The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset.

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same..."

Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

 

 

 

 

rofl

 

thats a good one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

very good

 

Quality.....

 

like it very good

 

average....



heres one


a man and his wife are in bed, the wife turns off the bedside lamp, and they soon start to fall asleep..

suddenly, theres an almighty bang at the door......the pair wake up, and the husband rolls over to go back to sleep....go and answer that blurts the wife,...
no you answer it,....

the pair grunt at each other, and the knocking stops....

a couple of minutes later while the couple are drifting back to sleep the banging ensues, and the husband jumps out of bed....

for fuck sake,....

makes his way down the stairs, and answers the door....
what the fuck do you want, its 1.30 in the morning,....

hi mate, im really sorry, but i was hoping you d give me a psuh you see.....
the man slams the door in his face and goes back to bed...
who was it,....the wife asks,...
some guy wanting a fucking push,..i told him where to go...
you nasty bastard, what about that time our battery went flat becasue you left the lights on, and we asked for a push.....you could do the same, help the guy out,...

so after 10 mins of his wife winging, the husband jumps outta bed,
right,....fine,.....
he goes downstairs and opens the front door, but cant see the needy man anywhere,...so he shouts,....
oi mate,...you need a push? where are you,.,...

then he hears a faint voice shout back,...


yeah please mate,.....im over here on the swings.........

[/b]

 

 

WEAK

 

 

 

heard the 2nd one before but not for a long time

 

 

 

1st one