"PON" - the meaning behind the name..........

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13-05-2005, 11:01 AM

RichardPON

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"PON" - the meaning behind the name..........

I know this has been posted before, but at a few people's request, and in honour of my birthday, here's the story again to brighten up your day, and make it a fun start to the weekend!

After many requests, and after a lot of people thinking PON is actually my surname

, I feel obliged to tell you the story, no matter how embarassing...........................

You see "PON" is a nickname (my real surname is Nathan), and here's the basis behind it:

The nickname was given to me at University as a direct result of a number of events that just seemed to spiral out of control over a number of weeks................

I was with this girl for about six months at Uni, and we broke up. There was nothing untoward about the break up - it's just that when I was pissed (which was a lot!), nearly every woman on the planet began to look more attractive than she did! Rumours began to circulate that she actually batted for the other side soon after we broke up -whether it was true or not, I don't know..........

So I started seeing this other girl not soon after, who was unbelievably good looking! She was one of those girls who you kind of assume is out of your league, but then you go out with her, and find out that she has the intelligence of a housebrick, and as much personality as a barn door. Anyway, we went out for a little while, but the relationship ended when it emerged that she didn't sleep during the night. She was a proper insomiac - so much so that as I was waking up in the morning, she would just be dozing off to sleep!

I wasn't too bitter about it, especially since we were due a really really big night out in town that following week. 50p a bottle alcopops, 70s music, and women between the ages of 18 and 22 usually equals a very good night! So we're out at Liquid - you know the type of club..... same old music every week, unbelievably watered down alchohol etc - and we're all dancing to Abba or some regrettably kitsch music on the dancefloor. Well I turn to my left, and there's this ex of about 6 days all over this girl! I couldn't believe it! It was like every man's fantasy gone wrong. Well of course all my mates thought this was absolutely hillarious, and didn't let up on the piss taking for the entire rest of the evening.

Anyway.................... the following evening, we decided on an easy night out, so popped down the pub. After the calamaties of the previous night, I thought I'd just have a few beers, and stick some money in the fruit machine. Now I used to be a bit of an obsessive gambler........... you know they type - always tells you when they've won shedloads on the fruit machine, but doesn't explain that they had to put in £80 to win the £90! Well I used to play these machines for a hobby! Knew all the cheats, could win on a regular basis etc etc............. Anyway, I've got £120 in the bank on this fruit machine, and I'm absolutely raping it! I get another jackpot, and BOOM! Power cut! I wait nervously as the power comes back on after what feels like about 2 hours, and it's gone! Nothing - not a penny in the bank! Now usually the bar will pay out and claim it back, so long as you've got decent verification, but my incompetent mate who was watching silently for about an hour had just disappeared to the toilet at the exact same time, and the bar refused to pay out! The only saving grace was that in the power cut, he'd got a bit of a fright, and pissed all down his cream trousers!

After that huge disappointment, what was to be a quiet night, soon turned into a bit of a large night! We sat outside, and drank plenty of beer, as the night was perfect. Well it started getting more rowdy........... At this point, I must explain that the Uni has a waterfall in the middle of the square outside the pub, that usually has about three feet of water at the base. In the months of June, the evening usually has about 4-500 people outside, all having a beer and a laugh. Well one of mates (rugby player) decides to run over at full pace, pick me up, and drop me straight into the waterfall, the whole time screaming "lesbian lover" at the top of his voice! Embarassed is not the word.

Thinking things couldn't get much worse, we went out for a Uni cricket club dinner. The format of these dinners is that you go to a pub, have plenty to drink, sit down for a very unorderly meal, and then go on to a club and enjoy the rest of the evening. Well the evening was going a treat! The beer was fantastic, everyone was hammered, and the food was top notch. It did help that one of the waitresses was very very pretty, and was wearing one of those tight black skirts that barely covered her arse. Being as though I was very pissed, and therefore very flirty (or possibly just very pissed) I asked this waitress for her number. To my surprise she said yes, and she even agreed to come meet us in this club after this club meal - she said she'd ring, and then find out where we were. Anway, she turned up at this club, one thing lead to another etc etc -oh, we didn't......y'know, but she was a fantastic kisser!

So the following morning, we were all sitting round the Uni cafe, all hungover, and possibly still pissed, discussing the night before. Of course, all the lads wanted to know how I'd got on with that "waitress bird"", so we started bantering about it as you do. It was only as one of the lads from the other side of the table mentioned something that the dawn of realisation began to grow.......... He turned round and mentioned that the previous night, this waitres girl had refused to serve him drinks. I know he wasn't THAT wasted, buit thought nothing more of it.............. Having spoken to this girl that day, I quizzed her about not serving my mate, and after much conversation, she revealed that she was 16 and therefore not allowed to serve, and not the 19 that I thought she was! So we went back to the same pub the following night, and took a table. There were only four of us sitting enjoying a beer, when the manageress comes over. Looking really stern, she asks me if I'm the one who pulled "xxxxxxxx". Looking rather sheepish, I reply that I was, to which she informs both myself, my mates sitting at the table, and quite possibly the rest of the pub, that the girl I'd pulled that previous night was in fact 14! Now bear in mind I'm 20 at this point, and things become a little more clear!

Oh, it gets worse!

I'd been seeing this girl for a few weeks, and everything was okay. All the lads and myself were down the pub watching the footie, and enjoying the "£1 a pint before the first goal" offer, which was great because it was Spurs v Charlton! After the game we moved to the pool table, and waited for the rest of the lads to join us before heading off in to town. By about 10 p.m. most of the lads were in, and we were all gathered round a big table discussing usual lads stuff, when one of the guys pipes up from out of nowhere, and informs the suddenly quiet masses that my girlfriend had been seen kissing another girl the previous night. Well this was like red rags to a bull - the lads just went for it........... I got so much abuse, and was the butt of so many jokes that night that I never lived it down. The worst was hilariously dreamt up by my best mate, who decided there and then to call me "Darth Vader", because of my ability to turn women to the dark side.............. After much hilarity at my expense, we went on to this club, where I proceeded to get absolutely battered! Well myself and this other mate of mine got in one of those really up for it moods - full of self confidence etc etc............thruth be told, I was actually quite upset about the news that had been delivered to me about this girl, but the alchohol was working working wonders in helping me forget! Anway, some really pretty girl comes over and asks for a light, and being really pissed, I invite her to join us. She was unbelievably flirty, and my mate seated opposite who is now chatting to her best mate, is giving me those "nice one son" looks. All is going really well and by this time the girl is sitting on my lap........even if (and to this day I don't know why we said this) we had partially convinced this girl that me and my mate were porn film directors! I suppose it was only half-hearted mucking around, and immature drinking behaviour........... but aside from that, I was doing so well with this great looking girl. After much exchanging looks between me and my mate, he glances across to me to see this horrified expression on my face. I jump up, says I'm going for a piss, and run off in a hurry. I come back a couple of minutes later, to find my mate there on his own with a really pissed off look. He proceeds to question me about why I left so suddenly, to which I reply that I'd got up, because this gorgeous looking girl had just farted whilst sitting on my leg. Now I know girls do, but it has to be one of the most unattractive things you could possibly imagine, especially when you're tyring to pull..............................

..................... and so there you have it!

One of my mates decided that my unbelievably bad luck with women, and ability to get myself into embarassing situations should entitle me to the nickname "Poor Old Nathan", hence PON was born. The name stuck throughout the whole of university, and was adorned to all of my sports shirts, am called it even now by all my friends, and even by people who don't know the stories.

Please don't think this is a self indulgent, attention seeking thread, but too many people who knew the story before this have bet me that I'd never post any of this...............