you know the sort, someone who can write a reply that is both witty and stinging without actually being offensive in any way shape or form

the story is a little something like this:

got a call from someone i the office who wanted to know stuff
i gave her the answer
she asked me the same question again
i gave her the same answer
this went on for about 5 minites
then i put the phone down on the side of the table and walked away
she then called me 7 times
and sent me an email saying "can you call me back so we can finish the conversation"

so i need to send soemthing back that basicly says "get bent", but without saying "get bent" in any portion of the email

thank you kinds sirs (and ladies if you can get in a good reply)

it's got to be short and to the point as well, just that one killer line that will tell her what's what

 

"You will die in 7 days."

I never have been very subtle so that might not go down too well?

 

If she is abit silly then send her this:

Unfortunately your email could not be delivered to some or all of it's intended recipients. If you continue to have this problem please call 08457 90 90 90.

 

I like it when you talk dirty!

 

Any good?

 

punkie has it

 

Were my first seven answers not good enough? Because believe it or not, they were the answer.

Now fook off so i can look at pf

 

Only cause I sometimes have the exact same issue sometimes...people asking the same question twenty times in twenty different ways and getting the same answer dumbed down a little bit each time...and still it does not sink in

 

the young lady seems to have put up the perfect answer

the problem was that the woman in question sorts out the stuff that's gone to the wrong depots or has been returned because it wasn't delivered
fair enough
i'm normally the last out the door so i make sure that everything that needs to go back goes back and everything that needs to stay stays
yesterday i was finished at 11.30am, way way way before anyone else, who started to trickle in at around 2pm and the last guy didn't get back till 7pm
so obviously nothing that i could have done short of going back in the evening would have been done, and it wasn't beacuse i was kipping from about 5 till about 8
but no, she doesn't seem to have understood the basic "if i'm not the last guy out the door then how do i know what someone else will do?"

i shall try and get some of her messages onto the computer, or at least type them up

 

I don't know why but theres not many people who will reply to a works email with "You will die in 7 days". Strange that!

 

Dear Northen bint

Further to our recent correspondence.

I can confirm that my understand is that your query is as follows:

Do you sort out the returns?

In the telephone conversation with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information:

Yes. Unfortunatly I have no control over what happens after I have left. Yesterday, 9 drivers came and went after me.

I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.

Kind regards,

dojj

 

 

... my understanding....

 

Its been a long day and I seem to have been writing carbon copies of the same email for the last twenty fucking minutes....If you cant remember log on details for an online dealing account...dont fucking use one (thats the general jist)

 

Top tip - don't re-type the same email more than once, use copy and paste

 

Oh no, cant do that...everyone seem to want a little bit extra on their email....next one is going to get a bit more than they bargained for

 

LOL

 

just email everyone the same thing:

"Stop sending me emails about stuff you can't do, find an open university course instead"

 

i take it i will adjust the northern bint bit before i send it off yes

it'll be typical of me to just cut and paste that reply

 

Not as bad as one company who sent its highest net worth clients letters with the Dear xxx xxxx as "Dear Rich Bastard" Obviously funny when youre drafting up the letters...not funny when you forget to change it during the mail merge

 

oops