Memorable Quotes from Top Gear
14-06-2006, 09:45 AM
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Memorable Quotes from Top Gear
This may be a repost but
Richard Hammond: [when test driving a Bowler Wildcat] I am a driving god!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said, "You know, can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "The Colin".
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Porsche Carrera GT] I'm speaking to you now from inside one of the Venturi tunnels!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ford GT40] Was this the greatest hypercar of them all ? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.
James May: [about Honda S2000] He's not sure whether he's driving, or in a branch of Dixons.
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked?
[whilst driving]
Jeremy Clarkson: Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't.
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] I'm a horse of a man!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says its too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes.
Jeremy Clarkson: [when talking with a guest about her car] It's pouring down with rain because not enough people have Range Rovers.
Richard Hammond: [discussing Sabine's Schmitz drive round Nurburgring] Don't forget, she was only half a second a mile behind you, and she was in this van.
Jeremy Clarkson: I think we should explain. The Nurburgring, as I'm sure some of you know, is sort of open the whole time. You can pay five pounds to go on a lap, so there were other cars out there as well.
Richard Hammond: It was just an ordinary day, and you saw them. There were guys in their Porsches, "Look at me in my Porsche, ha ha!" and they were overtaken by a van. Driven by a girl!
Jeremy Clarkson: [peering into the engine bay on the Lotus Exige] To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bakofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets.
Jeremy Clarkson: Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Jeremy Clarkson: We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.
Jeremy Clarkson: If this were America, it would be full of people doing... whatever it is they do. Incest, mostly, I think.
Trevor Eve: [pointing away from the studio] Outside in the car park, owned by Jeremy, is a Mercades SKL shopping trolley!
James May: [looking through the survey results] I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.
Jeremy Clarkson: That's possibly why they're burning them in Paris at the moment!
James May: I think they're just catching fire by themselves!
Richard Hammond: [after the sport coupe on the Isle of Man item] Don't say anything! Do not say a word - you lost!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
James May: What's the Norwegian for "Oh, cock"?
Richard Hammond: I am not moonlighting as the editor of a gay magazine!
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
Richard Hammond: [talking about the Ford GT] How much time have you spent in petrol stations on the way here?
Jeremy Clarkson: Look, the fact of the matter is, Richard, I prefer to spend my money on petrol than on teeth whitening.
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
Jeremy Clarkson: [announcing the Top Gear 2005 Awards in December 2005] Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn't move an inch.
[referring to the then-recent gas explosion in Hertfordshire]
Jeremy Clarkson: For me, the best supercar is the Ford GT. I like it so much, I actually bought this one twice.
Richard Hammond: You bought it twice because it kept breaking down and you sent it back!
Jeremy Clarkson: That Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
Jeremy Clarkson: So, the BMW M6. How would it stack up to the Aston I drove earlier? There is a lot to not like about the BMW. The grotesque carbon-fibre dashboard, the enormous steering wheel and the fact that this one is the colour of a vet's forearm.
Jeremy Clarkson: [while watching Terry Wogan do his lap] I've never been so bored in my life!
Jeremy Clarkson: [While driving McClaren SLR into the Eurotunnel train] I wonder what's the fastest anyone's ever driven inside the Eurotunnel.
Jeremy Clarkson: [Drives faster] NO. No no no. Grow up
Jeremy Clarkson: [When driving thr McLaren Mercedes SLR through a tunnel] When they debate as to what the sound of the SLK engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said "Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!" They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.
Richard Hammond: [when test driving a Bowler Wildcat] I am a driving god!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said, "You know, can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "The Colin".
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Porsche Carrera GT] I'm speaking to you now from inside one of the Venturi tunnels!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ford GT40] Was this the greatest hypercar of them all ? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.
James May: [about Honda S2000] He's not sure whether he's driving, or in a branch of Dixons.
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked?
[whilst driving]
Jeremy Clarkson: Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't.
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] I'm a horse of a man!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says its too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes.
Jeremy Clarkson: [when talking with a guest about her car] It's pouring down with rain because not enough people have Range Rovers.
Richard Hammond: [discussing Sabine's Schmitz drive round Nurburgring] Don't forget, she was only half a second a mile behind you, and she was in this van.
Jeremy Clarkson: I think we should explain. The Nurburgring, as I'm sure some of you know, is sort of open the whole time. You can pay five pounds to go on a lap, so there were other cars out there as well.
Richard Hammond: It was just an ordinary day, and you saw them. There were guys in their Porsches, "Look at me in my Porsche, ha ha!" and they were overtaken by a van. Driven by a girl!
Jeremy Clarkson: [peering into the engine bay on the Lotus Exige] To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bakofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets.
Jeremy Clarkson: Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Jeremy Clarkson: We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.
Jeremy Clarkson: If this were America, it would be full of people doing... whatever it is they do. Incest, mostly, I think.
Trevor Eve: [pointing away from the studio] Outside in the car park, owned by Jeremy, is a Mercades SKL shopping trolley!
James May: [looking through the survey results] I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.
Jeremy Clarkson: That's possibly why they're burning them in Paris at the moment!
James May: I think they're just catching fire by themselves!
Richard Hammond: [after the sport coupe on the Isle of Man item] Don't say anything! Do not say a word - you lost!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
James May: What's the Norwegian for "Oh, cock"?
Richard Hammond: I am not moonlighting as the editor of a gay magazine!
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
Richard Hammond: [talking about the Ford GT] How much time have you spent in petrol stations on the way here?
Jeremy Clarkson: Look, the fact of the matter is, Richard, I prefer to spend my money on petrol than on teeth whitening.
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
Jeremy Clarkson: [announcing the Top Gear 2005 Awards in December 2005] Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn't move an inch.
[referring to the then-recent gas explosion in Hertfordshire]
Jeremy Clarkson: For me, the best supercar is the Ford GT. I like it so much, I actually bought this one twice.
Richard Hammond: You bought it twice because it kept breaking down and you sent it back!
Jeremy Clarkson: That Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
Jeremy Clarkson: So, the BMW M6. How would it stack up to the Aston I drove earlier? There is a lot to not like about the BMW. The grotesque carbon-fibre dashboard, the enormous steering wheel and the fact that this one is the colour of a vet's forearm.
Jeremy Clarkson: [while watching Terry Wogan do his lap] I've never been so bored in my life!
Jeremy Clarkson: [While driving McClaren SLR into the Eurotunnel train] I wonder what's the fastest anyone's ever driven inside the Eurotunnel.
Jeremy Clarkson: [Drives faster] NO. No no no. Grow up
Jeremy Clarkson: [When driving thr McLaren Mercedes SLR through a tunnel] When they debate as to what the sound of the SLK engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said "Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!" They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.
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