creative wordsmith required
#1
creative wordsmith required
you know the sort, someone who can write a reply that is both witty and stinging without actually being offensive in any way shape or form
the story is a little something like this:
got a call from someone i the office who wanted to know stuff
i gave her the answer
she asked me the same question again
i gave her the same answer
this went on for about 5 minites
then i put the phone down on the side of the table and walked away
she then called me 7 times
and sent me an email saying "can you call me back so we can finish the conversation"
so i need to send soemthing back that basicly says "get bent", but without saying "get bent" in any portion of the email
thank you kinds sirs (and ladies if you can get in a good reply)
it's got to be short and to the point as well, just that one killer line that will tell her what's what
the story is a little something like this:
got a call from someone i the office who wanted to know stuff
i gave her the answer
she asked me the same question again
i gave her the same answer
this went on for about 5 minites
then i put the phone down on the side of the table and walked away
she then called me 7 times
and sent me an email saying "can you call me back so we can finish the conversation"
so i need to send soemthing back that basicly says "get bent", but without saying "get bent" in any portion of the email
thank you kinds sirs (and ladies if you can get in a good reply)
it's got to be short and to the point as well, just that one killer line that will tell her what's what
#3
Never gonna give you up!
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If she is abit silly then send her this:
Unfortunately your email could not be delivered to some or all of it's intended recipients. If you continue to have this problem please call 08457 90 90 90.
Unfortunately your email could not be delivered to some or all of it's intended recipients. If you continue to have this problem please call 08457 90 90 90.
#5
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Dear....
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query is as follows [outline what the dumb bint asks]
In several telephone conversations with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information [outline what you told the dumb bint]
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
[your name here]
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query is as follows [outline what the dumb bint asks]
In several telephone conversations with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information [outline what you told the dumb bint]
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
[your name here]
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#8
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#9
the young lady seems to have put up the perfect answer
the problem was that the woman in question sorts out the stuff that's gone to the wrong depots or has been returned because it wasn't delivered
fair enough
i'm normally the last out the door so i make sure that everything that needs to go back goes back and everything that needs to stay stays
yesterday i was finished at 11.30am, way way way before anyone else, who started to trickle in at around 2pm and the last guy didn't get back till 7pm
so obviously nothing that i could have done short of going back in the evening would have been done, and it wasn't beacuse i was kipping from about 5 till about 8
but no, she doesn't seem to have understood the basic "if i'm not the last guy out the door then how do i know what someone else will do?"
i shall try and get some of her messages onto the computer, or at least type them up
the problem was that the woman in question sorts out the stuff that's gone to the wrong depots or has been returned because it wasn't delivered
fair enough
i'm normally the last out the door so i make sure that everything that needs to go back goes back and everything that needs to stay stays
yesterday i was finished at 11.30am, way way way before anyone else, who started to trickle in at around 2pm and the last guy didn't get back till 7pm
so obviously nothing that i could have done short of going back in the evening would have been done, and it wasn't beacuse i was kipping from about 5 till about 8
but no, she doesn't seem to have understood the basic "if i'm not the last guy out the door then how do i know what someone else will do?"
i shall try and get some of her messages onto the computer, or at least type them up
#10
Never gonna give you up!
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I don't know why but theres not many people who will reply to a works email with "You will die in 7 days". Strange that!
#11
Dear Northen bint
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query is as follows:
Do you sort out the returns?
In the telephone conversation with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information:
Yes. Unfortunatly I have no control over what happens after I have left. Yesterday, 9 drivers came and went after me.
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
dojj
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query is as follows:
Do you sort out the returns?
In the telephone conversation with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information:
Yes. Unfortunatly I have no control over what happens after I have left. Yesterday, 9 drivers came and went after me.
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
dojj
#12
For Sale..Apply within.
Dear Northen bint
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query regards the sorting of returns.
In the telephone conversation with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information:
Sorting the returns is part of my usual working day, unfortunately I have no control over what happens after I have left.
After completing my own work and leaving for the day a further 9 drivers returned to the depot.
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
dojj
Further to our recent correspondence.
I can confirm that my understand is that your query regards the sorting of returns.
In the telephone conversation with you this afternoon I have provided you with the following information:
Sorting the returns is part of my usual working day, unfortunately I have no control over what happens after I have left.
After completing my own work and leaving for the day a further 9 drivers returned to the depot.
I hope this clarifies your enquiry. If you do have any further questions, please confirm via return email and I will endeavour to answer them in full.
Kind regards,
dojj
#14
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#15
PassionFord Post Whore!!
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Top tip - don't re-type the same email more than once, use copy and paste
#16
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#20
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Not as bad as one company who sent its highest net worth clients letters with the Dear xxx xxxx as "Dear Rich Bastard" Obviously funny when youre drafting up the letters...not funny when you forget to change it during the mail merge
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