No one can tell you that. Only you know how you feel and what you want to do.

This very time last year I went through the same situation with my mum. I was with her all the way myself until leaving her the night before the morning she passed away. But I wouldn't/couldn't see her after she passed away. Others went down to see her and said she looked totally peaceful etc was good to hear, but me personally, I didn't wish to see her after she'd gone, and so I didn't. I'll never regret it 'cos it was just something I couldn't face and she would have known that anyway.

 

It's good that you went to see her I think.

When my mum died I hadn't spoken to her for a while. I got home from college one day, started talking to my dad about my day and stuff and he just casually drops in to the conversation 'oh by the way, your mothers dead' as if it was just nothing. I was gutted. I asked when the funeral was and he replied 'earlier on today'!!!

Turned out that he not only knew that she was in hospital with a bad chest infection but that she also died and only chose the day of the funeral to tell me!!! God only knows why! I never forgave him for that. It still chews me up inside that I never got a chance to see my mum or go to her funeral.

A couple of years later my grandad passed away with cancer of the liver only this time I did manage to say my goodbyes which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do as my grandad was like my best mate but I'm so glad I did!

Unfortunately my dad passed away a couple of years ago suddenly due to heart failure and at that time we weren't on speaking terms (always had a bit of an up and down relationship with my dad). I really would have liked to have straightened things out with him before he went as he was the only family I had but due to my own stubbornness, it never happened and I hate myself every day for not sorting things out but what's happened has happened. I made my own bed and I've got to lie in it.

Like I said, I think you made the right decision.

 

I cant type what I want to on this thread, it will reduce me to a blubberly mess...

well done on going!

 

Wow, it is amazing how people can deal with grief.

I went to see Nan again this evening and she is still with us, in her bed asleep looking ever so peaceful If she leaves us this evening, I will be devasted but safe in the knowledge that she will be looked after in a better place.

 

As long as youve had the chance to say your goodbyes then youve nothing to worry about in terms of your concience.

Thing is, she will pass eventually, its just the way it is sadly and theres never a good time so you will be devastated no matter what, but as long as youve made your peace and said your goodbyes then youve nothing to regret later as youve done all you can.

Its one thing i wish id been able to do with my mum as she died suddenly despite being ill on and off for years so i hadnt even got to say goodbye at all.

Always makes you wonder if they really knew how much you loved them despite the fact you wernt able to say your goodbyes as you would of wished. BUT love and all that shit goes far deeper than a few words before someone dies so they will have known you cared even if you couldnt be there or say things as you wanted.

 

lost my old man couple years back new the last nite i sore him it was my last chance
tel him stuff ,was ill for a while it killed me inside see him go dwn hill that fast
did the rite thing in going

 

My nan passed away a few weeks ago now. She had a fall, got dehydrated from sitting on the floor for 12 hours and didn't use her panic button because she was to proud to ask for help. End result, she ended up in hospital and her body started to fail. Ended up in intensive care hooked up to so many machines it was scary.

I knew what was waiting, and I was dreading the thought of seeing her like that, kinda like you imagined the worse. But I HAD to be there. Absolutely no question about it. If not to say good bye to my nan, but to support my family.

So I went, and yes seeing her on the machines upset me, but I had to suck it up.

And you know what, I am so glad that I did go, because for one brief moment she knew I was there and looked at me and squeezed my hand. And I said to her get well and said good bye and she passed away the next morning.

I never got to say goodbye to my Grandfathers when they passed away and I regret it every time I think of them. But at least I managed to say goodbye to her.

So I say, do it, as hard as it may be, this may will be the last time you get to see them and your family will need you to be there as much as you can.

 

i was in that position last year with my nan and i spent every day with her . i told my brother and sister not to go but it was up to them , the main reason is because its not nice to see your nan in that way .
my brother and sister rember my nan the way she was before the cancer but i cant get the picture of my nan and how bad she was out of my head now and i wish i hadnt gone and saw her .

at the end of the day its up to you and only you but dont take long to think about it .

hope that helps

 

Well done for going. In my opinion you did the right thing. People say they want to remember their loved ones as they were in happier times but seeing them when they are unwell does not remove those happy memories plus it also gives you a chance to say all of those so far un-said things so that you can eventually part without any regrets of not having said the things that you wanted to.
Obviously this is just my opinion and is no more correct than anyone who has handled similar situations differently by not going to see their loved ones. At the end of the day it all boils down to the individuals own personal feelings.

 

I would have loved to of had one last hug off my dad when I was a kid. He took a drugs overdose after a messy divorce and I remember the night really well. Heard my grandad on the phone he never said it out loud but I just knew it. Cried myself to sleep that night as a little boy with a broken heart, I never knew what I had until my dad was gone.

I'm angry at him nowadays as I've grown up without a male role model and having to be strong. It's hurt me in such a way that I now struggle showing my own emotions.

Best decision you made going to visit her I don't believe you'd of ever forgiven yourself. I know I can't.

 

Just a quick update.. my Nan passed away at 3pm this afternoon. It was very peaceful as she simply fell asleep with my Mum and my Uncle holding her hand.

She was a beautiful lady with a great spirit and I shall miss her so much. A tough day!!

 

RIP

 

How strange is this? My nan passed aswell at the same time no lie!!!!! im so glad it was peaceful. im still getting my head round it. havent cried yet just in shock i think?? RIP to ya nan

 

Well, I will take that thought, they will take a journey together and go and create merry hell in wherever they end up!!

I have done lots of crying - not really stopped yet. My brother came and picked me up from work so I knew it was bad news and he drove my car home cos I was in such a state.

J98 FYA, RIP to your Nan too x

 

Thank you!!! Let them go cause a ruckus up there with the angels in the sky forever peaceful RIP

 

Rip to your Nan. xx

Im crying just reading this thread.
Life is so sad and hard sometimes.
Take care xx

 

i lost my nan a good few years ago now and didnt really see her for the last couple of years as she was in a nursing home and losing her marbles.......i hated seeing her so weak/vunerable as she was always a strong little woman.
i so regretted not seeing enough of her in her last year or so....broke my heart at the funeral.
R.I.P to everyones grandparents who have gone.....all mine have passed over,and im a grandparent myself now! time goes so quickly.