Understanding Engineers...
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PassionFord Post Troll
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From: Staffs
Understanding Engineers...
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when onesaid, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer For them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said," If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when onesaid, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer For them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said," If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
All are very good
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
All are very good
Thread Starter
PassionFord Post Troll
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,217
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From: Staffs
Originally Posted by Mike Rainbird
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
All are very good
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
All are very good
Thread Starter
PassionFord Post Troll
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,217
Likes: 0
From: Staffs
Originally Posted by Red16
Originally Posted by danja
Originally Posted by Red16
haha like it printed out to pin up on the joviality board at work tonight
printed out to pin up on the joviality board at work tonight 
PassionFord Post Troll
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 2,619
Likes: 0
From: Wrexham/Germany
For those who are planning to print and post it at work, thought i would point this out
You Might Be an Engineer If (The Short List)
1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
3. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working on a computer.
5. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
6. You think in "math."
7. You have a pet named after a scientist.
8. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
9. The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
10. You can translate English into Binary.
11. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
12. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
13. You assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
14. You understood more than five of these indicators.
15. You make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
3. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working on a computer.
5. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
6. You think in "math."
7. You have a pet named after a scientist.
8. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
9. The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
10. You can translate English into Binary.
11. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
12. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
13. You assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
14. You understood more than five of these indicators.
15. You make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
Thread Starter
PassionFord Post Troll
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,217
Likes: 0
From: Staffs
Originally Posted by JxBabe
For those who are planning to print and post it at work, thought i would point this out
You Might Be an Engineer If (The Short List)
1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
3. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working on a computer.
5. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
6. You think in "math."
7. You have a pet named after a scientist.
8. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
9. The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
10. You can translate English into Binary.
11. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
12. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
13. You assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
14. You understood more than five of these indicators.
15. You make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
3. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working on a computer.
5. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
6. You think in "math."
7. You have a pet named after a scientist.
8. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
9. The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
10. You can translate English into Binary.
11. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
12. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
13. You assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
14. You understood more than five of these indicators.
15. You make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
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