fuzzy

...after christmas im off and leaving the happy marital home. i have no feelings for the missus in the slightest but itll break my heart to leave my two kids.
is there a happy ending to being a weekend dad for those that have been in the same position?

wrx-maniac-22

i doubt there can be a happy ending in that situation but good luck..I would imagine its better to go than stay and possibly have kids caught up in arguments etc,nobody is happy then.

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

why wait til after Christmas if you feel so strongly? It will make it far worse to stay for the sake of the kids.....

Regarding weekend parenting, i have my eldest 2 50% custody, so not technically weekends, and its hard, but it becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.

Does your wife have any idea this is happening and your not happy?

Sarah

Rsmat

iTrader: (2)

fucking hell mate thats a big decision that you can only make yourself....i really do hate to see broken familys so please for the kids sake think it through properly mate.

brad

No , theres no happy ending . doesnt mean you should stay and be miserable tho .

Rsmat

iTrader: (2)

100% agree

james kiely

iTrader: (5)

hard decision to make fuzzy ,but ultimatley the right one for all involved ,a weekend dad is better than a unhappy dad in my book,
big up the advantages of being with you for the weekend and make it a adventure for the kids .my kids would be away every weekend if they got the chance


cheers james

stuboy

im in a dodgy marriage my self and agree with above statement

fuzzy

yes the wife knows the score. weve been over for a while but going through the motions for the kids. i can be civil and pleasant but she cant. there has been no arguing in the house for the kids to witness and the kids are happy. its been 16 years all in together and it ran its course years ago.
i dont care about the thought of her with someone else when she does but the thought of someone else playing dad with my kids gets to me.
just now she makes it as awkward as possible for me even seeing my kids by going to her mums and coming back ten minutes before their bedtime every weekend. i can imagine how difficult it will be to see them at all when im not there.

Rs(555)

iTrader: (8)

not nice at all

RS Grant

iTrader: (1)

Choose this path and there will never be a 'normal' life for your kids buddy.

However...

You shouldn't stay with a partner that you're not happy with, even for the sake of the kids. I do believe that you can get into a routine and make it as happy as you possibly can for the kids.. hopefully your wife will (after time) come to terms with the separation and not cause problems, try to turn your kids against you, throw a spanner in works about seeing them etc.... this really is a massive decision and I'm sure you've thought long and hard about it, but please make sure you're 150% sure its the correct move and have a real idea about how to deal with the reactions, questions and emotions which will result from it.


Cheers,
Grant

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

Sounds like its for the best all round if its got to that stage in the relationship, just hope she can be reasonable for the sake of the kids, as they will soon learn whos the worst parent if she stops you seeing them in the future!

TIFF

Been there...done that....got the T Shirt

It is hard but trust me, it gets better and if anything, the kids have even more fun with you as when you have them, they have your undivided attention......

fuzzy

how should i react when i come in from work and my 3 year old daughter comes out "daddy your a bastard"

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

i'd be doing everything i could to stay with my kids..............

fuzzy

been there for my childhood. my dad was the biggest bastard ever, a gay etc according to my mum. no contact for 30 years and he traces me to give me the other side of the story. my mum did a moonlit move because she didnt like his job whilst he was at work and he didnt know where we were and eventually went back to australia where he still is now and hes remarried to a chinese woman so not gay.
nice to find out eventually but a lot of wasted years in between.

RS Grant

iTrader: (1)

All I've got to deal with is a Labrador looking for his tea when I come in from work... so I can't offer any advice other than pat her head and put some food in a bowl on the floor.


Cheers,
Grant

james kiely

iTrader: (5)

would that include staying in a unhappy relationship?


cheers james

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

you would look at it from both sides, if most arguing couples wern't so bitter with each other & backed down a bit then they may survive.
Fuzzy & his missis have done 16 years so that must say something!

fuzzy

weve been together 16 out of the last 21 years. 5 years apart during that time.ive always had the opinion of never going back over old ground and i made that mistake and did although if i hadnt i wouldnt have my little girl so good came of it.

S3an

i left the matrimonial home about 6 years ago and never been as happy in my life. met the ex wife at a young age and missed out on a large part of my life. im with the most caring and loving person in the world now(female lol) so it does get better, lots better. marrying again in july next year. i agree we the other person, why wait only to prolong the agony. im a weekend dad to my 7 yr old twin girls fri,sat and we all enjoy our time together. hope things work out for you and make your own decisions and ignore the folk who havent been in the situation.

Sean.

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

if nothing else, at least you have time for the kids, best of luck in your choice & i really hope it turns out happy no matter what the choice.

james kiely

iTrader: (5)

i agree with you guzzler ,but when its gone beyond arguingand being bitter you have to move on ,as fuzzy said it wouldnt bother him his wife having a new partner just shows the love is most definatley gone ,also kids can sense unhappiness and tension from a 100 yards ,which can affect their development.

cheers james

Rax

iTrader: (1)

It can be hard work and can go wrong very quickly.You need to make sure you an your ex stay on good terms.I had to take my ex to court to try and get custody,I ended up getting parental responsibility which is the only real rights a father gets.I dont know if you get this automatically if your are married,I was not.8 years down the line and I still dont get on with her and my 6year relationship is just going down the pan as we speak.I dont know if english and scottish laws differ so its something to look at.

fordsportjay

iTrader: (6)

very difficult decision....
dont think i could ever imagine not putting my 5 year old to bed and seeing her wake up every morning.she lights up my life more than anyone else in the world.
but there has been a few times where i have thought enough is enough-but after calming down ive seen sense

Ellie

I dont think anyone should stay in any situation if they arent happy. And i agree that the kids would be better off with 2 seperate but happy parents.
Perhaps some legal advice regarding access to the kids might be a good idea. if shes awkward now then id be suprised if she didnt make it very difficult in the future. If you have access sorted properly then shes less likely to pissball about when it comes to your time with the kids.
Good luck.

DMR

i have been a weekend dad and now a every other weekend dad and there's bugger all i can do about it. I love the fact im not with my ex but it breaks my heart knowing i only get to see my 2 boys every other weekend.

If you believe your missus will be awkward towards you seeing you kids then be prepered for hell and im being honest not sugar coating it. If you love ur kids like i do mine it's hell. but on the other hand if ur missus is willing to be fair and allow u to see your kids every weekend or every other weekend then it's bliss, the perfect life in some ways, i miss u kids daily but u get used to it, then u realise ur kids get used to it, you live ur life the way u want when there not there and spoil them when they are.

Just be prepered for upset, women get all the right, Parent responsibility (PR) means nothing for ur access rights.....

Being in a unhappy relationship isn't good for you or ur kids if they find out but i want you to make sure you are prepared for what could happen

fuzzy

thats what saddens me most. the simple every day things of the kids growing up ill miss.
i never really had time for kids before i had mine and the missus "accidentally" got pregant with my daughter 3 years ago just when i was planning a way out. i think she new and got pregnant deliberately hoping id leave her with the kids soon after . unfortunately for her it went the other way and she a total daddies little girl .
she tries to make out the kids dont like me and dont want to see me but everyone that sees them react when i come in from work etc can see differently. its all "daddy, daddy,daddy" and them jumping all over me for some rough and tumble play and both cuddling into me when were watching tv etc.
shes a bitter twisted fucker for sure. itll get nasty for sure but she knows me better than anyone and how far im prepared to go so shes know thats a dangerous game to play.

KSA-Cossie

iTrader: (4)

Done it myself earlier this year and tbh m8 i wish i'd tried harder with the ex wife,being a weekend dad sucks big time.

fuzzy

...im looking at houses for rent just now. im not sure whether to move somewhere different. ive been all over during my time before i settled down.
fresh start in a new town perhaps?

DMR

i moved, wish i hadent, used to have my boys during the week for tea picked them up at around 4 took them home at 7:30 then i moved and now dont get to do that as it wouldnt be worth the trip by the time i get home i would have to turn round and take them back.

I would seek legal advice asap tbh, you have very little rights without going to court

S3an

have you got somewhere to go to in mind, i was ok at my mams so the kids could stop over. and i could still have a night out at weekend if i choose to.

MarK4

its not great but I try and make the most of the time I do get at weekends, just keep it as civil as possible with the other half.

Big-Dan

iTrader: (2)

As above, it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom.

My ex misses was good regarding access initially, soon as she met a new chap she tightened the leash a little. I'm currently dealing with a solicitor which seems to have given the ex a shock as I now get to have him couple of evenings a week and every Friday night.

I think the only option for you if she's being a bitch now is to seek legal advise as soon as possible, least that way you can get something set in stone before you move out.

Big-Dan.

fuzzy

i can always find somewhere quickly if i need to, ive a few good mates but ive got plenty time to sort something more permanent .
i was prepared to live this way until they got a bit older just for the kids as we dont argue but she getting worse. i dont care about meeting anyone else, i get as much happiness as i needed from my son and daughter.

orionadam

look mate, im onli 19 and have been there when my parents split, i was at a young age, and my mum couldnt give a toss about me, what ever happens just make sure ur kids no that u love them and ur always there, if u become a weekend dad u dont have make exciting all the time ur kids will appricate the time they have with you, and even a simple stayin up late with a dvd they will love, i wish my mum did more to keep in touch

Lee Reynolds

Thats what would do me

Glenn_

iTrader: (1)

Ive always said if your not happy in life do something about it.I agree with what Sarah says.


......becomes routine. Most important thing is your children grow up with 2 happy parents that are separate instead of 2 together that despise each other.

Toymota

do you have 2 children with this woman?

PS, all these women being bitches about access for the fathers need their heads sorting out!! they should be doing what is right by their kids and letting them see their dads whenever, not using them as a tool to hurt the dad!!

Rick Astley