My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood

ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it

leaves a big f*ckin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time

he'll buy me a diamond !!!!

================================================== ========

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing

into bed, when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a

headache".

"Perfect," her husband said. " I was just in the bathroom

powdering my d*ck with aspirin. You can take it

orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!!!

===============================================

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has

just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are

carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall,

jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket

and find that the woman is Actually alive. She lived for ten more

years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is again held at

the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are

again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries

out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""

===============================================

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her

turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would

you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies,

"I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for

a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said

the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."

================================================

Most married couples mainly argue about two things,

sex and money. So agree the price before you start.

===========================================

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and

says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible,"

says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow

and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes

her ankle and screams. everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" The girl

says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," the doctor says.

"You have a broken finger."

================================================== =====

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his

girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police

officer approaches him and asks: "Have

you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man,"Was I

driving badly?" "No" replies the Officer, "You were driving

splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the

passenger seat that made me suspicious"

================================================== ======

 

GAZ W, ROTFPMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT A FOOKIN CLASSIC!

Pete!!!

 

 

 

 

have you got anymore

 

quality