I feel you'll all appreciate this *flame suit on*

As the average Englishman moves about the home he calls his castle,
watch him enjoy a typical English breakfast of toast and marmalade
invented by Mrs Keiller of Dundee, Scotland; see him slipping into his
national costume, a soiled raincoat, patented by Charles MacIntosh, a
Glasgow druggist; and follow his footsteps over the linoleum flooring
invented in Kirkcaldy, Scotland.




On The Road Out he goes - along the English lane surfaced by John
MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland (known as the MacAdamized road), smoking an
English cigarette, first manufactured by Robert Croag of Perthshire,
Scotland. He hops aboard an English bus, which is using tyres invented
by John Boyd Dunlop, of Dreghorn, Scotland and later completes his
journey by rail. (A reminder the James Watt of Greenock, Scotland
invented the Steam Engine). At the office he is presented with the
morning mail containing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers of
Dundee, Scotland; and periodically during the day, he reaches for the
telephone, invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born of Scottish parents.




At The Dinner Table

At home in the evening, our English cousins wife is preparing his
national dish of roast beef of old England - prime Aberdeen Angus,
raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. This sets the patriotic heart beating
a little faster, and he enters the dining room whistling "Ye Mariners of
England" written and composed by Thomas Campbell of Glasgow, Scotland.
After dinner there follows a scene typical of English domestic bliss.
Young Albert is packed off to Boys Brigade, founded by Sir William Smith
of Glasgow, Scotland; Ted goes to the Scouts, the present Chief of which
is Sir Charles MacLean of Duart, Scotland; and little Ethel plays on her
bicycle, invented by Kirkpatrick MacMillan, a blacksmith of Dumfries,
Scotland. Mother, in the kitchen, bleaches clothes with bleach invented
by James McGregor of Glasgow, Scotland. dad listens to the news on the
television, invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, and
hears an item about the United States Navy, founded by John Paul Jones,
of Kirkbean, Scotland. Maybe, just maybe, he will remember that the
radar with which the U.S. and other fleets are equipped was invented by
Sir Robert A. Watson Watt, of Brechin, Scotland.




Homework

Once the children come home, Dad supervises the homework, using
logarithms invented by John Napier of Edinburgh. The English course
contains familiar books such as "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis
Stevenson, and "Robinson Crusoe", based on the life of Alex Selkirk, of
, Scotland. If by now he has been reminded too much of Scotland, he may
in desperation pick up the bible - here at last to have something
without Scottish associations; but he is disillusioned - the first man
mentioned in the bible is a Scot, James VI, who authorised its
translation. Its hopeless. Nowhere he can turn to escape the efficiency
and ingenuity of the Scots. He could take a drink - but we supply the
best in the world. He could stick his head in the oven - but the coal
gas was discovered by William Murdoch of Ayr, Scotland. He could take
rifle and blow his brains out, but. of course the breach loading rifle
was invented by a Scot. Anyway, if he survived, injured, he would simple
find himself on an operating table, injected with Penicillin, discovered
by Alexander Flaming of Darvel, Scotland; given an anaesthetic
discovered by James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland; and operated on
be antiseptic surgery pioneered at Glasgow Royal Infirmary. On coming
out of the anaesthetic, he would probable take no comfort in learning
from his surgeon that he was as safe as the Bank of England, founded by
William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.




Poor fellows only hope would be to receive a transfusion of good SCOTs
blood which would entitle him to ask


"Whas like us?"
Gie few and thur aw deed !

 

CLass..............

 

LOL didnt read it all but i got the idea

 

 

Fookin quality mate Just had a lecture on logarithyms tho, came on here to tryand forget about them

 

Matt cant argue their at all....lol

Chipper ner ner lol

 

James watt didn't invent the steam engine.

He invented the Seperate Condenser.

I think it was Newcommon (sp ) that invented the steam engine, this was a beam engine for pumping water from mines as well, nowt to do with railways.......roflol

 

Ok matt fair play your right their, BUT he is renowned for his improvements to it,
The misconception that Watt was the actual inventor of the steam engine arose from the fundamental nature of his contributions to its development. The centrifugal or flyball governor, which he invented in 1788, and which automatically regulated the speed of an engine

it was Thomas Savery and Thomas Newcomen who invented it!

i didnt write the above, dont give me stick im jus the messenger

 

Classy




Heard alot like that before.. a good number of inventors "hud ther kip in the bonnet country"

 

Very good.

What language is it written in?

 

 

i dunno its a bitty foreign to me too

 

Didn't see any of that cleverness when I was in Glasgow for 3 days the weekend before last Dave

 

HANG ON....

You missed the bit about how the Englishman go's shopping and gets stopped 15 times on the high street by various drunk old men with beards, all drinking super tennants and ALL scottish

 

Thats cos u never saw me lynne

& lol Paddy

 

I saw plenty of Scots though in the bars and clubs, couldn't understand a word they said though..........

 

aah see you could of taken me out in the pubs etc got me pissed and i could of translated for you!!

come to think of it how many times have i saw u this year and last, a few like jus aint said hello! remind me to next time i bump into ya! lol last time i saw u was croft i think, was within inches of u, did u feel my presence? lol

 

You're still colonised by wankers though

 

"bitty" ????

 

cue Steve and the tramp killer Zeppelin

 

PMSL

quality

 

gurnE stop spoiling our moment, we dont get many

Mark "bitty" is a little bit just incase.....