The Sludge

Well, this is a tad upsetting for me to be posting his in all honesty and is one of the hardest things I have got to do and organise with my sister.

Granted this site may not always have the answers we all need, but you have to be honest, as car owners and Ford fans or otherwise we all work in different sectors, and sometimes theres a great niche of information that we didnt know about.

That today, for me is what i am looking for-please.

My gran is aged 86, and has been in her house for 62 years now. The house is aCouncil 3 bedroom house, and she lives alone. She currently has carers in every day to help get her out of bed and do breakfast etc and make her flasks of tea, as she cannot lift a kettle .

There is no stairlift etc or anything, and i am embarrased to say this, very much, has huge continence issues and on occasions has excreted the rooms she sleeps in

The issue is having an effect on my mum, who is now 60, and she works 7-3 as a catering supervisor for the mentallily ill which as you can guess is hugely challenging. She then has to go to my gran (her mum) and then change and wash her, do her dinner etc and then mum goes home to do her dinner and housework and then she is off to bed at 8pm as she is knackered.

Me and my sis try to help etc, but its hard for us as well in term sof job commitments and kids etc and one thing and another. My Gran sadly is a very stubborn person, but we all love her to bits.

Thing is, me and my sister are trying to help my Mum very quickly sort this issue as she is not looking herself at all and is looking very drained and tired herself etc. Upon reading various websites etc, costs vary from one home to another and accroding to it need independent social services assesments.

My sis and i do not want to look stupid and we want to help my mum as much as we possibly can, but if i am honest, i really honestly genuinely do not know where to start. We are all very upset at dealing with this, but I have come on here to see if anyone has sadly had to do this already or even if anyone works in the relevant sectors that can help or guide me.

Sorry for the long post-i dont usually post such lenghty articles to bore people but on this occasion i hope you can all forgive me.

Thank you for reading and for anyone that can help me and my sister along with my mum solve or help remedy the care my gran needs. Its all abit too much for me at the minute so apologies for the ummm errr drama i guess you call it,

Not after sympathy just some help please from anyone.

Thank you.

Rick Astley

Do you feel guilty about putting her in a residential home?

If so, you shouldn't. Being in a care home can offer the elderly the help they need and more than anything the company of people who understand what they are going through and also friendship which is the most invaluable thing in the world.

I can't suggest residential homes for your grandma as I am not from your area, but good luck nonetheless!

The Sludge

Absolutely I /we do. Really really do not want to do this. I have memories as a kid in that house

But i agree with you- i am trying to convince myself what you have stated. Those words mean a lot at the minute so, THANK YOU.

Shings

My ex was a care home manager - in fact she ran one not far from you as well as one in Birmingham City Centre before that.

The simple fact with care homes is the more money you have the better the care.

So... it all comes down to money!

Shings

PS - Southern Cross are likely to take council people - Sunrise are not.

The Sludge

I did think that also.Prices I have sen are Ł350 -Ł480 a WEEK

She is not short tbh with you, but thats beside the point, Its knowing who where how and when to sort things and in what order.

The Sludge

Thanks Shings

I did about 2 hours ago email both of these companies who have homes in Wolverhampton.

st3v3

My wife used to work in a care home for the best part of 16 years.
What i would say is when you go to see the home, go back at visiting times (permitting) and talk to relatives of other clients, get to know a bit about whos doing what and how the folk are treated in there.
See if the old folk in there are actually being looked after correctly, you'll soon see from the state they are in and thier suroundings.

Whilst they charge a lot, there's still some bad places out there.

Mrs T

I look after my nan only about 3 hours a day because she cant really cope in her home, we have also looked into putting her into a home,

We phoned up all the home in the area and asked them to send out the details on the homes, most of them will have a pack, some will just say to you to go in there and have a look round..

As for the costs some do depend how much money they have in the bank, and also there needs

Shings

If I was still speaking to the ex and she was still there ( shes preggers now ) I'd put you in touch as I know she ran a very good home...

I was quite shocked by how much money they charge and what the add ons are.... Ł99 a week extra to administer medicines for example - I think that was Sunrise.

Agree with Steve though there are some bad ones.

From the ex's experience any which are run as a business by individuals are a no no - sorry to say this (without being racist) in her experience they tended to be run by Asians who simply did not put the budget back in to quality staff or care.

She was paid more money than one of the big multiples and told there was no money available for improvements and just to manage and that was it - despite the home being full and making plenty of money.

Stick with the bigger names if you can afford to do so.

Shings

Its all coming back now.

You want to look for the CQC reports of the homes you're looking at.

Google it!

Ellie

So sorry you are in this position, must be really hard and upsetting for your family.

What does your Gran want to do?

Have you phoned/emailed/written to your local social services/council to see if there is anymore help available to assist people in their homes? They may send an occupational therapist type person out to assess how much your gran can manage to do.

If she does have to move, there is residential housing/flats where they live independently, but there is a warden on a buzzer.

i dont really know much about this, im just going from what ive picked up on from work and when my Nan was ill.

Sorry cant be of more help and hope it all works out well.

focusv8

I've been through this early this year for my Mother, aged 94 who is suffering from Dimentia.

Look here for homes and their reports;

http://www.cqc.org.uk/registeredserv...uicksearch.asp

If your Gran has less than Ł23k cash she can get financial help from social services.

My Mother owns a house, but S-S are paying for the time being, they'll recoup the care charges when the house is sold, but only down to Ł23k, that stays with the person in care or whoever is looking after their finances.

Go have a look at some homes, they are star rated, you'll soon find you won't accept anything other than a 4 star, no smell of p*ss in them.


.

Mrs Jtechsaff

I am currently in the same position. I totally agree with going to visit the homes first and go on gut reaction. It isnt necessarily all about money it is the people who are there working, day in, day out, are they happy? If they are happy then it is usually passed onto the residents.

I am finding the whole process so hard but a local cancer charity Rowcroft are helping us find a place for my nan and I have to say Social Care (Social Services) have been very good too.

I visit and help out with my nan every day but she has gone passed the point where we can care for her now and it breaks my heart.

Good luck

longdog

iTrader: (1)

I visit a lot of care homes in my line of work.
Some are very good, but there's a few I go to and its so sad.
They just leave them in there room all day.
No tv, no company, naff all.

callums

give me a call tommorow you got my number my misses is a manager in a care home and has been for years

The Sludge

cheers guys for the help and comments.

Ellie-My Gran has always said that she will not go into one. For the time being she is not aware of what we are doing-thats the hardest part. But to be honest, we are collating all the information we need first, costs, help support etc before we then i guess heartbreakingly tell her.

Then i guess we have to show her the quality of the homes that are available. My mum is th eoption that my gran will have no option, she will have to decide. The family doctor has already stated that should my gran be injured or hurt at home, she will be sectioned anyway to go into a home as she is unable to look afterherself.

As a foornote, i have spoken to Sunrise today and the information they have provided has been brilliant from them.

dojj

iTrader: (3)

my gran was in a care home for a few days, then, one of the staff left a window open and she caught a chill and died a few days later

and this was a very well researched one that had all the facts and figures giving it glowing reports

so make sure you look at the big picture, not just if they have ticked all the boxes

smokey

Check out the factsheets on http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

RS Grant

iTrader: (1)

Terrible position to be in mate, my gran was 94 and sadly passed away last week. She had been living with vascular dementia we think for the past 10-15 years (although it was only diagnosed when she entered her first care home 3 years ago).

Please put a lot of thought into activities as well as care facilities offered, as the elderly still need mental stimulation as much as younger people. I would say to visit the shortlisted homes on a number of occasions and also random/un-scheduled times, possibly arrange times to bring your gran into their home and socialise with the residents and care staff on a few occasions?

This isn't what my gran wanted, but she had become very difficult to live with and deal with in our own home, we moved her in here after she wasn't able to stay alone. There definitely comes a point where you need to step aside (as hard as it will be to 'let go') and let a professional help your gran.. they are trained for it and while they cannot begin to offer the love and affection that your family can, they can offer proper full time care.

Before my grans condition got worse and she struggled to communicate properly, she seemed to enjoy certain aspects of the care home environment and lived a content life.. so please don't think that sticking your gran in a care home will be the wrong decision, because as long as you choose the home correctly, your grans quality of life will actually improve compared to where it is currently.

I know I've waffled on a wee bit, but hopefully even just a wee bit makes sense and gives you a viewpoint from someone thats been through almost the same things you're dealing with presently.


Cheers,
Grant

Isaac.Hunt

Does your nan have any medical conditions or is she 'just' (I don't say that how it reads, I mean it as in no medical issues exactly) frail and elderly?

I just scanned the thread but there is something called a continuing care assessment which is undertaken on an elderly person (usually before they leave hospital eg after a fall) to assess their nursing care needs. They give ratings for things (and I can't remember how many of each e.g. mediums you need but there are frameworks and guidance notes published) on the subject.

Long and the short of it is that if the person has care needs (eg washing, dressing, cooking, everyday things that are not 'medical' as such) then the responsibility for paying for the care rests on social services. This is where the means tests occur e.g. the thresholds/selling property issues. That means if the person has more than the threshold, they need to self fund until they do not exceed the threshold.

If however the person requires nursing care (it's quite difficult when dementia etc is concerned as there have been a few high court cases on point) then it is the responsibility of the NHS and therefore your local primary care trust to fund there care.

Doesn't help you to pick/convince her on moving into such accomodation, but may help with funding if she does have savings over the threshold (I appreciate the house is council so she doesn't have a property).

dingla rs

iTrader: (2)

never in this world would i put any family in a care home ,i did two years for a building company doing plumbing work ,worked al over uk remodeling old folks homes the state the nurses just left the people in an not giving a fook bout them was shocking . it was depressing working there ,reason i gave job up,it was sad to see all the managers turn up in flash cars .

retirement home are lot better worked in few them less old people more nurses

Shings

It would be... that is expensive senior living!

mrjenrst

i HAD to put my dad into a care home mate. It would of been impossible to give him the care he needed at home. The home we put him in is an 4 big old house's knocked into 1 big place tbh not the best looking BUT the staff that work there are A1 he get's on with 3 or 4 of them stupidly well.