Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Actually mine involved a 3i aswell. I had had my 3i for a little while and pulled into a pub car park to meet some mates and we was sitting there chatting when this local chav pulled up in one aswell. It was quite "boy'd" up so to speak, looked a bit gay really

Anyway he comes over and starts chatting to me about 3i's (mine was standard at the time and the conversation turned to his "mods"

Him : "yeah, I've tuned mine, it's rapid"
Me: "oh yeah? What you do to it then?" (half interested, mainly being polite)
Him : "done a fair bit, it's 200bhp now"
Me : "Shit! really? What mods you got?"
him : "full exhaust, filter, cams, modified injection system, and a special chip"
Me : "Really? A chip you say? What type is that then?"
Him : "It's a special one I had custom made, thats what gives me the extra power"
Me : "Wow, it must be really special. I mean REALLY special"
Him : "Yeah it is"
Me : "Cos your car don't have an ECU mate, so explain to me how you can have a custom mapped chip"

It was at that point his mates jeered at him, kinda like the bit in Fast&Furious where Dom says "you never even had your car"

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Another one is a guy I knew at work, he kept claiming adamantly that Cossies won't do over 160mph. I asked him why and he said cos they the way they are aerodymanically designed. It is "impossible" to do over 160mph. So I asked him about FRST's. He said 140tops, same reason - aerodynamics. So we argued about it a bit but he stuck to his guns about it is "impossible due to the aerodynamics"

So I burnt up a CD-R with Martin's top speed run from TOTB qualifying, Sunny's 178 run and also brought in the copy of PF mag with the feature on Bruce's and Kevin's Sierra's that did over 180 each. That shut him up

EDIT! Thought of another. When we was younger and well into cars, me and my mates were in a pub shooting pool, and somehow started arguing about Cossies. He kept saying that RS500's were the quickets Cossie's (acceleration, not top speed) and I said no the Escort Cos was faster. We rowed a bit more and this guy walks past to go to the toilet and turns and says to me "your mate is right, RS500's are the quickest - they had 500bhp, more than double what the Escort had"

RWD_cossie_wil

iTrader: (9)

Why does everyone know more about cossies than the owners?? If I hear one more person say "yeah mate, them RS 500's were 500BHP yer know" I will kill them lol . Oh, and then when helping a mate out fixing his car, we ended up at a renualt breakers buying a few bits and pieces, the "geezer" was trying to flog me a sheddy 21 turbo , when I told him I had a cossie running 350+ bhp, his response?? " this will piss all over it mate, its well rapid, beed boosted up and everything" I made my excuses and left!

Does anyone ever call people on talking shit??? Im too polite I think, I just agree and leave them to it, as its just too much hard work argueing with idiots

RSBen

Same here

SPo0n

that mupppet on the thing after top gear tonight.

130bhp from a 1.2 punto... right

RS_Rawli

"its a 1.2 punto, 130 odd brake, ive modified it from the manufacturers standard"


"i was really proud of the car, all 132brake of it kicked in and i was out of there in a shot, got pulled up about a mile later for doin 106"

RS_Rawli

ive had a few funnies, not really BS ones but funny

lads at the local valetin place asked me confidently if i had antilag, i said why and he said cos it makes that noise what rally cars make (chatter)


another one was this little scally lookin round my car when i came out the chippy, he says to his mate, its not a real one, so i asked why, and he goes on to point out that i have no turbo badges and that FRSTs had RS turbo on the back, i just popped the bonnet, showed him the engine and shut it........ that wasnt enough, he then said that it was just a badge on the engine and that nobody would debadge a turbo

i left chattering away in a cloud of tyresmoke

Oranoco

That was funny as fook. Said it was 80bhp standard. 80bhp from a 1.2 from the factory aint too shy but I'd love to know where he found this extra 50bhp from.

Exhaust - 5bhp
Induction kit - 5bhp
Cam - 10bhp
Chip - 5bhp

I can only assume he has the uprated wanker lights to give the car that extra kick

RS_Rawli

exhaust was standard steve, it was blowing downwards from the bumper

SimonT

Theres loads of BS HERE!!!!!!!

steviep

Had to deal with some right planks when I was on the spanners.

There was this one guy (pretty good customer to be honest cos he kept buying so many sheds ) and every word out of his mouth was complete bullshit.

When he first started bringing his motors to us he had a 2.0l 8v Calibra, which made over 200bhp and topped out at 180, he was then telling me about his sapphire cos he used to have that he fitted an RS500 engine into himself (funny how he managed that but brought us the car to fit new brake pads ) because the RS500 is 500bhp standard but he fitted a K+N and exhaust as well so it was closer to 550bhp

Couple of weeks later he gives me a ring to say he's bought a Rover 220 Turbo and he reckons it's been highly tuned cos the turbo whistle is really loud , he brings the car in for us to have a look and got quite upset when I told him it was N/A and his "turbo whistle" is a completely fooked diff that's whining like a coont

Anyway, he's obviously disheartened by this so he chopped the Rover in for a Porsche 944 Turbo and that he's gonna bring it in because it doesn't seem as fast as it should be, alarm bells are already ringing as he's just told me that it's really cool cos as it's twin turbo (944 turbo's are only single turbo in case you didn't know) the twin dump valves go off a couple of seconds after each other
Anyway, true to form he turns up and low and behold, it's a N/A 4 cylinder 924 with a 944 bodykit and some fuck off wheel spacers

The last time I saw him was when he called me out to do a repair on his drive cos the track rod end had gone on his new E30 M3.
He'd already been out and bought the part so it was just a case of calling round and changing it on the way home from work. I get there to find a completely standard RHD 316, but the worst part is that he'd paid 3 times as much and waited a week to get a track rod end for an M3 which obviously didn't fit and couldn't be returned because it was special order

The problem is that he seriously believed himself, I never managed to work out if he was a bullshitter or just painfully thick, believing what he was told by the other bullshitters selling him these cars

RS_Rawli

RS_Rawli

stevie that is painful mate

Stavros

Fuckinell Stevie P that takes the biscuit by FAR

Had millions over the years, had a cracker from last night...

Saddest thing is most people thought it was somthing special and were crowding around it, even tho none of em knew what they were looking at

Rippers

The problem I've had works the other way round, when I had my Fiesta RST ZT people (friends family etc) would ask me how it was getting on etc and I'd tell them I'd done the 0-60 in 4.8 and a 12 sec quarter mile and there faces would just be like 'yeah right' 'full of shit' etc but then every now and then I get this call 'Did I just see you on Sky Sports whopping jap crap and cossies?? (TOTB)'
Fuck knows what its been like for Sunny and Paul Johnson telling people they done near on 180mph in a tuned Ford Fiesta

Oh and how fast are F150 lightings? (2002 smaller version) as I had a guy saying his did 0-60 in 4.5 secs and was easily beating Porches, Aston Martins etc

cossiecrew

he sure is full of it aint he

Oranoco

Must have had the wanker lights chipped as well then

Loved it when he revved it. You could have read a book by time the revs had climbed 0-60 in a week performance

NUTTIN RILLA

I f*cking hate even talking about these type of people, my MATE has this, my COUSIN has this, this tit on the building site im on just now said the GUY round his way has a 700bhp cossie, takes it everywhere, all the shows all the track days, beats everything scoobys, evo`s the lot, i almost spat in his eye the f*cken cock, i find it an insult, he see`s my cossie in the car park, does he not think i must no at least a little bit about them

Porkie

iTrader: (1)

Just laugh at em. I hardly drive the Sierra on the road, but if I do and people start going on about their mates one, and their dogs cousins brothers 900bhp one, then I just smile. oh and when they ask how much power I always say 100bhp and that I couldn't afford a bettter engine because the stickers were alot of money. That freaks em out

Oranoco

That's quality.

Garage19

The best one i had was a geezer in the pub.

Coversation went:

Twat: " Yeah my (VW) Scirocco is f'kin quick".

Me: "Oh right...."

Twat: "No, it really is! Pisses on everything round here. I had it up to 160 the other day"

Me: "Must be a bit of a special scirocco!"

Twat: "Yeah I've had lots of work done to it. Just had my fuel presure turned up and my cams bored right out. That made a f'kin difference, I tell yer"

I have had it the other way before though.

Lost count of the times people would ask what bike I had and when i would say I had a fireblade with a turbo you could just tell they were thinking "yeah, right bullshitter".

MadMac

@ nice one porkie

nickyboy

More than likely true

Book time is 5.6 to 60mph

A mildly tuned one can easily pull under 5's and beat a lot of supercars off the line, it loses out due to aerodynamincs tho but wouldnt be too far behind.

WutangRS

there silly fast those F150. really cool trucks

Rippers

Thats interesting as his F150 was standard. He saw my M3 (E46) and he was like yeah beat loads of them and I thought bring it on!

rabmc

Funny u should ask of BS stories , i was in petrol staion the other night putting some super in her and went to desk to pay

Guy behind desks says mmm cossie ehhh

ME- yes mate putting petrol in as per usual (being polite)
HIM- oh right is it the 4 heel drive one ?
ME- thinking ohh he must know a bit , no its a rwd one
HIM- ahh pitty the 4x4`s are raaaapid "my mate" has one
ME- a bit bemused , says ohh right nice one , ready to leave
HIM- what power u running
ME- about 350 ish (should have walked)
HIM-not alot then "my mates" is 600 bhp and is raaapid man this thing , this and that blahh blahh fukking blahhh
ME-a bit bemused again, at him turning his nose up at the power
HIM-his is running 38psi through the turbo
ME-right , i better go gf is waiting (felt a bit embaressed for him)
HIM-Get your finger out and get the power up , and make it 4wd

So i drove out the petrol station feeling as if i was raped lol what do u doo man to peeps like this his co-worker was listining and must of thought this guy was the tits istead of a tit

aduz

of all the people to tell that too

KSA-Cossie

iTrader: (4)

Best just to play dumb rab.

safflad

some lads i know we're on about how they were driftin their scoobys and datsuns etc which quite impreseed me 'till i followed them and realised that what they call driftin is what the rest of the world refers to as understeer
numtees

nickyboy

If it was standard then it was a B/S claim on the 0-60 but they give an M3 a run for its money with little problem.

Although using £20 or fuel in the process