Zetec Andy

PMSL @ being angry, it was summer, maybe the heat?

Glad the girls are ok and i can fully understand you being angry and helpless about the bullying, we had the same issue recently with a family member which resulted in him having one on one lessons with an untrained teacher, go figure

Good luck with the Karate and il probably bump into you next at TOTB, hopefully this time you wont waiting beside my car for the AA

Benni

Hi, I wont do mine as not much has happend, But one i think will be an interesting and amazing to read is my dads. He's had one of the hardest lifes there is and i've got alot of respect for him because of certain things.

He led a normal life to the age of 16, And then his mum passed away from cancer, Left him devistated and he tried to kill himself by jumping in the docks in liverpool. Luckily he was rescued and after about 5 years he slowly got over it.

Come the age of 21 he had his first son my brother kevin, When kevin was 2 years old my dads sister Sue was slowly dying an aclaholic. And one sunday he recieved a phone call from a friend where his sister was staying and his mate more or less said 'Can you come round mate, Your sister is laying dead on my floor'. So off he went, Before he got there there was ambulances, Police you name it. He watched them carry the body out and she was black and blue all over like she had been beaten to death. He was questioned under suspicion of murder as was his friend. And if he came very close to going to jail for it. Meaning i would not have a dad as he would be in jail for something he did not do. A correnors reports showed her liver had failed, She fell out of bed and died. News papers offerd him lots of money for a story as it was big news and even now all these years later when i got the pub people ask me 'Is graham your dad' Aww was tragic etc', And he was devistated as you can imagine.


2 years later his other sister and now only sister was diagnosed with cancer, This broke his heart again. As he had already lost his mum and his sister. And did not want to loose another one. Around 1 year later his sister took seriously ill and was rushed into hospital. Sadly her husband who was a prat hated my dad and never phoned him until it was too late and she died. Heart broken once again. The sad part of this is a few weeks earlier he filmed her in the local collecting her darts trophy and we still have the video and he breaks up whenever he watches it.

Now he had lost everyone in his family, The only person left was his dad. My grandad paul.

About 6 months after he lost his sister to cancer his dad passed away with the stress of loosing his two daughters. My dad got another phone call to tell him his dad had collapsed and been rushed into hospital. And when he got there he was dead.

So now, he has lost everyone he grew up with, His sisters and his parents.

Alot of people believed he killed his sister, And alot went on rumours and it became out of hand. To this day people still have been known to make a comment.


And today whe i am depressed, He tells me 'When you've seen a fraction of the things i've seen mate then i will allow you to get depressed'. At christmas time he is always in bed but just tells us he has a head ache.

The worst part he tells me is going into your friends house and seeing your sisters feet sticking out the door of the bedroom. And knowing when you peep your head round the door what you are going to see will scar you for life.

SS1

iTrader: (3)

awesome post its just mad how life goes up and down at times

christianh3

Good read especially Stu's can see why you write for FF.

Some things I wouldn't be prepared to write on an internet forum. I've always had my ups and downs...but always try to remain positive, think attitude makes a massive difference to our lives

fordsportjay

iTrader: (6)

well,here goes

im now 36 years old but will go back to the end of my school days.......

all through high school i was told i was talented and could do well in anything i put my mind to-it was putting my mind to things that was the problem.too much external interest in girls,drinking and generally trying to be a cool/hard guy.i was very good at sports representing my town/county at rugby league and got to represent england at 100m sprints.i did my exams and did ok,not as well as i probably could have but ok.
got an apprenticeship at our local brewery(one of the best jobs around) at their garage.still being a knob though shagging my head off and at 16 got my then girlfriend pregnant she had the baby,little girl and we ended up in a council house at 17/18-just kids ourselves........money was never there,drugs were around(speed,trips and e).forever in trouble with the police.after a couple of years split up nd went back home.spent 90% of my time outside work in my cars.
in 1992 i was doing reasonably well,had a bit of debt with loans but had done my apprenticeship and was kept on so decent money.
got into a large fight outside a night club and really fucked some guys up-ended up losing my job when i got sent down for 12 months!
in 1993 came out with about Ł2000 in my bank and decided to try to open a garage-did this for about 2 years but never really made anything,just kept my head above water.
after that i went back into employment working for a breakdown firm then a bodyshop doing trim work.got into a relationship with a younger girl who became obsessed with me and for some reason or another i couldnt get rid of her and ended up buying a house with her-i knew it was wrong but just went along with it.i then got caught up in tons of credit cards-owing over Ł20000,and i could see no way out-my wages just covered my debts and i was miserable as fuck........
i wanted out but wouldnt leave as i knew she would never sell the house,until one day we decided enough was enough and she agreed to sell the house and split the profit.i ended up with about Ł10k,but rather than use it to pay off my remaining debt i started to buy/sell cars.at about the same time i met my current partner diane(2001/2002),we got on like a house on fire and decided we wanted to live together,we rented for a bit and i was still working and selling the odd car on the side.diane fell pregnant and we were made up but lost the baby......
not long after she fell pregnant again and after a real stressful time my little danielle was born(2004),she has transformed my life and helped me finally "grow up".
i also left work and set up jj performance,which is still going well.
im in a place in my life where things are all good.

i have learned a lot over the years,but would not change a thing as it was all a learning curve-sex,drugs,cars,debt,money,baby being born,self employed,meeting good/bad women,all an experience.

got to have a minor operation some time this year which im shitting myself over,looking to get married soon,all is,and will be well hopefully-im at a happy place now

GazzaG

Well this has been an intresting read, mine isent very exciteing

i was born in 1990
my dad had an brand new xr3i and sold it because of me.
i had quite a good childhood
1991 i got my first cat
1992/3 i got my first dog
1997 i got my secong cat
1999 i got my second dog

2001 i started secondry school was bullyed for abit untill i stuck up for myself and it stoped.
2002 My dad got rid of his vauxhall tigra for the escort estate. was only 4 years old, i was still going throught school ok, went out with a girl i liked
.
2003 still at school, left gf. was ok untill around april/may i was hit of my bike by a mondeo, i was very lucky to have survied as i smashed my head on the windscreen, i was lucky i wasent killed. in may i made a full recovery just before my birthday, dad got me a fastford mag and got me back into my fords again, i liked em from a young age.
2004 in april of this year i lost my first dog. it was deverstateing losing him . someone told people in my schoool and they used to shout out his name and laugh at him cause he died saying he got hit by a bus. i was aressted twice for assult . i also became mates with a lad who live close by, got me in abit of trouble that did so i told him to fuck of before i really do him some damage. in june of 04 i got my third dog a dobermen
2005 I finaly got an email adress sorted so i could go join the escort and ford owners club to learn more about cars. i was abit of a fucker as losing my dog had really fucked me up and i was abit of an attention whore on escort evolution, i regret it now but its in the past, i also joined here in that year too, i lost my first cat later on this year as she was veryill and it was for the best, she wasent suffering anymore. in june of this year my dad gave me his escort, i was happy with having a car at 15 R reg 1.6 zetec. my intension was to just play about with it then buy another escort and use parts of my estate as i wanted a 3dr hatch, september 2005 i made a big decision and i thought, i'm going to go ahead with this as noone else hardely done it, Escort RS2000 estate. so i started a topic and it got abused. started another and its still going now,
2006 my dad left his job in feb as he hated it and needed abit of a break.
sorted abit out on the escort, had my gcse's and that, left school in june 06 still hapy to this day. did abit more to the car, started under 17's driving school which i have every month,got an aprentice as a mechanic, hated it so left as they were basterds, met a girl on the net from essex and me the mad bugger thought i'd give it ago was gona go down make it work an all, turns out i was being laughted at, (thanks to all for support ESP Danielle thanks hun.) i got a job at a mill behind my house, was good money for the hours sadly after 2 weeks it all got fucked up and i had to go.my dad ot a temperery job as we was skint untill xmas
2007 dad left temp job as it was all done, i got my car bitst for my car rs2000 bodykit and that of DANRS cheers mate . Dad dropped too skint i have no money mum has no money atm, dad has no money, got a car out there that needs sorting still due to being skint. feb went fast, this month has gone fast, mum said she'll help me get a job by taking me places, nope hasent happoned, i feel if something isent sorted in the next month i'm gong to be homeless and am not very happy about that, and this s why i have little odd updates on my car as i've nothing, i've tryed my best but noone wants to know.
I'm hoping it'll sort itself out soon as i'm getting really upset about it now, i just want things back to how they were. and i'm still single too and looks like a m gona be for awhile.

Cheers Gary. Sorry for the long read.

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

Some great reading here... makes you think.

Cossie Helen

iTrader: (1)

Managed to get engaged without stopping smoking Will have to try double hard to stop now


Just re-read parts of this thread, quite intresting reading

Carlsworth

only just now seen this thread...

good to see your happy nowadays stu...

as grape vines go, and you know how people talk, but from what people heard and passed on, you didnt have a great deal to smile about when at turboboost days and until you met nicole...

so..
happy for you...honestly..

just dont let work stress you out when busy...
i used to be a massive stress head, and now im sooo much more chilled as things get to a point where you have to say, right thats that....fook it...and go at your own pace..


carl...


i have had a shit few years, but getting better the past 2 yrs....
dont really wanna discuss here....



edit
just seen the beginning of 2007 for you stu....
and shit me,....
life doesnt get easier does it...

SafeChav

I just wrote the most massive essay out and bottled it after reading it back to myself, you'd think what a waster if you could of seen it

Stu...fairplay to yourself for turning your life around, as has already been said i wouldnt of known any different from having met u at Blackpool a month or so ago.

Ive got a friend who also has dramatically turned his life around from having aboslutely nothing and being in trouble all the time, and now has has a house, a nice new car and 2 kids!

Just wish i could find that motivation in me

Benni

Some fantastic reading. Some of you have changed your life around and I can understand alot of it. But things like Joe with his dad beating him I can't begin to understand or wonder what that must feel like. It's good you have turned your life around mate.

I've found with my life everytime I try to do something I always know somewhere along the lines something will put a stop to it.

Cheers, Benni.

lucasdemoley

My god some of your stories are quite deep, i'll do a shot thing of me, but its no where as interesting as any of your lots!

Born 19th march 1985

Cant really remmeber much from when I was younger, I have lived on a farm in the welsh countryside all my life and had a good childhood.

We used to go skiing nearly every year and go to corfu every year. My dad had a good construction company with about 20 employees.

1991 Cracked my head open at school. My sister fell off a horse that went crazy and smashed up her arm. I was also bulled abit at school and was knocked out by another kid when he hit me with something.

1995 When I was about, not sure how old, about 10, my parents were away in Rome and my dad had a fit. He was flown back to the uk and he had a massive anorism on his brain. I'm not too sure how big it was, but a family friend died from one that was less than a fith of the size. I was staying with my cousins (dads side) at the time, but mydads side of the family basicly decided, against my mums wishes and that of her families that me and my sisters shouldnt be told about my dad. As my sisters were with my gran from my mums side, she told them about my dad. I on the other hand was never told untill after the operation, which he had somehting like 20% chance of surviving. If he had died I could never have forgiven them, and still hold it agianst them.

During this time sating with my cousins (this is before I found out, i wsnt told till i went to london to stay with mums family) and I got quite ill and was basicly stuck in bed for a couple of weeks, but also, my uncle and my cousins went away to the races, leaving me and my aunt at their place. When they were away my cousings grandmother died (she lived just up the road). when my cousins came back they were ok, but my uncle seemed to have a real thing against me, im not sure what, but he seemed very angry with me, which was really horrible looking back considering what he know and wasnt telling me.

Anyway I can remeber going to london and seeing my dad. I was at an age when i couldnt really understand what was going on. When I was there my dad had a fit, all i can remember seeing is.... well, i can just remmebr me and my sisters scereaming and crying that we wanted to see our dad.

When I was staying in london i went to pick up my cousing from school with my aunt and we got into a car accident. It wasnt bad and I was never checked over as everyone was concerned about my father. My dad got better but because he had been ill for a while he buisness nearly went bust, and although my parents had good insurance, everything changed and life was very different as we c ould no longer afford the holidays or things like that. I know others have never had that kind of stuff, but when you have it and loose it, it still hurts.

1996 When I was about 11 i started to get seriouse back pains, i mean curling into a ball in pain. I started seeing a cyropractor and that made it better for a bit
My sister came off the farm quad and smashed up her hands and smashed her face, which wasnt nice.

1998 In secondary school although I had some good friends, i was bullied quite a bit, mainly as I had abit of weight to me. The same siter, (i have two but only one has accidents all the time, lol!) fell off a horse and was dragged up out farm lane by it and ripped the skin off her back, not nice!

2001 I got my first car at 16, a 1.1 fiesta which i worked loads on. I also made an effort to loose weight.

Went out to LA and stayed at my godfathers place on the hollywood hills. I did abit of work exsperience on music videos and adverts, and wokred on the averil lavign music video sk8ter boy. I threw the bag off the roof, lol! I got introduced to her by her makup artist, but she didnt really take any notice. Watched as she made a tit of herself falling off a skateboard. Whilst out there ate in the ivy with her manager (who is also dido's manager) and is a supper guy.

2002 I was doing about 1000 situps a day a 700 pushups. I went on an extream diet only drinking water and eating only a small portion of pasta a day. I lost 3 stone in two months, and actualy became quite skinny to a point where family and friends were worried about me.
I had a blind date and met a girl who was ok, but i didnt really want to go out with but was convinced by frineds to see her.

2002/2003, new years and after alot of booze and a bit of hash I made a big mistake of sleeping with her, I didnt catch anything and she didnt get pregnant, but I still wish i hadnt.

2003. My then gf (above) introduced me to a frined of hers, who I was instantly attracted to. We had a laugh and were playing about and nearly kissed even though we'd know each other for about 5 mins, we were on top of each other at the time, and my gf had walked off!

A few months later after loadsa phone convos I dumped my gf as she had been cheating on me (yay) so I got together with her friend. I bought another mk3 fiesta, a 1.1 which was a full rs turbo replica and was a really nice car. My sister (the same one again!) had a fit and was rushed to hospital. She lost her memory which was really, really scary, and she could see like ghosts and stuff. After what had happened with my dad, this was bad. It turned out she had temperal lobe epelepsy and with medication she stopped having fits and after a week her memory was good again.

I had my back x-rayd and found out that my spine is bent from the car accident, nothing i can do about it bar take pain killers. Its not even lifitng heavy stuff that hurts, its just if i lift something, even like a stapler the wrong way it will really hurt and i cant like put it on a table or something as it hurts. I started exsperiencing neck pains, and once I had a scary exsperience where it happened whilst driving. I had to imidiatly pull over and was in the passenger footwell, in a ball, crying in pain for about 5 mins.

Over the summer i worked away for a few months and things were ok with me and my gf. She was spending some time with a mate of mine, and although she said she kinda liked him, she came up and saw me and things were ok. She then went to barbados (were she was born) for a few weeks, came back and things were great between us.
Around november i was working again away in london and she after a small argument, i couldnt get hold of her. The next day I phoned my mate and she had stayed round his.I was devastated and she didnt seem to give a shit. I left my job early and went home to try and get her back. After her being quite a bietch to me, saying she loved me ect, she would get me to drop her off in town and shout at me if i said i was also going out in town, clearly as she was going to go see this guy.
Anyway after a few days I gave up and went on a date with a very good friend of mine, who i had fancied for years. We went to the cinema but my gf found out and came along. This kinda screwed up things between me and this girl, and she stopped talking to me for about 2 years. That night me and my gf got back together. It was a few weeks later that i found out that she'd slept with him, as previously she had promised she hadnt and was still sleeping with me (and him aswell). I was pissed but stayed with her. I started putting on weight because of stress.


2004. I wrote my car off going too fast round a bend. I started uni which I had a great time, but stopped going out as much as my gf hated me going out.
2005. Before my uni exams my gf told me she was pregnant. I was at uni and didnt really have anyone to talk to and didnt tell the uni as i was embarised. She was on the pill, so not quite sure how it happened. She had an abortion which hit her hard, but after a while she was ok.
My car got broken inot and i lost over Ł1k worth of stuff, plus has Ł100's of pounds damage to my car. Bought a new amp of ebay but it didnt work.
2005/6 We went with my gf and a friend of hers to a cousins house party. With my gf sitting at the end of the bed talking to someone, in some sort of reveng for her cheating on my I was getting off with her mate, literaly right behind her back. It got abit further than that but we stopped as my gf left the room as i thought she had noticed, but i later found out she hadnt.

2006. I find out my gf has been seing another one of my friends. Both this guy and the last were my best friends. This time when i found out (I was on her msn and he started talking to me. She had only met him once about a year ago with me) i told her to fuck off and told her about what happend with her mate and she had the cheek to scream at me, calling me a cheat ect. Anyway, i turned off my phone. SHe came up to uni and after alot of shouting and stuff i stupidly got back with her, although it was more just seeing her again. A few months later I went to a mates 21st and got frindly with a girl he knew. I went to a bbq and got together with this girl, and saw her for a little while, although we never had sex. This girl exacly knew the situation with my gf. My gf found out there was someone else and after alot of shouting i shose my gf and told this girl that i was back with my gf. She was upset but understood as i had told her it might happen.
Bought my fiesta si.
This was all before my uni exams again
A few weeks later I find out shes pregnant again. She has another abortion but the nurse is a bitch and puts her through a huge guilt trip. A few weeks later my gf is in alot of pain and we had to get an ambulance to hospital. She had a blood clot which was moved by the abortion, so without the abortion she would never have known and would have lost the baby and probibly her own life.

This hit me alot harder than i thought it would, and still upsets me with the whole what if she kept it thing, its alot more difficult than i thought.

Over the summer I did loadsa work to my car, even though i had no idea what i was doing! Was fun!

My last year at uni and it sucks. My friends chose a different pathway to me so i have lectures with basicly a buch on dicks, and sit by myself most lectures as theyr all up thier own arse. My car gets broken into again with all my tools taken.

Now, im just about to do my uni ecams but bacause of stress ect I left a majour proect till very late, only handed it in today, 3 weeks late. I have my finals in 2 weeks and have yet to do any revision. Since getting totaly stressed out with stuff I have put on over six, yes SIX stone and have lost all my self confidence. I havent applied for any jobs yet as i dont think im going to get very good grades and dont feel confident going to an interview looking like i do. Im still with my gf and things are really good between us now.

So yeh, thats about it really! Soz i wrote so much, and i know it hasnt been as hard a life as many of you, but thanks for letting me put it out there!

*EDIT*

My gf has been I'll quite recently and she's been having tests ect and after comming back from the doctors yesterday told me that the doctors have said that she is unlikely to be able to have kids

rapidcossie

Good thread!

Makes me realise how lucky I have been over the years.

Im pretty selfish and have been able to please myself mostly and apart from spending too much money on cars I have no real regrets.

I would have liked a degree in something but in all honestly Im too lazy.

Im happy with my life and I try not to take things too seriously.

Too many people get FAR to worked up about things that aint really important.

I get on with most folks and make friends easily, long may that continue

Homer.

Some really deep stuff in here just spent the last hour and a half reading though it all some very emotional stories make my life seem so simple,

Lived at the same house all my life (20), solid family that never argues and are very supportive of anything i do, coasted though school never got great grades but never struggled, never had a serious girlfriend, never lost any friends, gran died a few years back of old age she was well in to her 80's and had a good life hurt like hell at the time I can still remember the phone call and hearing my mum crying in the back ground never seen or heard her cry before then was a real shock but I can look now and see she had the best of it and lived a good life.

21 in 2 months in a full time IT job boring and low paying but can be taken further with more knowledge and more experience. Hit a bit of a cross roads now ether stay here do the normal 9-5 try and find a nice girl and continue being normal or take all my savings sell the car and everything else I have grab the camera and big back pack of clothes and leave here for good one way ticket to the furthest possible place on the map and travel the world and slowly work my way home over the next year or more.

Well done to every one thats replied some very moving storys .

jumpin jack crash

right my turn i guess... lol

born july 1982

86 sister was born

87 second sister was born but died few days later (just glad i was only young)

92 was at elland rd (and ran onto pitch) after leeds won the last 1st division title. great day

96 started playing for man city under 15's side and managed to get myself backstage at a certain oasis gig at maine rd through a family connection to the gallaghers (mum worked in mcvities with their mum) best gig ive ever been too and was in awe of being so close to so many idols

97 done my knee ligaments which ended up in me being released by city

98 moved to london, started playing footy again and had a few clubs interested. but ended up gettin a job and started racing downhill with a few mates.

2000 turned 18. got into drink and all the rest of it. the party years had begun

2002 went to ibiza with some mates had an awesome time. opened my eyes up to a lot of things.

2003 went kavos with the boys. not the best holiday but made my mind up to change a few things. come back within 3 days had quit my job of 5 years and was on the lookout for a new career.

2005 been temping for 2 years, got my fork truck license and started working full time for united airlines. my grandad passed away at this point with cancer which was sad for us all and made me realise how little time we have left on this earth

2006 changed job again and well happy with my decision.

2007 bought the GTi soon after new yr and been well happy with it so far. altho it could be a little quicker. got back in touch with the now gf and very happy with life at this point. long may it continue

rocky_robin

Well, after reading all of your stories, I feel that I’m VERY lucky, but glad that your getting through it with a fight and getting better day by day. 



Born in 1980

1983 little sister was born. (My Brother and older sister was born before me)

1984 started nursery where I met my first friend.

1985 start skool and gained good friends. Also started swimming lessons and loved it!

1987 told my mum that I didn’t want anymore swimming lessons because I was scared that Jaws was going to accidentally released in to the water from his cage and bite my legs off!

1989, as my dad was a near professional football player (he chose to go offshore as it was more money at the time!), I joined the local boys football club. Was ok, but never really liked it.
1990, decided to join the local swimming club alongside the football
1991 started wearing glasses  Gave the football the boot and kept with my swimming.

1992, went to an academy 12miles from home, which my mum and dad wanted me to go to, which ment loosing my friends from primary skool who all went to the local one. Got bullied by a few lads, then by 4th year it was down to 1 particular lad. He’s currently a looser which I’m so happy about! LOL!

Over the years chopped and changed friends, but by 6th year, was good m8’s with a few lads and lassies!  
1993 – Parents split and followed on with MANY bitter arguments. Things are still VERY VERY bitter to this day.  

Over the years, I improved my swimming so much that I took part in National competitions. I was training nearly every day with some twice a day. I still believe to this day, that is what made me so strong towards peoples ignorance towards being fat and lazy. Stop complaining about being fat and lazy and get off yer backside and work it off. Apologies, but I’m someone who can’t be idle for 2 minutes. There’s more to life than TV and Playstations.

Past test at 17, but had no money nor car, but had good friends that was lucky enough to be given cars, so they got me into the car scene.

1998, rebuilt my Fiesta XR2 so I could drive it to uni.

Uni between 1998 and 2002, where again met all new friends. Gave up the swimming as I was a bit skunnered with it.

I drove about the local car cruise nearly every night and made great friends. Got up to all things bright and beautiful.

Was single for most of my life, apart from on-off relationships. I was never a loud person to attract female attension, but got them with my happy charm. 

2001 Bought a minted RS1600i rolling shell and build it back up with my rotter 16i.

2002 - Although I wasn’t wanting a relationship during my uni, cause I wanted my full attention on the course, I came across a website on a back of a Pug 306 ‘www.peugeot-gti.co.uk’ So on I went on Monday morning and put a post up saying Hello to all Scottish people, so see if there was any locals on there. Although I didn’t have a Pug, I still liked them.
Anyhoo, got chatting to a few people on this one thread, then one day the mods told us to stop chatting about NON-car related things!!! (This is when forums were few and far between).
I had chatted to one peticular girl, whom I thought she sounds nice, so I emailed her directly. Although she was taken aback, she replied. This went on for a few weeks until I bit the bullet and passed my number over. She txted my back and we agreed to meet on a blind date!!
History was made, so to speak after that date.

Got my degree and got an immediate job, where I am to this day, having been promoted and soon to become a Chartered Engineer by Aug. 

2003 – bought my 150K miles Fiesta van for Ł40

2004 bought our first house.

2005, bought my first 3dr cossie at a local RSOC show. Thankfully I got in there before the others asked the seller! Phew!
Grunny (as we called her) died with lung cancer, after MANY years of smoking.

2006 bought our 2nd and hopefully last home in the country and currently restoring it.

2007 - We’re getting married in Aug and hoping to move in just before or just after the wedding.

I certainly couldn’t be happier with the missus (of which we RARELY argue), our country home and my collection of 4 Fordies! 

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

BTTT

xr-stu

just read through my post again and im on the verge of tears...

zetecapri

This thread is great, cant explain it but itz good to read and see what other peoples experiences are

So here goes.

Born 7/7/1989

was pretty quiet at school blah blah but did well all the time at primary school, good little boy

secondary school, soon got to know people made loads of friends easily, never had much with the girls while i was at school, and i suppose you could say i got bullied a little, mainly cause i tried to not get in trouble, as i could never bring trouble back to my parents, dunno what id do if i did, however at the age of around 15-17 i was getting into drugs etc, nothing stupid, depending on your point of view, ecstacy, weed, tried cocaine etc, and out of school i was a right antisocial shite, drove without a license, and this point i was having girls all over the place haha, nout going for me, did well at school but didnt have a clue what i wanted to do got an NVQ in it but when i got my first job in it, i hated it, so i took the "easy route" went to work on cars, tried to get an apprenticeship but nobody wanted to know, straight out of school etc, so i went to college

I always liked cars but never relly understood anything, i had a white escort and chavified it. Anyway as i started to understand them more i really got into it, and had always liekd old fords. I passed my college course and started looking into an apprenticeship again.

At this point i was stll a shithead, 17 years old. But things were happening, i started realising what i was doing. My familoy always said they were proud of me but the stuff i did, theyd be heartbroken i think if they found out, what i did, so it was time to turn around.

I got a job working for Lexus as an apprentice technician. I fobbed off all my old "friends" who i used to be in with, and made new ones, i stopped all the "bad stuff" and got serious.

Not much happened now, ive lost a few people who meant a lot to me over the few years, most recently being my nan, she brought me up, and was so proud of me and i loved her, she was like a second mum. I was away at the time on a course from work, got home, and found out the bad news, i was in shock for ages, and still think about her all the time, it was almost a year ago now.

So now i started buying cars for projects, i had a white escort to begin with, which i turned around from the wanker lights etc, and did a rs2000 kit on it, and swapped the engine etc, started learning. Then I got a red mk4 xr3i, did a turbo rep on this, wish i didnt now but oh well, and now ive got the capri. Im level 2 qualified now and going for my level 3 this year, wait a while then hopefully go for my MOT license. I have no plans of moving out yet, but when I have all my qualifications, i wanna start a little business, buying selling cars, repairs etc. Im already saving up money in a savings account, so in lets say 2/3 years time, i should have a nice little wad of cash to get going

People who know me irl, would never guess what i used to be like, and people who used to know me, are shocked how much ive changed. I can honestly say im like a different person now, and im proud of it.


Also one of the things that made me change so much, i started noticing things, some people say its stupid, but almsot every day, something happens that strengthens my beleife, in karma, kharma carma (i beleive in it but dont know how to spell it)

for everything bad i do i seem to get something bad happen in return

for everything good i do i get something good in return, kinda like fate. Like if something goes wrong etc im like "thats cause of........" and vice versa

BlueSmoke

Wow, what a fantastic post Stu, I have only read yours so far and thought I'd do mine then read others. Sorry if this is a little long!

One of my earliest memories is of being a toddler and falling off the gate and landing on my head on the pavement. It probably explains a lot!

I'm quite useless at thinking ont he spot and pinpointing dates but I will try where I can.

Born March 11. 1982.

As a young kid at primary school I lived on a very very poor estate. Although it was nothing like how these estates are nowadays, but that's another story.... I didn't have many friends around there and frankly I didn't want to have. Most of them turned into druggies, dealers, burglars and car thieves.

Used to have a lot of scraps at school and was in trouble now and then because of it, but usually it was a case of being started on by these idiots. I'm quite a firm believer in never throwing a punch unless you have to, and as a result meant fights usually started with me being hit!

In primary school I met my childhood best mate. He was a new kid ont he first day, had a right attitude and we ended up fighting! We got sent to the head's office and I remember being sat in the corridor outside, we started laughing and joking abou tthe headteacher and it was a friendship that was to go on until some time in high school. He was called Andrew Wilkinson.

I remember on the estate I lived on, had some pretty grim experiences. I remember I was once cornered in a playground at around 13. It was ringed with a fence and so was ideal for trapping people I guess. A BIG group of kids came down, and the older ones forced me to let the younger kids hit me because if I did anything back the older, bigger kids laid into me.

All because I wouldn;t walk their line and do their thing. I think that is a pretty big big up to my mum for raising me with decent values and helping me steer clear of the wankers. Can't have been easy as a single mother.

I used to have people start with me all the time just minding my own business walking down the street or riding my bike etc.

At the age of 11ish we moved away from here for a year or so before coming back as the place we went was even worse!! We went to John O' Gaunts in Rothwell, which is not far from Wakefield. At the top of the street was an old slag heap where people would ride bikes and quads etc. And there was also some wasteland etc where the river was and things. Good place to go for a walk etc. Well, in normal circumstances......

I went walking up there one day with the kid who lived next door that was a bit older than me, and I dunno if the other guy was his uncle or what but he was older than him and he came with us.

I'm a little dodgy on heights and I'll never forget the moment this c**t hoisted me up and held me out over the side of a bridge over the river. I was screaming like crazy and I really thought he was going to drop me into the water. I've probably never been so scared in all my life. He thought it was funny afterwards to laugh about how scared I was. What a big man eh?

I actually never told anybody about that. It wasn't that I was scared of him but I suppose I was kind of in shock after the event and then just never found a decent time to mention it to my mother.

School over there was interesting too. I again struggled to be accepted by everybody, something that I guess has plagued my life and I have found in many situations, even with folks on here and the big nights out etc. Maybe this is my problem or maybe there is something about me that rubs people up the wrong way unintentionally and if I've ever pissed anybody on here off at any nights out or anything I am truly sorry and really did not mean to.

Anyway, I digress. This guy at school must have been the one charged with the task of giving me a pasting. However I ended up kicking the fuck out of him and busting all his mouth up. His teeth went through his lip. It served him right, I was only fighting back because I was attacked. But then I was painted as the bad guy. Which was nice.

Anyway we moved back and to be honest I was glad to be back to something I knew, even if it was a shithole.

As a kid I used to go and stay at my dad's at the weekend. My dad had a partner and she had three kids of her own. 2 of them were proper toe rags. Broke into my dad's cupboard and stole his tools etc. She was an alcoholic who used to send the kids to the shop to get her beer and cigs, and the other one, Chris, who was the eldest of her kids, was alright but a bit simple.

I don't have anything to do with them apart from Chris as he always wanted to be part of our family rather than his own. He even changed his surname by deed poll.

On my dad's side I have 3 half sisters and a half brother. My brother came from my dad's partner I speak of above and is the only decent thing she was ever a part of.

it was around this time, (me being 12 or 13) that my sister (the eldest one) got married to a complete cock who helped her develop a heroin addiction. This was to go on for around ten years and absolutely destroyed me. Watching a loved one become a different person through drugs is so so hard. She went from being with a bloke where they had a few electrical shops and a posh restauarant to being a smack head with nothing, in and out of prison on shop lifting charges to pay for her habit. I went to visit her once and it was awful. I never told my mum about any of it as I didn't want her stopping me going to see my dad because of it.

A few years later and my childhood friend Andrew moved from his high school to mine. He got real interested in the army and joined the cadets. We eventually lost touch when he moved to live with his dad, back in the days before mobile phones. I miss that fucker and would love to find him again at some point.....

I hated high school and was so glad when it was over. I went to college for a bit and at around 17 started seeing this girl I met at the bus stop who used to listen to my fave band everyday. That was Melanie and she was my first love. We ended up being together two and a half years and living together.

College didn't go well as I messed about too much and didn't do my work. I ended up quitting and got a job working in a nightclub.

Melanie got run over as a child and it was quite serious. She sustained brain damage and it had made it so that while she was fine now, her speech sometimes was a little slurred. She had no confidence going for jobs because of this and was just working part time. I worked full time and supported us for the most part. This is when, at the age of 18, my long history of being skint started

My relationship with Melanie became hard work. We argued every day, in part because I knew she got off with other blokes on nights out etc and I ended up finding out she had been fucking someone else in our home. I threw her out and had the big argument int he street with her mum LOL. She was a right daft bint. Always thought she knew best. I wouldn;t mind but I hadn't done anything wrong.

I found it a real struggle to run the flat on my own and ended up in shit with credit cards, loans etc which I am still feeling effects from now. I ended up moving out but I decided to go live with my dad.

When I was 13ish my mum met a guy and we ended up all living together. This was hard for me as it had always been just me and my mum and it took real time to adjust. They are still together to this day though and he's a sound bloke. I'm glad me being difficult as a child didn't ruin it for them.

BlueSmoke

As a result I felt that I should move to my dad's when I left the flat. Partly because I
wanted to try living with him properly as I never had, and partly because I didn't want to go back and intrude on the life my mum now had, where she had her own time to do her own thing.

Living at my dad's had its ups and downs. I enjoyed being there and feeling a proper part of that side of the family most of the time, but my dad used to drink a hell of a lot over the weekends and it would often result in him coming home and kicking off with me. We argued, we had fights, he told people I tried throwing him down the stairs which I didn't, but he may have believed it since he was so pissed at the time! When we argued while he was drunk though he would be real nasty and say things like I wasn't a real part of the family etc and it used to really hurt me, even make me cry to be honest.

While I was there I met Nikki, and we went out for about 10 months. She was a nice girl from Tadcaster and she fitted right in. We used to go down the rugby club on a Sunday and get pissed up and she'd get on great with my sis and my niece etc and it was fantastic. I think that was probably the last time I was truly 100% happy with a girl. She used to nick my Real Madrid shirt and wear it to the club lol.

Unfortunately while living at my dad's my drug addicted sister came to live there too. And she was really difficult to live with. She would do things and blame it on me all the time and I got in shit for it. It was real hard to watch. I used to walk into a room and she'd shit it and try and hide her foil away real quick, even though she knew that I knew exactly what was going on. I really believed that she would eventually die because of the drugs. And all the time she was locked up my niece was passed around between different members of the family. It was pretty grim.

On a positive note we got a new dog and he was a German Shepherd called Sam. He was so funny and I loved that little fucker! It's bringing a tear to my eye now reminiscing about him. He only lived to about two and a half. He had something wrong with his insides and was put to sleep. I miss him dearly and wish we'd had more time with him. I always loved dogs as my dad always had them, but my mum wouldn't entertain having one so I always felt I'd missed out as a kid. Having Sam was great. He used to go absolutely nuts at the sight of a ball. I used to get a basket ball and start bouncing it off the wall. Instantly, he'd be there, tongue hanging out, ears pricked up, itching to play! I'd keep bouncing the ball and he's start whimpering lol and then I'd get it down in the corner of the room and start bouncing it off the floor.

Sammy would try and get round me to get to the ball but I'd hald him off with my hand and he'd go absolutely nuts!

My dad used to walk him morning and night on the park opposite the house so he got plenty of exercise but now and then I would take him on a proper long walk, a good 5 - 7 miles on a dirt road through woods wand wasteland and he loved it. He'd be totally knackered when we got back but he had a good day out

I do miss him so much.....

While living at my dad's I decided to sort myself out, and in 2002 I went to college and spent two years there getting two grade B's in an IT qualification equivalent to two A-Levels. I should have had A's really but only attended about half the classes!

From here I went to Uni in 2004 and shortly after going me and Nikki broke up. She was the only one driving and it was just hard seeing each other. There were already small cracks appearing and I guess this just finished it off.

While I was here my french friend Lalia came back over. I had met her before Nikki while
living at my Dad's. We got on great and I really liked her. I never managed to get with her but before she came back in 04 she had made out like something was going to happen between us.

Then she got back and we spent a lot of time together. She ended up staying with me as the guy she was originally staying with turned out to be a real weirdo. But that's a whole other story.

It was going fine but I was starting to wonder what was really going on and then after arguing with her and storming out of a pub, I went back and looked through the window to see her kissing this guy off my course.....

I was already jealous about how much she talked about this guy so I guess I knew what would happen. But this totally devasted me and broke my heart. I was in love witht he girl to be honest. I went in and told her that was an absolute piece of shit for what she'd done to me and stormed off. She stayed at his that night and I dunno if anything went on or not but I just didn't care at the time.

Nest day she came by for her stuff before going back home. It took a long time but I eventually started talking with her again. Right or wrong, I don't know. But I felt humiliated and couldn't go back to Uni. I dropped out in the end and I regret it more than anything else I've ever done but I missed so much because I couldn't face going back and sitting in the same room as this guy (knowing I would wanna smash him up) that I had no real option.

From there I got real depressed and hit rock bottom. I never left the house other than to go to the off license to get booze. then one day I dunno.... I just got out of bed and picked up a beer. And after that I picked up another beer. Then another, then another.... and I drank myself stupid during the entire day. That evening I lined up a load of paracetemols in front of me and thought fuck it, I'm done with this shit but one of my housemate's came in and took them off me. I was hammered and I dunno if I would have done it or not but the thought was there..... I think after that I decided I had to pick myself up and put myself back together. It will sound stupid to some, getting like that over a girl I wasn't even going out with and maybe it's pathetic, I don't know. I just know I felt pretty fucked up at the time.

Shortly after that I decided to move back home to my mum's.

Around June 06 I moved in with a long time best friend, Hannah. It was nice living there and I like dthe area a lot. But in the end I found i just couldn't afford it and had to move back home. Me and Hannah fell out as well. That was around May 07 and we haven't spoken since. We used to be out together every weekend and I do miss her. She had problems though and was hard work at times, but I loved her to bits.

While I was there I went out briefly with an asian girl called Sandi and it was actually the second time we'd been together. The first time being while I was at Uni. We had awesome sex and I loved her loads but she ended up telling me this dude she was friends with was her soul mate and there's only one way things can go when a girl turns round and tells you that.

I still hate the fact that things went that way because she IS the love of my life and she always will be. I'm not sure anyone will ever replace her.....

So here I am, back at my mum's and looking to move out again this year. I'm doing ok career wise, and the money situation's getting better which is always good!

I suppose it's important to remember that things could always be worse when you think it's bad.

The good news though is that my sister is clean and has been for a few years now. She also has a baby son and he's great. The fella she's with is an arse but at least she's ok.

My french friend is also talking about coming back to see me. She's saying she loves me and has realised it's me she should have been with.... But she's missed the boat on that one IMO

My hopes for 2008 really are to get myself either a new job or a better wage out of the one I have now, to give more time to family and friends, and to hopefully find a nice girl that I can share my life with. Because those are the things that are really important.

Here's hoping.

Oh and sorry for the long read probably full of drink induced errors

BigErn

Just read through this and some of you have lead amazing lives, not always good ones.

Heres a bit of my life.

Born 11th of May 1983, parents Elizabeth (Betty) and John and have 2 older sisters, Lyndsey and Estelle. All live together in the same house. My dad was very good friends with two of my uncles on my mothers side, John and Gordon, and invited them to come and live with us also after something happened and left them struggling. We have always been a close family between us and with other relatives.

Dont really remember much of my life, except snippets of family holidays, up until 1st January 1991 when my Uncle Terry was took into hospital around tea time ish after having a heart attack at home. The same night we got a phone call around 10pm to tell us he suffered another heart attack in hospital was revived but shortly after suffered another and died. This was my first experience of death and I dont really remember much about it. I can only remember the funeral vaguely and the only thing that sticks in my mind about it is kissing a rose before throwing it into the grave on his coffin. He was 52.


After that I have no more memories until mid June of the same year when we were at our family caravan and we had to go home as my dad had taken ill. He went to hospital later that night and was diagnosed with double pneumonia. A few days after that my auntie came to pick me up from school which was odd, when I got home I went into the kitchen and saw my mam had been crying and I asked why. Then she told me that my dad had died in hospital at the age of 49, it turns out he had 3 srokes and 4 heart attacks in the space of just over an hour before he could take no more and died. It must be an awful feeling having to tell your 8 year old child that a parent has died. It wasnt the greatest experience to be the child either. Being 8 years old I did not fully understand what had happened and for weeks could not accept it, I kept asking why, which would result in my mother breaking down in tears which would set me off too. I remember now to this day how empty I felt and still do to a certain degree, its an odd feeling inside I get when I think about it.

Later that year in the September my eldest sister, Estelle, got married and it was a good time had by all but still everyone felt someone missing. One of my uncles who gave her away did a substitute father of the bride speech that was amazing. He touched everyone in the room with the things he said about the events that had happened etc and I remember looking round and there was not one single person in the room without at least a tear on their cheek. That still stands out to me to this day.

From then I remember getting on with things and being at school, taking it as it came. Usual school stuff, playground fighting and the like. Playing out down the beach with friends, going to friends houses etc. I used to try and spend as much time at the caravan as possible, always hassling my mam to go whenever we could. Things were pretty much run of the mill for the next couple of years but they were good.

Then another phone call from the hospital to say my nana, dads mam, had been taken in from her care home and died.

After that another of my mothers brothers came along to visit, Arnold, as he had heard of all the deaths recently. It turns out that after a few weeks of being back in contact that he took very ill and my mother made him come to live with us also. He had a muscle wasting disease and was on the verge of death himself. My mother being the fantastic person she is nursed him back to a good state of health and he continiued to live with us.

A year later Lyndsey, my other sister, got married in the May. Then not long after that we found out she was expecting her first child.

School was pretty good until the last couple of years when I lost all interest. I knew when I left that I wanted to be in the motor trade as a mechanic. All things considered and after not putting any effort into the final 2 years of school I think I did pretty well to come out with the GCSE's I did. 2 B's, 5 C's and 3 D's.

On leaving school I started work as a YT in a garage. I had done a lot of work on cars over the years so was happy to be doing it in a garage. My first head gasket change was on a Renault 5 GT Turbo at the age of 15 which I did by myself. With the garage being on the other side of town it meant being up at 6:30 in the morning to catch buses to be there for an 8:30 start, the owner had recently taken over had his lads staying back till late on a night for good overtime, I was also included in this without the overtime. Most nights we would finish at 10pm and I would have to spend over an hour on buses to get home then do it all again the next day. Needless to say it didnt last long before Id had enough, a little over 3 weeks.

After that experience it put me off the trade and I went to do a YT course in brickwork and I really fancied the idea of being a builder. That was going pretty well until around 2 month before I was qualified, I broke my collar bone in a bike accident. At the time the sickness policy was no more than 3 weeks or you automatically got finished. Well that just pissed on my chips and I was in the huff for 12 weeks with my arm in a sling.

I spent a year or so on the dole after that, I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life after that so just became a bum. My mother eventually got sick of me and made me go out and get a job, which I did. I started contract valeting, which I enjoyed, and stuck at that for 3 years being moved around various garages in and getting to experience all makes and models of cars and drive some nice ones. The likes of M3 CSL's, Aston Martins and Ferrari's are a few of the things Ive had the pleasure to work on. I passed my test in 2001 and bought an ex police Cavalier SRi. During this time I was doing door work too and loving it.

In March 2003 my uncle Gordon was took into hospital with chest pains and two days later he died after having two heart attacks.

Then in the November of the same year my uncle Arnold was walking to the club and dropped down dead from a heart attack too.

I then started working at a small Volvo dealership which I enjoyed for a while but it went downhill and I started to hate it.
I bought my first Cossie after a year or so there, my dream come true, as Id wanted one since I was 9.
My final year there was utter shit, the garage was a sinking ship and it was someones fault. Evidently it was mine, everything was my fault or I had something to do with it. Wether it was not selling cars or the workshop not making enough money, I had some part in it somehow. I started to take ill with terrible stomach pains and was off work a lot so was getting warnings for that too. The doctors tried me on this and that but nothing helped and all the while I was gettin shit at work. I was diagnosed as being depressed too in the time the docs were trying to find out what else was wrong with me and had me on all sorts of shit. This was as well as being in and out of hospital on numerous occasions.

I finally flipped after getting hassle one day and went for my manager, four of the lads managed to get hold of me a split second before I got hold of him and tore his lungs out. That was enough for me and I walked out. I took them to a tribunal and I won after a 2 month battle. However I still only went back to work my notice.

I left Volvo and started working for a mate in his bodyshop and Im still there after 6 months and enjoying it so far. I have learned a lot and it was something I always said Id like to try my hand at as Im a bit of a perfectionist once I start doing something.

In October 07 my remaining uncle living with us, John - 82, suffered a heart attack and was in hospital for a couple of weeks but he is doing well again now although he has been told it is only a matter of time now before his heart gives up.

On 22nd December 07 my great aunt Vera died in hospital at the age of 97 after having a stroke and giving up on life. She said she had enough and wanted to die, a few hours later she had passed on.

Thats my story so far, Im 24 and have a lot ahead of me Ive no doubt. There is lots I havent mentioned as I think Ive gone on enough already. I didnt relise till I re read it.

I wish everyone good health and fortune for the future, some of you are true soldiers in the battle of life.

Ian

twoblacklines

Mine:

0-4

Remember nothing but faint glimpses of the Isle Of Man.

5-11
Remember alot, all happy times, great primary school friend memories, etc.

11-now trouble

Well at 11 i was put into a place called Kelly College, a boarding school.

Id been brought up to be a nice person, not to fight, to respect others.

And the other kids loved taking advantage of it, i got hammered daily and nightly by the other kids, because i refused to fight. Especially the asian ones who would come from hong kong and were racist. I can see why people say the koreans are cruel bastards, where the other english kids would stop kicking the shit out of you, the asians would revell in the pain of others.

Then i got taken out, managed to get 7 c's in gcse's even though mentally i was fucked and very close to cracking up.

And since then ive lived my life depressed, put wheight on, done wheights, shagged a few girls but not the life ive wanted.

I also live for the moment financially meaning im always broke and spend Ł300 a nite getting pissed etc.

It teaches you alot, i used to pray to die when i was in that hellhole, soon learning theres no such thing as god, or if there is hes a cruel bastard, which would make alot of sense looking around the world.

Academically it took me 4 years and 2 expulsions for violence to get A levels, and im in my first year at uni on a course i love with people who are generally straightforwardly nice, after wasting 2 years addicted to drugs at another uni.

Ive drifted in and out of the car cruise scene all the time since i was 16 but generally they are full of cliqued up backstabbing cunts.

So now i seem to be getting there, in councilling atm due to a run in with a lecturer who "triggered my defensive mechanism" which means i deal with things by either completely ignoring someone or violently confronting them. Apparently thats common in bullied people, so i need to work out a mid-line way of doing so and ill be sorted!

turbo_boost

Very good thread stu just spent a couple hours reading through it.

Well life started in Feb 89- Was a born to a single mother as my dad was a tosser use to hit my mum etc so my mums family and her thought it was better if she moved back in with her parents. Also at the age of 10 days had a operation to remove a tumor

89-93- Had a great upbringing spoilt child as i was a only child had all my uncles aunties nan and grandad around me all lived a in a house,

93- auntie and uncle moved out they got married etc so was left with me my mum and grand parents.

93- started nursery and primary school and couldnt bare to be away from my mum, by this time started to realise the absence of my dad however nbever really felt it due to him never being in my life.

95-My uncle went to prison he was a big part of my life and i was devestated only got too se him every two weeks and use to cry leaving him etc started spending a lot of time at cousins though everyday after school loved seeing them

97- mum decide to move away from my grand parents a further blow to me as i always had lived with them, thought would be better to be independent. Also met a very good friend of mine who till today is my best friend

99- uncle came out of prison and decided we should all live together, absoloutly enjoyed living together

2001- STarted high schol loved it was on a all time to high living in cloud 9 family life was perfect school life was perfect couldnt wish for more family business took off so had nice cars nice house all luxuries

2002- due to some family problems had to stop seeing the cousins i mentioned before, bought my dog who i love to bits had a awesome summer out with my mates on our bikes etc got my first girlfrend etc but always liked her mate

2002 Dec- was getting set to go to holiday and then my then girlfriend even though it was stupid love at 13 left me i hated it becuase i knew she really liked me even though i was a bit of a prick.

2003- came back to find my x is going otu with someone was gutted as i really liked (looking back sounds crazy) However at this time my school life was really shit decided to distance myself from the whole crowd my x was with etc was really a down time had not friends etc..be alone at lunch etc however thought life was going to get better when she broke with a guy but i didnt get with her she went out with someone else, by this time i thought im crazy for feeling this at 14 so when she went on hollz in june i messed about with as many girls in school as i could and love the attention my life got back to normal.

2004- Started year 10, with no care in the world, the girl i mention before came back and broke up with her bf at the time, (but she never told me she liked me will get back to this later) so anyhow i got with her friend who i mention before that i really liked i though this was the one at 15 i was over the moon we did everything together and she loved me too we were joint at the hip my perfect match school life and home life at this time once again was perfect.

2004/05- started year 11 life was still going perfect, however due to family probs in xmas 04 my uncle moved out becuase of family probs. stopped talking to him at this time however as school life was perfect didnt care plus i had my then gf to take away my worries also had the best birthday bash ever for my sweet 16.

May 2005 finished high school thsi was a real low point as i loved school and felt really lost without it at this time my then gf told me she was going to move out the country after a year and a half together this coupled with high school ending set me on a reall down i turned to going out a lot clubbing smoking etc just not into alchol or drugs

Sept 05- did get good grades for my gcse however not good enough to go to the college i wanted to so ended up at a bit of a doss of college decided to stop the going otu smoking etc so left that circle of friends hated college use to bunk a lot just to sit at home on the internet just kept myself to myself

Dec 05- got a really bad chest infection which kept me in bed for 1/2 months got really week etc plus no motivation to live let it get the better of me.

Feb-06 turned 17 and was bought a rather flash car for my first car say 20k worths a nice mercedes did it up before my lisence full amg I.c.e etc

March 06- passed my driving test was driving everywhere again tried to make my life better my x who had mvoed out the country cameback and said it had been as hard for her as it was for me staying apart however there couldnt be a proper future for us i actually understood this though. This time in my life was ok

Summer 06 was fun went to loads of car meets traxs santa pod etc then sold my car in august and bought a even more expensive one a nice flash Clk convertible. also at this time i had failed my a levels due to missing a lot of coll and genral cant be asked attitude.

September 06- went back to coll to re do my a levels. Decided to get some quals'. Also at this time met the girl who i mention before the one who i went out with at 13 came back into my life i had lost contact with her for a year since leaving high school. just met her again started talking after a month we got together this motivated me further to get my studies done.

March 07- life was going great was still with the my girl that im with know, however had to move out of my house where i spent my teenage years bought a bigger house but hate the location of it prefer my olf neighbourhood.

august 07- passed my as levels and know doing my second year of coll

Feb 08- got offers from a lot of uni's so the future looks bright im determined to study and make something of my life. Also at the age of 18 i have proposed to my high schooll sweet heart and its the best thing i have ever done(passing my driving test comes close)

Future- hoping to marry my gf in a few years after completing uni at 22 however this will be difficult with her parenst etcbut ahh well. Also after my degree is complete going to do a internship with a charted accountacy firm to hopefully become a qualified chartered accountant by that age of 26 then its loadsa money and loadsa kids

One thing i realised typing this to other people my life has always been perfect rich kid with no worries even my gf before i opened upto her thought my life was perfect she said "i never imagined your life wsa this complicated it looks so perfect from other peoples views" However whatever it was i cant change the past but can shape the future so hopefully i become really succesfull il comment back on what my life looks like in a few years.

Stu- your story is amzing and if i ever meet you il buy you a pint for posting such a great thread

p.s sorry for blabing on i feel relieved at 19 i have rtten much more than people double my age i know some of it looking at it now is stupid but at the time was really important
Throughout my life one person who has always been there is my grandad to be honest wouldnt knwo where i would be without him

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

Some really great stories here... some sad ones too.

Its good to read how people became who they are today.

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

BigErn

This is a really good thread Stu, there is a lot to read on here but it is nice to know that you are not alone in the struggle of life. I have read it all again and feel very emotional. You are all true fighters, I wish you all the best for the future years.

Diamonds.

iTrader: (2)

Born 1981 (great year lol) 00:15am 24th April....held on for 15mins. would of loved to have been born on St George's Day but my old man said about me being called George....fuck that lol

81-84 lived not too far from Heathrow with my mum and dad (weren't married but she changed her last name to his...muppet). Dad was a Sales Executive used to work a lot in Saudi. One day he came back and was married to some other women....nice! She had a shit load of cash due to her ex husband dying in "accident" in the desert not long before my dad got married to her My dad then shafted my mum over the property we lived in and we moved back into the family home which my grandad lived in.

1985 Found out my grandad had lung cancer and had half his lung removed and slowly deteriorated till when he died in June, two days after my great nan died too.

1986 got back in contact with my dad. was having a custody battle with my mum. He start picking me up at weekends in his brand new Lotus Esprit..loved it but scared the shit out me felt like it went 1000mph lol. He then bought another. One in red and one in a silvery blue. The day the person from Social Services (i think) came around to see me at my dads house, i was told by my mum to just say you wanna go home. But the cheeky fucker invited all my favourite cousins and had a party and gave me money and a new bike etc...At 5yrs old and given all that how you supposed to say you hate it and wanna go home.

1987 - 1991 pretty good time used to see my nan every holiday (mum's mum) in Brighton where she lived with her well newish fella has been with him a good few years before i was born. loved every minute. was doing well at school, just typical kid really.

1992: - Mum started seeing a bloke from across the road (we still living at my grandads house) was her best mates fella. They had split about a year before. Her mate said what a twat he was etc etc etc. Mum started chatting to him and they got together (nothing like what her mate said about him) Seemed a nice bloke was jealous my mum was with a bloke as i was the only male in my mums life since my dad if you know what i mean. Started secondary school.

1993: - My nan's (mum's mum) husband died. He walked to the shop to post a letter. On the way back he had a heart attack 2 houses from my nans and died on the street. The neighbour bullshitted my nan and said he spoke and said "i cant say what he said to you" BITCH and then admitted she lied CUNT!! My step-dad as it now become (fella across the road) still had his house and one night i decided to clean his house up. He had two dogs and used to put a pillow up on the window on the stairs to stop them barking. I moved the pillow onto the stairs to clean the window and went to get more cleaner. He then ran down the stairs to answer the phone and slipped on the pillow and smashed his thigh on the edge of every step. His leg ballooned up and was on crutches for a good few months. Dec 1994 he had a biopsy on it as it stayed a lump and it was reviled it had become a tumour due to yours truly being a cock and putting things on the stairs. He had the tumour removed but they removed some nerves and a bit of the muscle to. (to this day he has a big dent in his leg and still in pain and some of it is numb)

1994:- Nan got ill with something serious to do with the stomach. People were being a bit hush hush and being young and naive not knowing what was going on fully. Late 94' found out she had Cancer. But she had beaten it so far. I started suffering panic attacks nothing major just felt tight chested/couldn't breath but could still do everything i wanted to.

1995: - Nans Cancer came back but she still fought it well. She was in a hospice but we used to see her every other weekend (in the mk2 escort all the way to Brighton) i used to go off to the Pier with my step-dad and mum had time with her. Then the last week of June came. I was at school talking crap as you do to your mates and it got on the subject of dead people. i said I've never seen a dead person.....2hrs later i was in Brighton and i did.....it was my nan! and typical enough the mk2 broke down on the way back lol (fucking fords lol) Later that year i got panic attacks again not too bad but still pain in the arse.

1996-1997 Not much happened with me. Passed all my GCSE's decided if i stayed at school i wouldn't work hard i would bum it so i left to get some work. Joined my work experience placement for the "summer" i stayed with my boss for 8yrs lol in 2 totally different jobs with him. I met 2 particular people that year one was person called Gary and a fella called Matt (GUZZLER)both mad fuckers but both sound.

1998: - started getting some shit off my step-dad used to walk in to work with a few cuts and bruises on my face from him. used to take it and not stick up for myself till Gary & Matt (GUZZLER) said they would sort things out for me (which to this day still means a lot to me. a real lot!) But i decided to get my own back and said to him if "you touch me again i will walk into your room and i will slit your throat while you sleep")...... from that day we become real close lol. in fact i have a lot of respect for him now. i respect him as my dad but i can treat him as a mate too as he is 15yrs younger than my mum and about 16yrs older than me. (dirty bint fair play lol)

1999: - hmmm started smoking, got into drugs not major but few too many different ones to say thats not good. spent most my wages on drink or drugs. met a girl and went on holiday with her and guess what got my panic attack back again lol. they lasted for 6months. i gave up smoking, drink and drugs...seemed to have sorted that problem...so i thought.

2000-2003 hmm was just enjoying life as much as i could. work was going ok got promoted to a new business venture, was shagging anything female that had a pulse, went to Ibiza with a new lot of mates, then met a girl who i fell in love with till she seriously broke my heart..as they do. my best mate Gary then moved to Australia with his g/f (lucky bastard lol) which i was gutted about as he was my mate i had a lot in common with and we shared everything with. I also had worked with him since i was 15.

2004: - Great year!!!! I went back to Ibiza with some mates then to Australia to be best man for Gary's wedding. great honour and that place....wow love it!!! I met up with Matt (GUZZLER) and his lovely missus Lorraine (SassyRS) who i did see before through work..as she was the moany bitch that lived by one of my boss's properties lol (im joking ) I saw these 2 great ERST and loved them. mainly the black one to start with lol. i later found out that they were owned by Matt and we got talking and we come to a awesome deal which again i have the up most respect for what he done for me considering we not spoke for nearly 4/5yrs and i later came away with the minty white ERST (which i still got) I was also very proud to have paid it off with money i earned not borrowed and it was mine 100%

2005: - My boss was debating whether to retire or not. which at that point would leave me up shit creak. i had a very cushty job, great money and well its what i been used to since school. met many people from Passionford. a lot i call friends. met a girl off the board too. i started getting problems with my stomach which later turned out to be Cancer. i kept it quiet from family, g/f and mates for a good few months till i couldn't keep it in anymore. again the panic attacks started kicking in too which really didnt help. after my operation and radiotherapy i managed to get through it. i appreciate everyone that helped me through that shit disease and they know who they are that includes the people whether we get on now or not. i thank you!

2006: - Got the all clear for then with the big C!! Met Jade from a PF meet and we started off as friends till it developed from that. many people looked down on us two for a long time and fair enough i can see it now eyes wide open and why not i would of thought the same being on the other side of the fence. we took a lot of shit..but over 2yrs later were still going very strong and silenced a lot of people over it. This year my panic attacks continued from the year before but got worse and worse like ive never had before. I ended up losing my job due to my boss retiring finally but gave me "Ł5k" to start my own business sadly i never saw that money fully and i was shafted from that start. i would go weeks without a profit to live on or i will have a great week which covered the week i didnt have any money. finally i realised i couldn't do it. i was up shit Creek big time. i no longer respected myself or what i was doing in my job. so i quit! i got a job as a Sales Executive for a company part of Airbus and it was fucking awesome..........BUT the panic attacks were getting worse and worse and i no longer could take em and they beat me finally making me a prisoner in my own home....

2006/07-NOW:- Well.... the best thing is im still with Jade worse thing is im not the Rob i used to be. I now suffer from Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks still some times good days....some times bad that i cant leave my bed. I hate not working it gets me down Big time. I miss my mates, i miss driving my car, i miss going to my local town for a few beers. i've not done that since 2006!! Being a prisoner in your own home is hell. i cant tell you how it feels and how low you get with it some will know what i mean but most wont. its not as easy as you think it is. most of the time i dont want to speak to people cause it gets you that low. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! today i have done the most progress ive done in a long time and by myself. Next week im looking forward to seeing Matt/Lorraine and a few others too. which will be cool. i miss a seeing a lot i have missed of here and the meets and shows. I have given up smoking since October 2007 and i dont intend to go back. i cant say how much of how easy it is to give up if you can do a week or 2. if i can do it any of you wanting to give up can. seriously give it up its a waste of money, your health and you smell soooo much better lol.
One thing i have been putting off recently and shitting myself over is i have to do a blood test which ive put off the past week or so cause im just worried about it again that a few years back will kick in again. The things with Al passing on has made me think about a good few things this past week. some positive things yet a lot of scary things too. I also have started thinking about my future more. i now cant be fucked to argue on the net or take things to heart. people dont like my opinion i dont care really that's what makes us human. some people mainly the regulars and mod/admin might have noticed ive changed a bit too with things. Also after doing fuck all for a few years my wieght went up to 18st 8. i used to weigh 14st. BUT again the past 2 weeks i started my diet of cutting out shit and ive lost a stone so im well chuffed with it even though im still a fat fuck lol but not bad for no exercise really and not getting out the house much.

end of the day life IS too short. im 27 next month...where the fuck did all of the above go..way to quick. dont fuck around people do what you wanna do before it passes you by.

tgevans2002

Quite a sad thread,nice to see some happy endings.

Bit of an essay this is going to be.

My life is not too good, but im just taking each day as it comes.

1986 - 2002, aged 16 years old, left school and took all my exams as normal, was always the quiet isolated one of the class, didnt really get bullied at school, just how ive always been since i was a kid.

My parents divorced when i was 3 years old, and my mum has been with another fella since, and still is with him to this day.

He beat me up from when i was about 14 up until 17/18, would regularly make my life hell and cause friction between me and my family, i gave as good as i could get and it all stopped when me and three friends beat him senseless on new years eve 2003 after that he never laid a finger on me again, he still speaks out of turn to me and one day ill put my knee in his face again just to remind him where he stands.

Cause' of what i went through with him, and me being a quiet person, i had lost most of my self confidence, was shy and easily intimidated, ment i didn't get on with people let alone strangers, quit college and my job, and sat at home, i carried on regularly quitting jobs and chances in my life, i could have been a fully qualfied mechanic, but i cocked it all up.

In July of 2004, fathers day, i took all my anti depressants and some other stuff as well as a lethal cocktail of alcohol and ended up in the local hospital for a week in a critical care unit.

In Summer 2005 i met a long lost female friend, who was pregnant and we got on well, she had the kid and i stood by her, but never put my hand in my own pocket for her, 5 months after having the first one, she fell pregnant with my child, who is now 16 months old and is a healthy little happy girl. I got us a house together and did everything i could to give her and 2 beautiful little girls a happy home, but 2 weeks later she moved back to her mothers.

I was homeless for around 3 weeks and slept in my car as because she moved out, no council is going to let a single employed young male live alone in a 3 bedroom council property, i moved into a bedsit, and at this point i had managed to hold a job down for 8 months, i then lost it for being racist and generally speaking my mind when i shouldnt have,all fueled by mainly my ex and the amount of grief i was getting and her using the kid as a ' weapon ' in her war against me, if she couldnt get what she wanted, i didnt see my kid, end of, I claimed housing benefit and job seekers allowance and spent the next 5 months getting pissed and stoned, would drink bottles of brandy like they were water, at 6 in the morning or 6 at night, put myself in hospital 3 times in 2 months because of it.

In July 2006 i moved out of my hometown, after my ex decided she would sleep with one of the housemates i shared the accomodation with, had 3 of my cars either torched, smashed up and or generally vandalised beyond any point of repair, she rang the police and told them one of the guys had drugs in the house, and i got the blame for it, and got the beating of my life one night i returned home.

I went and lived with my Father, some 120 miles away, new start, new friends i thought.

Got a well paid job, bought a nice car, but didnt get on with the guys i worked with as they were all more experienced at me and just generally didnt like my father as he worked for the same company as all of us, my father had a higher, easier well paid role in the job, were basically the rest of us were monkeys, soon got pissed off with the attitude and that towards me and my experience, and just as it happened, in October 2007 my grandmother (mums mum) who my mums side of the family, me etc dearly loved and were very close to passed away, was a very sad time, i quit my job that morning after nearly causing a brawl in the dorm room we were sharing where we were working on an Army base in Kent ( woke up to a phonecall of my mums, nans died , cue me going off my nut, crying and smashing up my section of the room )

Drove back to my hometown, where i stayed with my mum to be with her and comfort her, 3 days later, in the new car id bought, which id had for 6 days, and was 3 years old bare in mind, i decided to go out with some friends, who were geting grief off another lad and his misses in another car, after spotting them , my 2 friends parked up, i pulled over and me in my hostile, upset, pissed off and against the world mood, pulled out a bat and waited for one or someone to jump out of the car we had been following, i had overtaken the car and it was now parked at the bottom of the street, and for some unknown reason, they hammered it off, and ploughed straight into the arse of my car ( i was a mile up the road ) which id just had for 6 days and paid 8 grand for whilst stationary, she hit me at around 40 - 50 mph , knocked me unconcious, ambulance crew said they were going to cut me out of it cus of my back, fought with 3 of them and one copper and prooved i was hurt, but not enough to have my car destroyed and spent a day in hospital having x rays and ultrasounds, and still suffering with my back to this day.

So you can imagine, ive lost a Ł500 a week job, my nan has died, and ive had my new pride and joy practically written off in the space of 3 days, my car got sent away and was repaird at the cost to her insurance company of Ł2500 and im awaiting a payout of Ł3800 compensation.

The events put me right down and after a routine visit to the doctors ended up back on my anti depressants again, which sent me loopy made me ill, and 8 days later, before christmas 2007, im back in hospital again, came very very close this time, first time id say i was 70% of the way to ending my own life, this time it was close to 90%, moved me out of town to a bigger hospital, out of it for over a week, on oxygen, doubled heart rate,doubled blood pressure, i had 32% oxygen ( SATS ) level in my blood, my body had started to shut down but something kept me going...

Didnt work for 3 months, got a job in Feb 2008 delivery driving, and ive just quit that now.. still living in another bedsit, lost most of my friends, still unemployed, but i still get up in the mornings, do what i have to do, and get on with it, im not the sanest person, and ive been really poorly for a few months, woke up yellow twice, lost 3 stone since christmas, and food makes me violently sick, i get my results back on Tuesday, but its all my own doing...

Was long winded, but still , thats my 22 years of life so far.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

tg
good luck with the results mate, hang in there

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

How did you get on fella?

Punkie

Ive spent a long time reading some of these posts and I have to say some of you have come through some really awful stuff.

I cant really remember much of before I moved to the house Im in now (we moved here when i was 4) I do remember my mum pulling me and my aunt pulling my cousin (who lived next door to us) along in card board boxes in the snow because we couldnt afford to get some sledges...

When I was 4 my mother was expecting my sister, my mother is diabetic and my sisters birth put her in hospital for a month or so.

When I was 5, on good friday, I thought I was flippin clever and decided to tie a skipping rope to the top of my slide and climb up it the wrong way...I lost my 4 front teeth, didnt get the big ones till I was 7.

When I was about 10 I saved my sisters life, she was 6 and we were playing in a rock pool at the seaside and the sand gave way underneath her and it was about 5 ft deep near the groin. i managed to grab her hair and pull her out...

At 17 I met a guy who I was then with for 3 years, He was a waster and going nowhere...it was when I was with him that I seemed to put on all my weight and lose interest in everything.

I became pregnant and lost the baby at about 8 weeks..it was all over and done with before I had chance to decide what I was going to do. Doctors say it shouldnt affect my ability to carry in the future.

I was single for a few months and then met the boy im on off with at the moment. We havent been intimate for a long time and something isnt right there...But we cant sort it out...doesnt look good for us tbh.

Most recently I have been trying to deal with the loss of a great friend. I am not saying anything else on this subject because the rumour mill started the moment he was unable to defend himself or make his thoughts known.

But inbetween the bad bits I have managed to get myself a degree in Business Organisation and Management...made some really amazing friends.

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

Congratulations, i hope you will use both of these to better your life now.

madsi

i will try and get mine wrote down tommorow if i get the chance as it will make interesting reading in good and bad ways

dom_xr3i

this is hard for me because i hate talking about myself like this

born in 1986 as far as i can remember i had an alrite childhood till i got to highschool them i was bullied all the time every single day, every nite i would cry myself to sleep and wounder what it would be like with out me

in 96 my taid (grandad) died after spending 3 months in hospital after having 3 blood transvustions he was one of the most kindest person in my world and after he died i didnot know what to do with myself
then my dad bought me a downhill mountain bike for my 13th birthday so i used to spend all my time riding that and thats all i wanted to do
in28/01/98 my baby sister died 19 weeks in to pregnacy and we where all deverstated
(i have 5 tattooes just for her)
i was still into my bikes especialy downhilling up till the floods in 2000
where owa house got flooded so we spent weeks at a hotel and there was where i got my first job so i could get away from the trouble in school at nites and in the weekends
then when the foot and mouth came in i stopped riding my bike then turned to eating and i put on about 4 stone on in a couple of months as i was not exersicing at all and became a fat fucker
in 2001 i dropped out of school didnot do my gcse's and went to college to become a chef
that there i found my problem with my temper or lack of it i turned into a short tempered hooligan that didnot give a fuck about anything i did well in college when i was in the kitchen cos it was my 'padded sell' lol and i could get away from everything and consentate on being a chef i moved from job to job and felt like i was on a downward slope to now where so i decided that i should sort myself out cos if i didnot i would kill myself
2003 i get the job that i started and kept for 6 months the moved back home and swong between jobs again
2004 i past my drivingtest then i got the job i'm in now i still gaining weight now about 18 stone in fat
2006 the manager and his girl friend and her sister would be taking the mic out of me but in a way that i didnot know about it till it was to late i got to a altime low i was cutting myself i craved out of my arm 'I HATE MY LIFE' then i slice myself till it bled and lost 1/2 pint of blood and didnot do anything about in hope i would of died they sore the cuts and everything and asked what i did and why but i didnot say why cos at the time i was seeing the managers ex misses couple of weeks later me and the girl i was seein parted company i went on a even bigger down turn i just went driving so irraticly that i wished that it would be the end of me
july 2007 my dad took over as the manager at the hotel i'm workin at and everything went better and i could hold my head up at last since 2004 then the girl i was seeing and i started seeing each other again and it lasted a couple of weeks i wanted to make it more serious but she did not want do cos i was younger than her by 2yrs she 23 me 21
anyway i started cuttin myself again then in the september 07 a new girl started working at the hotel and we hit it off big style and it got more and more serious but then one nite she got me drunk big style and stole the keys for the safe room and emptyed the till takings only Ł160 her wages more than covered that and the 350 quid ring that i was gunna give to her the next day so next day we called the police and reported it and we found out that her name was not her real name and her N.I number was not real so i got shafted big and proper since then ive not been lookin for a misses cos i dont now what do trust anymore
feb 2008 i find out that i'm an uncle to baby david william and everything that happened to me i tried to forget so this lil man does not go down the same way as his uncle
david was born 3 months early and with cronic lung diecese a fawlty heart valve a hole in his kidney and bad eye site he was on 2'2 when he was born so i think about every thing about me as nothing and just get my life back on track

sorry if i went on abit cos i'm like a pack of pringles once you pop you cant stop

all i want now is a nice house and a nice car and see my nephew and the rest of my family grow up and not get in the same state as what i got myself into

cheers dom <- real tears

this is not everything but the things that stick out the most

SteveH

In west philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground i spent most of my days.... sorry. I'll be serious.

Born in 1983 In Leicester.

Dont remember much about my youth, apart from the bad stuff. Primary school is just a blur, secondary school was hard, Lost my grandma Joan on my mums side, then my great Aunt Hilda, closely followed by her husband of 60 years, Uncle Dick, all in a year plus getting bullied by a lad called Michael Cross. Ive since seen him around in town and feel much better about our history. Lets say I balanced it.

Now the lowest of the low. I've always been into bikes, and myself and my Dad went on a biking trip with some of his friends around Ladybower reservior 4 days after his 47th birthday. I was 11 at the time. We had a 12 mile route planned out. We made it to the 10th mile with mostly downhill left back to the cars, with my dad and his mate behind us by a couple of hundred metres. I turned around and saw my dad fall down, so I went back to see what was wrong, and I heard his mate shouting 'get an ambulance' so i started shouting for help. Some of his friends went back to see, then led me away and down the hill.
They gave me a lift home, telling me my dad was 'very poorly'.
When I got in there was a police car and several of my friends were there with their parents. I was the last one to be told, he died at the scene of a massive heart attack. He didn't suffer.

Since that day school kinda went downhill for a few years, and I dont remember much of it, and by the time i came round (so to speak) it was GCSE time, which I scraped through. Found out on results day that my first girlfriend, Katy, had been found dead in a flat in spain. She was murdered by a local.

Packed myself off to college for a media course. Learned photography, video editing skills, but hated the rest of it.
Changed after the first year to Engineering, which I managed to excel at. Worked my ass off for two years solid, came out with a distiction, High point!
While at college I was selected for a trip to russia (because of my courses physics and maths basis) to compete in the 'Space Olympics' with Nottingham, Derby, Leicester College, against the Russians. When we were there I met the most amazing girl, Beth, and we hit it off. Went out for a year before she moved away to study economics at Durham Low point.
Finished college, I decided not to go to uni (still kick myself for it) and ended up in a job in print (my dads trade) at a local printer. Moved up in two years (and alot of help from some good mates) to be the pre print supervisor, with a graphic design qualification. Got hunted by an arts and crafts company to produce their catalogue. So i took the job, and bought a cossie at 21. Did the job for a year then my uncle offered me a place in his building company, so I moved there and started carpentry night school. Fancied a change. I was the happiest I'v ever been in that job, I loved every day.

Another low was my friend Kirstie dying suddenly this summer. She was 26 and leaves a beautiful daughter Brodie.

Brings us about up to date, met an amazing girl, Amy, and went out with her for 2 years but we broke up in Jan 08 just as we were talking about buying a place together. Low point.

Lost my job in the chippying too, and have been out of work for about 4 months. Working a 3 month contract at a mates place fitting stands in boots etc. Trying to get back on my feet financially.

Got a huge amount of upheaval in my life at the moment, huge decisions to make, losing friends, gaining new ones, new careers etc.


Thats me up to date, I've found this incredibly diffcult to write, and it's been both euphoric and depressing, but its actually been helpful.

Ive also been everything from in tears to overjoyed at some of the other posts.

Steve

CRAIG HAYTER

this is a really good topic its very intresting to readand compare diffrences and see how you delt with your down falls i have had alot but all you can do is keep your head up and deal with it thats through a dark day there will be light at the end thats the way i tend to look at it and if you have kids you ned to be strong for them because thats all that matters in life your kids if you have any?just like or family

mrjenrst

Stu, yours kicked it off mate.
You got dealt a shit hand at 15 and look at you now


My old man alway's said
"dont let the bastard's grind you down"

You didnt neither did a lot of people on here.
Major respect to ya all

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

This is going to be wierd for me to write it down in chronological order as usually i remember things in order of significance at that time.

1980 Born in great yarmouth 4 lb 3 oz 20 mins after my brother!!!
Spent a fair bit of time in and out of hospital for minor operations to correct hernias and wonky eyes (eyes still wonky )

My dad left before i was one and fucked off with another woman!! He never paid a penny and only in recent years have i found out about numourous half sisters and brothers i have scattered around the world from his various failed relationships!!!!

I moved around a bit until i was 2 when i lived in Havant in Hampshire. Pretty much the only thing i remember from then was fighting my brother and saying my first words!! I was apparently slightly developmentally delayed in walking and talking with my first word being "crackerjack" rather than the usual "mummy" "daddy".

Had my first silly accident there too being pushed out the first floor window by my brother and falling onto concrete miraculously I was unharmed except for a bump on the head!! To top it off as i fell out the window i grabbed my brother and he fell out too but caught his foot in the window frame so was dangling from the window and he was the one covered in bruises!!!

Now the reason for all the accidents was lack of supervision as my mum was ill with the early stages of kidney failure so she was always sleeping.

1983 I moved to hayling island and had yet more accidents electrocuting myself when i thought it was clever to play with the fuse box under the stairs

1984 I started school and hated it as i got picked on as i was fairly gullible!! I remember my first beating at the hand of some bully on the playing field. Also used to get blamed for things i didnt do ending up with me having to unblock all the girls toilets after one of the kids put loads of complete toilet rolls down loo then blamed me (cunt ). Didnt really have any friends there and didnt really want to socialise anyway!!

1986 moved to Southbourne in West Sussex to live with our gran as my mum had become so ill she was spending all the time sleeping and couldnt work and therefore couldnt pay bills. Luckily she got some money finally from the divorce and old house so paid off her debts.

For some reason the bullying followed me there too as i went to another junior school. I didnt have any friends there and the one person i thought was a friend was just using and manipulating me for his own gains. For example he set fire to the old football pavillion and got me blamed for it!!!! ( I might be a pyromaniac but im no arsonist!!)

THis same kid was an arsehole and the only kids party i got invited to at that school was his, and he gave the wrong address deliberately, then proceeded to tell me how good a party it was!!!

About late 1986 my mum had her first kidney transplant so spent a bit of time to and from hospital which is obviously hard to understand as a child!!

As i didnt have any real friends i spent most my time when others would be playing wondering the streets or asking adults questions, hanging around building sites doing errands for the builders in return for sweets! Unfortunately being young and niaive they used to occasionally trick me!! the main thing i remember was being given a bottle of "apple juice" as they told me which i proceeded to drink throughout the afternoon becoming very very drunk and ill as the bastards had given me cider!!!

I was still getting lots of kickings at school and it didnt help now that a load of pikey cunts had moved into the house on the estate whose garden backed onto ours. This lead to more opportunities for me to get punched to and from school as well as when i went out!!!

So i used to avoid kids and prefer interaction with adults instead. As i was not very street wise and niaive to the potential dangers i was vulnerable and fell prey to a group of paedophiles after being introduced to them by a bank teacher who i thought was nice and who took an interest in me. That carried on over a period of two years as i was made to feel i would be in trouble if i told anyone as i was "talking to strangers" and if i said anything then id get in trouble and my mummy would stop loving me. Obviously i believed them and kept thier secret despite the physical and mental pain and confusion. Luckily it stopped when i went to hospital for a while then had a series of eye operations and despite missing the arranged meetings, nothing bad happened and my mummy still loved me so all was ok!

1989 My mum had her second kidney transplant and spent months and months including christmas in intensive care on a ventilator slipping in and out of a coma due to infections post the operation. As a result of being on 100% oxygen she had some brain damage as well as other problems and when she came home was stuck in a wheel chair and unable to ever walk again. This meant life at home was complicated as it basically meant my gran had to look after 2 kids and thier disabled mum!!

The local council were cunts for some reason and despite my gran being old and supposedly entitled to central heatingin her council house, we still had coal fire as the council wouldnt pay for it, yet the pikey cunts had central heating and double glazing just to shut them up!!! And when they burned down that house they were moved to another which got updated again!!! Really annoyed me as the coal bunker was my job to sort out

1989 A travelling circus came to the village and i had the best time of my life when i managed to afford a ticket to the show!!!

About this time i got into cars as a mechanic at the local garage seemed quite friendly and didnt mind me hanging round and helping him. I used to think it was great and one day he gave a a "ghia" badge and i was well chuffed!!! Explaining how i was always trashing my clothes wasnt so easy

1990 Sent with my brother to see a child psychologist as we regularly beat each other up. Couldn't work out anything and the psychologist just put our violence down to normal sibling infighting.

1991 My mum died quite suddenly! I was out and had gone walkabout when she was taken ill and taken to hospital. I didnt get back until after she died and ended up locking myself in the loo and bashing my head on the wall until i blacked out temporarily and they kicked in the door. I dont remember much the following days/weeks except that social services intervened and declared my gran unfit to look after us and it was live with another family member or go into care! So my brother and i went to live with an aunt and uncle in portsmouth and the government paid for us to go to a private school under the scolarship program.

Unluckily for me my mum had died a week after school started so in thier infinite wisdom they decided to announce the death at the school assembly in front of everyone, including me as id gone back to school rather than be off school and that got me targetted for more bullying - great!!

So my solution was hang around science labs and adults again leading me to be vulnerable to another paedophile teacher. This went on for another 2 years until just before i was 13, in 1993, the head master got accused of molesting other boys and funnily enough everything stopped overnight and the religious brothers who used to mostly run the school ended up taking a back role hardly being seen again.

I was fairly mentally fucked up by 13 when looking back at it. The relationship at home was none existant as i didnt talkand i guess adults worked out something wasnt right so they were frustrated. I ended up crying myself to sleep most nights and was self harming mainly by headbanging, punching myself and deliberately setting up accidents to hurt myself!!

1996 Things improved as i spent most my spare time at school in the biology or chemistry lab so avoiding the bullys and it gave me something to distract me mentally while i concentrated on study for my GCSE's getting good results.

This stage id decided i wanted to join the navy so i could start again in life or so i thought and managed to go on lots of decent trips as part of the recruitment drive during my A levels.

1997 My brother got booted out of home for his behaviour. he hadnt really done anything wrong as our guardians had become very controlling and where as i was used to compliance, he faught them. Our relationship basically fell apart then.

1998 finally some good happened and i joined the navy!!

2000 Broke off all contact with family after yet more arguements with Guardians them basically demanding i leave the navy and do what they wanted me to do and also them scrutinising every penny i spent.

Then i guess things were ok ish for the next 4 years progressing my career and wasting my cash on fords and bangers Saw some horrific things in my career and had some great times too.

2004 Had an arsehole Boss who we basically had a total clash of characters. his solution was to bully me in the work place criticising everything i did, calling me useless etc even in front of the sailors but he was clever to never do it in front of management and whenever anything was mentioned to management, he managed to get away with it as "banter". It got so bad even the younger sailors were trying to stand up to him for me as they could see my work was fine (working part of a team so lots of people see your work).

This was the beginning of my decline into serious mental illness as i began to get depressed and i truly beleived i was a failure and useless despite passing exams and tests throughout my career.

2006 left that submarine and went to do my navigators course which is the second hardest career course in the navy in terms of sheer pressure and stress. I went there assuming i was going to fail. Ironically not giving a shit meant i didnt panic or stress like everyone else and remained calm getting highest marks on the course and getting a recommendation for specialist navigator!! Not bad when you consider theres hundreds of navigators in navy but less than 10 specialist navigators.

I became severely ill with depression and once i was back at sea id come to the conclusion that my life served no purpose anymore. I wasnt enjoying work, my car id ploughed tons into was away with engine work and my social life was non existant.

I was cutting myself a lot at this point and by aug 06 i attempted to gas myself, first on a car meet in ireland and secondly on my own in the scottish highlands. Both times i was discovered quite early. Was really shocked me was seeing a runner come into the remote carpark in scotland at 0500 in the morning. Looking back I guess i should have learnt that maybe i wasnt meant to die yet!!!!

Things rapidly spiralled out of control with me being dragged off ship due to the suicide attempts, self harm getting out of control, hallucinations, and my car engine blowing up having just spent thousands on it.

I got banned from driving for medical reasons and ended up addicted to cutting and started getting in trouble with the police when i was picked up by them on several occasions being found in a state in town. The navy then moved me to portsmouth as i had caused several security breaches by talking about classified things on forums and emails as i wasnt thinking straight (incuding on pF print outs of some of my Pf posts found thier way to my psych notes )

I then ended up being sent to mental hospital for 3 weeks after i was found in my room covered in blood from over 60 slashes to each arm. the cleaner had just barged in room and then she screamed (not surprisingly). They didnt really put me under intensive enough supervision at the hospital at first as i was still able to cut daily (they didnt check!) and i blew up the iron putting it in a sink of water.......

After 3 weeks i went back to the navy and basically broke down completely on the train to the base and they decided rather than send me back, keep me under close supervision on base attending day hospital for nearly 6 months slowly getting back to work an hour here or there.

Since then ive had intensive therapy while battling self harm prior to being medically discharged in june.

Since id lost my license i had sold on my last car and saved up for another.

Luckily things are getting better now. The money i had the last year or so paid for my puma cosworth and got me set up in my house. I thought things would continue to get better with things getting serious with my girlfriend but that all went to shit when she dumped me!!

So despite being unemployed things are better than theyve been for a while. Ive taken myself off all psychoactive medication and ive not cut for a long time now.

Just need to get a job, any minimum wage job and combined with pension means i can pay mortgage and life comfortably even with the cosworth to drain funds

So that was longer than i thought!! So finally beginning to sort my life out at a young age of 28

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

BTTT for the evening PF crew to add thier own stories.


Its a good insight into the real people behind the internet bravado.