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My comedy customer of the month, "I want to start a business..."

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Old 18-11-2010, 08:20 PM
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MadMac
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Default My comedy customer of the month, "I want to start a business..."

I'm at work catching up with my paperwork and my phone rings the conversation went something like this...

"Hello Stuart Speaking."
"Ello Mate, I'd like to talk about a business I want to start and been told your the man to speak to."
"Sure, I'd be happy to, tell me about what your looking to do?"
"I want to buy a night club."
"Ok, have you got an idea of what one?"
"Dont know."
"Ok, how much are you looking to spend buying one and do you have any money to put towards it?"
"Erm, I dunno how much, how much does a night club cost? And I dont have any money."
"Ok, its probably a good idea to have a look at some places, get an idea how much you need to spend. But, if you dont have any money where are you going to get it from?"
"The bank."
"So you want 100% of the money to buy your business from the bank?
"Yeah."
"Ok, do you own your own home?"
"No, I live with my parents."
"Ok, so you dont have any money or assets? Where are you going to get money for stock? Refurbishing? Staff?"
"Erm, Dunno."
"Do you have any experience in working or managing a nightclub?"
"No, but my mate is a DJ."
"Ok, so you don't know anything about running a nightclub, have no money or assets what so ever and you want all the money to do this from the Bank?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think we can help you at this time, I recommend going on our website and looking up business planning guides and starting there. Once you have a plan, and you know how much money you need to spend, give me a call and we can talk further."
"Ok mate, thanks!"

I wasn't really sure if it was a wind up or not
Old 18-11-2010, 08:23 PM
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Rsmat
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Quality...Probably some skunked up bloke thinking of living the dream lol.
Old 18-11-2010, 09:07 PM
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id love to own a nightclub

i had a bloke ring up, ask if we have a radio in stock, then ring up agian 20 min later asking about the same radio and he spoke to me both times
Old 18-11-2010, 09:20 PM
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MadMac
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Originally Posted by jammerrs
id love to own a nightclub

i had a bloke ring up, ask if we have a radio in stock, then ring up agian 20 min later asking about the same radio and he spoke to me both times


Night clubs are expensive business fella, but if its a successful one you can make a fortune taking thousands, maybe tens of thousands in one night.
Old 18-11-2010, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by MadMac


Night clubs are expensive business fella, but if its a successful one you can make a fortune taking thousands, maybe tens of thousands in one night.
id imagine theres a lot to be spent on being insured and getting all the correct licenses before you could even think of letting people in!?
Old 18-11-2010, 10:07 PM
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imnoteasy
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he could just put a night on in one of the clubs to start off with,
a much cheaper way to see if he likes it.
Old 20-11-2010, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by jammerrs
id imagine theres a lot to be spent on being insured and getting all the correct licenses before you could even think of letting people in!?
Yeah you need public liability insurance which generally gets more expensive the more people you have on the premises and the likelihood of someone getting injured in accidents on the premises.. needless to say, alcohol generally tends to cause a lot of accidents

Then not only that you need to insure the building and contents including stock. Nightclubs can have a lot in stock and people generally break things too so again insurance can go up.

To get your on-license it does cost about Ł1,500 IIRC, might be different depending on where you are. But the biggest expense is generally stock and premises. It can easily run into the hundreds of thousands. Once you have the premises and the stock and if you have chosen the place well then it can be a license to print money.

But dont expect a bank to cough up all the money for it Because if it all goes tits up you will owe a LOT of money to the bank.

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Old 20-11-2010, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by imnoteasy
he could just put a night on in one of the clubs to start off with,
a much cheaper way to see if he likes it.
Promoting,

Problem with promoting is there are hundreds if not thousands of people doing it, but your right thats a good place to start.
Old 20-11-2010, 10:23 AM
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why didn't you just say,yes,we can lend you Ł500,000 just call in with a suitcase sir
Old 20-11-2010, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by MadMac


Night clubs are expensive business fella, but if its a successful one you can make a fortune taking thousands, maybe tens of thousands in one night.

I have a share in a night club and yes they are expensive and have large overheads even when succesful also they are time consuming !

Unfortunately, everyone now wants cheap drinks, free entry and the current economic situation along with DVD's Xboxes.. etc..and people staying in on a saturday night means not alot of profit these days..!

Also, most banks and finance organisations wont lend to the licensed trade or leisure industry at the moment.... !

If that dick even comes back on the phone, tell him he is wasting his time..LOL

Last edited by ECU Monitor Enthusiast; 20-11-2010 at 10:31 AM.
Old 20-11-2010, 10:48 AM
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MadMac
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Originally Posted by ECU Monitor Enthusiast
Also, most banks and finance organisations wont lend to the licensed trade or leisure industry at the moment.... !

If that dick even comes back on the phone, tell him he is wasting his time..LOL
Sadly, if what your saying is true that the profit margins are getting tight, then I can probably understand the problem, ultimately banks have to be able to see a business can afford the extra load lending will put on a business before we lend. If your not making much in the way of profit that extra load could mean the difference between making money and losing money. Especially as the market is contracting at the moment But I have done some lending to a pub I have to help them refurbish and buy new equipment so its not always a no. But it was privately owned by a family and they had no lease or commercial mortgage to pay for so they could afford to be a bit cheaper than the local competition and make some money.

I think after I had asked him all these questions he got the idea he hadn't really thought about it
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