A day from the diary of a BMW driver...

"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

 

i fucking HATE bmw drivers! last weekend on the way home, for some reason a 60 plate 3 door BM, dno what it was, some sort of coupe thing, followed me down 2 junctions of the motorway, at first i thought it was undercover pork but upon leaving the motorway onto the sliproad and then stopping at the roundabout, i had a good look and realised it was some guy probably late 30's early 40's with a women of similar age in the passenger seat. Now ive recently moved and sometimes get the wrong exit, i indicated then realised fuck its the next one, but because this twat in the BMW was sat so far up my arse i couldnt even see his headlights i indicated back right again and continued to the next exit, i didnt even turn, i just signalled on the approach and carried on, wasnt like i cut him up etc, for that i got a blast of the horn and he backed off, flashing his lights at me, so next roundabout i thought prick youve followed me on my bumper down the motorway, could have overtook but didnt, and now that, indicated again for the next roundabout, 2nd exit, and then he started flashing his indicators left to right at me followed me all the way down my street to the end, still up my arse, so i braked hard to indicate into my street and again he awarded me with a blast of his horn.. thought fucl this, dived out the car, put my arms up and just shouted ' what ' only for him to shit it and he drove round me, nearly running me over and nearly taking my door off in the process, then raced off !

 

Amazingly enough you could say the same of any driver as I have seen some prtty stupid driving by FORD drivers.

You can get idiots in any car.

 

Well, I dont hate you, that would be absolutely pathetic, but I have losta bit of respect for you now. Fair swop I guess.

 

A few years ago I had an E36 M3 driver and his mail order girlfriend behind me. The driver was laughing at the boot sticker "Restricted to 248bhp, Please pass". Which when the lights changed he promptly tried to do. After being shown a clean set of back wheels by a 20 year old Escort he wouldn't even look across at me at the next set of lights.

 

What a daft thing to say i hate bmw drivers ive head alot of makes of cars & have most lilkey been a cunt in all of them in my younger days ! & see all makes & models being driven like cunts every other day ! so to single bmw's out is a old wifes tale

 

These stories are good & what having a fast ford is all about

 

People just don't take me seriously when I tailgate and flash them in my little fiesta, hence why I am getting a 330ci so I can do all of the above.

 

i thought audi drivers were the new bmw drivers these days

 

Cheek fucker. I drive an Audi and I can assure you I only tailgate when people won't move over for me on my motorway