A few jokes ..a bit crap but what the hell
22-09-2004, 07:47 PM
#1
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A few jokes ..a bit crap but what the hell
My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it
leaves a big f*ckin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll buy me a diamond !!!!
================================================== ========
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing
into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
headache".
"Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom
powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it
orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
===============================================
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has
just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are
carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall,
jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket
and find that the woman is Actually alive. She lived for ten more
years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is again held at
the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are
again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries
out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""
===============================================
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her
turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would
you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies,
"I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for
a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said
the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
================================================
Most married couples mainly argue about two things,
sex and money. So agree the price before you start.
===========================================
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and
says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible,"
says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow
and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams. everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" The girl
says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," the doctor says.
"You have a broken finger."
================================================== =====
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his
girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police
officer approaches him and asks: "Have
you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man,"Was I
driving badly?" "No" replies the Officer, "You were driving
splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the
passenger seat that made me suspicious"
================================================== ======
ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it
leaves a big f*ckin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll buy me a diamond !!!!
================================================== ========
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing
into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
headache".
"Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom
powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it
orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
===============================================
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has
just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are
carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall,
jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket
and find that the woman is Actually alive. She lived for ten more
years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is again held at
the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are
again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries
out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""
===============================================
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her
turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would
you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies,
"I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for
a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said
the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
================================================
Most married couples mainly argue about two things,
sex and money. So agree the price before you start.
===========================================
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and
says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible,"
says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow
and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams. everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" The girl
says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," the doctor says.
"You have a broken finger."
================================================== =====
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his
girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police
officer approaches him and asks: "Have
you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man,"Was I
driving badly?" "No" replies the Officer, "You were driving
splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the
passenger seat that made me suspicious"
================================================== ======
22-09-2004, 08:21 PM
#2
PassionFord Post Whore!!
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GAZ W,
ROTFPMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
WHAT A FOOKIN CLASSIC!
Pete!!!
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing
into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
headache".
"Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom
powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it
orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a
headache".
"Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom
powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it
orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!
WHAT A FOOKIN CLASSIC!
Pete!!!
22-09-2004, 11:30 PM
#7
bounce, bounce, bounce
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: York
Posts: 1,472
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Re: A few jokes ..a bit crap but what the hell
Originally Posted by GAZ W
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and
says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible,"
says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow
and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams. everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" The girl
says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," the doctor says.
"You have a broken finger."
says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible,"
says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow
and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle and screams. everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" The girl
says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," the doctor says.
"You have a broken finger."
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