My comedy customer of the month, "I want to start a business..."
#1
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I'm at work catching up with my paperwork and my phone rings the conversation went something like this...
"Hello Stuart Speaking."
"Ello Mate, I'd like to talk about a business I want to start and been told your the man to speak to."
"Sure, I'd be happy to, tell me about what your looking to do?"
"I want to buy a night club."
"Ok, have you got an idea of what one?"
"Dont know."
"Ok, how much are you looking to spend buying one and do you have any money to put towards it?"
"Erm, I dunno how much, how much does a night club cost? And I dont have any money."
"Ok, its probably a good idea to have a look at some places, get an idea how much you need to spend. But, if you dont have any money where are you going to get it from?"
"The bank."
"So you want 100% of the money to buy your business from the bank?
"Yeah."
"Ok, do you own your own home?"
"No, I live with my parents."
"Ok, so you dont have any money or assets? Where are you going to get money for stock? Refurbishing? Staff?"
"Erm, Dunno."
"Do you have any experience in working or managing a nightclub?"
"No, but my mate is a DJ."
"Ok, so you don't know anything about running a nightclub, have no money or assets what so ever and you want all the money to do this from the Bank?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think we can help you at this time, I recommend going on our website and looking up business planning guides and starting there. Once you have a plan, and you know how much money you need to spend, give me a call and we can talk further."
"Ok mate, thanks!"
I wasn't really sure if it was a wind up or not
"Hello Stuart Speaking."
"Ello Mate, I'd like to talk about a business I want to start and been told your the man to speak to."
"Sure, I'd be happy to, tell me about what your looking to do?"
"I want to buy a night club."
"Ok, have you got an idea of what one?"
"Dont know."
"Ok, how much are you looking to spend buying one and do you have any money to put towards it?"
"Erm, I dunno how much, how much does a night club cost? And I dont have any money."
"Ok, its probably a good idea to have a look at some places, get an idea how much you need to spend. But, if you dont have any money where are you going to get it from?"
"The bank."
"So you want 100% of the money to buy your business from the bank?
"Yeah."
"Ok, do you own your own home?"
"No, I live with my parents."
"Ok, so you dont have any money or assets? Where are you going to get money for stock? Refurbishing? Staff?"
"Erm, Dunno."
"Do you have any experience in working or managing a nightclub?"
"No, but my mate is a DJ."
"Ok, so you don't know anything about running a nightclub, have no money or assets what so ever and you want all the money to do this from the Bank?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think we can help you at this time, I recommend going on our website and looking up business planning guides and starting there. Once you have a plan, and you know how much money you need to spend, give me a call and we can talk further."
"Ok mate, thanks!"
I wasn't really sure if it was a wind up or not
![Surprised](https://passionford.com/forum/images/smilies/bigcry.gif)
#3
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id love to own a nightclub ![Big Grin](https://passionford.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
i had a bloke ring up, ask if we have a radio in stock, then ring up agian 20 min later asking about the same radio and he spoke to me both times
![Big Grin](https://passionford.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
i had a bloke ring up, ask if we have a radio in stock, then ring up agian 20 min later asking about the same radio and he spoke to me both times
![Surprised](https://passionford.com/forum/images/smilies/bigcry.gif)
#4
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Night clubs are expensive business fella, but if its a successful one you can make a fortune taking thousands, maybe tens of thousands in one night.
#5
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id imagine theres a lot to be spent on being insured and getting all the correct licenses before you could even think of letting people in!?
#7
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Then not only that you need to insure the building and contents including stock. Nightclubs can have a lot in stock and people generally break things too so again insurance can go up.
To get your on-license it does cost about Ł1,500 IIRC, might be different depending on where you are. But the biggest expense is generally stock and premises. It can easily run into the hundreds of thousands. Once you have the premises and the stock and if you have chosen the place well then it can be a license to print money.
But dont expect a bank to cough up all the money for it
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I have a share in a night club and yes they are expensive and have large overheads even when succesful also they are time consuming !
Unfortunately, everyone now wants cheap drinks, free entry and the current economic situation along with DVD's Xboxes.. etc..and people staying in on a saturday night means not alot of profit these days..!
Also, most banks and finance organisations wont lend to the licensed trade or leisure industry at the moment.... !
If that dick even comes back on the phone, tell him he is wasting his time..LOL
Last edited by ECU Monitor Enthusiast; 20-11-2010 at 10:31 AM.
#11
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I think after I had asked him all these questions he got the idea he hadn't really thought about it
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