Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!

 

pmsl

How about John Virgo commentating on the snooker
"And for those watching in black and white the blue is behind the pink"

 

fpmsl

 

 

 

 

Brilliant:-

'Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

 

Can't believe there are no Murrayisms in there!

"...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."

"The beak of Ayrton Senna's chicken is pulling ahead"

'and I interrupt myself to bring you this....'

"Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."

"Tambay's hopes , which were nil before, are absolutely zero now."

"...and Andretti is going very slowly - he must have an electrical problem of some sort... "(Andretti is touring on three wheels, having hit something solid) [PF: this reminds me of several Ferrari retirements which were described as "electrical problems". Mechanics would give the lie to this saying things like "yes, it was an electrical problem. A conrod went through the block and knocked the distributor off!"]

Murray: "And there are flames coming from the back of Prost's car as he enters the swimming pool."
James: "Well, that should put them out then."

"As you can see, visually, with your eyes..."

"And there's a dry line appearing in the tunnel" (pause while he realises what he's just said) "Obvious really as it has a roof"

"I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong" [Murray on his style of commentary]

 

the best one I heared was some commentator commenting on the tyre choice of a rider in the superbikes, who used the line " He had a hard on in practice, and i bet he wishes he had a hard on now!!"