes well for you both when you try again in the future,
Luciano
26-06-2008, 10:01 PM
#94
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Really sorry to hear this mate. Cant imagine how it must feel.
A guy i work with lost his daughter who was 3 months old to an unexplained illness.
His wife then went on to get pregnant again and miscarried, and then on the third pregnancy had a stillborn baby. Utterly devastating for the pair of them, and despite having a successful 4th attempt and a 3 month old son now, he still isnt over the loss of the others and says it will always be there in his mind to some extent.
I dont think you ever really get over it mate, not a loss so close, you just come to terms with, and find a way of dealing with it.
I lost my mum very suddenly a year ago last month, and it still upsets me.
I can only give you a thought, and hope that you pull through the best way possible. There is no timescale on such a thing, and you will both deal with it in your best way.
Michael
A guy i work with lost his daughter who was 3 months old to an unexplained illness.
His wife then went on to get pregnant again and miscarried, and then on the third pregnancy had a stillborn baby. Utterly devastating for the pair of them, and despite having a successful 4th attempt and a 3 month old son now, he still isnt over the loss of the others and says it will always be there in his mind to some extent.
I dont think you ever really get over it mate, not a loss so close, you just come to terms with, and find a way of dealing with it.
I lost my mum very suddenly a year ago last month, and it still upsets me.
I can only give you a thought, and hope that you pull through the best way possible. There is no timescale on such a thing, and you will both deal with it in your best way.
Michael
27-06-2008, 12:39 PM
#95
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Thanks isn't the word for watching the video.
If anything, it was just to show how much we were looking forward to our baby coming into this world. Instead, we ran into the biggest wall.
We have came to realise that we will never get over that wall, but will continue life watching others taking their children for granted. We certainly would have been oblivious to it all if Murron was born alive. Babies just shouldn't die.
Incase you didn't know, 17 babies die A DAY IN THE UK either stillborn or in neonatal.
This figure hasn't moved since the 70's, even though cot-death and miscarriages (which everyone has heard of) have dropped. Stillbirths are still a taboo subject and hospitals lead you to think that after your 20th week scan, your baby will be fine. www.uk-sands.co.uk
We now look at it, if you can produce a healthy baby, you are VERY VERY lucky. Most t!nks don't realise this, but I'm not going to get started on that.
Christian, what a story. Very similar to stories to that I'm reading on the SANDS forum.
I believe that your friends are feeling somewhat different to us, as they got to see their baby alive, even though it was artificial. I personally think they would feel it worse in a way as they got to interact more before the end.
I couldn't contemplate what the 'Dad' was feeling, as he rushed back to the hospital alone for the 150 miles, knowing the result.
As for the Coronation St story, what a pile of P!$H!! Typical soap, they have a major event, then it never gets mentioned after that. How can Maria go back to work like nothing has happened. We & our families have boycotted that soap forever.
RW, Murron will never be forgotten.
If anything, it was just to show how much we were looking forward to our baby coming into this world. Instead, we ran into the biggest wall.
We have came to realise that we will never get over that wall, but will continue life watching others taking their children for granted. We certainly would have been oblivious to it all if Murron was born alive. Babies just shouldn't die.
Incase you didn't know, 17 babies die A DAY IN THE UK either stillborn or in neonatal.
This figure hasn't moved since the 70's, even though cot-death and miscarriages (which everyone has heard of) have dropped. Stillbirths are still a taboo subject and hospitals lead you to think that after your 20th week scan, your baby will be fine. www.uk-sands.co.uk
We now look at it, if you can produce a healthy baby, you are VERY VERY lucky. Most t!nks don't realise this, but I'm not going to get started on that.
Christian, what a story.
Very similar to stories to that I'm reading on the SANDS forum.I believe that your friends are feeling somewhat different to us, as they got to see their baby alive, even though it was artificial. I personally think they would feel it worse in a way as they got to interact more before the end.
I couldn't contemplate what the 'Dad' was feeling, as he rushed back to the hospital alone for the 150 miles, knowing the result.
As for the Coronation St story, what a pile of P!$H!! Typical soap, they have a major event, then it never gets mentioned after that. How can Maria go back to work like nothing has happened. We & our families have boycotted that soap forever.
RW, Murron will never be forgotten.
27-06-2008, 02:01 PM
#96
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I know it's no consolation but your wife looks absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress. I have so much admiration and respect for the both of you at such a sad moment in your life.
I'm sure in the future you and your wife will produce a healthy baby, who will be very lucky to have such amazing parents such as yourselfs.
Benni.
I'm sure in the future you and your wife will produce a healthy baby, who will be very lucky to have such amazing parents such as yourselfs.
Benni.
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