mate in his 4x4 bombing through a village hit a cat .he stopped to see the cat was moving but on its back .he was so certain it was totally mangled he thought he would put it out of its misery .a trunceon that he carries in the truck was swiftly used to put the poor thing out of its agony.a bit upset he stops in the next village anbuys himself a drink .he returns to his truck to find the police stood next to the truck.excuse me sir have you just killed a cat in the village .he explains the situation and apologised for maybe going a bit to fast.policeman says can you come to the front of your car sir.he carnt believe his eyes embedded in his bumper is the remains of a cat.totally confussed he said i must have hit another cat and didnt know.policeman says i dont think so sir a little old lady pulled us up in a right old state saying her puss was sunning itself by the road when some crazed man came and clubbed it to death.the policeman trying to fight back the laughter.tells him to explain whats happened to the old lady and it wont go any further .mate is at this moment flowers and chocolate in hand on his way to cosole the old dear

 

your shitting me

 

I've heard that before.

 

fookin pissed myself






Martin

 

 

 

lmfao

 

as told by billy connely on his DVD

still funny though

 

PMSL!!!!

 

lol cool if i remember right there was a song by the macc lads with that in but about 2 poodles,

this is the last few verses in the song

"Pulls up outside the "Traveller's Rest", big plate of chips and a large chicken breast.
Then a copper wanders into the snug, says he'd like a quick word outside of the pub

And so he huffs and he puffs, trying to finish his snack,
Tells the PC he's applied for his tax...

We've had a call from Mrs Ball, who lives down the lane,
She was out with her dogs, she was watching them play.
A motorist drove up so fast, it gave her a shock, he ran Bonzo down,
He screeched to a halt. Got out of the car, was overweight, and seemed out of breath,
He picked up a rock, and battered Trixie to death.
If it wasn't you, then tell the truth, explain if you will,
Why a poodle's embedded in your radiator grill?"