rocky_robin

We lost our first baby daughter 7 weeks ago (stillborn). She was 40wks + 2. We were in to the hospital to be induced when they couldn't find a heartbeat. Devestation is just not the word for it.

Just wondering how long it took you to get back into swing of things again?

I've got a few cars that I really can't be buggered looking at, a house that still needs 2 rooms to start restoring, bits of the house that still need fixing, loads to do outside........but must stop and look after my wife if she breaks down.

There has already been numberous times of marriage break ups over arguements. Just the opposite side of the scale as it was before, as we rarely argued!!!!

I'd love to get back into playing with cars again, but everywhere we go, there is someone pushing a new born about or worse a pregnant tink, smoking a fag & not giving a sh!t of how lucky they really are.

We went to our local RS show a month ago, then to a local vintage car show. My wife was in pieces having seen loads of babies about, thinking that we should be doing that. Instead, we've only got our Westie puppy by our side.

Physio

Really sorry to hear that mate, I hope things get better for you & your missus

Matt Evans

Not personally mate, but my sister did about 5 years ago. She still has the occasional tearfull time even now. I guess everyone deals with it very differntley.

All you can both do is be there for each other.

R5FORD

iTrader: (1)

such a shame mate

Chip

iTrader: (3)

A guy I worked with went through it, realistically the only thing that really got him and his mrs over it, was her getting pregnant again, although im sure it still played on their mind, they were so involved in the new baby, the old one didnt dominate their thoughts so much.

Gutted for you mate, must be horrific

cossie4i+

iTrader: (15)

I do not know how you feel but my wife and i had a very hard time last year when our baby was over 9 weeks early and spent the first 5 weeks in intensive care. With us not knowing if she was going to live or die.

Our hearts go out to you both.

Steve.

foreigneRS

terrible for you both you both still have each other, and have your health, so try and focus on something positive and look to the future and maybe try again if you can

GTechR

Awfull mate... not something i'd ever know how too advise on. Just be there for her infact be there for each other... As much as it's a cliche, they say time is the best healer.

rocky_robin

Cheers gents.

Talk of getting pregnant again is on the cards. BUT we've really got to wait another months to enusre her red stuff is out again and back to normal. Just don't want to risk ANYTHING for the next time round.

To make matters worse, we know that we need to keep the finances tight, as she actually left her last job (due to stress) & wanting to be a FT mum. With this credit crunch, it's taking a battering to our finances, let alone paying for Murron's funeral.
She is just not in a position to start work again to help out (cause of some arguements)

It's realistically scary knowing that we too have our own headstone.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

A sad story for all to read

Me and my wife are good pals with rob and his wife. We were both expecting at the same time. As fate would have it they were both born on the same day with very different consequences

It made us realise how prescious little Finlay is.

Chin up bud

bpspa

iTrader: (1)

Really, really sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you and your wife. I guess like most things it will take time to heal the heartache you are both suffering.

Just take one thing at a time and like others say be there for each other

Maria.

My thoughts really are with you now. it must be awful for you and your wife.

My business manager here, lost his baby only 2 weeks ago, his wife was 7 months pregnant, and very similar, couldnt find a heartbeat.

He hasnt been back to work yet.

He 'handed her back to god' on friday.

Time is a fantastic healer of hurt, unfortunately not of memory.

Maybe, when you feel the time is right, possibly think of trying for another baby? I know it may seem totally inappropriate right now, but it may help you both move on?

Sticky.

iTrader: (4)

We lost our 1st baby in March mate & it's not easy at all. Still to this day i get upset over it. We spent the best part of a month, in & out of hospitals & all we ever saw was smack heads & pregnant women smoking & ours got taken away from us.

I only told a certain few people & what people i told were always there for us both.

Totally understand about the cars, house & stuff. I didn't want to do anything & put life into perspective. It does get better mate, so im told & i think there will be a lot more people on here who have been throu the same thing.

Sorry to hear about your loss & hope you & your wife get through this hard time.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Thats just terrible, I hope it works out somehow for you mate, and just remember that anything you are feeling, she is probably feeling ten times more than you are right now realistically, as the baby was in her life a lot more noticeably that it was yours so her bond is no doubt even stronger than yours was with Murron.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

paul sorry to hear that and i obviously never knew. because i was in the hospital at the same time as robin i could see all the fucking scum of the day coming everyday. seriously cant believe how many minks have babies and all their scum mates hang around chain smoking at the door. really rubs it in
there was also a junkie lass in the same ward as Jemma and she got her own fucking room. Not fair

Cossie Helen

iTrader: (1)

So so sorry to hear that, i cant begin to imagine how you are both feeling.

I echo Maria by saying time is a great healer, and maybe one day you can and will try for another baby.

Best Wishes to you both.

dunketh

Yes, two.
Both before birth. One had to be aborted due to liver failure, the other unexpectedly died. We found out about both at the 20 week scan, which is the point of no return in terms of pregnancy.
Countless trips around the south west to various hospitals for the first one before the only option was the termination and subsequent delivery as they could not remove the baby like they would in an abortion.
The delivery was the hardest part psychologically, especially on my girlfriend, as there was nothing to look forward to at the end.

I dont know what to say to you other than life goes on. Its not til something like this happens to yourself that you get to hear about how common it is.
Dont let it put you off. A friend lost two in the early stages then went on to have one prematurely - who's now grown into a perfectly healthy baby.
Its all worth it in the end.
I may sound a bit matter of fact but then I've had the benefit of time and happy experiences since.

Paulo P

That's awful and I'm really sorry to hear that. I've not experienced it myself but my parents lost a child when I was young The way they dealt with it was to try again after some time and my Mum gave birth to my youngest sister.

Nicole

Really sorry to read this. It's one of my worst fears, really it is

I have suffered two miscarriages, one early on and one a little later on. Nothing in comparison to yours as i could not imagine going full term and losing one, it must simply be devastating.

I also have the same feelings on teenagers popping kids out left right and centre and i was told it would be very difficult for me to conceive naturally and go full term. When we can offer a child a lovely life (or so i believe). We struck lucky and i am currently 6 months pregnant, but it has been one hurdle after another and i have spent alot of time in hospital with one thing and another. It's a big fear of mine that something will go wrong.....

I really sympathise with you both and i have had my fair share of loss over the last few years and although it may not seem it right now, time really is the best healer and although you never forget and the pain never goes away or lessens, time helps you to "live" with the loss and eventually life falls back into a routine and the future becomes possible once again.

We all have to get back on the rollercoaster but not before we are ready as that will cause even more problems in the future. The best thing you and your wife can do right now is grieve and make sure you deal with what has happened together and don't brush it under the carpet so to speak. If you feel sad and want to cry then do it, just go with the flow for a while and let your natural emotions happen, it's only 7 weeks and although some things must go back to normal not everything will for a while......

Munch

that really is awful news to hear, Really am sorry to hear that, chin up fella

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

So sorry to hear of your loss, my daughters father and his gf had a stillborn at full term the same day as we had Finley, i know that affected my daughter immensely ( she is 7)

OBviously we dont really speak that much, but they were pregnant again within 3 months of the stillborn and have now got a daughter which from what my daughter has said, has made " daddy a lot happier now"

I cant imagine it being a short grieving process with losing a baby at full term, im sure it will get easier as the months pass, and hopefully you will be able to be happy as a couple again.

Life can be so cruel at times, i cant comprehend what it must feel like seeing babies and trying to cope with it.

Take each day as it comes, the house and cars can wait, ultimately its you and your wifes relationship that is more important than anything now.

Maybe try a holiday to relax a little bit and get away from everything?

i hate to ask but did you have a post mortem to find the cause? At least if you know why it happened if you did get pregnant again then theres every chance they can prevent certain problems arising?

Sarah

HoylaRS

basically the same thing happened to my old boss! and she got pregnant again! main thing is not to blame yourselves these things happen it called life! chin up and try to be strong! right now things must seem bleak to say the least but like the old saying goes times a healer!

Charlie Chalk

iTrader: (1)

My ex Katie had to have an abortion, Main reason was we were to young. Its not nice

Sorry to read this to all those it involves

Gra

very sorry to hear this, we lost a little un, and then my wife had complications in the recovery stage after the surgery afterwards and they couldnt get a stable pulse etc, proper scary tho, it takes a while to get over, one of thethings i think that we found annoying was random people saying the "it wasnt meant to be" we got through it and had my little girl and now i have my little boy as well,
all the best to your other half, it does take time but as long as your both strong for each other you will be ok and come through it, The main thing that got Karen through was that she wanted to try again for a little one.

Andy_R

iTrader: (3)

Rob I really dont know what to say, words cant be expected to console nor make the pain you both must be suffering any easier.
I was deeply saddened on hearing of your loss, reading this brings a tear to my eye, the pain you must both be suffering must appear almost unbearable at times.

I was once taught that in life we are never asked to experience anything that we are not able to cope with, at times we may be tested to the brink but never beyond our ability to endure. What we are then left with is resilience and the ability to endure hardship.

I wish you both well and trust that in time you can both look to a brighter happier future together.

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

That sounds so right too mate

Time is a great healer

Nicole

Very, very wise words Andy. And something alot of people reading this thread can relate to i am sure

timster

Really sorry to hear of your loss,Haven't gone through it personally but my thoughts are with you both

Char1ie

iTrader: (6)

A very difficult situation. I can't imagine how awful it must be for both of you.

I would suggest that you seek counselling. On your terms. A life coach, a marriage guidance councillor or someone your doctor recommends. You are in one of the most stressful periods of your life and some help wouldn't go amiss. It's probably not in your nature to turn to someone for help but it can be very useful.

Good luck.

Charlie

Twellsie

iTrader: (1)

really sorry to hear this, hope you and your good lady get back on track soon

taz010671

Really sorry to hear this mate,me and the wife went through something very simiular firstly 8 years ago when she was 22 weeks pregnant we went for a scan and they said that there was very little fluid around the baby and after further investigation it turned out that the baby didnt have any kidneys and so we had to end the pregancy early but she still had to give birth and our little son lasted only about a minute after the birth.We were told by the specialsist that this was very rare but if the wife fell pregnant again the would do more frequent scans. She fell pregnant again 1 year later and we had a daughter who was fine at the birth etc but when she was two half she was diagnosed with autism but apart from that shes great.Then 5 years ago we had our second daughter a she fine in all aspects but then 2 years ago she fell pregnant agin and exactly the same thing happened as with our first son again no kidneys etc.They said that in the last 15 years this has only happened twice in northumberland and both times its been us.It is hard but you will get through it and remember that it is also hard for you to as alot of people forget about the fathers so I really do sympathise with you.the worst part is when it would have been birthdays etc.
good luck

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

My wife (nicole) said it all and i also cannot imagine the pain of going full term, having made all the plans, bought all the toys and prams and decorated the nursery ready, only to then have it all taken away from you. Heartbreaking...
Life can be so very cruel

I am genuinely sorry for your loss and reading your story has brought tears to my eyes. I hope that time will heal the wounds and allow you and your family to move forward from this.

RIP Little One.

Moonstone Steve.

iTrader: (2)

My sister in law had her little girl taken away from her at 2 days old, was a heartbreaker as we was there when she took her last breathe, still makes me cry just typing this now, im very sorry for you loss its the hardest thing ever.

Steve

rostill2007

sorry to hear this hope it gets easier for you in time

fish99

Mate, dont know what to say... Dont know you or your missus but im choked for you both, cant even imagine going through something like that... speechless

All the best for the future...

dojj

iTrader: (3)

as a father who's gone through soemthing similar, and, strangley enough, we were talking about it only a few minutes ago the mrs has coped with it much better than i have

it still brings a lump to my throat thinking about it, our circumstances were very horrific, but the only way we came to terms with it was to remember the happiness that lit up our lives when we went to the hospital for the scans and the joy of watching his little limbs moving about and the heartbeat on the scan and all that

we have also celebrated the potential birthdays since and been sad when the bad days come around

i think everyone will look at it from different points of view and have their own ways of dealing with it, unfortunatly it's not soemthing you can read in a book and figure the answers to

i feel the pain of everyone who has been through something similar

as for having another baby to "make up" for the one you have lost, it never makes up for it, no matter how much you think it will, we had junior no2 nearly 2 and a half years later, and it wasn't because it took 8 months for everything to get right again physically

COMEDY DAN

Very sad thread.....


R,I,P. Little chappy............

Rab

I really feel for you mate. My wife is 39 weeks at the moment. I can offer no words of advice or condolence that will help you with this loss. I hope you can ind a way back and help your wife to overcome the grief she must be carrying.

Gutted for you mate.

annika

i lost my first child, stillvupsets me to this day,
We tried for another childer after and now we have our daughter.

All you can do for your wife is be there for her

Lee Reynolds

Dont know what to say and cannot imagine what your going through I really hope you pull through this!