The Highway code version 1.1

yappstar · 2009-04-30 16:17:43

Red = stop. Green = go. Amber = go faster. When sat in stationary traffic, cool off any passing cyclists with a quick squirt of windscreen wash. When you hear the siren of an emergency vehicle, you should pull over and let it pass. The same does not apply to the constantly sounding horn of a Vauxhall Vectra with a spare shirt hanging against the rear side window, whatever its driver may believe. There is a new offence of driving an Audi TT with due care and attention. It is not anticipated to be used a great deal. Peep! Peep! There's someone in the house, and you've come to get them. Peeeep! Peep! Peeeeeeeeep! ... Peeeeep! Peep! Peep! Peep! Peeeeeeeeep! ... Peep! Peep! Peeeeeep! On no account get out of the car, as this may affect the size of your lazy fat gut You can now gain points back on your licence by performing special stunt manoeuvres. For example, 3 Points for a midair 360 and 12 for any manoeuvre that causes you to land upright on the roof of a 5-storey building. If your destination is a point of interest marked out by a BROWN road sign, endeavour to keep your speed BELOW 20mph until you reach your destination A circular white sign with a diagonal thick black line through it means 'no entry'. Women are not allowed to overtake men under any circumstances. Should this happen to you, use any means necessary to get back in front, even if it means risking your life. The continued existence of Man depends on it. Don't let us down. When unsure on which way you're going to go at a junction, switch on the hazard lights as you approach. Always indicate before pulling away from the kerb. Unless you're driving a bus, in which case always indicate AFTER pulling away from the kerb. If your vehicle is causing a temporary obstruction, engage the hazard warning lights. You will now no longer be causing an obstruction, and you can stay there as long as you like. Never use the horn as a rebuke. Its true purpose is to make everyone in a 30 yard radius say 'Fuck off'. Parking for 4x4s in supermarket car parks is indicated by the yellow hatched lines in front of the cashpoints. Ensure pelicans are kept off zebra crossings, and vice-versa. Hazard warning lights grant the driver immunity from all parking tickets, allowing you to leave your car wherever you like. You may remember the "Ford Mondeo" FA Cup Final of 2007. It is illegal to jump out of your car and beat up someone who remonstrates with you for not stopping at a pedestrian crossing. Unless you're a rugby international. The Highway Code stopping distances are now measured in meters. Unless you're in a BMW, in which case they're in millimeters. It is dangerous and disruptive to traffic to remonstrate with someone who has just cut you up in the middle of the street. Instead, follow him home, wait till it gets dark, then slash his fucking tyres. The safest way to drive on the motorway is to stay in the middle lane, travelling at a steady 60mph. Never get in any kind of traffic face-off when less than one mile from your house, particularly if your car is usually parked where it can be seen from the road. Taxi drivers, if your hazards are on, this means you can stop your high mileage spunk wagon wherever the fuck you want. Wherever possible, allow pedestrians to cross the road in front of you. If, however, they do not acknowledge your kind gesture and sort of meander along like they own the cunting road, fucking floor it. Middle Lane Hoggers on the Motorway can be legally shot at. :king:

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30-04-2009, 04:17 PM

yappstar

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The Highway code version 1.1

Red = stop. Green = go. Amber = go faster.
When sat in stationary traffic, cool off any passing cyclists with a quick squirt of windscreen wash.
When you hear the siren of an emergency vehicle, you should pull over and let it pass. The same does not apply to the constantly sounding horn of a Vauxhall Vectra with a spare shirt hanging against the rear side window, whatever its driver may believe.
There is a new offence of driving an Audi TT with due care and attention. It is not anticipated to be used a great deal.
Peep! Peep! There's someone in the house, and you've come to get them. Peeeep! Peep! Peeeeeeeeep! ... Peeeeep! Peep! Peep! Peep! Peeeeeeeeep! ... Peep! Peep! Peeeeeep! On no account get out of the car, as this may affect the size of your lazy fat gut
You can now gain points back on your licence by performing special stunt manoeuvres. For example, 3 Points for a midair 360 and 12 for any manoeuvre that causes you to land upright on the roof of a 5-storey building.
If your destination is a point of interest marked out by a BROWN road sign, endeavour to keep your speed BELOW 20mph until you reach your destination
A circular white sign with a diagonal thick black line through it means 'no entry'.
Women are not allowed to overtake men under any circumstances. Should this happen to you, use any means necessary to get back in front, even if it means risking your life. The continued existence of Man depends on it. Don't let us down.
When unsure on which way you're going to go at a junction, switch on the hazard lights as you approach.
Always indicate before pulling away from the kerb. Unless you're driving a bus, in which case always indicate AFTER pulling away from the kerb.
If your vehicle is causing a temporary obstruction, engage the hazard warning lights. You will now no longer be causing an obstruction, and you can stay there as long as you like.
Never use the horn as a rebuke. Its true purpose is to make everyone in a 30 yard radius say 'Fuck off'.
Parking for 4x4s in supermarket car parks is indicated by the yellow hatched lines in front of the cashpoints.
Ensure pelicans are kept off zebra crossings, and vice-versa.
Hazard warning lights grant the driver immunity from all parking tickets, allowing you to leave your car wherever you like. You may remember the "Ford Mondeo" FA Cup Final of 2007.
It is illegal to jump out of your car and beat up someone who remonstrates with you for not stopping at a pedestrian crossing. Unless you're a rugby international.
The Highway Code stopping distances are now measured in meters. Unless you're in a BMW, in which case they're in millimeters.
It is dangerous and disruptive to traffic to remonstrate with someone who has just cut you up in the middle of the street. Instead, follow him home, wait till it gets dark, then slash his fucking tyres.
The safest way to drive on the motorway is to stay in the middle lane, travelling at a steady 60mph.
Never get in any kind of traffic face-off when less than one mile from your house, particularly if your car is usually parked where it can be seen from the road.
Taxi drivers, if your hazards are on, this means you can stop your high mileage spunk wagon wherever the fuck you want.
Wherever possible, allow pedestrians to cross the road in front of you. If, however, they do not acknowledge your kind gesture and sort of meander along like they own the cunting road, fucking floor it.
Middle Lane Hoggers on the Motorway can be legally shot at.