Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Going out on a limb here and expecting the piss to be taken, but fuck it, I need to get it off my chest....

Right, so I am currently "seeing" this young lady (three times or so now, usually nice little "intimate" pub setting) that I have known for my entire life (and I mean, we were born in the same year, lived i nthe same town our whole lives, went to same pre-school, infnat, junior and senior schools, etc) and I have always been fairly good mates with here - not seen her in the last few years mind, untill recently when I bumped into her, exchanged numbers and went out for a drink (she called me) to catch up....

Anyway, seen her a few times since then, and I think I have a problem - for possibly the first time (hey, I'm only 24 lol) I think I am in love

Seriously, I have loved this girl for most of my life, but not in a sexual way, more of a "soul mate" lind of way - as in I adore her and she's so much fun to be around....

But I now feel differently, almost "funny". I feel neverous when she's with me or about (recently went to a fancy boat party up London, and whilst we went together, we didn't spend the entire evening together, but when she came near, I began to almost get nervous) and I almost feel scared of her in a way

It's very strange, as whilst I enjoy female company (as in not just hanging out with male mates, I enjoy talking with girls in a normal setting as you get a different perspective on things) I generally don't talk with them a whole lot (bet that sounds really weird lol) Anyway, there;s something about this girl that socially, we have little in common (she;s not into the same type of music as I am, or into cars etc) but yet I feel completley and utterly free when I am with her, and can talk to her about ANYTHING with no worries about what I am saying or anything (I find I can tell her very private stuff, like about my parents divorce and stuff) with her that I don't go into detail with when I am with my mates, if you follow me)

Rah, rambling, lol.... I think I am actually in love and that scares me. It scares me because I don't know what to do about it. I am not sure I want to tell her, as, whilst we have all been rejected before at one time or another, I have this fear that if she doesn't feel the same way, it could literally crush me.

But I don't want to NOT tell her, as if she DOES feel the same way, then this could be the best thing ever to happen to me....

Fuck I sound like such a school boy loser lol But fuck, I don't think I have evern actually been in love before - like properly.....

Chatting with guys at work and they are like "have you slept with her yet?" and that sort of thing, and the answer is no. They ask why, and the only reason I can think off is because I actually like her. A lot! So it's not like she is some typical essex slag I go out with, fuck and then never call again - I actually want to date her and build a relationship with her - but I can't do that unless I tell her, but I'm scared.....

So there you go. I just needed to get that off my chest - feel free to rip my tormented sould out and trample it on the ground

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE;

So I finally did it, and last night told her how I felt I was carefull of the way I used the word "love" (as in, I explained that for the past 20years I had loved her in a friend/soul mate kinda way), and I basically told her that I had begun, over the past little while, to have deeper, stronger feelings for her than I had previouisly had.

Thik I crashed and burned tho

To put it simply, the feeling isn't mutual, and my confession of un-dying love ( ) wasn't reciprocated

Which, to be fair, I was expecting. I had little hope of her turing round and sayin that she too felt this way and wasn't sure how I felt blah blah, and the realisation had kinda set in that this is a one-way thing, and I am just a good friend to her... Hurts all the same tho I do feel slightly crushed, but hopefully I haven't lost anything as such.

I also explained to her how difficult it was for me to tell her all this, as a) we have been friends for SUCH a long time it was kinda weird, plus that I was petrified it would freak her out and she would not want to see me anymore. She assures me this is NOT the case, and she is cool with it - she thinks I will "get over it" soon enough (I, on the other hand, am not so sure, but hey-ho), so hopefully, if she doesn't get all weird-out thinking about it, then we should still be cool.

I basically told her I didn't anticipate a reciprocation of my feelings, but I thought I owed it to her, and myself, to tell her how I felt as it only seemed fair, which I think she appreciated. She was a little stuck for words tho - glad I waited till the end of the night to do it and not at the beginning It was a little awkward

But there we go - as someone else said in this thread, I would rather regret doing something and knowing how it turned out, than regret NOT doing something, and always wonder how it might've turned out

Now I am off to commit suicide

dave cos4x4

iTrader: (5)

just have to try and let her know how you feel.

if you can talk to her like you say then it should be ok for you to say it.

get it off your chest and at least you know where you stand after you have told her.

good luck mate.

SapphyMike

*rips your tormented soul out and tramples on it, then hits it with a baseball bat for good measure*

SapphyMike

sorry mate LOL..

its a catch 22 situation.. i'd leave it a bit first, as 3 dates is a bit soon, might scare her off.. just play things by ear..

Anonymous

Sleep with her mum to get a feel for what she might be like when she is older.

aduz

tell her or you'll always think what might have been..if she doesn't feel the same im sure, if she thinks a lot of you it wont hurt your friendship

its a really deep thread for this time though

The Sludge

as dave has said really mate to be honest. I think the thing is (no disrespect meant here at all) but i fyou can tell 15000 plu smembers on here on the baord and then get ribbed by say a third beacuse they dont understand how you feel, then what on earth do you have to loose by telling her on her own how you feel?

Has she not mentioned anything about past or present boyfriends? (i dont mean to be nosey etc) but i guess that on these nice party nights one or the other has been asked by errr one or the other.

Who took who home? How was it left. Coffee and home, or coffe and the offer???


It is tricky but yeh i guessi know what ya mean. Bit sweaty as you talk, normally confodent then striggle for words, could be the real deal mate

go chase it. You have nothing to lose but evrything to gain.

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

I've known her mum since (my) birth (she was my junior school teacher) so don't think thats a wise thing to do lol.....

I just think it's funny, cos when I am with her, I can tell her ANYTHING - anything except this!

When we have a "date" planned, I spend all week looking forward to that evening, and spend all of that day wishing the day away so I can see her - and I mean like a kid with a new toy

She makes me feel different too - kinda like she makes me feel better about being me. I'm kind of a private person in reality - I have a few select groups of mates who I see a lot but otherwise I am not that much of a talkative bloke, unless it's too someone I know well, or feel comfortable with - and I don't usually feel comfortable with women in general (even ones I went to school with and have known for some time). Well, thats not strictly true - it's not that I don't feel comfortable with them, but I feel self-concious, and "on edge"

But this girl - I have never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life. It's like the whole world dissapears when I'm with her, and she is the only important thing left.....

Plus I think I love her

dave cos4x4

iTrader: (5)

just be prepared to be let down too,she may not feel the same.

try not to let it fook you up if she does not feel the same as you are really into her.

Csm

im liking that idea aswell

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Cos you are all faceless and this is the internet, so none of you are real

We have talked about it - we are both single..... Funny aswell, that when we talked about it, she explained that typically, her history is that unless a relationship (with her) makes it to three months, then it doesn't work. She went on to explain why and such like, and what she looks for in a relationship, what she wants etc, and it's VERY similar to how I feel about relationships - as in neither of us want someone who wants to smother you with the whole relationship thing - ie, to be with someone who is fairly independant and doesn't need to be with you 24/7 and where you can go out on a Fri night with your mates, etc..... Very similar minds there...

I ALWAYS take her home. And pick her up (I'm a tad old fashioned really - I do the collecting/taking home and like to pay for everything ) Invited in for coffee, not had an "offer" tho

Yes, thats about right.... Get nervous, tongue tied almost.... Herat beings to pump faster and my stomach goes light. I have even started to sweat a little just thinking about telling her how I feel

I am just a little worried that if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same, it might freak her out and we might see less of each other, as it might make her feel uneasy about "just being mates". Obviously I'd be crushed, but I;d still wanna see her as I love in a friend way also.....

aduz

oh dear u got it bad

Stavros

If you dont risk it you could totally lose her, and ive been there.

If you do risk it she could vomit in your face, who knows

Are there no signs she feels same way?

If you got a way with words its not too hard to say things in certain ways that can help working out what to do, but thats all about rights things at the right moment, so can never explain that obviously.

Do it, take the risk.
If it goes wrong just remember never to treat girls as anything but sexual objects again.
If it goes well you with her, and then WHEN it goes wrong just remember never to treat girls as anything but sexual objects again.


Job done

Treen

I agree - leave it a little while. Spend some more time with her - maybe drop some hints.

You say you can talk to her about anything - does she do the same? If so that would mean you already know about any situations she may already be in - if she's after anyone else etc.

It's tricky because the worse that could happen would be for you to lose the friendship because you want something she didn't - BUT - it could well be that she feels the same or at the least - she would think about a relationship with you because you 'gel' so well.

Better to regret what you did than what you didn't do

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

I know - scary isn't it?

It dawned on me whilst talking to a girl at work about it a little while ago - for no reason what so ever (as it never previously entered the converstation about this situation) I blurted out that if she was to ask me to marry her I would say yes straight away!



I mean W-T-F?!?!?!?

Marriage?

Holy shit

Anonymous

Thrush, and i bet she DIDNT ask you, lol

Cam

Quit pansying about and get her strumped

aduz

cam wash that mouth out

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

That scares me more than than I am scared to tell her....

South Park styleeee?

To be honest Steve - I am SHIT at reading women - they confuse me So there might have been, but I probably missed em. Little ones I "might" have noticed are : when we were out on this boat party, I was talking with some friends, she came up and joined the conversation, and one of the lines I picked up on was shen she said that her an I had been out on some "dates" recently... Other small things like holding my hand - only for a short minute, but it's a little out of character, and not in a "quick, come this way" kind of situation either.....

Again, to be honest, I am SHIT with words Typical greebo I'll try, but I'll probably fluff it completely. You know them shit films where the geek asks the high school honey out to the dance and before she gets the chance to answer he's already apologising and saying he understands that she's not interested and generally blubbing like a fool? Thats me

Generally I don't treat em as sexual objects anyway - unless they are complete chav sluts you usually find in essex pubs n clubs

This is where it's different tho - I actually do really really like this one and am FAR more respectfull of her......

Rs1

iTrader: (1)

Apparantly what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.............so dont be worried about getting your heart crushed,stop being a big girl and tell her.
You might want to practice what your gonna say though and i'm sure some folk on here can give you pointers

Smit

iTrader: (5)

Hi Matt. I was in a situation like this abut 3 years ago. We were so so best mates and got on so well it was awesome. Then i started to have feelings for her above friendship. I hmmmm'd n harrrrr'ed about do i tell her or not.. Eventually i did and she kinda felt the same but she didn't want to loose me as friend. Eventually I lost my best friend and didn't even get to kiss/snog her. I was gutted!

I can honestly say if i didn't say anything that certain week 3 years ago we would be proper good friend still.

Now bump into her every couple of months for a quite 'Alright' in town.Nothing to shout about..

Her best mate still seems to think we are going to get married. But i dunno She looking more gorgeous than 3 years ago

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

I know what I want to say I just wanna tell her that I think I love her, and it's not a new thing, and that I think I have had a subconcious, underlying love for her for many years, even tho I didn't know it as such.... I have already told her how she makes me feel, about her making me feel like a different person and how I feel incredibly comfortable with her and how I can talk to her freely without feeling self concious or anything....

I HAVEN'T told her that she makes me nervous, scared or feel sick (in a nice way, if that makes sense) tho

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Nice one Smitty boy - thats made me feel a SHIT LOAD better about the whole thing

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

Going to bed - this is making my head hurt

Cam

Maybe she thinks you are ginger beer and easy to talk to because you don't make any advances and are not a threat. The more you post on this subject the more everyone will think that as well!!

Anonymous

yeah, if he is in love with a girl he MUST be gay

Cam

But if she doesn't know that he is smitten she might think he is a bandit and wants to be "just friends".

MondyBabe

hi,
Just read your post.....

i cant really say much to help either to be honest, but the best advice i can give you, i wait a little longer... she may feel safe thinking she has a strong friendship which gives her stability.

I would try and read any signs she may be giving you, if any and i know you said your no good at reading them and i admit there is a very fine line between flirting and just being friendly.

you do have alot to loose unlike what other people have already said to you,
you have an amazing bond with what sounds like an amazing woman...

maybe she mite surprise you and confide in you with the fact she may have feelings for you!

who knows, but for now, just keep "dating" and sparks may fly yet....

Time will tell, coming out with feelings mite make her feel the friendship wasnt what shed hoped/ thought it was.

I wish you all the luck in the world on what ever choice you may make and i hope those sparks do fly for you eventually.

fezzanut

the best advice i can give it to just hold it out mate. has she had any boyfriends lately?does she go out drinking with other men as friends?vital clues.she may feel the same way about you and be thinking the same way as you worried to tell you.best way about it i think is joke about it abit see what her reactions are.im sure u know exactly what to say without giving it away just poking round the edges.and theres nothing wrong with being in love mate you seem really excited and im happy for you.

MondyBabe

i agree with fezzanut... stick it out a little longer,

like i said, TIME WILL TELL (even though the waiting sucks, its usually worth it as it provides the answers in one way or another)

Just enjoy your time with her and you'll see things you didnt see before, good or bad, i cant say... but good luck again anyway mate.

THEYGOTMETOO

That is quiet possibly one of the most nauseating things I have read for quite some time. Do yourself a real big favor and loose the emotional attachment to her and look at things a little more objectively. I really don't understand why people put themselves in this situation?

FFS whatever you do don't tell her you love her, seriously don’t! The way I see it there are two possible outcomes: She'll respond favorably, which at first you'll like but considering the fact your behaving like a pathetic puppy dog around her and the fact most women are selfish and self-centered don't think for a second she'll hesitate to take advantage of you. At the end of the day relationships are all about control - who needs who the most. In this case you obviously need her more than she needs you hence she is in control, very rarely are relationships equally balanced.

The second outcome is she'll reject you, personally I can see a "lets just be friends" coming up as I think your probably firmly in the friendship zone, which judging by your current state of mind will probably emotionally crush you.

Basically what I’m saying is protect your feelings because, although I really hope I’m wrong, I can see this ending in tears. Just remain indifferent to everyone, its by far the easiest way.



They seem complicated ....... but they’re not, they are just the same as everyone else. This is all you need to know about them: judge them by what they do, never by what they say.

Ginge !

matt no offence when i say this but if you work too hard at the nice reliable guy who pays for eerything ect then she aint gonna want you in a sexual way as smit pointed out

at the heart of it woemn like sex just as much as blokes, you would be better off being cheeckyat times ( note i never said desperate as women hate that )just to show her theres some sexual tension mate,,,,,,, you ned to keep that alive mate


women are funny people and we all know they are confused, but seeing her for 3 time AINT LOVE mate, you may think it but its just lust,,,,,,, you xant say you love a brd till you see all the crap stuff about her and accpet it, thats the facts im afraid


NEVER tell a bird you love her straight away, they need to work to something,,,,,,,,,, not to mention that it would deffo freek me out if that was said to me



my advice mate it take her out again, maybe taker her somehwere that your mates will be so she can meet your mates ect ( the type you trust, not ones that will pull her ) and indirectly get her to know your mates, feel part of a new group and then you know what mates are like if there GOOD mates,,,,,,,, they stick in that ground work and generally your sorted


women unlike blokes WILL date people who they never though about given the right situation,,,,,,, they seem to ignore comonsence when this happens too and unlike blokes they dont sem to wake up in the morning and sneek out of bed if they know ya


you gotta do this mate as bleeting your heart out will mate you seem clingy......... no fooker likes that

being a good mate will leave you just as that,,,,,,, her mate and then wont wanna screw ya


be a real bloke and make her laugh ect, chill her out and mate her excited ect then you will get to screw her


belive it or not the most sucessfull relationships are them based on sex and start out as being as stee says, women you treat as sex objects ( obv dont tell em that though, its one of them things they know but is never mentioned)

women calim to love a nice guy but i reality they get bored easy,,,,, you gotta be fun and make them think about you rather than yoiu think about them





you dont ahve to listen to all of this but please note ive been with my missus for 7 years,,,,, i actually et her through her mate and ive know her since she was 15 when i used to be firty like abyone at the age of 19 is to girls and that made her remember me and have a proper crush on me nad 3 years later we met up and we have been together ever since


dont forget that she also bought me lots of things too as suprises and done more chasing than me,,,,,,, well thats how she seen it and i can honestly say that my missus is my best mate,,,,, we argue like people do BUT we always are there for each other and tbh always will be

and its not like im a great catch for her is it as you have met her,,,,, infact she gets LOADS of people teling her she can do better ect,,,,,,,,,,, afew from this fucking site too the tossers but shes always gonna be with me


take what ive said add it to others and for the ove of god dont act soppey and mess things up, be cool and getn ya mates to help along if ya not confifent

Ginge !

fucking AMEN to this guy, better at explaining it


but in a relationship YOU need to be incontrol,,,,,,,,,cause when things go wrong in her life in the future you need to be the one who she turns to for stability !!!!!


also remember that women DO enjoy rough sex too, so rose petals on the bed ect is when you have ALREADY screwed her senceless an on a ocasion yo want to make HER softer side show,,,,,, but you have to fuck her senceless first though so she knows when shes horney she aint gotta look else where for that type of screwing



just think of friends when bruce willis got intouch with his femanine side,,, inrality thats how she may look upon you mate

Mr RS500

iTrader: (6)

Easy mate ,

Next time you go out with her act a little pissed off etc , if she shows real concern and keeps asking whats wrong and wont leave you alone etc you know she likes you A LOT , if she gets a little moody with you , she likes you as a mate only and will fuck off,

This may seem strange , but as said girls are quite strange amd are very self centered and if she likes you she will want to know whats wrong etc ( if she askes is it me ) your on a winner if she starts to get a little moody then she is useing you for free nights out and she will seem strange with you .

I hope she feels the same as you mate and everything turns out as you wish

Paul

POPEYE

i take it shes blind as a fooking bat

zedtechs

As a famous philosopher once wrote:-

Chris Rock wrote:
"A platonic friend for a woman is like a d**k in a glass case. 'In case of emergency break open glass.'"

BlueSmoke

Tell her!!

I was like this with a girl I knew at school. I never said anything and we never went beyond being mates, then eventually lost contact etc. A few years later someone told me she'd really liked me but I never did anything about it.

Gutted is not the word pal.

jb fletch

iTrader: (1)

Easy Fella,

I don't know ya but hope ya all the best in this situ !

I been there 2, back in me school days there was this bird i absolutly fancied the pants off & we got to be best friends for the last 3 years of school, spent like the whole time together but cos i was shy & all the rest of it never said nothin to her !

Then just before we finished our last year she got with another fella & used to talk me bout it all time ! Jesus that killed me, but i got over it & 3-4 years later, like you i bumped back into her & clicked straight away.

We spoke litterly the whole night (the missus was holiday wit family )about school & all the rest, i said to her i was bang on her back in school & she admitted the same but was shy LOL So on that note i hung outta it that night That was few year ago now, we still chat quite a bit but no feelings there, i put it don't to an itch i always wanted to scratch !

If you wanna say something to her, DO NOT tell her you love her or any of that nonsence ! She'll run a mile bruv ! Just say it too her in a jokey way & ask her what she think of you etc, and create a hypofisis (spelling?) of when you used to hang out together would she of gone out wit ya ? or in a certain place/situation if you'd of gone to kiss her would she reciptrcate? But say it all with big grin on ya face like it just for jokes !

Good luck bruv & i mean that, but do remember whats already been said, it's better to regret things you done, than things you haven't !

Most birds want a bad boy, so just try keep whity, jokes flowin & cheeky with a few sexual inuendos (spellin?) but taste ful ones as you actualy like the girl ! LOL

Respect

Jb

P.s. I think we might be able to better advised you if we saw a pic of said ladie ? ? ?

Thrush

iTrader: (1)

No I realise that going out three times is nowhere near enough time to decide that you love someone - but what I said was I have known her all my life, from being a nipper, through all my different school years and short adult life. It's only lately tho, through going out with her, that I have begun to realise something I have felt for a LONG time....

Mate, she knows most of my mates, and I know most of hers - as said we have known each other forever and most of us all went to the same school 8yrs ago...


Fuck that, last thing I want to seem clingy

Anonymous

Would the easiest solution not to be to just get her pissed?

If she kind of likes you anyway, and is pissed, she'll probably end up in bed with you, then if you hit the target properly she will come back for more, problem solved.