PassionFord needs YOUR help.
15-07-2004, 10:32 AM
#1
PassionFord needs YOUR help.
I want to start compiling a collection of posts for moving into the "Technical Essay Forum"
To qualify for this id like the post to have a good selection of accurate technical description within it that may help someone to either understand or fix a problem....
So lets have a selection of posts that YOU foud usefull and think deserves inclusion please
To qualify for this id like the post to have a good selection of accurate technical description within it that may help someone to either understand or fix a problem....
So lets have a selection of posts that YOU foud usefull and think deserves inclusion please
15-07-2004, 10:39 AM
#4
It Wasnt Me!
I take it you mean help ppl to fix their car?
i think maybe rear disc conversion on an ERST, few ppl ask about that! maybe Fitment of a GRS ic? (although pretty easy to most, some peeps still ask, and ive heard some garages charging Ł150 to fit one
)
cant think of much for cossies, what about diy air injector fitment? (not sure if its a diy thing or needs a specialist)
maybe also cam change for rst or cos or both!?
my 2s worth
hope thats what u meant
i think maybe rear disc conversion on an ERST, few ppl ask about that! maybe Fitment of a GRS ic? (although pretty easy to most, some peeps still ask, and ive heard some garages charging Ł150 to fit one
)cant think of much for cossies, what about diy air injector fitment? (not sure if its a diy thing or needs a specialist)
maybe also cam change for rst or cos or both!?
my 2s worth
hope thats what u meant
i didnt c the second post, must of missed it by time i posted, i'll go ave a look!
15-07-2004, 11:17 AM
#7
Testing the future
Just a quick post on how to identify which is inlet/exhaust cam on cossie? - has come up a few times
maybe someone could convert a scan into text, or have it in text form already,and post it up in it's entirety? could answer a lot of technical questions.
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15-07-2004, 11:20 AM
#8
PassionFord Post Whore!!
Originally Posted by St3V3_C
Just a quick post on how to identify which is inlet/exhaust cam on cossie? - has come up a few times.
15-07-2004, 01:52 PM
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15-07-2004, 02:19 PM
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16-07-2004, 06:50 AM
#16
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was thinking maybe my post which two peeps helped and explained how to check the timing on an RSt may be good, but its full of banter etc as well, which may not be the best, but i do have a post about a red dash if thats good
16-07-2004, 06:55 AM
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The truth about changing oil.
The Best way to change your oil.
1 Drive down to the mechanic's when the mileometer reaches 6000 miles since the last oil change.
2 Drink a cup of complimentary coffee.
3 15 minutes later, pay mechanic Ł40 and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Total 15 minutes. Ł40.
The 'Real' way you change your oil.
1 Go to local motorfactors and pay Ł20 for 5 litres of Oil, Oil Filter and hand cleaner.
2 Search around the garage for your axle stands.
3 Jack up car and place axle stands. Lower car, realise that the floor pan is now getting bent as the stand is in the wrong place. Re-jack the car and place the stand again. Finally lower car.
5 Get underneath car and try to loosen sump plug with an imperial spanner that's about the right size.
6 Round of sump nut with spanner, so try again with the correct spanner you found at the bottom of the tool box.
7 Still not having much luck with the nut, so try a pair of Molegrips on the nut. But they keep slipping off.
8 Try swearing at it. That often helps.
9 Finally manage to loosen the nut using one of those 'Multi-spanners' that you bought off QVC.
10 Now that the car is dripping oil, you realise you've not got a suitable oil tray. The bucket you were going to use won't clear the sump.
11 Run around the house like a mad man trying to find something to use.
Note: Don't be tempted to use that fruit bowl the mother in law bought for your anniversary present. It's not worth the hassle.
12 Find a large plastic bottle and cut the top off with a kitchen knife. Cut yourself with the knife whilst you are at it.
13 Run back out to the car and place the oil tub.
14 Get under the car and remove the sump nut. Loose the nut in the oil tub.
15 Again, swearing here often helps.
16 Once the oil has finished dripping, remove the tub and fish out the nut. You now have a very oily hand.
17 Drip oil over the road, through the house and all over the sink after you realise you've not brought a rag out with you.
18 Get back under car and realise you need the oil filter strap.
19 You can't be bothered to look for it, so try with all your might to remove it with your bare hands.
20 Get out from under the car and look for the oil filter strap.
21 Can't find the oil filter strap, so go back out to the car and take a large flat headed screwdriver and a hammer.
22 Get back under the car and hammer the screwdriver through the oil filter.
23 Get oil down your arm and drips over your head and face.
24 Rush back into the house to the sink, again realising you didn't bring a cloth out with you.
25 Swear.
26 Back out to the car. Smear a ring of new oil over the oil filter gasket and fit new oil filter to car.
27 Put the required amount of oil into the engine via the rocker cover oil cap.
28 Notice oil all over the drive and realise you didn't refit the sump plug nut.
29 Search around trying to find the nut.
30 Remember it's back in the house next to the sink.
31 Run back into the house, grab the nut run back out to the car.
31 Get underneath the car. Get oil all over your shirt as you are lying in a pool of oil.
32 Refit the nut and finger tighten.
33 Swear as you realise just how much oil is over the drive as well as over you and your shirt.
34 Go back into the house. Shower and change into the overalls you should have put on before you started.
35 Get a bag of kitty litter and a piece of old carpet from the garage.
36 Put kitty litter on the oil slick that looks like something from the Exxon Valdies.
37 Put carpet onto of kitty litter/oil slick sludge.
38 Realise that the 'old' carpet was a piece you were saving to re-do the top stair with.
39 Swear.
40 Tighten nut with spanner.
41 Slip with spanner and bang knuckles on engine or inner wing.
42 Bang head on sump or inner wing in reaction to step 41.
43 Begin swearing fit.
44 Throw spanner.
45 Realise that spanner has gone somewhere not so easily accessible. E.g. Under a large bush, a car etc.
46 Spend five minutes swearing and fishing the spanner from the inaccessible place.
47 Tighten nut.
48 Refill remainder of oil only to realise that you've now not got enough.
49 Go back to local motorfactors and pay Ł29 for 5 litres of Oil, 5 litres of industrial Oil cleaner and a new oil filter strap.
50 Tighten the oil filter with the new oil filter strap.
51 Jack up the car and remove the axle stands. Lower the car.
52 Move the car back and get the power washer out.
53 Put the industrial oil cleaner onto the oil slick and spray away.
54 Realise you are getting oil splats all over the car so start to wash that too.
55 Get an earful from the wife as she complains that you've been at that for hours and you are now washing the car.
56 Finish washing the car and the drive.
57 Put all your tools away. Placing the new oil filter next to the old one you had but couldn't find earlier.
58 Swear.
59 Go in the house and ask what is for tea.
60 Wonder why you've just been slapped.
Total Ł20 for 5 litres of Oil, Oil Filter and hand cleaner.
Ł150 to have the Hall, Living Room and Dinning room carpets professionally cleaned to remove the oil.
Ł12 to replace the shirt that was ruined by oil.
Ł2 to replace the bag of Kitty litter used on the oil slick.
Ł1 for the box of plasters.
Ł29 for 5 more litres of Oil, 5 litres of industrial Oil cleaner and another oil filter strap.
Ł150 to have the dent in the floor pan repaired so that the car passes its next MOT.
3 hours 40 minutes. Total: Ł364
The Best way to change your oil.
1 Drive down to the mechanic's when the mileometer reaches 6000 miles since the last oil change.
2 Drink a cup of complimentary coffee.
3 15 minutes later, pay mechanic Ł40 and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Total 15 minutes. Ł40.
The 'Real' way you change your oil.
1 Go to local motorfactors and pay Ł20 for 5 litres of Oil, Oil Filter and hand cleaner.
2 Search around the garage for your axle stands.
3 Jack up car and place axle stands. Lower car, realise that the floor pan is now getting bent as the stand is in the wrong place. Re-jack the car and place the stand again. Finally lower car.
5 Get underneath car and try to loosen sump plug with an imperial spanner that's about the right size.
6 Round of sump nut with spanner, so try again with the correct spanner you found at the bottom of the tool box.
7 Still not having much luck with the nut, so try a pair of Molegrips on the nut. But they keep slipping off.
8 Try swearing at it. That often helps.
9 Finally manage to loosen the nut using one of those 'Multi-spanners' that you bought off QVC.
10 Now that the car is dripping oil, you realise you've not got a suitable oil tray. The bucket you were going to use won't clear the sump.
11 Run around the house like a mad man trying to find something to use.
Note: Don't be tempted to use that fruit bowl the mother in law bought for your anniversary present. It's not worth the hassle.
12 Find a large plastic bottle and cut the top off with a kitchen knife. Cut yourself with the knife whilst you are at it.
13 Run back out to the car and place the oil tub.
14 Get under the car and remove the sump nut. Loose the nut in the oil tub.
15 Again, swearing here often helps.
16 Once the oil has finished dripping, remove the tub and fish out the nut. You now have a very oily hand.
17 Drip oil over the road, through the house and all over the sink after you realise you've not brought a rag out with you.
18 Get back under car and realise you need the oil filter strap.
19 You can't be bothered to look for it, so try with all your might to remove it with your bare hands.
20 Get out from under the car and look for the oil filter strap.
21 Can't find the oil filter strap, so go back out to the car and take a large flat headed screwdriver and a hammer.
22 Get back under the car and hammer the screwdriver through the oil filter.
23 Get oil down your arm and drips over your head and face.
24 Rush back into the house to the sink, again realising you didn't bring a cloth out with you.
25 Swear.
26 Back out to the car. Smear a ring of new oil over the oil filter gasket and fit new oil filter to car.
27 Put the required amount of oil into the engine via the rocker cover oil cap.
28 Notice oil all over the drive and realise you didn't refit the sump plug nut.
29 Search around trying to find the nut.
30 Remember it's back in the house next to the sink.
31 Run back into the house, grab the nut run back out to the car.
31 Get underneath the car. Get oil all over your shirt as you are lying in a pool of oil.
32 Refit the nut and finger tighten.
33 Swear as you realise just how much oil is over the drive as well as over you and your shirt.
34 Go back into the house. Shower and change into the overalls you should have put on before you started.
35 Get a bag of kitty litter and a piece of old carpet from the garage.
36 Put kitty litter on the oil slick that looks like something from the Exxon Valdies.
37 Put carpet onto of kitty litter/oil slick sludge.
38 Realise that the 'old' carpet was a piece you were saving to re-do the top stair with.
39 Swear.
40 Tighten nut with spanner.
41 Slip with spanner and bang knuckles on engine or inner wing.
42 Bang head on sump or inner wing in reaction to step 41.
43 Begin swearing fit.
44 Throw spanner.
45 Realise that spanner has gone somewhere not so easily accessible. E.g. Under a large bush, a car etc.
46 Spend five minutes swearing and fishing the spanner from the inaccessible place.
47 Tighten nut.
48 Refill remainder of oil only to realise that you've now not got enough.
49 Go back to local motorfactors and pay Ł29 for 5 litres of Oil, 5 litres of industrial Oil cleaner and a new oil filter strap.
50 Tighten the oil filter with the new oil filter strap.
51 Jack up the car and remove the axle stands. Lower the car.
52 Move the car back and get the power washer out.
53 Put the industrial oil cleaner onto the oil slick and spray away.
54 Realise you are getting oil splats all over the car so start to wash that too.
55 Get an earful from the wife as she complains that you've been at that for hours and you are now washing the car.
56 Finish washing the car and the drive.
57 Put all your tools away. Placing the new oil filter next to the old one you had but couldn't find earlier.
58 Swear.
59 Go in the house and ask what is for tea.
60 Wonder why you've just been slapped.
Total Ł20 for 5 litres of Oil, Oil Filter and hand cleaner.
Ł150 to have the Hall, Living Room and Dinning room carpets professionally cleaned to remove the oil.
Ł12 to replace the shirt that was ruined by oil.
Ł2 to replace the bag of Kitty litter used on the oil slick.
Ł1 for the box of plasters.
Ł29 for 5 more litres of Oil, 5 litres of industrial Oil cleaner and another oil filter strap.
Ł150 to have the dent in the floor pan repaired so that the car passes its next MOT.
3 hours 40 minutes. Total: Ł364
16-07-2004, 09:36 AM
#19
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Understanding the Haynes Manual
Haynes
Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation
Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes This is a snug fit.
Translation You will skin your knuckles!
Haynes This is a tight fit.
Translation Not a hope in hell matey!
Haynes As described in Chapter 7...
Translation
That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes Pry...
Translation
Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes Undo...
Translation
Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Haynes Retain tiny spring...
Translation
"Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Haynes Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation
OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to Dig out the bayonet part.
Haynes Lightly...
Translation
Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because this can not be 'lightly' what you are doing now.
Haynes Weekly checks...
Translation
If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes Routine maintenance...
Translation
If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes One spanner rating.
Translation
Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes Two spanner rating.
Translation
Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, 'ikkle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes Three spanner rating.
Translation
But Fiesta's are easy to maintain right... right? So you think three Fiesta spanners has got to be like a 'regular car' two spanner job.
Haynes Four spanner rating.
Translation
You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Haynes Five spanner rating.
Translation
OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!
Haynes If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes Compress...
Translation
Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes Inspect...
Translation
Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes Carefully...
Translation
You are about to cut yourself!
Haynes Retaining nut...
Translation
Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes Get an assistant...
Translation
Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation
However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start To feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation
But you swear in different places.
Haynes Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation
Snap off...
Haynes Using a suitable drift...
Translation
The biggest nail in your toolbox isn't a suitable drift!
Haynes Everyday toolkit
Translation
Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes Apply moderate heat.
Translation
Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes Index
Translation
List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!
Haynes
Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation
Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes This is a snug fit.
Translation You will skin your knuckles!
Haynes This is a tight fit.
Translation Not a hope in hell matey!
Haynes As described in Chapter 7...
Translation
That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes Pry...
Translation
Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes Undo...
Translation
Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Haynes Retain tiny spring...
Translation
"Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Haynes Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation
OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to Dig out the bayonet part.
Haynes Lightly...
Translation
Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because this can not be 'lightly' what you are doing now.
Haynes Weekly checks...
Translation
If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes Routine maintenance...
Translation
If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes One spanner rating.
Translation
Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes Two spanner rating.
Translation
Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, 'ikkle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes Three spanner rating.
Translation
But Fiesta's are easy to maintain right... right? So you think three Fiesta spanners has got to be like a 'regular car' two spanner job.
Haynes Four spanner rating.
Translation
You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Haynes Five spanner rating.
Translation
OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!
Haynes If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes Compress...
Translation
Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes Inspect...
Translation
Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes Carefully...
Translation
You are about to cut yourself!
Haynes Retaining nut...
Translation
Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes Get an assistant...
Translation
Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation
However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start To feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation
But you swear in different places.
Haynes Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation
Snap off...
Haynes Using a suitable drift...
Translation
The biggest nail in your toolbox isn't a suitable drift!
Haynes Everyday toolkit
Translation
Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes Apply moderate heat.
Translation
Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes Index
Translation
List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!
16-07-2004, 12:58 PM
#22
20K+ Super Poster.
20-07-2004, 09:45 AM
#25
Testing the future
i am in the process of converting the widely available scanned in .pdf file of the cossie engine manual into text format for posting up as a technical essay. this will have the advantage that the text will be searchable.
i think that it will be useful as it includes sensor resistances, gaps etc, that are often needed for diagnosis.
should i post it as a complete post, or split it into sections, as the manual is split?
i am also making a word document to include the pictures, but will need it hosted somewhere to make it available to others.
i think that it will be useful as it includes sensor resistances, gaps etc, that are often needed for diagnosis.
should i post it as a complete post, or split it into sections, as the manual is split?
i am also making a word document to include the pictures, but will need it hosted somewhere to make it available to others.
20-07-2004, 09:52 AM
#26
Originally Posted by foreigneRS
i am in the process of converting the widely available scanned in .pdf file of the cossie engine manual into text format for posting up as a technical essay. this will have the advantage that the text will be searchable.
i think that it will be useful as it includes sensor resistances, gaps etc, that are often needed for diagnosis.
should i post it as a complete post, or split it into sections, as the manual is split?
i am also making a word document to include the pictures, but will need it hosted somewhere to make it available to others.
i think that it will be useful as it includes sensor resistances, gaps etc, that are often needed for diagnosis.
should i post it as a complete post, or split it into sections, as the manual is split?
i am also making a word document to include the pictures, but will need it hosted somewhere to make it available to others.
Wow.. now that would be incredibly uefull!!
Seperate sections id say personally would be very usefull indeed
:Smack:
20-07-2004, 11:30 AM
#29
PassionFord Post Whore!!
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stu, i saved the text from a few posts over the years....
dear old uncle tony posted this amidst the good olf t4 on 4 803's battles over the years
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat...onsumption.txt
yours re surge, cams, and turbo's respectively
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat...ay%20surge.txt
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat.../stu%20cam.txt
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/stu's%20turbo%20post.txt
any use?
dear old uncle tony posted this amidst the good olf t4 on 4 803's battles over the years
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat...onsumption.txt
yours re surge, cams, and turbo's respectively
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat...ay%20surge.txt
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mat.../stu%20cam.txt
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/stu's%20turbo%20post.txt
any use?
20-07-2004, 11:33 AM
#30
Maybe...
We will just have to turn them into topics i guss so they can live forever...
I must admit, the "Andy on holiday" post is probably worthy of the archive as it shows the "technical brilliance" of our pisstaking abilities
We will just have to turn them into topics i guss so they can live forever...
I must admit, the "Andy on holiday" post is probably worthy of the archive as it shows the "technical brilliance" of our pisstaking abilities
20-07-2004, 11:40 AM
#31
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pardon?
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL1.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL2.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL3.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy1.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy2.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy3.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL1.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL2.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/USL3.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy1.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy2.htm
http://www.derbyshire-rsoc.co.uk/mattupload/andy3.htm
20-07-2004, 11:51 AM
#32
Testing the future
YB Manual added as complete (but without pictures), and as sections as new posts in Technical Essays forum.
Hope they prove useful to some people (sorry to those non YB owners, not trying to create a Cossie snob site
)
Hope they prove useful to some people (sorry to those non YB owners, not trying to create a Cossie snob site
)
21-07-2004, 02:49 AM
#33
Originally Posted by foreigneRS
YB Manual added as complete (but without pictures), and as sections as new posts in Technical Essays forum.
Hope they prove useful to some people (sorry to those non YB owners, not trying to create a Cossie snob site )
Hope they prove useful to some people (sorry to those non YB owners, not trying to create a Cossie snob site
)
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