faithfully RST Lee. Thankyou please

Dear <enter recipient's name here>,

As required by my contract of employment, I hereby give you <enter notice period here> weeks' notice of my intention to leave my positon as <enter job title here>.

I have decided that it is time to move on and I have accepted a position elsewhere. This was not an easy decision to make and took a lot of consideration. However, I am confident that my new role will help me to move towards some of the goals I have for my career.

I understand that my notice period is <enter notice period here> weeks, but I would like to join my new employer at the earliest date possible. Therefore, I would like to request that you waive this notice period and relieve me of my duties immediately. Please be assured that I will do all I can to assist in the smooth transfer of my responsibilities before leaving.

I wish both you and <enter company name here> every good fortune and I would like to thank you for having me as part of your team.

Yours sincerely,

<enter signature>

<print name here>

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Dear PT.

Last night in bed, your wife told me you'd found out about our affair and were going to fire me today. You've not been getting much satisfaction recently, so I won't spoil the trend. This is my letter of resignation.

Don't worry about a reference, I'll tell you now, she's bloody marvellous.

Good Morning Beverley

It’s a beautiful sunny morning and the temperature is reaching in to the mid-80’s, there is very little cloud cover and all in all, it looks like a propitious day for resigning. Which is quite lucky really because that’s exactly what I’m doing. My husband Dennis joins me on my left, sitting quietly on a deckchair a little in the shade because he tans so easily you know, well, he reddens, that’s probably the more appropriate description of what he does and I woke up this morning and said "Dennis, today is the day that I resign from the library." He looked up from his Kellogg’s Cornflakes - you know he can’t anything eat else in the morning but Kellogg’s Cornflakes – his constitution can’t abide other cereals, you know, he hasn’t eaten any other breakfast for 14 years now, the one time he tried one of those newfangled types, some form of porridge I think it was, he went bright green and I thought he was having a coronary – and asked me whether I was sure about giving up my duties at the library.

"Dennis" said I, "Dennis, now you know perfectly well that I've been thinking about leaving the library for some time, why are you asking me again whether I’m sure or not? Haven't I already told you about this a hundred and one times?"

Dennis wanted to demur. He is looking at me right now with something like an admonishing gesture, his spectacles falling over to the good left side of his face for you know that I always think my Dennis has a better left side than a right. Ooh, here we go, he’s about to say something again. I can always tell with my Dennis – he talks far too much. What is it Dennis? Stop stammering man, spit it out. For 32 years we have been married and I can see why it feels more like 120 – it takes so long for the man to get his many words out. Ahh, he wants me to pass on my regards to you Beverly. Of course I will says I. Just because I’m resigning from my job doesn’t mean that I won't be cordial with Beverly any more. Silly man.

Anyway Beverly, I must get on. I have so much to do, can’t let Dennis’s yammering keep distracting me all day. There is still the shopping, the gardening, cooking our lunch and dinner and supper still to do not to mention taking that wretched mutt, Reggie, for a walk. Dennis, oh excuse me Beverley while I have a quick word with Dennis. Good. I’ve told him to take Reggie out for his morning run before the sun gets too high. Where was I? Oh yes, Beverly, I don’t feel that I can carry on in my role at the library any more. You know people nowadays just have no manners. All those hollering youngsters are constantly coming in from the school and making a racket and whooping and shouting and running around. Don’t their teachers teach them manners? It’s a library for Gods sake. My father always used to say that silence is golden and that talking too much was the sign of an idle mind. Heaven forbid that any of my family didn’t know this rule. I mean, Dennis is constantly prattling on about something or another but neither I nor my two sons or indeed their wives and my grandchildren are known to talk much. Silence is golden.

Anyway Beverly. I’m getting on now. I'll be 55 later this year and I think its time I hung up my boots so to speak. I don’t think I can abide by the rudeness of people these days and I have enough on my plate as it is so I don’t think I’ll be coming into the library again for a while. I’m sure you’ll be alright without me although I do worry so sometimes but all’s well that ends well eh?

I do hope that everything works out satisfactorily and that people once again learn to respect the sanctity of the library. It is indeed a place for quiet reflection. I've persuaded Dennis to give up that mutt Reggie to a home for a while whilst we visit my mother in Eastbourne. You know, I haven't seen her since Christmas last year and there is so much to catch up on. She will have so much to tell me whereas I, who try and carry on in my own quiet way, will sit there, be a dutiful daughter and listen to her.

All the best Beverly

Regards