Funnies :cry
15-10-2004, 01:15 PM
#1
PassionFord Post Whore!!
Thread Starter
Funnies :cry
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque or credit?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
for
a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to
him."
_____
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your
upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a
spider.
_____
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers
that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him
down
the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for
your wife?"
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin
of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooo muCH cheaper. So,
I
figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."
_____
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
_____
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has
to be
because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
_____
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me
stupid, so I would be attracted to you!
_____
BEAST
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby
was
losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in
me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
_____
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
tea each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
we
don't have to wait as long to get our tea ."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
tea ."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that
the man should make the tea ."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"
"Cash, cheque or credit?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
for
a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to
him."
_____
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your
upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a
spider.
_____
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers
that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him
down
the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for
your wife?"
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin
of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooo muCH cheaper. So,
I
figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."
_____
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
_____
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has
to be
because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
_____
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me
stupid, so I would be attracted to you!
_____
BEAST
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby
was
losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in
me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"
_____
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
tea each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
we
don't have to wait as long to get our tea ."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
tea ."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that
the man should make the tea ."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"
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