Genuine letter... VERY funny! and annoying at the same time!
28-06-2007, 10:04 AM
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Genuine letter... VERY funny! and annoying at the same time!
Secretary of State,
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR
16 May 2007
Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach
this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the
EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.
I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want
not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any
advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester
Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
Accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made On them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about
4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first
year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department.
Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon
credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane
gases? Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat
2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growingcrops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?
I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current DEFRA advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?
In view of the above, you will realise that I will be totally unemployed,
and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be
voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,
Nigel Johnson-Hill.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR
16 May 2007
Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach
this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the
EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.
I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want
not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any
advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester
Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
Accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made On them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about
4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first
year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department.
Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon
credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane
gases? Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat
2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growingcrops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?
I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current DEFRA advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?
In view of the above, you will realise that I will be totally unemployed,
and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be
voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,
Nigel Johnson-Hill.
28-06-2007, 10:14 AM
#5
While we are being political:
http://www.pm.gov.uk/output/Page12127.asp
The ironic thing of course, is that the petition was asking for cameras to be scrapped in favour of other road policies to improve driver standards and other factors that cause crashes.
The government respond that 74% of road accidents are nothing at all to do with speed, but they intend to carry on focussing on the 26% that are.
Legendary attempt at spin that really didnt work very well IMHO
http://www.pm.gov.uk/output/Page12127.asp
"We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to scrap speed cameras."
Details of Petition:
"After 15 years of speed cameras on British roads, neither road deaths nor hospitalisations have fallen as expected. Drivers know as if by instinct that speed cameras are the wrong road safety policy. The extensive research and analysis conducted by the Safe Speed road safety campaign confirms that drivers have been right all along. Far from making our roads safer, speed cameras have replaced genuine life saving policies and distracted everyone from more important safety factors. Instead... - We must have road safety policies based on skills, attitudes and responsibilities - We must have effective roads policing especially to deal with 'rogue drivers' - We must avoid needlessly prosecuting skilled and responsible drivers driving safely - We must measure what is important, not make important that which is easily measured - and you can't measure safe driving in miles per hour.
Details of Petition:
"After 15 years of speed cameras on British roads, neither road deaths nor hospitalisations have fallen as expected. Drivers know as if by instinct that speed cameras are the wrong road safety policy. The extensive research and analysis conducted by the Safe Speed road safety campaign confirms that drivers have been right all along. Far from making our roads safer, speed cameras have replaced genuine life saving policies and distracted everyone from more important safety factors. Instead... - We must have road safety policies based on skills, attitudes and responsibilities - We must have effective roads policing especially to deal with 'rogue drivers' - We must avoid needlessly prosecuting skilled and responsible drivers driving safely - We must measure what is important, not make important that which is easily measured - and you can't measure safe driving in miles per hour.
The Government's response
Thank you for taking the time to register your views about safety cameras on the Number 10 website.
Speeding kills. It is a contributory factor in 26% of all fatal accidents in Great Britain.
The facts are stark. If a child pedestrian is hit at 30mph they stand an 80% chance of surviving. But if they are hit at 40mph they stand an 80% chance of dying. That is why the Government is committed to achieving appropriate vehicle speeds on the roads as part of its integrated road safety strategy.
We are succeeding in changing attitudes, and in making drivers realise that one of their responsibilities is to comply with speed limits. The proportion of car drivers who comply with the 30mph limit has greatly increased over the last few years.
Safety cameras provide a valuable and cost-effective method of preventing, detecting and enforcing speed and traffic light offences. Their use is based on solid evidence. All reliable research from around the world clearly demonstrates that cameras reduce speeds and save lives.
Independent research (new window), published in December 2005, shows that safety cameras had saved around 1,745 people from being killed or seriously injured, and had prevented around 4,230 personal injury collisions on Britain's roads each year.
And while they are saving lives, safety cameras will remain a key part of our road safety strategy.
Thank you for taking the time to register your views about safety cameras on the Number 10 website.
Speeding kills. It is a contributory factor in 26% of all fatal accidents in Great Britain.
The facts are stark. If a child pedestrian is hit at 30mph they stand an 80% chance of surviving. But if they are hit at 40mph they stand an 80% chance of dying. That is why the Government is committed to achieving appropriate vehicle speeds on the roads as part of its integrated road safety strategy.
We are succeeding in changing attitudes, and in making drivers realise that one of their responsibilities is to comply with speed limits. The proportion of car drivers who comply with the 30mph limit has greatly increased over the last few years.
Safety cameras provide a valuable and cost-effective method of preventing, detecting and enforcing speed and traffic light offences. Their use is based on solid evidence. All reliable research from around the world clearly demonstrates that cameras reduce speeds and save lives.
Independent research (new window), published in December 2005, shows that safety cameras had saved around 1,745 people from being killed or seriously injured, and had prevented around 4,230 personal injury collisions on Britain's roads each year.
And while they are saving lives, safety cameras will remain a key part of our road safety strategy.
The ironic thing of course, is that the petition was asking for cameras to be scrapped in favour of other road policies to improve driver standards and other factors that cause crashes.
The government respond that 74% of road accidents are nothing at all to do with speed, but they intend to carry on focussing on the 26% that are.
Legendary attempt at spin that really didnt work very well IMHO
Trending Topics
28-06-2007, 07:28 PM
#13
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Originally Posted by Chip-3Door
The Government's response
Thank you for taking the time to register your views about safety cameras on the Number 10 website.
Speeding kills. It is a contributory factor in 26% of all fatal accidents in Great Britain.
The facts are stark. If a child pedestrian is hit at 30mph they stand an 80% chance of surviving. But if they are hit at 40mph they stand an 80% chance of dying. That is why the Government is committed to achieving appropriate vehicle speeds on the roads as part of its integrated road safety strategy.
We are succeeding in changing attitudes, and in making drivers realise that one of their responsibilities is to comply with speed limits. The proportion of car drivers who comply with the 30mph limit has greatly increased over the last few years.
Safety cameras provide a valuable and cost-effective method of preventing, detecting and enforcing speed and traffic light offences. Their use is based on solid evidence. All reliable research from around the world clearly demonstrates that cameras reduce speeds and save lives.
Independent research (new window), published in December 2005, shows that safety cameras had saved around 1,745 people from being killed or seriously injured, and had prevented around 4,230 personal injury collisions on Britain's roads each year.
And while they are saving lives, safety cameras will remain a key part of our road safety strategy.
Thank you for taking the time to register your views about safety cameras on the Number 10 website.
Speeding kills. It is a contributory factor in 26% of all fatal accidents in Great Britain.
The facts are stark. If a child pedestrian is hit at 30mph they stand an 80% chance of surviving. But if they are hit at 40mph they stand an 80% chance of dying. That is why the Government is committed to achieving appropriate vehicle speeds on the roads as part of its integrated road safety strategy.
We are succeeding in changing attitudes, and in making drivers realise that one of their responsibilities is to comply with speed limits. The proportion of car drivers who comply with the 30mph limit has greatly increased over the last few years.
Safety cameras provide a valuable and cost-effective method of preventing, detecting and enforcing speed and traffic light offences. Their use is based on solid evidence. All reliable research from around the world clearly demonstrates that cameras reduce speeds and save lives.
Independent research (new window), published in December 2005, shows that safety cameras had saved around 1,745 people from being killed or seriously injured, and had prevented around 4,230 personal injury collisions on Britain's roads each year.
And while they are saving lives, safety cameras will remain a key part of our road safety strategy.
The ironic thing of course, is that the petition was asking for cameras to be scrapped in favour of other road policies to improve driver standards and other factors that cause crashes.
The government respond that 74% of road accidents are nothing at all to do with speed, but they intend to carry on focussing on the 26% that are.
Legendary attempt at spin that really didnt work very well IMHO
What I dont like about that petition is that most of us are talkinga bout getting rid of speed cameras on big open roads and the response only mentions speeding around the 30mark, normally where it is a collision with a person and not a "car crash". I'll be that only 25% of speed cameras are in 30 limits. I dont think anyone has a real objection to speed cameras in inner citys and towns where people, especially children, are.
JAmes.
28-06-2007, 08:01 PM
#14
PassionFord Post Whore!!
I would rather see people re-educated on driving matters...
Roundabouts, indicators, weather so on...
Fucking government all cunts from top to bottom....
Roundabouts, indicators, weather so on...
Fucking government all cunts from top to bottom....
29-06-2007, 11:14 PM
#17
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
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There is a paragraph missing.
It is the one requesting the Range Rover options list for 'being a farmer'.
I love the letter and think it definitely should be sent.
***
There is genuinely a thing called 'set aside' that a few of my buddies get, another one got paid for planting trees on his land.
The fact that his land borders onto the M5 and he was going to to plant trees to cut the noise down anyway didn't come into it.
A large proportion of them are being paid to simply do nothing apart from cut the flippin hedges!!!!
It is the one requesting the Range Rover options list for 'being a farmer'.
I love the letter and think it definitely should be sent.
***
There is genuinely a thing called 'set aside' that a few of my buddies get, another one got paid for planting trees on his land.
The fact that his land borders onto the M5 and he was going to to plant trees to cut the noise down anyway didn't come into it.
A large proportion of them are being paid to simply do nothing apart from cut the flippin hedges!!!!
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