These had me in TEARS!!
04-02-2009, 11:42 AM
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These had me in TEARS!!
The most 90's thing ever!!!
Defining the previous decade...
Defining the previous decade...
- Spilling Hooch over the brand new edition of Loaded whilst laughing at Game On.
- Sara Cox sinking a pint of Stella in one, then being sick over a copy of Nick Hornby's 'High Fidelity'.
- A magic eye picture of Skin out of Skunk Anansie.
- Attempting to download a pixely trailer for The Lion King overnight using a dialup connection. The computer crashes after completing 5 seconds.
- Debating who is the better host of The Big Breakfast and whether 'Space' are a credible band whilst watching a TDK240 VHS full of Games Master programmes, all whilst wearing a plant pot styled hat.
- Discussing the terrible reception you've got for Channel 5 in your area whilst voting New Labour to the sound of Ready To Go by Republica.
- The Incredibly Tall Old Lady from TFI Friday, riding a micro-scooter through Hoxton, while simultaneously paging Keith Allen.
- Chesney Hawkes dancing the Macarena in a Global Hypercolour T-Shirt. Stewart Maconie analysing the situation in depth on some fucking TV list show.
- Mr Motivator running a humilating aerobics task on The Generation Game - a pudgy man in a comedic neon lycra jumpsuit and perfectly round glasses falls down to hilarious effect as a result
- Tony Slattery discussing his sex addiction with a concerned looking Katie Puckrick while David Baddiel looks on, stroking his chin sarcastically.
- Someone who used to be in Neighbours is No.1 in the charts, featuring weekly on Top of The Pops, which is presented by someone wearing a cardigan who moonlights as an immature kids TV presenter on Saturday mornings and is probably gay
- Jeremy Paxman appears as a special guest on Channel 4 sitcom "Nightingales." He holds up a Wimpy burger and dismisses it as "prole dross" to a burst of canned laughter.
- Sitting in an internet cafe in combat trousers, forwarding a link to 'All Your Base are Belong to us' to a friend on his gap year in Nepal.
- Drinking half a bottle of red Aftershock and dancing to a shit Fatboy Slim remix of Wombling Free.
- Timmy Mallet presents an edition of Wacaday live from a Eurostar train.
- You spend half an hour on your dial-up connection downloading a Supergrass single while listening to Dr. Brian Mahwinney claim the tories are going to win the next election on your Goodman's TV.
- Searching for the hero inside yourself — then saying 'Scorchio!' when you find it.
- Genuinely believing that Menswe@r were going to change the world whilst watching The Big Breakfast and eagerly looking forward to The Word.
- A Banksy mural of John Prescott and Tony Blair snorting coke off Noel Gallagher's tits, with a policeman wanking, or something.
- Jarvis Cocker playing an Amiga 1200 whilst wearing oversized headphones. In the background, double-glazing is being installed.
- Having a wank about any of the following: Tanya Donelly (Belly), Sarah Cracknell (Saint Etienne), Toni Halliday (Curve)
- Wanking off to an issue of Sky Magazine with Cindy Crawford on the front cover.
- Bellowing "That's You That is!" through your centre parting at a girl in a Laura Ashley Dress and Doc Martens who smells of White Musk from the Body Shop
- Brett Anderson flicking the write protect tabs on all Johnny Cigarettes' floppy discs, so he can't report that thing he said about being bisexual. Also there is uPVC somewhere.
- Wanking over an imagined lesbian threesome featuring Louise Werner from Sleeper, Sonya Madden from Echobelly, and Donna from Elastica
afpmsl
04-02-2009, 11:47 AM
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what not to say to your girlfriends father
Im addicted to it
- Do all your family bruise easily?
- Look at her now, a face like an angel. Its almost impossible to believe that just one hour ago in my car that same face looked like a plasterers radio.
- I'll get down on my hands and knees behind her, you push her over me. This is going to be awesome.
- There's only so much money you can spend on whores before you think "I could save a lot of money if I just settle for some ugly cunt".
- Thanks for loosening her up for me, pal.
- You haven't got any others, have you. Only, to be honest, I'm fucking sick of this one. It's all "dont hit me" and "please, im on my period". And all that.
- She don't half look like you at times. Not that you've ever sucked my cock mind.
- That bruise? Oh she walked into a door. So I punched her for being so fucking stupid. LETS DANCE!
- I just hope it turns out that I'm the father. You should have seen some of the blokes that turned up for the last hour.
- I learnt this in prison
- Dont you worry about me getting her pregnant. You just keep your money for the new arsehole shes gonna need next month.
- "A dozen of your finest rubbers, my good man."
- The pregnancies going great actually - amazing. Especially as we were worried that the baby might fall out. I've had my whole foot in there once. With a shoe on.
- Don't tell me you've not even considered it! Not even once? What about if I told you she swallows?
- I tell you what, what she lacks in looks, she makes up for in stamina
- you should have seen me, I kicked that badger to death and then threw him in a lake...
- ...so I told her "If that test is positive, I'm gonna kill you, the baby and then me."...
- To look at her, you wouldn't think it'd fit in, would you?
- Sorry about holding up the funeral, but I wanted one last go before you put the lid on the coffin.
- I must say sir, I do love your daughter. She's even better in bed than your other one. And her four-year-old son.
- I swear to God she said she was 16.
- ... and before you know it, the PC and bleeding hearts brigade are bleating, "paedophile!"
- ...but thankfully she looks just like my sister.
- She told me that you broke her in. Didn't notice, though! Your cock must be tiny.
- Its great how much weight she's lost since I gave her hepatitis C.
04-02-2009, 02:37 PM
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The pregnancies going great actually - amazing. Especially as we were worried that the baby might fall out. I've had my whole foot in there once. With a shoe on.
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