Friday jokes
anyone got a good jokes 
14-03-2008, 02:46 PM
#2
PassionFord Post Whore!!
yup.....
A cruise in the pacific went all wrong, the ship sank and there were only three survivors, ian, darren and debbie. they managed to swim to an island where they lived for a couple of years doing what is natural for menand women to do. after a couple of years debbie began to feel guilty about having casual sex with two men so she killed herself, it was very tragic but the men halped eachother through the difficult time and slowly, nature began to take its course. Acouple of years went by and darren and ian began to feel guilty about what they were doing so.....................................
they buried her!
A cruise in the pacific went all wrong, the ship sank and there were only three survivors, ian, darren and debbie. they managed to swim to an island where they lived for a couple of years doing what is natural for menand women to do. after a couple of years debbie began to feel guilty about having casual sex with two men so she killed herself, it was very tragic but the men halped eachother through the difficult time and slowly, nature began to take its course. Acouple of years went by and darren and ian began to feel guilty about what they were doing so.....................................
they buried her!
14-03-2008, 02:49 PM
#4
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yup.....
A cruise in the pacific went all wrong, the ship sank and there were only three survivors, ian, darren and debbie. they managed to swim to an island where they lived for a couple of years doing what is natural for menand women to do. after a couple of years debbie began to feel guilty about having casual sex with two men so she killed herself, it was very tragic but the men halped eachother through the difficult time and slowly, nature began to take its course. Acouple of years went by and darren and ian began to feel guilty about what they were doing so.....................................
they buried her!
A cruise in the pacific went all wrong, the ship sank and there were only three survivors, ian, darren and debbie. they managed to swim to an island where they lived for a couple of years doing what is natural for menand women to do. after a couple of years debbie began to feel guilty about having casual sex with two men so she killed herself, it was very tragic but the men halped eachother through the difficult time and slowly, nature began to take its course. Acouple of years went by and darren and ian began to feel guilty about what they were doing so.....................................
they buried her!
14-03-2008, 03:12 PM
#7
Advanced PassionFord User
little red riding hood was walking through the forest one day, when she ran into the three little pigs.
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! The Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you!" He's gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!" Little Red Riding Hood nods her head and says, " Thats ok," and continues on her way.
A little later smokey the bear comes up to her and says
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! The Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you!" He's gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!" Little Red Riding Hood nods her head and says, " Thats ok," and continues on her way.
Little bit further up the road the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and says
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! I been waiting for you, now I'm gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!"
Little Red Riding Hood calmly goes into her basket and pulls out a .337 Magnum. points it stright between the wolfs eyes and says, "No you are not! You,re gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red panties, and eat me like the fucking story says!"
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! The Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you!" He's gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!" Little Red Riding Hood nods her head and says, " Thats ok," and continues on her way.
A little later smokey the bear comes up to her and says
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! The Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you!" He's gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!" Little Red Riding Hood nods her head and says, " Thats ok," and continues on her way.
Little bit further up the road the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and says
"Little Red Riding Hood, beware! I been waiting for you, now I'm gonna pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties, and ride your little red socks off!"
Little Red Riding Hood calmly goes into her basket and pulls out a .337 Magnum. points it stright between the wolfs eyes and says, "No you are not! You,re gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red panties, and eat me like the fucking story says!"
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14-03-2008, 03:23 PM
#15
Advanced PassionFord User
What does a 9 volt battery and a woman's arse hole have in common?
You know it's wrong, but nevertheless you will end up touching it with your tongue!
You know it's wrong, but nevertheless you will end up touching it with your tongue!
14-03-2008, 03:29 PM
#19
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A couple are in bed in their remote cottage. All of a sudden there is a knock at the door.
Begrudgingly the husband goes down to investigate.
He opens the door and there's a man standing there.
'Can you give me a push?' enquires the man
'Do you know what time it is?' replies the furious husband.
'I just need a quick push' asks the man again
'No! Now fuck off!' on which the husband slams the door shut.
Back in bed his wife asks who it was and what they wanted. The husband explains about the man asking for a push and how he refused. The wife is furious, explaining to him what a good deed it was and one day it could be him asking for help.
So the husband gets out of bed and wonders to the door.
'Hey mate', he shouts 'do you still want a push?'
'Yes' comes the reply
'Ok then, where are you?' asks the husband
'I'm over here by the swing.......'
Begrudgingly the husband goes down to investigate.
He opens the door and there's a man standing there.
'Can you give me a push?' enquires the man
'Do you know what time it is?' replies the furious husband.
'I just need a quick push' asks the man again
'No! Now fuck off!' on which the husband slams the door shut.
Back in bed his wife asks who it was and what they wanted. The husband explains about the man asking for a push and how he refused. The wife is furious, explaining to him what a good deed it was and one day it could be him asking for help.
So the husband gets out of bed and wonders to the door.
'Hey mate', he shouts 'do you still want a push?'
'Yes' comes the reply
'Ok then, where are you?' asks the husband
'I'm over here by the swing.......'
14-03-2008, 03:41 PM
#29
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A Brummie goes to Ground Zero in New York one year after 9/11. Whilst there, he sees a fireman paying his respects. The Brummie says to him, "there were a lot of people that were very proud of what you guys did".
"Thanks buddy," the fireman replies.
"You lot were bloody brave," the Brummie says.
"Thanks. Where are you from anyhow?" the fireman asks.
"Birmingham," he replies.
"Birmingham? What state's that in?" asks the fireman.
The Brummie looks around and replies, "about the same as this really..."
"Thanks buddy," the fireman replies.
"You lot were bloody brave," the Brummie says.
"Thanks. Where are you from anyhow?" the fireman asks.
"Birmingham," he replies.
"Birmingham? What state's that in?" asks the fireman.
The Brummie looks around and replies, "about the same as this really..."
14-03-2008, 03:43 PM
#30
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Teacher draws a penis on the board, then asks "Does any one know what this is?"
Little johnny says, "My dad has two of them, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitter's teeth".
Little johnny says, "My dad has two of them, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitter's teeth".
14-03-2008, 03:45 PM
#32
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One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest when she sees a wolf sitting under a tree with his ears erect and his mouth stretched in a big toothy grin.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf just grins and looks a bit wild about the eyes.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grins a bit wider and looks slightly harassed.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
"Look" says the wolf looking her in the eye, "Fuck off! I'm trying to have a shit!"
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf just grins and looks a bit wild about the eyes.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grins a bit wider and looks slightly harassed.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
"Look" says the wolf looking her in the eye, "Fuck off! I'm trying to have a shit!"
14-03-2008, 03:55 PM
#37
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager.
She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.
The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'
The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41
and expect it to be there when I return?'
Hooray! A smart blonde joke at last!!
JAmes.
She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.
The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'
The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41
and expect it to be there when I return?'
Hooray! A smart blonde joke at last!!
JAmes.
14-03-2008, 03:55 PM
#38
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Jewish man takes his wife to hospital, she has 2 black eyes, no teeth and a broken nose.
Doctor says, "What happened?"
Jew replies, "She was going through the change."
"What? The change? This doesn't happen in the change!"
"It does when it's in my fucking pocket!"
Doctor says, "What happened?"
Jew replies, "She was going through the change."
"What? The change? This doesn't happen in the change!"
"It does when it's in my fucking pocket!"
14-03-2008, 03:57 PM
#39
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Richard is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four
hour surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles
black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
Here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again,
"Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand
And his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then,
She takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
Very closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
JAmes.
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four
hour surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles
black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
Here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again,
"Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand
And his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then,
She takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
Very closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
JAmes.
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