orion88

any fellas on here have troubles seeing theyre kids because of the ex
i was giving mine £100 a month and seein my littel girl every saturday and sunday and for a hour of a week night she then changed the weeknight one as it was affecting the little ones schooling which as a good day i understood and agreed to i then refused to pay her the £100 maintenance as it was clearly not goin on my daughter
now she point blank refuses to let me see her till she gets her £100
do i have any rights here?
can i just go get her or get a police escort or summit to see her?

DazS1Turbo

Im in a similar position weekend dad but get her paid!

£100 is cheap mate

I pay more than that and my ex is comfortable with a new fella in a new house but i'll always give money towards my daughter, it's the right thing to do

Coldo

Can't you set up an account for the kid, and stick £100 in every month, that only you can access.

That way when the kid is old enough, she gets the money and the mum gets fuck all?

Obviously this doesn't help month to month with the kids living costs but if the kid aint seeing any improvements with the money you give the mum then she wont miss it?

Either that or go by the book and get whatever organisation that deals with child support payments involved?

maxmk5fiesta

my dad pays £480 a month for me and i dont see him(my decision), if it was me id just pay £100 as thats pretty cheap.

mk1trb

the money isnt for the child so to speak in the way that it goes straight to them, its for the maintenance of the child therefore has to go to the mother.

im in the same boat but my ex who is with someone else decided to stop letting me see my son when i got with my new girlfriend, the excuse she gave me was it fookin up her routine so i jus decided bollox im goin through the courts. i pay £150 a month for him and i never thought it went on him at all but cant prove or do anythin about it. Thing is you cant trust women not to pis about, i gave my ex chance after chance to keep to her agreements but she kept messin about so im gonna let the judge sort it then she has to stick to it.

DazS1Turbo

Remember even though your actual hard cash may not go directly to your child they will benefit from it in other ways, standard of living ect ect

Mrs T

is she buying her clothes? i get money of my ex and i wouldn't say i spend that amount on her a week some weeks i dont buy her anything other weeks she gets loads, but you also got to remember that she feds her and heats the house so maybe alot of her money goes to help there..

Kieron

Your ex is supporting the child so it matters not where the money is going as it all goes into the same pot and covers the same bills.

Would it make a difference if you money went directly into bills and then you ex took £100 of her money out to spend on herself? Its the same result imho.

The most important thing is that you get to see your child and at £25 a week its the bargain of the century!

carcollector

100£ is too much u think ? so who dresses her and feeds her everyday ?

im sorry but you hardly pay a fraction of the actual cost with 100£.......

if ur that skint or just being a tightass with ur own children i suggest u use condoms in the future

orion88

but i though that parenting is meant to be equal i should be paying for half towards the 5 days and then on that basis she should be paying for the 2 days i have her?
seems my money alone can feed and clothe her for a month and still have money over but she seems to spend it on fags and counciltaxes from what i gather

its annoying how she seems to get money simply for nothing

Mrs T

How much money do you earn a week?
you are paying her about £23 a week,i don't think that would even cover the shopping bill let alone anything else,

She really is not getting money for nothing she is putting that towards supporting your child

DaveEscos

Fucking Jezzers!

Kieron

How old is your child? Is it in nappies, drinking formular or onto solids and normal food? It all costs money as does schooling, toys, clothes, shoes.. The list goes on and on and you seem to have no grasp of how much a child costs imho. £100 is sweet FA.

As for the council tax comment, how about the ex doesnt pay it and they both get kicked out? Its one of the bills that has to be paid as part of raising your child that seemingly costs next to nothing. Wake up mate.

orion88

im just trying to grasp a concept here
according to the csa with the benefits she gets and my income of 1k a month she would only get £17.50 anyways
she is 4 i buy her clothes and uniforms her mom sent her up in filthy clothes and gloves and scarves for an adult on her
considering she also has a full time job and working tax credits i fail to see how my money is spent on her
i spend less than that on myself per week and i live fine

carcollector

im going to make it understandable for you :

1 pack of cigarettes = 6.50 £, u giving her 23£ a week..... so that DOES NOT EVEN BUY HER 4 PACKS A WEEK U MORON !!!!!!!!!!

and u think our days this buys enough to get a kid through a week let alone dress her ? get a reality check !

also : a real parent would love to know that through its input the child has a good standard of living and would give as much as one can.....not hard to see why its ur ex

Mrs T

Number of children maintenance will be paid for: 1
Number of other children living in the non-resident parent's household: 0
Number of nights, on average, the non-resident parent has the child(ren): 52 to 103
The non-resident parent's net weekly income: £ 250
The non-resident parent is not claiming any benefits.
The parent with care is not claiming any benefits.
The weekly amount of child maintenance is approximately: £32

orion88

i aint paying for her cigarettes you retard thats my point
so short of me buying her clothes shoes and she always goes home with toys can u tell me what else is to pay for short of food genius?????
im guessing u give all your money to your children every last penny im sure on ur above statement

DazS1Turbo

Sorry fella im with carcollector

Get her paid!!

orion88

sorry t based on that then the difference is less than £10 per week?
she is on benefits too i dunno if that makes a difference thank you for a more mature answer though unlike some

as i said im trying get a grasp of this here

carcollector

ok...i understand that bookkeeping is not your strongpoint...lemme explain :

she makes say XX£ a week, from that she decides what she wants to do with the amount...she can in theory give it to the red cross. the pure fact that she is responsible for the child makes you pay her a certain amount and also leaves the decision on how to spend it completely in her hand.

back to the 23£ u are moaning about....how about taking the kid to activities plus being a babysitter 24/7 ? i think if u had to hire 1 it would cost that per hr.....

i pay more for my cleaning lady every week and she aint changing stinky diapers

do the next generation a favour, dont make any more kids

DazS1Turbo

The only grasp I get is your aggrieved to be paying £100 a month for your child!

It's peanuts

Be a dad and pay your way and spend your weekends caring playing with her.

carcollector

as i know many that have spent 1000s of £s to get pregnant this annoys me deeply.

as it was said above its peanuts, go enjoy this little human being and stop moaning.

Mrs T

Thought you said she was working full time? it doesn't go on her money she gets it will go on your wage and how many nights you have her..

So if you are getting £250 a week they would make you pay £32 a month, she is being fair to you in what she is letting you pay her, just pay it and see your daughter and enjoy the time with her

Stick to the £100 a month because the csa will make you pay more!!

orion88

so the csa who are the governing body on this kind of thig state that £30 per week is a suitable amount bearing in mind that she also claims benefits so me paying £25 per week aint really far of the mark is it now.
my ex rarely takes my daughter out she baths her feeds her and puts her to bed after school i have her over the weekends so i do the activitys with er

your cleaner????oh now i see ur the kind who just throws money at kids and hopes for the best kind of makes sense to me why ur responses are arrogant and unhelpfull

my quarm here daz is im paying a hundred towards my child but from what i see is that she is not being looked after properly as in clothes that are filthy clothes that are clearly not hers the general welfare of my child as a result

cabrio zo

Your both wrong, shes wrong for not letting you see your daughter, your wrong for not paying the £100

BUT I can see why your refusing to pay in a way - your thinking shes earning, getting benefits and your £100 so the rent, tax, food, leccy etc is being covered, so no excuse for not making sure the kid has her own decent clean clothes

Trouble is how can you actually enforce/police that the £100 is being spent purely on her welfare? not really practical for you to take food round, purchase clothes and put money on the electric card etc and keep the receipts that show you've spent £100 over the month

Mrs T

What benefits does she get? They say £32 a week if you have her every weekend or £38 if you had her less, but all csa will do is go on what you earned not what she is on..

orion88

she does 10 til 3 monda to saturday so she is on a full wage and claiming benefits she was doing it when we split and we got back together for a period for the child so i know shes fiddling the system
for 3 weeks she had a chest infection despite me taking her the doctors numerous times and getting the antiboitics and relevant inhalers and everytime she come up the mediceine was never included and my daughter told her she was not being given the medicenes
its the welfare of my child i worry about
i could pay her a 10000 a month but if not one penny oif that is evident in her upbringing then i do not see how my child benefiots from this i would rahter spend the £100 on her myself and know every penny has gone on her

orion88

i mean my main point is can she refuse to let me see that child based purely 100% on the fact i dont pay maintenance???????????????
it really is that simple

cabrio zo

Legally I don't know, morally no of course she can't

If she really isn't being looked after properly, can you not talk to you ex and explain your concern? I know its not ideal, but if things don't change you may have to threaten to apply for custody, or get social services involved

orion88

well this is the problem she is highly irrational and gets violent when challenged zo
i have tried talking rationally with her even asking that the child live with me and she can visit but this child is another way of her pullling a few extra pounds in and its not healthy for the little one not knowing when she will see me next

Mrs T

To make her let you see your daughter you would have to go through courts and that could take along time and money.

Not sure on the legal side but alot of it is on the mum's side you need to keep her happy and you supporting your daughter with that £100 keeps her happy,

Like Zo said if your that unhappy with how she looks after your daughter maybe you do need to take it further

cabrio zo

As much as you love your daughter, I can see why you regret not bagging up, sounds a bit of a skank your ex

carcollector

it starts to make more sense...before it was only a witchhunt against an ex who is the mother of your kid....

now if the kid is the center of this then fair enough you have a point.

orion88

car collector its not about money i dnt care about money i could be a millionaire and still have the same opinion
at the end of the day £100 is 2 days work for me i would happily work a whole week for free if i got my child its ther fact that i give her money to look after the kid and its not being done i pay to keep her clothed fed and looked after when i cant be theyre to do it i have asked the kid lives with me but she aint interested yet when she comes to mine she is a state makes me sick to see my child that way a pack of gorillas would bring her up better
i would rather pay the money towards her myself and know she will eat know she will be clothed and know shes getting the best i can give her
just feel helpless at the minute
i cant seem to win whatever way i do this

Mrs T

Not to sure how you would go about trying to get custody of her but maybe give social services a call and tell them you worried about your daughter..
Have a read on here and see if this helps you
http://www.custody.co.uk/Child%20Custody.html

Benni

£25 a week is cheap, and as long as the kid doesn't want for nothing essential then I don't see the problem mate. If the kid needed school shoes desperatley and she was spending the money on herself then you've every right to complain, but if the kid doesn't want for nothing like I said, keep on paying.

Baths, heating, electrical things like drying the kids hair etc. (Bad example, lol). and all the other things you don't visually see cost a fortune. You're probably getting off light.

Benni.

DazS1Turbo

Now we see the full picture

May be worth Fighting for custody mate but be careful as she may make things very awkward for you and it could cost you ££££££ and untold stress

I don't envy you at all, im lucky to be in an amicable situation with my ex although saying that i bite my tounge most of the time to keep the peace

All the very best things like this are not easy

orion88

i know bills arent cheap i used to run that house single handed when she was out of work
but matter of the fact is with her working tax credits and wages shes on more than me a month

its like paying for a respray and it comes back a week later worse than it left

u wouldnt pay you would go else where and do it right
i know its bad comparing the child to a car but its the best i got

money aint my issue here i dnt care about that id pay double if i knoew she was being treated right

cutch

iTrader: (1)

i dont really know where you get teh 1000 pounds a month earnng means she should get 17 quid a week. I pay 380 quid a month for my boy. Instead of going thru CSA we found out all the details, CSA take 15% of your net pay and then give 12-13% to the mother for maintenance. This is for the other mums out there that the CSA cant find the dad who wont pay. I give my ex the 15% striaght into her bank account from mine by standing oreder. So that i will have a constant record of it from day one. (she can turn round and say you havent paid a peeny and the great government we have will work out the full amount and make you pay it! (even if you had been) 25 quid a week buddy. its fk all! think about the stuff that you are missing just for the sake of a few quid.

Swallow yer pride and start paying it, make sure you do it thru a bank account (standing order and you'll be covered)

orion88

yea i know im gonna have to pay it i dnt mind paying it but i nust wanna know if she can legally stop me even if paid theyre is nothing saying u canrt see her im just trying to find out where i stand

that bank account idea is a good one though i will do that