Toymota

whats with the rolling eyes? i only ask because i wondered how he had come to have more than one child with someone he wasnt happy with

Rick Astley

Because he is a guy and doesn't care where he buries his load?

Toymota

tut tut!!

lol

Chip

iTrader: (3)

I think you have answered your own question there mate, it wont be a happy ending for you if you enjoy seeing your kids, as she will clearly stop you being able to do so very much by the sounds of it.
You could start trying to get rights in court etc, but i doubt that will make everyone feel happy either.

Best of luck!

Chip

iTrader: (3)

He probably was happy with her at one point.

alangti

i done it 5 years ago now same as you had no feelings for her and didnt care what happened she stopped me seeing my son for nearly a year while i went through court and eventually got weekend rights i got with the person im with now about 5 months after i left and ive never been happier weekend dad does suck but if you make the extra effort it pays off as all my son says now is when he is old enough he is coming to live with me n vicki who he gets on really well with last year i moved to spain with work for a year and that was hard and since coming back she and her new boyfriend who she has been with for a few years now and has another child with stopped me seeing him again and now i only get every other weekend for the sunday 9am - 5:30pm which is shocking and he dont stay over anymore but trying to get that sorted again when he is at home he is pushed out due to the fact they have another kid which is shocking fact of the matter is if she is anything like i mention it will be very hard and they are always trying to make life as hard as possible for me to see my son and its shit and does my head in but it is better than being in the situation your in now belive me mate good luck with whatever you choose to do anyway hope you have more luck than i had

Toymota

but on one of his posts, he says he was looking for a way out before she fell pregnant. i am not too sure but i think this was with the second child judging by his post?

was he not being precautious if he wasnt happy? thats all.

i only ask because so many children are brought in to the world of an already unhappy home and its not fair.

DazS1Turbo

I split last year when my daughter was 2 - Me and the mum just ended up totally opposite people in the end and the inevitable happened, very sad

Chocked me up to my core for the first 6 months then it became easier, i used to cry driving home after id dropped her off as she used to cry/scream and hold onto my legs and never wanted to go back to her mum it was the worst thing ive ever experienced and i used to get smashed every sunday night. Now my daughter understands that daddy lives away and it's so much easier.

YOU MUST do all you can in your power to keep the mum happy, the amount of times i bite my tounge is unreal even now after a year but i know if i go against any of her decisions or argue with her she'll make life difficult for me and stop me seeing her.

I have my daughter 3 weekends in 4 and every tuesday night and she's a proper daddy's girl and i sacrifice going out at weekends just to be with her and i love it.

If i was you I would stay as local as you can and id also be discussing access and agreed maintenance before you leave.

Other things to do is keep all receipts of the things you do/buy for you kids after the split incase things go tits up and she tries to stop you seeing them the fact she's being an arse already in bringing them home late suggests your going to have a rough ride......

You can agree to settle maintenance payments between you without using the CSA thats what ive done but make sure you pay her via a bank transfer so you've got evidence

Good luck with it all and remember keep her as sweet as you can/pander to her it's the only way.

Toymota

god this is so so wrong!! why cant these women see what they are doing?? dads should have as much right to their kids as mums do!! i mean if the dad has never pulled his weight with the child from the beginning, then i can see why the mum would make things difficult, but if he has been a good dad, she should put that first. these women make the rest of us look bad.

my little girl is 5 months old now. if me and her dad ever split up (god forbid that ever happening) i would NEVER stop him seeing her or make it difficult for him. It wouldnt be fair on her daughter as she needs a father figure.

These women need slapping!

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

I have to say i disagree with keeping their mum happy and i completely agree with above.

I dont do a thing to keep my eldest 2's dad happy, we made a mutual agreement of 50% custody, but i do bite my tongue a lot on several issues, mainly down to the fact its not worth the aggro. I wouldnt ever cause problems for the kids, as ultimately, theyre the ones that suffer when parents are bitter towards each other.

My kids are 9 and 7 now, when i split up with their dad they were 8mths and 2.5, theyve got 2 stable home environments, half here, with me, Lee and Finley, and half at their dads with his GF and other 4 kids.

They settled into it quite well, but i suspect age had a lot to do with it and know no different.

As long as they both know that you love them more than anything, it shouldnt cause problems and they will respect you for being there for them when theyre older. She may turn nasty towards you, but kids arent stupid and will soon wise up to her attitude towards you...

Sarah

DazS1Turbo

And believe me im a decent man never cheated, took on all our joint debt when we splt to help her out ect ect ect

She's now got another fella and has settled down a bit but you can see she's just waiting for me to piss her off in some way believe me it'll NEVER happen

she even stopped my old seeing her because my olds had wanted her xmass gifts last year to come to stay at my house (Ive sorted that one out now but it took 2 months of fighting her in a very soft manner as to not to upset her)

There will be arsehole father's but the decent ones get punished just the same

Im scared to get another partner incase it all kicks off again :-(

DazS1Turbo

Understand what your saying but if i didn't keep the mum happy then i know it could go pear shaped very quickly - having said that things are getting better with time but ultimately my daughter is my number 1 priority so if i have to pander and bite my tongue then so be it. Maybe im just scared of loosing my daughter that makes me feel like this sarah i dont know.

It's the early stages of breakup that are so important IMO - if id had argued and thrown my toys out of the pram when we first split i know for a fact id have had to fight her in the courts for access and that does nobody any good.

Things are working out well at the minute and the mum is even flexible now in what weekends i have her so it can work out good.

I hope one day she'll want and come and live with me full time

Kris_23

Thought I woulod put in my 2p's worth from a different perspective.

My mum and dad split up when i was very young (about 4) My mum re-married not long after. Ever since i can remember I would see my dad EVERY Wednesday, from 3pm when i finished school till 8pm until i was about 12 then went on to be a bit later say 10pm.

I'm now 24 and I couldnt have a better relationship with my Dad probably more so with him than i do my mum (With whom i lived with until i was 21).

Most of the fun times I can remember being little were with my dad on a wednesday.

Kids might not understand now but later on in life they will, IF you put in the effort and do all you can for them, and be there for them when they need you (which by the sounds of things you will) they will love you no matter what. (holidays every year help )

I've even had a step dad since i was 4 and there is not a chance that he could ever replace my Dad.

I have a sister that is 4 years older than me (She was 9 when he left) and she has the same brilliant relationship with my dad as I do now.

Good luck dude

MikeR

When my parents split they agreed maintanence and visiting rights straight away, my old man was in the army though so really it was a case of he could have us when he was free, the one time my mum tried to play clever my dad was straight in a car to put it right,

My parents are civil now which massivly helps because they occasionally bump into each other at my house but the best thing they ever did was seperate as they both became the people they wanted to me

Mike

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

Wow

I've seen you mention this plenty times before so you know it's been coming. Sad for the kids yes but no reason to ruin your whole(only!) life due to being unhappy.

My eldest is my stepson but i've known him since he was 2. The sperm doner doesnt ever see him and is a complete utter wank. He's never paid his way properly and i reckon he's shagging someone at the csa as he gets away with murder. Its crazy.

On the other hand my cousin gets SHAFTED by his ex who is the worlds biggest cunt. If i had one bullet that i could use and get away with she'd get it, not even the sperm doner above, HER. The hassle she causes is unreal. "needing" her payment as she's going to get her hair done etc etc. Oh it boils my piss.

Women go doo lally when they split and however much you think it might be ok prepare for the worst. ESPECIALLY when new partners come along.

Fair play on making the decision though and i hope it works out.

If you need a new town keep the fuck away from aberdeen though

Toymota

not all women!! i know i would never make it difficult for mike to see our daughter if we ever was to split up (touch wood). No matter how bitter the breakup. Some women are just wankers

orionadam

She may turn nasty towards you, but kids arent stupid and will soon wise up to her attitude towards you...

Sarah[/quote]
i agree when my parents split i was to young to remeber but the fights went on for years throu courts, i new what was happin, but i was living with my dad and his then new wife who turned me agaisnt my reali mum, she still does but now she does with my dad aswell turning him agaisnt me and im now near 20. as a kid i new my mum wasnt as bad as my step mum made out, im now slowly get the relantionship back with my mum after 15 years. if u keep tellin ur kids that u love them and will always be there for them,they will make there own choices,it may take time but u just got be patient, and never give up on ur kids, i wish my reali mum did more to fight for me, but the past is the past. good luck mate

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

no offence here but you never know what'll happen until it does. people have great intentions and i have seen all this first hand with more than one person. jealousy/bitterness/anger etc ALWAYS get in the way

maybe you could do the right thing but you shouldn't even talk about what if's that are that serious...

fraser9764

iTrader: (3)

Im 21 and my mum and dad split when i was about 8, before that i hated my dad, i hardly saw him coz he worked long hours and went to the pub most nights, but when i did see him, he was a cunt. both me and my brother (who is 2 years younger than me) stayed with my mum and he moved out back to his mum and dads and eventually a small bedsit.
he never payed his way, every time the CSA caught up with him he changed jobs, we never had a set routine of seeing him, for a few months we used to go to a cheap restaurant half way between his and my mums.
My mum was always civil to him, the only argument i ever remember was when i woke up in the middle of the night and they were arguing downstairs.
anyway, we always kept intouch but could go a weeks maybe months and not see him, but when we did, it was far far better, we were there because he wanted to see us, not because we were just there when he came home from work if that makes sence.
My dad is a mechanic, and when i was 16 i bought a van to do up, he finaly became properly interested and came round and helped me out every weekend, because we finaly had something in common.
Now i speak to him at least once a week, generally on the phone but i do see him fairly regularly,
He is re-married (she's a dick but she is harmless with it) and my mum is engaged, and when its my grandparents (on my dads side) birthdays etc we can all go out for a meal etc. and genuinley have a laugh, not just the 2 sides being civil.
all in all, it couldnt have turned out better for me and my brother, but the big difference was my dad was a cunt and i didnt want to see him when i was young, your kids obviously dont see you that way.
so to be honest, this big long post was a waste of time

col93saphcos

iTrader: (2)

fuzzy let it slip,dont lift to the stuff thats getting drummed into the kids get to you,just try and make the time you spend with your kids as enjoyabe for them as yourself,
get my two boys every second weekend,was hard to come to terms with to start with but kids do eventually realise that your trying your best for them,mine would now want to move in with me but ex wont allow,mine now see its me thats actually better to them than their bullying brain washing mother,
best not involving kids when slating each other,my ex had great delight in always using the kids as a bargaining tool,but YOU have as much rights over the kids as her,sorry if rambled on but hope all goes well for you and your kids,might not be easy but nobody said it would be,good luck mate

XRdodgybird

mmm, I can remember a thread on this a few months ago..... you're okay, I won't say it.

Can there be a happy ending to being a weekend dad..... I would say the best thing you can do is try and keep it amicable..... and as long as a clear routine's put in place and kept to you have every chance that there can be. Sure you will have your low points, like the hour or so after they've gone back.... all you can do is look forward to next weekend and enjoy every minute of it.

Ebonycossie4x4

iTrader: (4)

Agreed 100%

Ebonycossie4x4

iTrader: (4)

Hmmm Just left youre wife and kids and youre thinking about going out on the weekend.

I dont mean to offend but that would be the very last thing on my mind.

fuzzy

ive come home from work tonight to be told by my boy that he was crying at school because he's sad im moving out.
all i can do is reassure him im there for them and still love them both no matter what anyone says.
weve been together 16 years out of the last 21 years and we do have the 2 kids in my sig pic so we were happy twice.
but do you know what....? since making the definative decision to move out after christmas ive set the wheels in motion today and i feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
my fear is losing the "daddy" bond with my kids and ending up as someone the kids dont really know but grudgingly visit every so often because theyre meant to. i just need to go with the flow and see how it goes.
tomorrow i might be shacked up with a nympho big jugged blond...who knows ?

MikeR

Did you tell him that you was moving out or your misses ?

Mike

Mrs T

its not just the mums that play games the dads can do as well

anyway my mum and dad spilt up when i was 18 and i found it hard cause your more torn in a way and maybe understand and see more which makes it harder

my little girl goes to her dads on a friday to sunday and she is happy enough she gets the best of both worlds and the only time i will turn is if she was put around aload of different gf's i dont agree with that at all

got to be easier when they are younger then holding out till they older and understand

fuzzy

i told him. my boys far clingier than my girl. i dont know if its for the best but it gives him time for it to sink in.

MikeR

how old is your boy? when my mum first told me l was 12 and took it badly for a day or so then it just sunk in l guess and l dealt with it, fingers crossed your lad does

Mike

fuzzy

bens 6 emmas 3....

my mum and dad split when i was 3. i have no memories of dad at all but then he had no contact for 30 years after the split. i wont make that mistake.

bigal1978

another one im here for another 6 years

Ginge !

mate tbh i know theres alot of bad sides to breaking up BUT,,,, i split with Nikki about 3 months ago, she wasnt happy and i think i knew it aswell so we decided to seperate...... we have had moments of frustration between us but we are still very close with each other,,,,, infact we still get along quite well and i can come and see my little one when i want, have her over night when i want and even stay if i wanted though we are both def over as we both want different things,,,, hardest thing was trying to explain to my little one about it as she hates it but shes sort of got used to it now and we dont bitch at each other infront of the little one though mine might be a bit different as we both still love each other just know that we aint happy in a relationship at this moment in time as,,,,,,, well im not the type of bloke she wants to be with and i cant do "fake" things to make her happy like flowers and other shite as i feels wrong to me. me and nikki was together for 10 years,, moved in together within a week,,, think thats where our issue was as we never had a "courting" point in our relationship so we never settled down

if you can stay close friends it a MAJOR part of it,,, i wasnt happy at first but i knew it was the better desision and it would just happen in the future and tbh im more relaxed around her than i used to be

good luck in what ever you decide,,,,,, oh and even if you 2 do get along there will be times you have arguments at first but they do pass or atleast mine did and im glad that im not being fucked over by the ex like some poor fuckers have happen

CossieRich

iTrader: (1)

Fuzzy - tough decision to make but seems like you know where your head is at which is good. Wont be a smooth ride if she makes it hard for you to see the kids. You will find your breaking point but after that things will seem better for you.

Ginge - Sorry to hear of your news as well mate

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

I dont get why silly cows do this!! Do they really think it will work???

I really dont get all the need for the nastyness and maliciousness dealt out by so many woman to the dads.

Yeah sure us men arent angels, but usually men just do a dissapearing act or try to be a good weekend dad.

I dont see why soo many woman feel that need to be nasty?? And its not just with kids either.

I know they say "theres nothing like a woman scorned" but theres just no need!!!

mmmmm id love to be wrong about this but if shes bitter and twisted now then when you split shes going to take you to the fucking cleaners for everything she can as well as make things hard for you.

Sadly while the family courts are still biased against dads then this will always be the case as they can get away with it. I remember lads i was divisional officer to with similar problems after a split up and these stupid bitches could just get away with complete lying. theres no burden on proof, no evidence needed, its just taken as read that the "poor woman" is telling the truth. Doesnt help that usually the bloke is already financially fucked before it gets to court so guess who cant afford decent legal representation????

Its all fucking wrong!!!

Turbosystems

iTrader: (5)

will we be seeing you and your x on Jeremy Kyle.
It really is bad how a mother would deprive the children of it's father just out of spite but the law is on her side
good luck sounds like you will need it

Elvis

iTrader: (1)

[warren mode on ]only way round it is to blunt her with an axe and lay a new patio [/warren mode]

but seriously, expect her to be a right kunt

rog

iTrader: (2)

Know a few people in similar situations, 1 thing i'll say is be prepared for the fall out, initially you'll be seen as the one walking away and leaving them, but that's just other people's view of it. Since everyone on here has basically said "it's for the best" i'm going to go out on a limb and suggest you try a different approach, long holiday/unpaid leave and try and get something sorted out, councilling works for some people, but i guess if there's an issue now, there might always be.Good luck with whatever you decide, I'm sure it'l be very difficult for your mrs aswell.

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

you know too much

OI I only advocate killing people where its justified!!! Killing the mother would probably end up with the kids hating you!!

making the bitch do a lie detector on JK would be all the humiliation she needs to tow the line i suspect JK show title "trapped by lying ex getting pregnant!!"

wayne thomas

Just hope she can be adult enough not to inject them with the poison!!

Ginge !

cheers for the kind comment but honestly im lucky to have a decent mutual split rather than have a relationship that makes the other one unhappy and im lucky that i have access to my little one as much as i wish, only down side is i cant walk around the house naked anymore as im at my parents pmsl. as said we are still very very very close friends just she no longer does my washing

Dangerous Malcolm..

Sorry to read this Fuzzy, a break up is bad enough, let alone when there's kids involved.

I don't feel sorry for you or ya missus, you're old enough and ugly enough to handle it, it's just the kids whose world is torn apart. I feel sorry for them.