KSA-Cossie

iTrader: (4)

My ex was keeping my son from me but one solicitors letter and i'm getting to see him again.

DMR

She can legally stop u seeing your daughter unless u have a court order. If you go to solicitor there will set you up for mediation, which you and your ex will sit down in front of a mediator and chat and come to an amicable agreement. If that doesn't work they will start court proceedings but u have to do the mediation first. a court will be very pissed of her for stopping a child's right to see there dad just for none payment so it would be in your favour but then on the other hand the judge would be pissed as ur not paying.

If ur daughter was born before December 2003 then u have no Parental responciblites but after that date you do, so if she 4 then u should assuming you are on the birth certificate. you have an equal right to certain things, none of these are access rights.

Your main problem will be

you will have to pay the solicitor for everything they do, gets expensive.
the judge will probably tell you when mum has the child then it's her right to do as she pleases within the law so unless she is breaking any laws shes not doing wrong.

the judge will possible allow u to see your child everyother weekend. if mum wants her at weekends to the because of school she will be granted everyother weekend same for you so u will see her less.

CSA will get involved and take more money than you are paying now and it would have all been a waste of time.

Pay the £100 pm if you have real concerns about your daughter go to social, if u had real comcerns you would have done so by now.

my 2 cents worth.

Deerhunter

iTrader: (2)

i dont usualy post in GD but have you got" parental responsibility "it sounds like you havent ,when i had all the shit from my ex not letting me see my daughter and i have always paid from day one ,(and my ex went off with my best mate ) i went to see a soilicitor and she helped me get parental responsibility,we went in a room with someone from the court and got all the crap out, said in front of someone and to be honest is was crap times ,we were bitching with each other and not thinking what was best with our child ,who didnt ask to be born we made her and were acting like dicks ,yes we have had our rows over the past 14 years ,mainly about money and where it was going, but it helped getting it sorted at court , access started off a few hours a week then when my ex realised she had a babysitter at weekends so she could go it into town it was great ,i soon had my daughter staying every weekend ,it was great now my ex and myself get on ,shes married to my mate with 3 more kids by him .my daughters 14 now and shes the one always asking for money and believe my its a lot more than the csa say i have to pay me ex,it is very hard for her money goes nowhere now and back then what m ex spends her maintenance on is up to her.you just have to make sure your child doesnt go without.So go and get legal advice to see your child and stop worrying where the money goes you have to pay and shouldnt have to be asked twice .but unless you have been violent or the child is at risk you are entitled to have access.even if your ex is trying to hurt you by not letting you see your offspring,the only person who suffers is the child .just pay up is my advice and see a solicitor a female one if possible ,they will help you out mate

Deerhunter

iTrader: (2)

sorry DMR i was writing my essay as you were writing yours we covered some same stuff.my case way 14 years ago things might have changed legaly so i appologise ans im sure i will be corrected by someone.
regards

cossiejsy

I have a court order stating i pay £59 per week and goes up every year with cost of living and i have not seen my son for 2 years as she left the island with her new bloke and i dont even know where they live or any thing no phone numbers like she told the court she would give

Deerhunter

iTrader: (2)

thats just shit mate i feel for you

Big-Dan

iTrader: (2)

Absolutely spot on.

Orion88, is your name on the birth certificate?

Big-Dan.

sidewaysdave

iTrader: (3)

i took my x to court and got parental rights and joint custordy as i was worried about my son, the judge said i was aloud him friday to sunday every weekend and if she stopped me seeing him she would be back in court this was 4 years ago now, it turned out my x and her new boy friend had a drug habit, so i went back to court and my son has been living with me for 3 years. if your worried about your child get it sorted through the courts asap mate it cost me a fair bit but i was money well spent

bigal1978

http://www.itv.com/Lifestyle/jeremyk...t/default.html

zetec-Sam

iTrader: (2)

Don't be such a cunt

bigal1978

why ?? get on there they will help

Benni

Nice to hear.

danneth

cost a fortune to who? cause by the sounds of it me and others are paying that for her

DMR

Yeah few things have changed, if you are about to have a child make sure you are on the birth certificate as you get PR automatically now, just a little right us men have now but nothing compared to what the women get. doesn't do much but allows you to have a say in the child's upbringing, i.e. what school they go to, allows u to see there medical records and also allows you to sign consent forms for hospitals. it also allows you to stop mother and child leaving the country plus a few other things

MadMac

£100 a month in child maintenance.

Fucking hell I bet that wont even cover the kids food bill.

Sounds like it to me your trying to shirk the responsibility. If your worried do it all properly, keep paying but go to court. Not paying just gives them ammo to fuck you over. Play by the rules and you wont give em a reason not to trust you.

Deerhunter

iTrader: (2)

thanks mate that is realy intresting to know about automaticly getting PR. Not that this will affect me im not having anymore.PR seems to give the other party ther same rights now as i got then ,but you had to put a case forward to the court this way seems good for Dads now.Not that the situation is good by any means far from it .

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

although thats true, too many mothers use it as pocket money and buy minimum necessary for child.
Although to be fair its generally only the CHAV mums who do that, getting up duff for extra spending cash!! I despise those stupid mothers who piss away thier benefits/maintenance on large amounts of cigs or booze when thats not what the moneys intended for!

social services should intervene if theres violence. If shes got violent tendancys then how do you know shes not the same with your child when she misbehaves???

Has she been violent to you in front of the child??? if so shes technicaly abusing your child by exposing your child to a violent atmosphere.

You could next time she turns nasty let her continue and ring police. Social services will be forced to do an assessment.

carcollector

well..... if this was me.... i would probably try to make her beleive everything is fine by paying......

at the same time though, talk to a solicitor and photographically record the state she is in when you fetch her (use non family members as witnessses). that way, if it is as you claim you have a fair chance for custody i beleive.

but even if the mother is an odd cow and you will eventually be raising your kid, swallow it for now and go wih the flow so u can work on changing it easier

good luck

Ginge !

at the end of the day you need to learn to get along for the sake of your kid, i know the money thing is a bitch but ffs think whos the most important thing here

me and my ex split up, we manage to get along well and as a result we share my little one and i have her as much as i can as she is the most important thing in my life and tbh the only reason we are here,, ok ill agree its hard at first with everything going on but you need to focus and remember its not you against the ex but its whats best for your little one,,, she cant be that bad as a mum as you was with her at some point together and never had a issue back then i trust ?

Isaac.Hunt

Worst advice possible. Photographing the state of a child when it arrives at a non-resident parents house if the child is not physically harmed is very dodgy ground. Some family court judges will treat that as psychologically damaging to a child, having to be put through photographs at visits for litigation purposes. In fact, that would possibly push a judge to view that if awarded residency, that parent would prevent the current residential parent from access to the child. Ruins your chances of being seen as anything other than ''out to get'' the mother, especially when twinned with failure to pay child support. That could be written very well as the actions of a scorned former partner, even where it is not true.

A child will not realistically be removed from it's resident parent for a reason other than serious objective neglect or inadequacy of that parent, not just ''a bit dirty or not dressed well''. Fathers are rarely awarded custody unless the mother is totally unable to care for a child, i.e. off her head or violent. Unless you feel for your child's safety or health social services will not help you and could be raised in court as ''malicious'' calling by the mother if investigations were brought and closed with no findings of neglect or improper care. More ammunition for her.

£100 a month for a child is a pittance on a wage of £1000, it's 10%. If you are not even paying that towards keeping your child you should be ashamed, whatever the access issues. As for putting money into a bank account for a child, all very noble provided the child has the money available to eat and be warm at the mothers. Child support is about providing things needed for a child not paying university fees if they manage to get that far. Not paying because the mother will not award access just provides the child with a reason to believe it if the mother tells her you never bothered to provide for her.

Only thing worth getting is a contact order via the courts for access to the child.

Rick Astley

I still believe you should have to pass an aptitude test prior to being allowed to bring a baby into this world.

You should also have to prove how you intend to care for it, financially and in terms of looking after it when you go back to work.

I watched that Rich and Jobless program on BBC1 last night and couldn't believe a man and woman having 6 kids and bringing in 30k p.a. Makes me sick.

Not sure what this has to do with the opening post but, stuff it, it's 5am I can't sleep and I want a rant.