Old but still funny... BMW drivers
26-02-2008, 10:28 AM
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Old but still funny... BMW drivers
A day from the diary of a BMW driver...
"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!
The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!
He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!
See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW! "
"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!
The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!
He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!
See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW! "
26-02-2008, 10:53 AM
#2
Best for BMW ones has to be the sniff petrol website.
BMW Launches BellEndTronic:
With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little twat you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year.
Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushytwat Plus'.
BMW Launches BellEndTronic:
With the launch of the acclaimed new 3-series, BMW has also revealed details of a sophisticated new electronics package that is aimed straight at the new car's core market. Dubbed Bellendtronic, the new system is fully integrated into the car's control systems and allows a range of functions including full disablement of the indicators, perilously late activation of the brakes and an adapted radar cruise control that allows the driver to sit 4mm from your back bumper in the outside lane of the M6.
Amongst other neat touches, Bellendtronic can also apply light brake pressure at all times, covering the wheels in dust, something that will be a particular benefit if your fleet manager wouldn't let you specify alloy wheels and you want to disguise ugly plastic rim covers or the fact that if you weren't such an aspirational little twat you'd have gone for a rather better equipped Honda Accord. Initially Bellendtronic will be available on the forthcoming 316i and 318i models only, but the system is expected to become standard fitment for all models in the smaller 1-series range within a year.
Other German makers are expected to follow BMW's lead, including Audi who is poised to make certain versions of the A4 available with a rival system dubbed 'Pushytwat Plus'.
Last edited by Chip; 26-02-2008 at 10:55 AM.
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