need honest opinions pls
16-10-2009, 08:41 PM
#1
PassionFord Post Whore!!
Thread Starter
need honest opinions pls
Basicaly my mum died 8 years ago, ive got this yearning to understand what went wrong at the hospital and feel they need to maybe appologise.
The shortened story:
Mum was bad for a short time before the doctor sent her for tests, the results were lost, retest were made and the results lost again, retest were made yet again and the results were lost yet again
The next retests results came back and mum was told she'd need to have an opperation to remove some of her bowl and have a colostermy bag fitted, a routine opp by then standards.
The opp didnt go well and and her heart stopped whilst being opperated on, but they saved her and she woke the next day without too many problems.
Over the coarse of the next 12 or so hours she went down hill and the surgeon "thought" he may have left something (instrument) inside her, so they opened her up again and found nothing (strange cos i thought they count everything in/ out again).
Mum didnt wake up and dies 12 hours later, coronor said blood clot was to blame.
My question is: Should i dig up the past to see what/why things went as they did, or is it best left alone ????
Please, honest but sensible opinions on this as it is my mum were talking about.
Also my dad wont know anything about what i might/ might not do, my brother will be included if i can get access to the records, which i have been told i can do for a small fee(£10)
thanks
steve.
The shortened story:
Mum was bad for a short time before the doctor sent her for tests, the results were lost, retest were made and the results lost again, retest were made yet again and the results were lost yet again
The next retests results came back and mum was told she'd need to have an opperation to remove some of her bowl and have a colostermy bag fitted, a routine opp by then standards.
The opp didnt go well and and her heart stopped whilst being opperated on, but they saved her and she woke the next day without too many problems.
Over the coarse of the next 12 or so hours she went down hill and the surgeon "thought" he may have left something (instrument) inside her, so they opened her up again and found nothing (strange cos i thought they count everything in/ out again).
Mum didnt wake up and dies 12 hours later, coronor said blood clot was to blame.
My question is: Should i dig up the past to see what/why things went as they did, or is it best left alone ????
Please, honest but sensible opinions on this as it is my mum were talking about.
Also my dad wont know anything about what i might/ might not do, my brother will be included if i can get access to the records, which i have been told i can do for a small fee(£10)
thanks
steve.
Last edited by st3v3; 16-10-2009 at 08:44 PM.
16-10-2009, 08:46 PM
#2
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If digging up the past and finding out the truth will bring you closure, then I think you should. However, if you are wanting to do it because you can't let go, then you need to ask yourself will it help? All the memories, and what not. I'm in the process of pursuing a case and you have to go through everything, step by step with a fine tooth comb. This brings back lots of memories, no bad ones for me but it might be different for you.
All the best whatever you decide.
Benni.
All the best whatever you decide.
Benni.
16-10-2009, 08:50 PM
#3
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sorry to here that mate,
you will get no were tbh,
my mum had a op and it went wrong leaveing her disabled, we evern went down the legal route to find out what went wrong etc (routen stomach op left without use of legs)
and got nowere, thay dont give any info and the chances of compensation evern when there clearly in the wrong are like winning the lottery
i would wont to no if i was you (still want to no about my mum) but dout you will get anywere evern if you get soliciters etc
you will get no were tbh,
my mum had a op and it went wrong leaveing her disabled, we evern went down the legal route to find out what went wrong etc (routen stomach op left without use of legs)
and got nowere, thay dont give any info and the chances of compensation evern when there clearly in the wrong are like winning the lottery
i would wont to no if i was you (still want to no about my mum) but dout you will get anywere evern if you get soliciters etc
16-10-2009, 08:58 PM
#4
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If i am completely honest honey, i would just leave it be.
Your pops could potentially be really upset if he did ever find out what you were doing.
Plus... why exactly are you wanting to do this? for complete closure? just imagine if you go through months and months of agony, emotuonal turmoil, and disappointment, only to find out that exactly what the coroner said was just that,... she passed away because of a clot....
it must be hard honey, i know i would always be sat there thinking 'were they right' but also think... would you mum really want you diggin the past up?
x
Your pops could potentially be really upset if he did ever find out what you were doing.
Plus... why exactly are you wanting to do this? for complete closure? just imagine if you go through months and months of agony, emotuonal turmoil, and disappointment, only to find out that exactly what the coroner said was just that,... she passed away because of a clot....
it must be hard honey, i know i would always be sat there thinking 'were they right' but also think... would you mum really want you diggin the past up?
x
16-10-2009, 09:03 PM
#5
IMO... the "we might have left something inside" comment has planted the seed of doubt back at the time and its been growing and growing over the past 8 years. I think that if you don't persue it to a satisfactory conclusion (whether they were wrong or right) it will eat away at you and probably continue to twist you up inside.
You need closure to square it off in your head and move on; if investigating further is the only way you think you'll get it (also consider therapy, talking to a professional), then I'd go ahead.
Cheers,
Grant
You need closure to square it off in your head and move on; if investigating further is the only way you think you'll get it (also consider therapy, talking to a professional), then I'd go ahead.
Cheers,
Grant
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17-10-2009, 03:16 PM
#10
20K+ Super Poster.
Whatever you do, take your time to consider carefully, any negative effect it can have on you, ie if you did find a mistake etc.
Speaking from experience of being in a coma for 3 months, and 19 months total, all I can say is it is amazing how the medical profession help each other to cover things up.
I had brain damage not spotted for 11 years, now left with heart/brain blood supply problems, could have been treated at the time, wasn't even given a CT or MRI despite being in a coma.
Don't want to dampen your enthusiasm, but the past cannot be reversed, but the future can be affected if finding out something you wish you hadn't.
I wish you luck whatever you decide, but bear in mind the effect it could have on others also.
I had 3 different solicitors and 2 private detectives over the years, all on no win no fee, all got nowhere in 8 years.
My case leaves me with the thought that someone out there, left me for dead in a coma at the roadside, and has got away with it, with no disabling effects like myself.
I could let this "eat me", or I could choose to say **** it, not worth the worry, just do the best I can, never been so happy since I made this decision, I just hope that heaven and hell do exist, then the person who hit me will go to the warmer place!!
Seriously I was having psych treatment every week, they even wanted to do ECT on me, fry my brain with electricity, FFS it's bad enough as it is!!
Make your decision and in all seriousness discuss this with a psychiatrist first, as the after effects really can kill your life.
Me gf had a stroke at age 3-4 due to her "upbringing", leaving her with partial paralysis, the guy responsible lives 15 miles away, and I pass his place a few times a week, would love to kill him, but is he worth throwing my life away for the satisfaction ?
Certain people on here know him, but don't know he's responsible,(he's not on here).
Chill out and relax, easy when you adopt the mindset, ask yourself how you can make your life better/happier.
tabetha
Speaking from experience of being in a coma for 3 months, and 19 months total, all I can say is it is amazing how the medical profession help each other to cover things up.
I had brain damage not spotted for 11 years, now left with heart/brain blood supply problems, could have been treated at the time, wasn't even given a CT or MRI despite being in a coma.
Don't want to dampen your enthusiasm, but the past cannot be reversed, but the future can be affected if finding out something you wish you hadn't.
I wish you luck whatever you decide, but bear in mind the effect it could have on others also.
I had 3 different solicitors and 2 private detectives over the years, all on no win no fee, all got nowhere in 8 years.
My case leaves me with the thought that someone out there, left me for dead in a coma at the roadside, and has got away with it, with no disabling effects like myself.
I could let this "eat me", or I could choose to say **** it, not worth the worry, just do the best I can, never been so happy since I made this decision, I just hope that heaven and hell do exist, then the person who hit me will go to the warmer place!!
Seriously I was having psych treatment every week, they even wanted to do ECT on me, fry my brain with electricity, FFS it's bad enough as it is!!
Make your decision and in all seriousness discuss this with a psychiatrist first, as the after effects really can kill your life.
Me gf had a stroke at age 3-4 due to her "upbringing", leaving her with partial paralysis, the guy responsible lives 15 miles away, and I pass his place a few times a week, would love to kill him, but is he worth throwing my life away for the satisfaction ?
Certain people on here know him, but don't know he's responsible,(he's not on here).
Chill out and relax, easy when you adopt the mindset, ask yourself how you can make your life better/happier.
tabetha
17-10-2009, 06:05 PM
#11
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sorry to hear mate..like some people here are saying nobody can tell you..if u think u have to find out why then do if u have to but if u do this will it cause more probs? more stress? sum things are beter to be left in the past but only u can decide..all the bet to u tho dude
17-10-2009, 06:24 PM
#12
PassionFord Post Whore!!
I will offer my sympathies for your loss but don't think you shoud pursue this.
A) The medical people will always do their best for all their patients (accepting there may be an odd bad apple in the barrel with either malicious intent, or just reckless carelessness). They are not miracle workers, we don't come with instruction manuals, and sometimes their best efforts just aren't good enough and a patient dies. It's sad, but it happens. That doesn't take away the pain, but in my opinion dragging it all up again will not be helpful.
B) The hospital management can and will close ranks to avoid anything untoward being disclosed (at the time or later). If a hospital developed a reputation or statistics showing their survival rates were lower than others, the authorities would be investigating why, and making neccessary changes. Sometimes, we are in an unlucky minority and we are the ones to lose a loved one. If you went ahead, sued and won, they wold lose a huge chunk of money in compensation, legal fees, and insurance premiums, which then undermines treatment for future patients.
C) I seriously doubt if anything was left in your mum and wonder if you miss-heard/miss-understood their reason for the second op, or if they maybe said something slightly flippant to try and take the edge off the obvious distress this op would cause? I was present at my wife's caesarian for our first kid. One nurse was present in the theatre to do nothing except record instruments used, clamps, swabs etc put into the patient, and removed again.
D) What good will come of it? As others have said, this will undoubtedly raise a whole world of pain for you, your family, and many, many medical staff (who are actually human beings too). My dad was a GP and has been dead now for 33 years but before he died he saw this kind of situation coming and expressed the fear that, in future, medical people would become reluctant to try and help someone for fear of being sued if it didn't work out.
A) The medical people will always do their best for all their patients (accepting there may be an odd bad apple in the barrel with either malicious intent, or just reckless carelessness). They are not miracle workers, we don't come with instruction manuals, and sometimes their best efforts just aren't good enough and a patient dies. It's sad, but it happens. That doesn't take away the pain, but in my opinion dragging it all up again will not be helpful.
B) The hospital management can and will close ranks to avoid anything untoward being disclosed (at the time or later). If a hospital developed a reputation or statistics showing their survival rates were lower than others, the authorities would be investigating why, and making neccessary changes. Sometimes, we are in an unlucky minority and we are the ones to lose a loved one. If you went ahead, sued and won, they wold lose a huge chunk of money in compensation, legal fees, and insurance premiums, which then undermines treatment for future patients.
C) I seriously doubt if anything was left in your mum and wonder if you miss-heard/miss-understood their reason for the second op, or if they maybe said something slightly flippant to try and take the edge off the obvious distress this op would cause? I was present at my wife's caesarian for our first kid. One nurse was present in the theatre to do nothing except record instruments used, clamps, swabs etc put into the patient, and removed again.
D) What good will come of it? As others have said, this will undoubtedly raise a whole world of pain for you, your family, and many, many medical staff (who are actually human beings too). My dad was a GP and has been dead now for 33 years but before he died he saw this kind of situation coming and expressed the fear that, in future, medical people would become reluctant to try and help someone for fear of being sued if it didn't work out.
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