RUPERT THE BIG HAIRY BEAR

lmfao at this thread

Turbosystems

iTrader: (5)

I do
or was that me

Mk1-stu

i came in from shopping a few years back, with half a dozen tesco's bags full of fuck knows what... the missus piped up with.. "where the fuck have you been".. i looked at her, looked at the bags.. laughed and wandered off. divvy bint.

Tomm

are you ready!

For almost 3 years she never put mayonase(sp?) and tomato sauce together, i told her that if she did it would make her really ill and possibly kill her. She honestly belived me for years.

I also told her bannana milk came from Chinese cows, Chocolate milk came from indian cows and normal mik came from english cows. She belived me untill she told her uncle a week later and he spoilt all the fun. I cam p with that on the spot aswell, i was pretty chuffed!

Is Vtec like a turbo?

we are looking at a map of the British Isles and she asks where we are going on holiday. I said this is the british isles we are going to spain. she replied with yeh and where is it on here, isnt it one of thee islands (points to the isle of man). yes dear some where around there.

fraser9764

iTrader: (3)

a mates mrs has come up with a few,

" i cant come out tonight, my cars got a flat tyre, i will have to go to halfords tomorrow and get a new inner tube"

someone made the joke about the sea being salty because of wale cum, her reply
"thats a lot of cum"

danneth

just finished watching the ashes and the other half said " i thought south africa always won the cricket "

Less.

A ex who saw her first thatched cottage said how they keep dry inside,I said they use umbrellas,and she said do they really

Or was going to a car show with another girl and she said look at those sheep,when they where bails of hay

Drunken Master

Watching the football and there was 5mins extra time. It came out with "It's a game of three halfs"!

Some classics in here!

1.9 xr2 on 40's

my missus was just being whacked in the leg by the dogs tail and said 'do they have bones in their tails' i laffed at her then she said 'well cats dont, you always hear of be bein cut off'


WTF!!

Frogford

Oh dear god ! There are so many my wife has said over the years. The most recent was about 2 minutes ago. An ad came up for a documentary for 9/11. I said "oh, that's coming round soon", her reply "what ? that's not 'til November?"

The one that always come up is.... Years ago My bro and I were watching a program on discovery or something or other about a bloke renovating a barn (can't remember his name but this barn was well and truly fooked and at the en it looked awesome...anyway) this bloke is building a large 60's style fridge door for the fridge, this fridge was massive, so big in fact that you could walk into it ! My bro and I were so impressed with this that practically in unison we've gone " wow, a walk in fridge!". Well, the wife was in the kitchen washing up and we've heard.... " a walking fridge ? is it remote controlled?" To this day all we have to do is say walking fridge and she dies !

just remembered another one.... we were on about sandwiches (long story) and I said I liked corned beef and ketchup. Well the look of shock when I said that, and what did she reply ? (in her 'I'm a clever showing off with my long words tone' " who came up with that con cucksion?" (no that's not a typo, that really is con-cuck-sion) !

Every day there a new one

Ciderwoman

i dont think i tend 2 say stupid things, not that i know neway! lol
i tend 2 be more accident prone!

but i love winding people up, like my sisters ex i old him that the air in his tyres was stail so he needed 2 let all the air out of them and pump them all up again, he went out n as he just just re-inflating the last one i went out and told him it was a joke, laughed my fucking ass off at him!!!

DeanRS

my missus once said to me, " i have no self confidence, but i have confidence in myself"

DeanRS

and she believed the traction control button on my old focus used to let the tyres down in snow to get extra grip, then pump themseves back up!!

1.9 xr2 on 40's

my mates missus said she likes 'tom and jerry' ice cream the other day too (ben and jerrys is £2 at tesco get in!!)

chameleon

iTrader: (1)

i went night fishing with my girlfriend and her brother.......looking up in the sky i said look there's a sat going round the earth.....wow was her reply,who's driving it........well me and her brother could not stop laughing at her..... she became so annoyed she decided to phone her dad......dad...who drive's sats round in space......little green men darling....putting the phone down she told us to shut up and a little green man was flying it..................priceless............

combi van man

my missus think the SW on the back of peugeot estate's mean sun woof,idiot i told her that roof starts with a letter R.she should be blonde lol

kosman

my ex asked how sat navs work,i said by satellite,she said do they all have cameras on that show your car so they can beam the right directions to the right sat nav.

stigger_darlo

watchin johnathan ross last nite and i said that i didnt think mika was singing live. the wife turned round and said "obviously cos its pre-recorded" didnt understand why i was laughing at her

fez2i16v

i sent the misses's brother to the shop for a burgular's guide he came back and said they dont stock them

Benni

Afpmsl.

Elwood

Not with any partners, but a few years back I work with a lass named Fiona who was dense to say the least. She had been complaining her car was becoming more and more unreliable......

Fiona: "My car is just doing my nut in, I've just had it MoT'd and it needs around £300 of work doing to it just to make sure it passes. I can't afford that, not after buying my flat!"

Me: "That's a real shame, what needed doing to the car?"

Fiona "Well, (she rolls off a list of things). It's just other little things that annoy me too - the windscreen washers never work either".

Me - "Ok, well, basic things first - is there enough water in the washer tank?"

Fiona - "The washer tank? That plastic thing under the bonnet? I don't think I've ever filled that up - I thought the rain filled it up as you drove along".

Me -