Stu,

I thought your miserable persona was because of intolerance to caffiene which took you ages to work out, and now you are off it you are a more happy person?

Thing is, if you are reasonably happy why are you coming accross to others as miserable? Dont just mean that question for you Stu, its meant for everyone who feels ok but others say why you so miserable.

Physchology and state of mind interest me but having never suffered any form of depression i cant relate to any of it on a personal level.

Good luck to those that are taking the 1st step to helpuing themselves

 

Have a look at my Dads Website.....he has written a book on his depression and also about to publish his 2nd book.

http://www.bipolar-expedition.co.uk/

you will find some very interesting information on there

I hope it helps mate

 

First of all, you've just completed stage one by admitting to yourself and others that there is a problem.

Personally, I wouldn't be so hasty in going to the doctors straight way. If it is the only/best option for you then that's ok, but weigh up your other options first. Although they will listen to each individual case, doctors are always going to be a little "non-personal". I've never been to the doctors about this sort of thing because I'd much rather talk to someone who can relate to me and understand me. I think it would be far better if you knew somebody like that rather than seeing a professional in the capacity of patient. At first, anyway. I mean, yes, certain cases may require a professional, but I think some people are far too hasty.

Same goes for medication. As Warren says, anti-depressants are only going to numb the symptoms, they're never going to tackle the cause. And the longer you feel comfotable numbing the symptoms, the undelying problems will only end up getting worse over time.

As for the self-hate etc, what is it that you hate about yourself and why? Think of that, and what you can do to change those things. What kind of things do you enjoy doing? You need to get out there and do them!

Personally, I've never lacked motivation for most things, but understand your negative thoughts. Whenever I've been at a stage where everything appears to be going well for me, I can never seem to enjoy them to the full because I always carry the fear that at some stage something bad is going to happen and it'll all come crashing down.

Talk to someone you trust about how you feel when you're behind closed doors. Most people don't imagine people they see laughing and joking to have these problems, but it's not that uncommon. It may be difficult to find the right person who you can talk to and share your thoughts with, but if you do then it can be 1000% worthwhile.

 

Now although I cant throw any advice into the mix, well done for admitting that somethings wrong and taking the first steps to do something about.

Its strange that some of your symptoms are what im experiencing at the moment, although I just suspected its just because I have alot on my plate at the minute....will have to research into it a bit more I think.

Best of luck to you, I really hope you get it sorted and get your life back on track.

Paul

 

you know whats wrong now which is just the start of the battle but it is a battle you can win.

Heres my story of my battle with depression.

I guess it started about 1992 when i got heavily into the rave scene, necking pills fet and lsd regulary every weekend, this carried on for years every weekend with the same mates going out getting trollied until at kinetic nye 1996 i totally fucked up and ended in hospital for a week with a totally irregular heartbeat due to all the shit i had been necking.

After that i still went out every weekend but got pissedinstead but started heavily smoking the weed. My missus used to tell me i was getting moody but took no notice and just carried on.

Fast forward to 2005 i was still going out and smoking weed all day before work as soon as i got back from work and started not sleeping at all but didnt no what was wrong.

I was working shifts at the time and had a lot of hassle at home with my missus son and for about two months had no sleep at all and just medicated it with the weed.

One day i got ready for work having no sleep yet again and something just cracked in my head i chucked my coffee up the wall and started shaking like a leaf crying like a baby and just punching out at my missus and my mum who came round to help.

They called a doctor out who saw me and said straight away depression, i cracked up and told him and my mum about the lifestyle id been living, my mum was shocked as she knew nothing and my missus told her shed had had to live with me coming home off my head and my constantly smoking weed for years which could have not been easy for her.

I had to take sleeping tablets for two weeks just to give my head a chance to sort itself out then anti depressants after which i had to try several till i found some which suit me.

Two years i had a hard battle trying to beat it with some dark times, a suicide attempt, lost my job but finally i learnt to manage it and now i have some dark days but have learnt to cope and have my life back.

I still go out raving sometimes and just chill with a beer and enjoy myself much more.

I thought i would write this as i see a lot of peeps posting smoke weed and suffering depression, it just aint worth it, if i could go back i would as i have to life with the fact i made myself like this and it could have been avoided, i put myself and my family through so much due to drugs and i regret it so much

Dont get me wrong i still have the occasional smoke but its very rare now and i enjoy it much more, smoke it everyday and youre gonna fuck up as i did it does cause depression as everyone i used to go out with has fucked up one way or another and one close mate has been in a mental home for years as after 9?11 he was found walking around in a long leather jacket like in the matrix shoutind death to the usa and drinking petrol i shit you not and he was a good mate with a good job and everything to live for

 

To throw a curveball at this discussuion...

Does anyone believe that depression is simply a weak mind? That people just need to man up and sort the things in their life out that make them so down and unhappy day-to-day?

There is always someone worse off in life that has a better outlook an thus is happy.

Not saying this is my opinion and full respect and best wishes to those suffering - im just putting up another way of looking at it.

 

i know what your saying coldo,i thought that and battled on thinking i could sort mesen out,my mum knew id been depressed for a year and i wouldnt have any of it until i broke down on monday morning and realised i had a problem and needed help.

 

AS others have said pills not a magic cure I had to try 4 types of pills before I found some that worked.I have suffered from depression for years rangting from highs and to very bad lows and anger issues.so on anti depressants and anti psychotic drugs too now

I couldnt sleep or had any intrest in anything I had any intrest in was like a walking zombie would lock myself in my room as I felt safe in there.Would not go out and still suffer from argophobia now.

I hope you find a doctor that will listen and not just give you pills most doctors now days are clued up on depression.I got referred to a shrink and local mental helath team after an episode.So if you offered any councilling or other support take it would be my advice.As soon as possible as if you try and fight it on your own it may lead to other helath problems (but not in every case) but you done the first hardest thing gettting help and admitting something is wrong.

No magic overnight cure it will take time and sometimes it feels like one step forward two steps back but there is light at the end of the tunnel.Although it dont feel like it there is.

These are my own thoughts but sure other people on here have given much better advice

Hope your road to recovery is not too long a road

 

coldo if it was a weak mind that would make it a concious choice to be that way. damaged yes, as there is plenty of medical evidence to show physical chemical imbalance.

Generally when people are being weak about something its always revolving around a choice or and easy option. i cant see anyone ever conciously choosing mental illness.

Plenty of people recover from depression and live normally so in that sense its no more of a weakness than your broken arm!

 

No coldo its a disease and you wish you copuld just man up and sort your problems out its like your stuck ona roundabout and you cnat take the turn off.I tried to battle on on my own.But the feelings got worse and had to seek help.

Problem is the symptons not show to the outside world like other illnesses,but your entilted your opion too

 

thats because mild depression is in basic symptom terms exactly the same as normal lows in life. Except the key point is the duration of the condition. for most people they have a shit day/week etc sort our the issues and things
get better. with depression you can have a shit 6 months, year or more with NO good days, NO light at the end of the tunnel etc and the symptoms although the same are much much deeper and the more depressed you are the more shit it is until ultimately in severe depression you see no point in living. Some people get so depressed ad very very suicidal yet they lack the energy to kill themselves due to being that ill. which is why all pills are supposed to be monitored so that if your that low and get a boost from the pills you dont suddenly just have enough energy to top yourself!

 

rich its not that simple..... you will probably find the perception of 'ok' is markedly different for those whove suffered mental illness and those who do not. for a lot of people being ok is more like saying "im coping" which is different.

 

The worst part for me is when im bad my mind keeps revolving round and round if that makes sense and i cant stop it proper fucks me up but i know it will stop in the end so i just deal with it, cant function or do fuck all till it does tho

 

yep. makes perfect sense. i used to wake up in the middle of the night doing that and be unable to sleep.
i think that's more a symptom of anxiety rather than depression though... not that i'm an expert! (obviously!)

 

Thanks once again for all the replies.

I'm glad a few have mentioned Bipolar. Reading up about that on the net has pretty much summed up how I am.
The signs have been there years but last year it got worse. About June/July time I seemed so full of energy, would work till 7/8 o'clock at night. I always up for going out and seemed to have so much confidence when Ive always been quite a shy person, nothing could touch me. Then around August just before my birthday I just crashed. Thought I'm going to be 26 and what have I achieved? and just seemed to lock myself away in the dark room I'm in now.
Really wish I'd got help sooner as I've lost something that would of been so good, but I know there's hope that I will get better and I'll find it again.

Thanks again and Good luck to everyone thats going through the same.

Cheers

Rob

 

Ive spoken to a dear friend of mine whose been through similar experiences to me and he thinks im going through depression of some kind. Needless to say I have an appointment at my doctors booked for Monday so I can start the ball rolling.7

I would just like to say thank you to the OP for bringing this to light especially in my case, I never realised that there could be others feeling the way I am at the moment.....I thought it was just a phase that I could get myself out of but it seems ive been kidding myself for the last few years.

Im currently relieved that I have spoken to someone about it and that I have actually made an effort to get something done about it finally rather than fobbing myself off again.

Thanks once again,

Paul

 

I'm not sure about the weak mind part of it but I do think that things like this are by either an accumalation of things or just one big thing (for example the loss of someone close) and it just causes that person to feel miserable and to feel as though they can't deal with it. It is these issues that need dealing with but it is easier said than done.

About 8 years ago was the start of me having the troubles I'm still trying to deal with. My dad lost his job which basically meant that it was just me bringing the money in which at the time was a total pain in the arse as I wasn't earning good money (about a grand a month) so I was having to give my dad the money to pay the rent, bills, council tax etc. Anyway to cut a long story short, even though I was giving my dad the money for all that, turned out he wasn't actually paying it but paying his credit card bills off with it

This in turn resulted in me having to get a loan to pay off all the arrears which meant even more money a month I had to lay out as well as all the other crap. So I had virtually fuck all to myself to spend a month for myself.

That carried on like that for another 2 or so years until I left the Ford dealer I was working for and went to work for a Seat dealer and virtually doubled the amount of money I earned so I thought that finally things were starting to go my way!! Wrong. Sure the money side of things was a little better but now my dad was in and out of hospital with various problems like heart attacks, strokes etc, bailiffs knocking on the door demanding the money from my dads loans and credit card bills which I ended up paying for as he said he had no money to pay for them. This carried on for another 2 or so years.

When my dad was in hospital again for another stroke, whilst I was having a bit of a tidy up and I came across some paperwork addressed to him. I started reading through it (I know it's wrong but thank fuck I did!) and found out that he had been claiming incapacity benefit and the fucker had more money than me!!!!!!

It was at this point the relationship between me and my dad turned sour. I made him start paying all his own loan and credit cards off and very rarely spoke to him even though we lived in the same house (I had to stay as I was the only family he had). I also started hanging around with one of my best mate's gf's friends and started seeing each other. I really did like her but she ending seeing someone else and my best mate told me that it was because of my dad and she couldnt 'handle it'. This just made things worse.

I started getting VERY moody, permanently pissed off, felt there was no point in anything anymore, and just generally struggled with everything.

This situation carried on until Jan 2009 when my dad passed away. I was lucky to have to have my friends around me but this was just the start of a shit 2009 where everything that could go wrong did!

As said above though, there are people worse off than myself so I consider myself lucky in that respect.

I'm determined to sort myself out once and for all this year and intend to do it myself with help from nobody, I don't like to be a burden to anyone if I can help it. It won't be easy but I have to deal with the issues that are causing me to be like this!!

 

No problem mate, I'm glad its helped someone out. I'm suprised there's so many people going through the same. I'd say I'm glad but I really wouldn't wish it on anyone, just good to know you're not alone.

I'll keep this thread updated on my progress as a bit of a blog as it helps writing things down.

Cheers

Rob

 

Ive suffered from depression since I was about 16. The one peice of advice I could give is talk to people about it. Dont be affraid to hide from the people you know. I always thought people wouldnt understand, but i was pleseantly supprised. Yeah there have been people who dont understand and take the piss. Those people are no longer in my life, if thats their attitude, then no real loss.
Also, you have to learn to come to terms with sometimes it wont go, which is something I have had to realise, the key to success is learn to live with it, rather than fight it. If you have a low day, just right it off and move on. All easier said then done of course but then again these things are never easy.

 

Exactly the same as my mate. Therapy for him is about managing the belief that anything can be achieved when he's on a high. And also coping with the crushing sense that everything is bound to go wrong when he's on a low.

Difficult stuff and I feel for you Rob. Good luck as you seek help and don't allow yourself to be fobbed off by doctors.


Charlie

 

This has been a very interesting read and amazing to find so many people admitting openly about their problems! And I guess there's a few more on here that are suffering the same but aren't quite ready to open up.

This subject fascinates me to be honest, I genuinely find the brain, thought processes and behavior a very interesting topic. In some people problems are brought on by substance abuse, but in others it's simply down to how the brain processes information.

I don't think it's got anything at all to do with a 'weak mind', just a state of mind brought on by many different circumstances. I highly recommend anyone to read up on the brain and how thought processes work, there's so much we can't control that's programmed in the sub-conscious part.

For example, when the average person watches a scary horror movie, they know it's a movie, they know the characters are actors and they know ultimately it's not real, but they still get scared. This is down to the sub-conscious brain not knowing the difference between fiction and reality and thus processing what you are seeing and preparing you accordingly. In this case the good old fight or flight response.

IMHO, tablets are only a very short term solution, I think hypnosis and actual brain training (not the DS one.....) are the keys to it all.

 

Furthermore...

Do we think that people are too quick/irrational to decide they are depressed or in depression?

Is it maybe they are just having a rough spell in their lives and need to sort a few elements out before becoming happier/more motivated? However instead they go into their shell, let it get too much for them and thus bring on a depression/mental illness?

Again, not necessarily(sp) my opinion, just a confilcting view for discussion.

 

Coldo

theres varying level;s of depression and it creeps u[p on you you wish iuts just a rough patch you cna snap out of it but no matter how hard you try you cnat just snap out of it.People retreat into thier shells as they cnat face the bad thoughts mmod maybe they are ashamed of the feelings.But the feeling get worse depession is just more than feeling a bit sorry for yourself.

You feel theres no owhere to turn you wnat to shut these feeling out but you cant.If you are depressed you have no motivation so its a lot more thyan sorting a few elememnets in your life out.

 

Its always a suprise how many other people are affected or at least know somebody affected by depression.

Medication can help numb things for a while, but really you have to make changes in your life, talk to someone, learn new ways of coping, deal with the problems etc.

My experience is of zero reassurance to anybody so ill spare the details, but after almost 6yrs of it, i still struggle day to day.
For a lot of people though, its something that can be overcome.

 

Its mad what other people pick up and the 'vibes' you give out.

A lot of the time people, especially at work, think im pissed off/fed up when im 'ok', sometimes to the point where people are scared to speak to me. Seems crazy to me. A lot of the time im just 'quiet' or concentrating. Sometimes i am fed up and utterly miserable but at them times ill just be very quiet.

 

Warren,

I didnt mean any offence to anyone. sorry if it came accross that way

 

I didnt even contemplate depression in my case coldo, i put it down to stopping smoking the old bob marley. people were telling me, could be depression, go to the docs, i didnt for months because i thought na, its withdrawal symptoms from 13 years of weed, i was very surprised i failed the depression test at the docs so badly tbh. i here what your saying though, a lot of people may assume there depressed when in reality, there just having a rough time.

 

Cheers mate. I know it will be with me for life and its goung to be long road to get back to some sort of normality, but I just need to learn to look out for the warning signs and know when to take a step back so I dont let it get out of hand again.

Cheers

Rob

 

that's a big part of it rob, figuring out your triggers.

 

[quote=Fiddy;4652903]I didnt even contemplate depression in my case[quote]

Me neither always just got on with on things. Its only looking back now after admitting it that I see that all the warning signs were there. In fact I dont think I would of admitted it had it not been pointed out to me.

Cheers

Rob

 

i didnt take any offence as i know you were just asking.

 

i think you just end up managing depression not being cured, me i just can feel a bad spell coming and have just learned to calm down and keep busy usually by walking the dog etc

My main sticking problem seems to be sleep, if i know ive got to get up im fucked i just lie there and get really stressed actually making myself bad and have had a few mad uns that way so the only solution for me was afternoon shifts which seems to be the best for me and is working.

 

Same with me. getting to sleep is a problem. i actually dont look forward to going to bed, as i know its going to take me ages to get to sleep. i regularly have mental dreams aswel, which ive only started having since my depression began, before, ive always slept like a baby.

 

As i said rob, i was convinced it was giving up the bob marley that was the problem. like you say, all the signs were there for me aswell, but until i accepted it could be, and was diagnosed with it, i had no clue that it was depression. the thing is, before i suffered it, i was naive, and i looked at depression as people who just needed to give there heed a shake and stop being a miserable coont, i look at it in a whole different lite now obviously.

 

around 75% of the message is passed by body language hence how people who know you can read that your annoyed even if you claim to be fine.

Plus people try to hide thier feelings but when your not well there is only so much you can hide so you end up sending out mixed signals.

 

It's not necessarily going to be with you for life.

With my mate who is bipolar it's interesting that I can look back and remember him suffering from a very early age. We're 38 and I've known him since seven. Even 20 years ago there were times when he locked himself in his bedroom for days on end. At school and college he went through difficult times. In 92 I remember finding an article about depression and trying to talk to his mother about it when he'd been locked in his room for a week. She got really angry at me and it wasn't until about six years ago that he sought help.

The weed thing is funny because I think depressed people smoke week because they're depressed, so weed and depression go together. I don't think weed causes depression. Here's a quote: "Some recent studies have linked depression to chronic use of cannabis (several times/day for several years). This idea remains controversial. A current Australian study reviewed thousands of such cannabis users and found normal rates of depression once other factors such as alcohol use, gender, illness, etc., were accounted for."

Charlie

 

Really think I've suffered from mild depression since my teens really, I get by every day, but never really feel happy with my life.
People also call me a miserable get when I feel ok in myself and am just getting on with stuff.
I have had a few genuinely happy periods in my life, odd few weeks here and there, holidays with the lads and stuff, and that's what makes me realise that for the most part, I'm not happy.

But again, it's not severe enough to cause major problems in my life, have a decent job etc, so I've never done anything about it.

Is there anyway you can self assess your own personal levels of depression or is it not that simple to diagnose?

Good luck to everyone and the OP though

 

Sorry to read about your depression Rob, but as others have said, good on you for noticing it, and for posting about it which has brought about all these positive replies and support.

I've recently been close to someone with the same symptoms as some of you have described. It's been very difficult for me to understand as she didn't tell me much, and we never spent enough time for me to get to know more about her or what she was going through.

Reading the posts by everyone here has really helped me understand what you guys are facing and what my ex was going through.

Getting support and the right help - by seeing specialists rather than just the regular GP has to be the way forward. Dealing with it on your own doesn't seem to work from what people here are saying.

My only suggestion if I may be so bold, is please try and involve / accept / welcome any support your friends or family might offer you. I'm sure talking about your situation or what you're facing is very difficult, especially if perhaps you don't understand it yourself.

I never had that opportunity, and while I'm sure there was little if anything I could do, all I ever wanted was for my ex to know I was there for her whenever and for whatever she needed me for.

This gent below seems to have the same view as me:

Good luck to all of you, some times I take the piss out of people putting their "lives" up on PF for all to read, but I think this post shows just how beneficial it can be. You may think you're alone whatever is going on in your world, but chances are there are many others in the same boat.

And plenty of people like me who would do anything to support the ones they care about, if you'll let them.

Group hug everyone