Yet another little gem from me bird today.....

I was in the kitchen looking for the biccies having just made a brew and says

" where's the digestives hun?"

to which she replies..........

"I'm not buying anymore 'cus you only eat 'em"

WTF

She needs a full fucking re-wire!!!!!

 

Wait til she gets older and she has 'posh' biscuits for guests and naff ones for you.
My mother in law does this and she's always yelling at the old man for pinching the nice ones.

 

they are all like that

 

Did she mean YOU scoff them all and she doesn't get any ?

 

This woman told the Kangaroo its not having any more Digestives.

And it soon learned her...

 

I used to get this from time to time as did the kids wtf
I used to correct her "don't you mean I am not buying any more biscuits with your money as you are only going to eat them"
perhaps she needs the biscuit money to buy herself another pair of fookin shoes a new frock or a new handbag
Time for another one of Tony's anti women quotes "they are quite happy to spend all your money but none of their own"

 

"Full Re Wire" Classic. (real tears)

 

I said to the misses "Wear that trouser suit it looks nice"

Her responce,



"With a skirt or trousers?"

Women are so stupid sometimes!

 

When driving under the Clifton Suspension bridge the other day, my missus looked over the river and said "Is that Wales over there?"

 

Its ok, Girl I know asked me

"Its a shame Thierry Henry never made it into the england squad"

 

you think its only women but a guy who works for me said.....

me,"i thought that game looked ok but its only got 24% in this mag".

him "whats it out of"

 

you'll have to look far and search wide to find someone who, when looking at the coliseum in rome said "when are they going to finish it so we can have a proper look?"

 

No they're not
My missus goes out of her way to buy me some nice stuff

 

she for real?

 

Mine too.... you lot have just got the wrong 'uns

 

Yeah the one's we fucked off cos they were selfish slag's

 

I don't bother keeping track of all the stupid things my missus comes out with...........

I just wanna know how she got a job in the oldest clearing house in London!

Cant fcuking make it up!

 

It is a shame Rad!















And Torres for that fact!

 

I hate smoking, and i now get blamed anytime she sparks up for stressing her out about it

She had the cheek to try add up my petrol bills to see if i could cut down as well, told her i'm using the extra cash her 'not smoking' brings in.

Seriously fookin retarded sometimes.

 

they are all a fucking mess.

should have replied what are digestives for then? looking at

 

maby she is worreid about your build?

 

thats because she can't think of anything else to buy for herself
and she needs to buy something shopaholics the lot of them.
look what i bought for you today
thanks dear
i've got no money now can you lend me some
they all need a total rewire

 

Yep, all nutty as a fruitcake and apply Doris Logic to everything. Which means nothing makes any fucking sense whatsoever.

 

Fuck me get this one then, was chatting to this stunning 20yr old the other night at a wedding, been eyeing her up and finally got to chat to her, buys her a drink and after a while of talking to her and she came out with this gem

Me "what car you got"

Her "an F-plate corsa"

Me "they dont do an F-plate corsa"

Her "urm yeah they do its Fy51 +++"

fuck me did i piss my self, she went bright red with in 2 seconds, dumb tart....

 

best i heard was a mate chatting this bird up once. for some reason we were off too coventry the next day....

''wheres coventry? wales????'' yes she was fucking blonde!

 

my wife spent over Ł600 on my birthday present weekend at the gp with camping etc all booked

she earns Ł800 a month and puts Ł600 a month into are joint account

so i dont think there ''all'' happy to spend our money but not there own !!

 

my wife is also thick as fuck.
thats all . nothing more to add.

 

When i 1st met my mrs i took her to the lake district for the weekend to see my family.

Anyway going up through tebay, she looks out the window and says .....

How do sheep balance on the side of them mountains...

I said well its because on one side there legs are shorter than the other side, thats how
they balance, and they go round and round the mountain in circles ...........

She said with a totally innocent face .................. REALLY, DO THEY

I laughed that much i had to pull into the hard shoulder as
there was tears down my face and i nearly pissed myself.

 

lol at some of these...

Sounds like something my sister would say

Like her all time classic "who makes a lotus elise"

Ginge

 

if you couldnt sh*g em you would throw rocks at em my mates dad used to say[WOMEN THAT IS]

 

i had a bloke get onto my bus one day and said "terminal 4 please"
"this bus dones't go to terminal 4 buddy"
"why have you got terminal 4 on the front then"?
he was talking about the numberplate (T413KAG)and wouldn't accept that he was wrong, so i took him to feltham

 

that must be the funniest thing you have ever posted

 

Once went out with a stupid Welsh girl - You know in fast food places where they have a diet 'dimple' on the lid that they press down to distinguish the drink from a non diet one - Well, I told her that when they press it down it's their way of telling you that you're fat and shouldn't buy any more burgers.

She believed it for months till I told her the truth.

Same daft bint was once going to the kitchen so I asked her to check on the oven chips that were cooking. About 15 mins later I went into the kitchen to find the chips just sitting on top of the cooker. When I asked why they weren't in the oven she said, "Well you told me to check them, you didn't say I had to put them back!"

There were looaaaads of others, as she was proper wrong in the head!

 

listen to this , i asked my wife " who worked in a courier delivery centre" if they used windows at work "ie microsoft windows ", she replied yes ive got an out window and an in window . lol true
now divorced btw

 

thats nothing.....

was at a mates the other day he has a big pond with some carp in it, so where all stood next to the pond while hes feeding them when one of the fish comes up does the big sucky thing and takes the food

the gf then pipes up " how does it breathe while its eating that "

 

we then went out for a meal the other night...

as i was driving i decided just to have a lager shandy so she says

her :" what you want to drink "


me : " ill have a lager shandy thanks "

her " is that what i ask for "

i just sat there with a shake of the head

 

You clearly dont understand womenshe said you are a fat bastid and I dont want to be humped by a fattyso she is making you slim but she was being nice

Mark

 

some good ones there. my las while sitting eating a bag of walkers crisps.... did you know crips are made out of potato? then just the other day cam stoming up..
her... do you know whats in a egg?
me... egg white and yoke
her... what else!
me... urm(bit confused by this point)
her... it grows into a baby chicken
me... what did you think it was?
her...i dont know, waste stuff.
me... (laughting quite hard at this point) like poo?
her... yeah or a period or sumit.
she swore she wont eat eggs anymore, that lasted about a week.

bless her!!

 

Lol that is the most legendary comment ever!

 

I take it your wife doesn't buy biscuits Mr slim shead lol