International Rules of Manliness
26-01-2005, 02:00 PM
#1
International Rules of Manliness
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only
it is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have broughther to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
> a Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
> situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
> Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
it is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have broughther to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
> a Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
> situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
> Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
26-01-2005, 02:10 PM
#4
PassionFord Post Whore!!
Re: International Rules of Manliness
Originally Posted by R4N S S
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
26-01-2005, 02:17 PM
#6
DEYTUKURJERBS
Re: International Rules of Manliness
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green orange or sky blue.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Gymnastics.
Trending Topics
26-01-2005, 03:07 PM
#9
Steve - u coont 
nothing wrong with Moonstone.
Here are some more quality jokes:
You must be a dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide
to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands.
He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did
you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
nothing wrong with Moonstone.Here are some more quality jokes:
You must be a dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide
to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands.
He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did
you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
26-01-2005, 03:09 PM
#10
another one
> > A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
> > and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
> >
> > The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
> her
> > purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
> >
> > "What does it look like?"she finally asked.
> >
> > The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
> >
> > The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
> > the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
> >
> > The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
> > "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
> >
> > A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
> > and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
> >
> > The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
> her
> > purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
> >
> > "What does it look like?"she finally asked.
> >
> > The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
> >
> > The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
> > the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
> >
> > The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
> > "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
> >
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