3rd, 4th and 5th bad joke of the day!
23-05-2005, 03:20 PM
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3rd, 4th and 5th bad joke of the day!
A guy runs a stop sign and is pulled over by a policeman. Cop says,
"License and registration, please."
Guy says, "What for?"
Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Guy says, "What's the difference?"
Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop.
License and registration, PLEASE!"
Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and
stop, I'll give you my license and registration."
Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the cop takes
out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving 5hit out of
the guy and says:
"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The Jew replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? They are only $150. Here's one that goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "I don't want an overpriced tie, you idiot, I need water!"
The Jew replied "OK then, don't buy my ties. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about four miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way; they have all the water you need."
The Arab begrudgingly thanked him, then staggered away towards the hill and eventually disappeared.
Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting behind his card table.
The Jew said, "....I told you, about four miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
The Arab rasped, "I found it all right, but your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie".
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR, AND EVERY YEAR MORRIS WOULD SAY, "ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER".
ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED,
"I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS"
ONE YEAR, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR, AND MORRIS SAID, "ESTHER I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER, I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE.
ESTHER REPLIED,
"MORRIS THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."
THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE AND SAID, "FOLKS I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL, I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE. IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD, I WON'T CHARGE YOU. BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD, IT'S 50 DOLLARS".
MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED AND UP THEY WENT.
THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEOUVRES, BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD. HE DID ALL HIS DARE DEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BUT STILL NOT A WORD.
WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS AND SAID, "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET YOU TO YELL OUT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. I'M IMPRESSED."
MORRIS REPLIED
"WELL I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WHEN ESTHER FELL OUT, BUT 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS!
"License and registration, please."
Guy says, "What for?"
Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Guy says, "What's the difference?"
Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop.
License and registration, PLEASE!"
Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and
stop, I'll give you my license and registration."
Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the cop takes
out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving 5hit out of
the guy and says:
"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The Jew replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? They are only $150. Here's one that goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "I don't want an overpriced tie, you idiot, I need water!"
The Jew replied "OK then, don't buy my ties. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about four miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way; they have all the water you need."
The Arab begrudgingly thanked him, then staggered away towards the hill and eventually disappeared.
Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting behind his card table.
The Jew said, "....I told you, about four miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
The Arab rasped, "I found it all right, but your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie".
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR, AND EVERY YEAR MORRIS WOULD SAY, "ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT HELICOPTER".
ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED,
"I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS"
ONE YEAR, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR, AND MORRIS SAID, "ESTHER I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER, I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE.
ESTHER REPLIED,
"MORRIS THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."
THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE AND SAID, "FOLKS I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL, I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE. IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD, I WON'T CHARGE YOU. BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD, IT'S 50 DOLLARS".
MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED AND UP THEY WENT.
THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEOUVRES, BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD. HE DID ALL HIS DARE DEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BUT STILL NOT A WORD.
WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS AND SAID, "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET YOU TO YELL OUT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. I'M IMPRESSED."
MORRIS REPLIED
"WELL I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WHEN ESTHER FELL OUT, BUT 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS!
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