ESCYSCOTT

iTrader: (1)

I feel so sorry to hear this news. Claire, my wife come in the shop tonight and told me about this thread and she had tears in hers eyes She is currently 30 weeks pregnant and every niggle is a worry for us too as she miscarried back in september with our first child together.

Hope you can both work through all the pain together and one day you can try again.

RIP Little one.

Iain Mac

The grief you are both feeling is unimaginable and I have no words to make you feel better.

I don't know if talking to someone with some experience would help but I don't think it can hurt, so if you get a minute you might want to look at the SANDS website and give them a call.

http://www.aberdeensands.com/index.asp

LINCOLN

iTrader: (1)

I cannot even begin to imagine what this would be like. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Please do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it from family and friends.

rocky_robin

What can I say to you all, but thanks. Its unbelievable how many people have been through the trauma.

We’ve got to go back into the hospital tomorrow to discuss the Post Mortem results with the consultant. My wife is extremely worried about the results (she’s a typical worrier anyway!), but both know it was down to the umbilical cord, as Murron came out with it right round her neck.

Thanks Iain for the link, but my wife has been in contact with SANDS already. We've got our first meeting with the other parents on Thursday night, so really bricking it.

I wasn’t going to type this but as there is many questions here goes. I’ll keep it short!

Last year, after suffering stress & depression my wife came off ‘the pill’ after 10 years on it. 2 weeks later, she’s pregnant! We found out 5 days prior to our wedding! The wedding was extra special as we were the only 2 people in the room that knew anything and my wife was extra emotional & was crying a few times in excitement.

Anyway, pregnancy was text book. No sickness/illness whatsoever, apart from the typical sore backs. The baby was fine on the scans too.

Her hindwaters broke on our due date, so off we went to the hospital to find out the baby was not ready to go & was sent home. That was the first time I’d heard the heartbeat on the machine. It was AWESOME! What a smile came over my face! Little did I know that it was the last time I’d hear it too.

8 days later, she went to the midwife for her appointment and again everything was fine. She was booked in for the inducement 4 days later (12 days overdue).
Over the weekend, she did note that the baby wasn’t wriggling about as usual (Murron used to kick the living shŁt out of my wife’s belly – it was breath-taking to watch). Both of us thought that the baby was just getting ready to come out, so we carried on as normal.

Monday arrived and off we went to the hospital all full of anxiety & excitement. My wife was put on a tracer by the midwife just to see how the baby was before they continued with the inducement. That’s when life stopped.

The midwife was trying desperately to find a heartbeat, but nothing. I was sitting there watching both my wife’s & the midwife’s faces. I could see that the midwife was starting to panic & my wife was holding it together.
The midwife grabbed a Doc & they brought along an old scanning machine & she could find anything. Shock was set in by this point.
We were taken to another ward at the other side of the Maternity hospital, later knowing it was the ward where miscarriages & still births happen.
We were immediately put into a scanning room where it was confirmed. (I’ve got tears in my eyes typing this right now).
The lady found the baby’s heart in seconds and showed us on the screen. It was still & the baby was not moving.

I can remember saying ‘How the h3ll could that have happened?’ to the lady on the scanning machine, but obviously she could tell me. Her reply was just full of sorry’s.

My wife and me just sat in this quiet room in just pure shock.

We were sent home an hour later & was told to come in 2 days later to give birth naturally. Thankfully my mum & step dad & the in-laws came out to the house and we just sat all day in the living room. The next day the family appeared & again just sat. We just didn’t want to think that my wife still had our baby inside her, but was not living.

The awful thing was calling all our friends whom were all full of excitement thinking we were calling to hear what we had. Unfortunately, we just gave them the bad news.

The labour was text book too, as it only took 4.5hrs from start to finish. She never required any drugs – only gas & air! In fact, the bottle ran out half way though, so she was just using her breath as pain relief for a lot of contractions until a new bottle arrived!!!!

When Murron was born, we got to hold her and dress her.
My dad jumped on a plane from his home in Thailand as soon we found out about the loss of our child & he arrived just 30 mins after Murron was born!
The in-laws, my parents & us got to hold Murron right into early AM. As morbid as it may seem to others, we took lots of pics of her. It’s something we can’t do & that is post up pics of our daughter as some take offence. She was perfect & was defiantly mine, as everyone told me that she was my double.

18 hours later, we had to let the midwife take her away in her cradle, then we went home………….to our empty & quiet house.

We organised the funeral to take place in our garden, so at least we could as parents take her home for the one and only time.
We got a Cherry Blossom tree from my aunt, so we planted that in the garden along with an ornament & perennial ‘Little Angel’ flowers, so they will be in full bloom every birthday Murron has.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

woooooooooah not like i didnt know the story and still getting a tear in my eye reading that

you're very brave to post up something like that but it helps get things out. i hope you take something from this

Cossie Helen

iTrader: (1)

I'm sat at work with tears in my eyes reading that.

I'm so so sorry to read it

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

I agree, i really hope letting it out brings you some comfort.

Sticky.

iTrader: (4)

Sad words

LINCOLN

iTrader: (1)

Cry, honestly.

Take care.

SassyRS

I havnt got words to express how sad i am to hear of your loss, sad sad times

Please try to not let it split you and your wife apart tho, she must be going through hell... as im sure u are

R.I.P Little one xx

Nicole

I have just cried buckets reading that. So so so sorry for you both What a devastating story. I really hope you guys pull through it together....

I am just trying to imagine how it would feel to be given that news and it's just unbearable to think of

**Claire**

To both you and your wife, I send my deepest and heartfelt sympathy. I can't imagine how hard it must be to try and put all what has happened into words. You both need time to grieve for the loss of little Murron.

I'm sure by going to SANDS your already making moves in the right direction for support to help you through this really difficult time. I know your apprehensive about it but it really will help to know that your not alone and there are others who have been through it and survived.

You might think it's a silly thing to say but remember to be kind to eachother, you've both been through a terrible ordeal. Our frustrations, sadness and anger all come out in different ways when we are faced with something like this.

As Scott has said we are 30 weeks pregnant and up to now things have gone relatively smoothly for us, we have been really lucky.

I hope you both can work through it together and when your ready you will be able to try again.

Claire

rscostalot

Very sorry to here this sad new, i myself have gone throu this my ex-wife was having twins and we lost them at 27 weeks, it took me longer to get over it than it did her as she already had children from a privious relationship,and handled i better as they took the pain away and helped all they could.for me it was the fist time to have children and it hurt to the bone...Id never wish such a thing on anybody no matter what they had done to me..
Its a terrable thing to have to go throu, and one id never want to got throu again, i now have to beautiful pain in the arse's alisha 11 and tia 8, they are my life and you will be blessed with a beautiful child in the near future so chin up look forward not bac as the pain wil never go away just be strong and be there for each other.
Time and love will over come your pain..

Take care and look forward...........

fordsportjay

iTrader: (6)

a very very sad story.especially to go right to the end and be able to hold and dress the baby you know you have lost- i cant imagine the pain.
we lost one just on 12 weeks and that was heartbreaking as we hadnt planned the baby but at out ages(mid/late 30's),we were over the moon,but as soon as we got our heads around becoming parents we lost the baby.

was an uneasy time for us both but more for diane.a short time later she fell pregnant again and the emotional rollercoaster began again,we had some close shaves during her pregnancy but finally we got our little girl-danielle.

cant help but wonder about the one that didnt make it,but the way i see it,if that one had got through then we wouldnt have danielle now-and she is my world and i absolutely love her to bits.

time will help and i hope you get through it ok.good luck in the future,not just to you both but to all the people on here who have had similar experiences.

stonehavencossie

Rob

I feel for you.

Went through a very similair thing 8 years ago with my ex gf.

She gave birth in her house before the ambulance arrived and little Chloe had passed away.

I didnt get to my gf until she was in hospital. I point blank refused to go and see the baby which they had in a room of rest. Eventually the nurse and my parents persuaded me and im glad i did. But it was hard. We then had a small funeral with just immedaite family and i still visit the head stone yearly.

I was only 19 at the time so i was very nieve to what was going on in my life and i suppose it made it a little easier to deal with.

Im a very different person now and dont know how id cope if the same happened now. Infact, i know i wouldnt.

Things will get better with time.

This can be very hard on women but the man can be almost forgotten. All you time is spent consoling it can be hard to grieve for yourself.

rocky_robin

taz010671
I just know what it may feel like to go through it twice....exactly the same situation though.

Sticker Paul,
May we share the same tears & memories as we both go though this time together.

Andy,
Terrific words.


The thing that is annoying is that when meeting people for the first time, they tend to swerve the subject & don't even say sorry. But, we both know that is how we would do it, if faced with the same situation. That's something we've just learned to accept.

All others who have been though it before,
It's amazes me everyday to know that someone has lost a child as we did. Weather it was a mis-carriage, still born, or I think worse neo-natal.

We never got to see our daughter breathe, smile, cry, open her eyes, or even grip my finger with her little hand.
To have all that, then 2 days later, she was taken away, must be destroying.

When we held Murron, we tried not to cry and my wife amazingly never burst out. She was the strong one for everyone, as she wanted it to make the most of the time together with her.

This year alone, we are friends with or know 8 people who are due this year. We were the 2nd child to be born.
So needless to say, my wife feels left out when on friends Bebo pages, reading all the messages from other new mum's saying that they are busy with the child, cleaning them, walking them in the park, etc. Instead my wife is sitting at the computer, in the house in the country, with only our Westie to keep her company.

Claire,
When you start finding out how many people have difficulties, it really hits home how lucky people can be when giving birth to a healthy child.
I (we) just wish you well for the forthcoming times. I really didn't want to start other mums-to-be to get worried about this. To us it was just a tragic accident that NO-BODY could have predicted.
We just say to mum's / M's TB is to cherish your little one. No matter if they keep you up all night crying, just think how lucky you are to have them.

We will get though it, as sure of it.

**Claire**

I'm a member of another forum 'Baby & Bump'. I joined as I thought it would be good to hear other peoples stories and to give me some reassurance as I went through each stage of my pregnancy. For me it's helped put my mind at rest on more than one occasion. However, with that also comes the other side where you read more and more about pregnancies that aren't 'text book' or where an 'angel' baby is born. It's brought home to me the reality that it doesn't always go smoothly for everyone and in some cases tragically the outcome isn't always a happy one.

You haven't made me worry even more, I was already worried enough to be honest, I think if anything it has made me more vigilant and where I feel that something is wrong I'll speak up instead of holding back, which I would have been inclined to do before, so I thank you for speaking out and sharing your experience.

fezzajsy

iTrader: (9)

gutted for you m8..be strong

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

its made me cry reading your story and i am truly sorry to read it, you reliving it must make it so much worse

the bit i have quoted is because of this -

When your waters break, the " seal " to protect the baby from infection is broken, therefore if natural labour doesnt proceed within 48 HOURS you should be immediately booked in for an induction as the risk of infection is considerably higher as its not in a sterile environment.

I know this as my hind waters also broke and i didnt go into labour, the midwife was all set to send me home for a week til the HEAD midwife asked her what she was doing ( a trainee midwife assessed me) and explained that there was no way could she leave me any longer than 48hrs without a booked induction due to high risk of infection.

I was told that if labour doesnt commence within the 48hr window then you have to be induced as the risk of infection is high, and that you are also to be swabbed to check for infection both during labour and after birth.

This also includes no bathing etc as the baby isnt in a sterile seal anymore.

I know it wont change whats happened, but i would be inclined to attempt to find out why they left your wife for over 10 days without an induction, as by then there is every chance there would be masses of infection present, especially if she had been having baths etc, generally being in an unsterile environment

Im not a midwife, but i thought i best point this out.

I hope you dont mind me pointing this out to you

Sarah

cabrio zo

I really don't know what to say, I don't think there are the words, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, the pain must be unbareable. I don't have children, but from a womans point of view (not that we must forget that men grieve just as much) to go through carrying the child and giving birth, the hormones of post birth aside from looking forward to everything and preparing, must be totally heartbreaking

I can't begin to imagine how you feel, things are still very raw at the moment, I guess as people say time will lessen the pain

Z

Nicole

Sarah, i have also been told what you have written above is correct. And 48 hours is the absolute max before being induced

neil andeRSon

iTrader: (3)

it's good to see you posting again robin. must be so hard considering! i really don't know what to say. i've been in tear's reading this.. my cousin went through the same kinda thing a couple of yr's ago. it was heart breaking at the time but they've slowy come to term's with what happened. our thought's have been with you.

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

i didnt want to say anything but if for any reason the hospital didnt induce when they should have, thats an absolutely awful tragedy that could well have been prevented

Sarah

Cossie-Lee

Really sorry to hear this. My wife and i lost a baby about 5 years ago, was very hard at the time but we where told to keep trying. About 2 months later i found out i was going to be a dad again, but my world fell apart as my mum passed away just before i got the chance to tell her. We had a little boy and he's now 3, then on january 21st this year i found out i was going to be a dad again, though the happiness was short lived as my dad passed away suddenly whilst attending his brothers wifes funeral in brighton.

Life is so full of ups and downs but you and your wife will get through it mate, just be strong and be their for each other. I went days without talking to my wife because im a man and i just didnt know what to say or do, i was always scared incase i said or done the wrong thing, she also struggled with the fact that i wanted to move on and get back to some sort of normality, but in my eyes it was the right thing to do, i will never forget the little one we lost but the memory has become distant and doesnt hurt so much, as they say, times a great healer.

All the best, and you's take care of each other.

Lee

rocky_robin

Lee, your story is just unbelieveable. So sorry to hear about that.

My wife has read all of your comments and is so grateful & thankful.

We attended the hospital yesterday to find out the Post Mortem results........they were in-conclusive.
Basically, both my wife and Murron was healthy, no infections, dieseases, all body functions were correct and normal. They just could not find a cause to her heart stopping.
When we were told about the devistating news, the doc actually said most babies in our case fall into the catogory of 'Unknown'.

Sarah, thanks for hightlighting that to us. We called the consultant back to ask that question, but he confirmed that the baby was still in it's membrane and was not at risk. We spoke about this after the phone call. Basically the first hospital visit, the midwife confirmed everything was still intact. The community midwife confirmed the same, then the PM results shows that there was no infections present.

We attended our first SANDS meeting last night to meet other couples who have been though it all already and there was a couple there who just 'Handed their angel back to God' just last week.
We never got home till 0130 this morning, so why did I come into work this morning!?!?

We nipped to the graveyard yesterday to put new flowers down and erect a wee pink windmill & noticed that a little baby just been buried next to Murron now, so we would like to think at least they can play with each other around the graveyard.

Maria.

I hae tears streaming down my face Robin.

You and your wife are incredibly brave for being able to share what has happened with us all. Hopefully it will help you, by being able to express it all... writing things down really helps me.

I dont think there are any words that can comfort either of you right now, but at least you know you have many peoples thoughts and prayers with you.

dumped

Robin, I have been speechless not knowing what to say, you are both in Kate and my thoughts as you learn to deal with this and we are deeply sorry for your loss. Don't be a stranger, you have strong friends you can rely on.

Let Murron bring your relationship together and strengthen you as a pair into the future.

RS_JAY

My girlfriend has 6 weeks left of her pregnancy & this thread has opened my eyes & mind. Cant imagine what your going through. Has really made me think.
Sorry to both of you.

Matt Tenpenny

we had a terrible time during the labour with our boy.i thought i was gonna loose the pair of em.he got the cord aroung his neck then got stuck.i never want to go through that ever again.i event went into the hospital chapel to pray for them and ive never done anything like that.

i cant put into words how sorry i am for your loss but take a moment when you see the sun in the sky,your baby is up there and is safe. stay strong.

rocky_robin

In memory of our daughter, Jill sat down in front of the computer and took all day to produce this.............

http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site...406f79c5b6be7a

Tears stream down our face everytime we watch it. Murron would be sssoooooo proud of her mummy.
She used 'my song', as you will know from the end of Gladiator. It is the best film ending ever.
That ending used to send a tear down my face everytime I watched it, when Maximus went to his family. I link that to myself now.

Rab

Thats just about the saddest thing I have ever seen, and makes me realise just how lucky my wife and I are since our new arrival last week. As a new Dad, I don't know how you can be so strong. I admire you and your wife's strength for making that little film for us all to see.

Deepest sympathy again.

Rab

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

Words cannot express how sad i felt when i got towards the end of your video. I am crying my eyes out here and wont be answering any phones for a while. Your loss has brought home to me just how terrible it would be to lose Ella now that we only have 11 weeks to go.

That is an absolutely amazing tribute that has taken so real strength for your wife to compile so beautifully. Rest in peace baby Murron.

Rick Astley

I think you made a big step in dealing with it by posting on a public forum! So well done for that.

I know you said finances are tight at the moment but maybe you and your other half need a nice relaxing weekend away. Switch off completely and concentrate purely on yourselves.

You will never get over it I imagine but you will be able to understand and cope with it a little better.

All the best to you and your Mrs and I hope it all works out for you guys in the end. I'm sure it will!

Tim

RSKim

My heart really really really goes out to you both, I honestly know there is nothing i can say but you are so so brave i am so so sorry about your loss xxxxxx

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

Im sat here crying my eyes out, what a sad movie. I cant believe what a beautiful little girl she was, so peaceful and angelic.

I honestly cant think of anything to say, it makes you appreciate what you have yourself when you see a video like that.

RIP Murron a perfect little angel

Cossie Helen

iTrader: (1)

So so heart breaking

I really dont know what else to write.....

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

I admire your wifes strength to be able to make such a video, it must have been heartbreaking to go through it all again looking at the pictures of her bump and scans then finally Murron.

I really feel for you both

bpspa

iTrader: (1)

again my deepest sympathies to you and your wife, what a fantastic tribute to such a beautiful little girl. RIP Murron

CossieRich

iTrader: (1)

that really is heart breaking to read and watch that video. Myt hought are with you and your wife. RIP your little angel

dojj

iTrader: (3)

been there (with the baby) not done that (been able to bury it) so i know what you are going through

4 or 5 years later it's still difficult to think about it publicly

can't see the vid at work, but i'm not sure i'd be able to click the link in any case after reading about the reactions

my wife will be 36 weeks gone tomorrow and i'm bricking it too

all i can say is hang in there buddy, and do what's right for you and your wife, everyone deals with it differently so don't think just because someones read it in a book it will work for you, it might so give it a go

don't know what else to say other than rip little murron