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06-09-2009, 06:28 PM
#1
I've found that life I needed.. It's HERE!!
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www.dontevenreply.com
www.dontevenreply.com
A friend sent me the link to this site, ideal if you have half an hour to kill!
Original ad:
I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested.
Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.
From Me to *************@*********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.
I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?
-Dan
From Brittany ********* to Me
Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP.
Thanks!
Brit
From Bryan ********* to Me
Dan,
My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.
Regards,
Bryan
From Me to Bryan **********
Good afternoon Brian,
Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife.
- Dan
From Bryan ********* to Me
Heh heh, that might be just what she needs...
From Me to Bryan **********
CC: Brittany *********
Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.
The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.
From Bryan ********* to Me
Oh boy...please don't...
From Brittany ********* to Me
What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!
From Me to Brittany *********
Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.
-Dan
A friend sent me the link to this site, ideal if you have half an hour to kill!
Original ad:
I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested.
Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.
From Me to *************@*********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.
I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?
-Dan
From Brittany ********* to Me
Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP.
Thanks!
Brit
From Bryan ********* to Me
Dan,
My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.
Regards,
Bryan
From Me to Bryan **********
Good afternoon Brian,
Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife.
- Dan
From Bryan ********* to Me
Heh heh, that might be just what she needs...
From Me to Bryan **********
CC: Brittany *********
Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.
The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.
From Bryan ********* to Me
Oh boy...please don't...
From Brittany ********* to Me
What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!
From Me to Brittany *********
Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.
-Dan
Last edited by CoupeUK; 06-09-2009 at 06:29 PM.
06-09-2009, 06:45 PM
#2
rich_bloor@hotmail.com
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Stoke-on-Trent
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I want to adopt this methord when i sell my next car 
Original ad:
PLASMA HDTV - $850
I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
hey will you take $700 for it
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
seriously?
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Yes. 20 shots and its yours.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
uhh no. hows $750 sound
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off dude
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
wtf your ad said $850
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off
Original ad:
PLASMA HDTV - $850
I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
hey will you take $700 for it
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
seriously?
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Yes. 20 shots and its yours.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
uhh no. hows $750 sound
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off dude
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
wtf your ad said $850
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off
06-09-2009, 08:51 PM
#5
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Manchester
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FLOL at this one.
Insulting Parrot
Posted at: 2009-08-03 10:49:00 | 194 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
PARROT WANTED
I am looking for a parrot for my two children. I used to have a parrot and loved her and would love to see my kids have one. Really any kind of parrot will do. I have a vet that can check it out - please email me if you have a parrot you don't want!
Thanks!
From Me to **************@*********.org
Hi there!
I have an African Grey parrot that my wife and I do not want anymore. It would be great for your kids! Let me know if you want him.
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Mike - tell me about your parrot! How old is he? Do you have any pictures of him? Why do you want to get rid of him?
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra,
My parrot is 2 years old. I don't have any pictures, but he looks like a typical parrot.
We are getting rid of him because my wife does not like him. My wife and I argue a lot, and the parrot seems to have picked up some of the things I have said and just shouts them at my wife when she walks by. I think the final straw was when the parrot called her a "stupid fat twat." She takes it personally, even though I tell her that she shouldn't be self-conscious just because a parrot thinks she is fat. Now I will admit that I trained it to say "nice cellulite, bitch" whenever my wife walks by, but the parrot pretty much just curses at everyone now. Whenever I walk in the door, it calls me a "cocksucking grundle licker." It kind of gets annoying when it is the first thing I hear after working all day.
Also, I let my friend watch the parrot for a week when I was on vacation, and ever since then, the parrot sings "The Final Countdown" by Europe every night at 4 in the morning. It often wakes me up and I am tired of it. I don't even like that song.
The parrot also has an issue with defecating in its cage. It will wait until I let it out, and then immediately fly over to the kitchen and shit on my food. If I don't let him out, he starts yelling "I have to shit!" until I let him out. It can go on for hours.
My wife pretty much told me either the parrot goes, or she will leave me. So I have no choice but to get rid of him. His name is Sam. I think he will be great for your kids, as long as they aren't fat and won't take the insults he yells at them personally.
I can set up a time for you to come check him out this week if you want. What day works for you?
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Mike, I don't think that parrot would be appropriate for my kids - they are only five and seven years old.
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra,
I think he would be great for your kids. I didn't mean to scare you off with the bad description of the parrot. He really is a nice parrot. There is a way to prevent him from shouting obscenities. I found that if I soak his food in drain cleaner and then give it to him, it burns up his throat and he doesn't talk for a few days. I can include a bottle of Draino and a few bags of bird food with him, if you want.
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Are you serious? That can kill him!! He sounds like he was a nice parrot but you have no idea how to take care of him! Give him to the SPCA!
From Me to Sandra ***********
Excuse me? I know how to take care of a parrot. It sounds like you don't know how to take care of your kids if you are always turning down free, lovable pets for them. THAT can kill their spirits. Why even put an ad up if you aren't willing to be reasonable? Sorry this parrot isn't perfect. You can't expect people to give you Toucan fucking Sam for free.
I can't take him to the SPCA. They told me never to come back after I tried to give them a bunch of rats that my rat trap caught but didn't kill.
If you don't take my parrot, I'm afraid my only option is to release him into my backyard, and then shoot him with my shotgun for sport.
From Sandra ********* to Me
You are a f*cking lunatic.
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra please take my parrot. I just checked and I don't have any more birdshot shells for my gun. Please don't make me have to drive all the way to Delaware to get more.
Posted at: 2009-08-03 10:49:00 | 194 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
PARROT WANTED
I am looking for a parrot for my two children. I used to have a parrot and loved her and would love to see my kids have one. Really any kind of parrot will do. I have a vet that can check it out - please email me if you have a parrot you don't want!
Thanks!
From Me to **************@*********.org
Hi there!
I have an African Grey parrot that my wife and I do not want anymore. It would be great for your kids! Let me know if you want him.
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Mike - tell me about your parrot! How old is he? Do you have any pictures of him? Why do you want to get rid of him?
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra,
My parrot is 2 years old. I don't have any pictures, but he looks like a typical parrot.
We are getting rid of him because my wife does not like him. My wife and I argue a lot, and the parrot seems to have picked up some of the things I have said and just shouts them at my wife when she walks by. I think the final straw was when the parrot called her a "stupid fat twat." She takes it personally, even though I tell her that she shouldn't be self-conscious just because a parrot thinks she is fat. Now I will admit that I trained it to say "nice cellulite, bitch" whenever my wife walks by, but the parrot pretty much just curses at everyone now. Whenever I walk in the door, it calls me a "cocksucking grundle licker." It kind of gets annoying when it is the first thing I hear after working all day.
Also, I let my friend watch the parrot for a week when I was on vacation, and ever since then, the parrot sings "The Final Countdown" by Europe every night at 4 in the morning. It often wakes me up and I am tired of it. I don't even like that song.
The parrot also has an issue with defecating in its cage. It will wait until I let it out, and then immediately fly over to the kitchen and shit on my food. If I don't let him out, he starts yelling "I have to shit!" until I let him out. It can go on for hours.
My wife pretty much told me either the parrot goes, or she will leave me. So I have no choice but to get rid of him. His name is Sam. I think he will be great for your kids, as long as they aren't fat and won't take the insults he yells at them personally.
I can set up a time for you to come check him out this week if you want. What day works for you?
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Mike, I don't think that parrot would be appropriate for my kids - they are only five and seven years old.
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra,
I think he would be great for your kids. I didn't mean to scare you off with the bad description of the parrot. He really is a nice parrot. There is a way to prevent him from shouting obscenities. I found that if I soak his food in drain cleaner and then give it to him, it burns up his throat and he doesn't talk for a few days. I can include a bottle of Draino and a few bags of bird food with him, if you want.
Mike
From Sandra ********* to Me
Are you serious? That can kill him!! He sounds like he was a nice parrot but you have no idea how to take care of him! Give him to the SPCA!
From Me to Sandra ***********
Excuse me? I know how to take care of a parrot. It sounds like you don't know how to take care of your kids if you are always turning down free, lovable pets for them. THAT can kill their spirits. Why even put an ad up if you aren't willing to be reasonable? Sorry this parrot isn't perfect. You can't expect people to give you Toucan fucking Sam for free.
I can't take him to the SPCA. They told me never to come back after I tried to give them a bunch of rats that my rat trap caught but didn't kill.
If you don't take my parrot, I'm afraid my only option is to release him into my backyard, and then shoot him with my shotgun for sport.
From Sandra ********* to Me
You are a f*cking lunatic.
From Me to Sandra ***********
Sandra please take my parrot. I just checked and I don't have any more birdshot shells for my gun. Please don't make me have to drive all the way to Delaware to get more.
