life changing decision....
#1
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...after christmas im off and leaving the happy marital home. i have no feelings for the missus in the slightest but itll break my heart to leave my two kids.
is there a happy ending to being a weekend dad for those that have been in the same position?
is there a happy ending to being a weekend dad for those that have been in the same position?
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i doubt there can be a happy ending in that situation but good luck..I would imagine its better to go than stay and possibly have kids caught up in arguments etc,nobody is happy then.
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why wait til after Christmas if you feel so strongly? It will make it far worse to stay for the sake of the kids.....
Regarding weekend parenting, i have my eldest 2 50% custody, so not technically weekends, and its hard, but it becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.
Does your wife have any idea this is happening and your not happy?
Sarah
Regarding weekend parenting, i have my eldest 2 50% custody, so not technically weekends, and its hard, but it becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.
Does your wife have any idea this is happening and your not happy?
Sarah
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hard decision to make fuzzy ,but ultimatley the right one for all involved ,a weekend dad is better than a unhappy dad in my book,
big up the advantages of being with you for the weekend and make it a adventure for the kids .my kids would be away every weekend if they got the chance![Red Faced](https://passionford.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)
cheers james
big up the advantages of being with you for the weekend and make it a adventure for the kids .my kids would be away every weekend if they got the chance
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cheers james
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#9
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yes the wife knows the score. weve been over for a while but going through the motions for the kids. i can be civil and pleasant but she cant. there has been no arguing in the house for the kids to witness and the kids are happy. its been 16 years all in together and it ran its course years ago.
i dont care about the thought of her with someone else when she does but the thought of someone else playing dad with my kids gets to me.
just now she makes it as awkward as possible for me even seeing my kids by going to her mums and coming back ten minutes before their bedtime every weekend. i can imagine how difficult it will be to see them at all when im not there.
i dont care about the thought of her with someone else when she does but the thought of someone else playing dad with my kids gets to me.
just now she makes it as awkward as possible for me even seeing my kids by going to her mums and coming back ten minutes before their bedtime every weekend. i can imagine how difficult it will be to see them at all when im not there.
#11
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Choose this path and there will never be a 'normal' life for your kids buddy.
However...
You shouldn't stay with a partner that you're not happy with, even for the sake of the kids. I do believe that you can get into a routine and make it as happy as you possibly can for the kids.. hopefully your wife will (after time) come to terms with the separation and not cause problems, try to turn your kids against you, throw a spanner in works about seeing them etc.... this really is a massive decision and I'm sure you've thought long and hard about it, but please make sure you're 150% sure its the correct move and have a real idea about how to deal with the reactions, questions and emotions which will result from it.
Cheers,
Grant
However...
You shouldn't stay with a partner that you're not happy with, even for the sake of the kids. I do believe that you can get into a routine and make it as happy as you possibly can for the kids.. hopefully your wife will (after time) come to terms with the separation and not cause problems, try to turn your kids against you, throw a spanner in works about seeing them etc.... this really is a massive decision and I'm sure you've thought long and hard about it, but please make sure you're 150% sure its the correct move and have a real idea about how to deal with the reactions, questions and emotions which will result from it.
Cheers,
Grant
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Sounds like its for the best all round if its got to that stage in the relationship, just hope she can be reasonable for the sake of the kids, as they will soon learn whos the worst parent if she stops you seeing them in the future!
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Been there...done that....got the T Shirt
It is hard but trust me, it gets better and if anything, the kids have even more fun with you as when you have them, they have your undivided attention......
It is hard but trust me, it gets better and if anything, the kids have even more fun with you as when you have them, they have your undivided attention......
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nice to find out eventually but a lot of wasted years in between.
#20
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weve been together 16 out of the last 21 years. 5 years apart during that time.ive always had the opinion of never going back over old ground and i made that mistake and did although if i hadnt i wouldnt have my little girl so good came of it.
Last edited by fuzzy; 22-11-2009 at 08:14 PM.
#21
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i left the matrimonial home about 6 years ago and never been as happy in my life. met the ex wife at a young age and missed out on a large part of my life. im with the most caring and loving person in the world now(female lol) so it does get better, lots better. marrying again in july next year. i agree we the other person, why wait only to prolong the agony. im a weekend dad to my 7 yr old twin girls fri,sat and we all enjoy our time together. hope things work out for you and make your own decisions and ignore the folk who havent been in the situation.
Sean.
Sean.
#23
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i agree with you guzzler ,but when its gone beyond arguingand being bitter you have to move on ,as fuzzy said it wouldnt bother him his wife having a new partner just shows the love is most definatley gone ,also kids can sense unhappiness and tension from a 100 yards ,which can affect their development.
cheers james
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It can be hard work and can go wrong very quickly.You need to make sure you an your ex stay on good terms.I had to take my ex to court to try and get custody,I ended up getting parental responsibility which is the only real rights a father gets.I dont know if you get this automatically if your are married,I was not.8 years down the line and I still dont get on with her and my 6year relationship is just going down the pan as we speak.I dont know if english and scottish laws differ so its something to look at.
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very difficult decision....
dont think i could ever imagine not putting my 5 year old to bed and seeing her wake up every morning.she lights up my life more than anyone else in the world.
but there has been a few times where i have thought enough is enough-but after calming down ive seen sense
dont think i could ever imagine not putting my 5 year old to bed and seeing her wake up every morning.she lights up my life more than anyone else in the world.
but there has been a few times where i have thought enough is enough-but after calming down ive seen sense
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I dont think anyone should stay in any situation if they arent happy. And i agree that the kids would be better off with 2 seperate but happy parents.
Perhaps some legal advice regarding access to the kids might be a good idea. if shes awkward now then id be suprised if she didnt make it very difficult in the future. If you have access sorted properly then shes less likely to pissball about when it comes to your time with the kids.
Good luck.
Perhaps some legal advice regarding access to the kids might be a good idea. if shes awkward now then id be suprised if she didnt make it very difficult in the future. If you have access sorted properly then shes less likely to pissball about when it comes to your time with the kids.
Good luck.
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i have been a weekend dad and now a every other weekend dad and there's bugger all i can do about it. I love the fact im not with my ex but it breaks my heart knowing i only get to see my 2 boys every other weekend.
If you believe your missus will be awkward towards you seeing you kids then be prepered for hell and im being honest not sugar coating it. If you love ur kids like i do mine it's hell. but on the other hand if ur missus is willing to be fair and allow u to see your kids every weekend or every other weekend then it's bliss, the perfect life in some ways, i miss u kids daily but u get used to it, then u realise ur kids get used to it, you live ur life the way u want when there not there and spoil them when they are.
Just be prepered for upset, women get all the right, Parent responsibility (PR) means nothing for ur access rights.....
Being in a unhappy relationship isn't good for you or ur kids if they find out but i want you to make sure you are prepared for what could happen
If you believe your missus will be awkward towards you seeing you kids then be prepered for hell and im being honest not sugar coating it. If you love ur kids like i do mine it's hell. but on the other hand if ur missus is willing to be fair and allow u to see your kids every weekend or every other weekend then it's bliss, the perfect life in some ways, i miss u kids daily but u get used to it, then u realise ur kids get used to it, you live ur life the way u want when there not there and spoil them when they are.
Just be prepered for upset, women get all the right, Parent responsibility (PR) means nothing for ur access rights.....
Being in a unhappy relationship isn't good for you or ur kids if they find out but i want you to make sure you are prepared for what could happen
#28
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very difficult decision....
dont think i could ever imagine not putting my 5 year old to bed and seeing her wake up every morning.she lights up my life more than anyone else in the world.
but there has been a few times where i have thought enough is enough-but after calming down ive seen sense
dont think i could ever imagine not putting my 5 year old to bed and seeing her wake up every morning.she lights up my life more than anyone else in the world.
but there has been a few times where i have thought enough is enough-but after calming down ive seen sense
i never really had time for kids before i had mine and the missus "accidentally" got pregant with my daughter 3 years ago just when i was planning a way out. i think she new and got pregnant deliberately hoping id leave her with the kids soon after . unfortunately for her it went the other way and she a total daddies little girl .
she tries to make out the kids dont like me and dont want to see me but everyone that sees them react when i come in from work etc can see differently. its all "daddy, daddy,daddy" and them jumping all over me for some rough and tumble play and both cuddling into me when were watching tv etc.
shes a bitter twisted fucker for sure. itll get nasty for sure but she knows me better than anyone and how far im prepared to go so shes know thats a dangerous game to play.
Last edited by fuzzy; 22-11-2009 at 09:25 PM.
#30
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...im looking at houses for rent just now. im not sure whether to move somewhere different. ive been all over during my time before i settled down.
fresh start in a new town perhaps?
fresh start in a new town perhaps?
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i moved, wish i hadent, used to have my boys during the week for tea picked them up at around 4 took them home at 7:30 then i moved and now dont get to do that as it wouldnt be worth the trip by the time i get home i would have to turn round and take them back.
I would seek legal advice asap tbh, you have very little rights without going to court
I would seek legal advice asap tbh, you have very little rights without going to court
#32
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have you got somewhere to go to in mind, i was ok at my mams so the kids could stop over. and i could still have a night out at weekend if i choose to.
#34
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i left the matrimonial home about 6 years ago and never been as happy in my life. met the ex wife at a young age and missed out on a large part of my life. im with the most caring and loving person in the world now(female lol) so it does get better, lots better. marrying again in july next year. i agree we the other person, why wait only to prolong the agony. im a weekend dad to my 7 yr old twin girls fri,sat and we all enjoy our time together. hope things work out for you and make your own decisions and ignore the folk who havent been in the situation.
Sean.
Sean.
My ex misses was good regarding access initially, soon as she met a new chap she tightened the leash a little. I'm currently dealing with a solicitor which seems to have given the ex a shock as I now get to have him couple of evenings a week and every Friday night.
I think the only option for you if she's being a bitch now is to seek legal advise as soon as possible, least that way you can get something set in stone before you move out.
Big-Dan.
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i can always find somewhere quickly if i need to, ive a few good mates but ive got plenty time to sort something more permanent .
i was prepared to live this way until they got a bit older just for the kids as we dont argue but she getting worse. i dont care about meeting anyone else, i get as much happiness as i needed from my son and daughter.
i was prepared to live this way until they got a bit older just for the kids as we dont argue but she getting worse. i dont care about meeting anyone else, i get as much happiness as i needed from my son and daughter.
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look mate, im onli 19 and have been there when my parents split, i was at a young age, and my mum couldnt give a toss about me, what ever happens just make sure ur kids no that u love them and ur always there, if u become a weekend dad u dont have make exciting all the time ur kids will appricate the time they have with you, and even a simple stayin up late with a dvd they will love, i wish my mum did more to keep in touch
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Ive always said if your not happy in life do something about it.I agree with what Sarah says.
......becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.
......becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.
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do you have 2 children with this woman?
PS, all these women being bitches about access for the fathers need their heads sorting out!! they should be doing what is right by their kids and letting them see their dads whenever, not using them as a tool to hurt the dad!!
PS, all these women being bitches about access for the fathers need their heads sorting out!! they should be doing what is right by their kids and letting them see their dads whenever, not using them as a tool to hurt the dad!!
Last edited by Toymota; 23-11-2009 at 02:19 PM.
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