Originally Posted by
**T**
and I will start a row for the sake of it even if that person hasnt done anything wrong.
One of my exs was like that
every other night or so shed try and argue but i wouldnt bite and id answer her with rational thought. As she didnt get what she needed, shed escalate the arguement with just pointless shouting etc and i still wouldnt bite so shed throw things then attack me
So id just restrain her which was easy as she was small, just grab her from behind and cross her arms over her chest so she cant move until she angered herself to exhaustion and shut up
fucking psycho. Then one day i got pissed off with it and shouted back at her telling her to fuck off and she went quiet. It turns out that when shes like that, what she wanted was someone to shout at her or treat her like shit and if it didnt happen shed push you till it did. All that is caused by her insecurity about herself and low feelings of self worth and belief she deserves to be treated bad. Its almost as if treating her nice meant her brain just couldnt cope putting out an "error" message
turning her into a psycho so that she gets treated bad to even the status quo in her warped brain!
very odd.
Originally Posted by
Caprigirl
CBT is all about self help , so its not going to work for everyone
Originally Posted by
Ellie
My arm and thigh is scarred to hell from self-harming, ive took far too many drugs (legal and illegal) and while doing both together i was trying to pull the vein/nerve(what ever it was) out of my wrist with a pair of tweezers after slicing it open with a razor blade, then i just pulled my sleeve down and went into work the next day.
An overdose and collapsing in work almost cost me my career.
Ive starved myself down to 6st 12 (im 5'5) to escape feeling so low and to focus my mind on something other than death.
Its a pathetic and sad state to get into.
Its NOT pathetic Ellie, although it may seem that way from your perspective and gives you more ammunition to beat your self up mentally.
Self harm is a coping skill, albeit unhealthy, and in some cases self harming helps you cope enough to avoid suicide. Self harm is not EMO or attention seeking. It really pisses me off that its not taken seriously by so many so called professionals because of idiot EMO's giving everyone a bad name.
It is sad though that all too often there isnt ready access to support and there isnt a talking culture any more, meaning that people can end up seriously hurting themselves or attempting suicide before any help is available. The NHS and society as a whole really needs to take mental health more seriously. The fact that mental health is almost as big as physical conditions in terms of time off work should be worrying the decision makers!
Originally Posted by
Ellie
Ive been on medication for years and had loads of therapy. I finished a year of DBT therapy not so long ago which usually treats people with Borderline Personality Disorder, and its really helped.
Im much more in control of my thoughts and recognise when theyre not rational or are negative and im able to think about things instead of acting impulsivley and doing stupid things.
A therapy im going through at moment is similar kind of thing. You have to learn to recognise that you dont always have full control of your thoughts and when they come but you do have control over deciding if a thought is useful or not and therefore in time learn to ignore unhelpful thoughts and as a result your less bothered by them.
I had been hoping that one day, most of the negative thoughts and feelings would go away most of the time and id just have a normal range of lifes ups and downs.
My psychologist shattered that illusion for me in effect saying i cant be fixed
and that i have to accept things i cant change as too much damage has been done. I dont like the concept of being "damaged goods"
It can be hard sometimes to accept that maybe you cant change your thoughts (contrary to what CBT would say).
But ultimately its about being ok with things and having more good days than bad, so if it means i can learn to ignore the shit in my head so it doesnt effect me much and i can do "normal" things then its worth it maybe.
But yeah ellie, i do understand what you mean when you say "whats the point??"
That simple phrase can undo and stop everything. Its all very well having plans for your life saying get a house, job, nice car, wife, 2.4 children etc but when you dont see a point then its hard to really believe in what your doing.
I used to think i wanted all the normal things in life, but im not sure these days. Society expects me to want those things but me actually wanting them is different.
Maybe ultimately we all have to conform to accepted norms whether we like them or not??? You could argue that until i have a house, decent job, wife, kids etc then i won't know if thats the life for me or not.
Originally Posted by
KW-rscos
Having some trouble with this at the moment, well, not me personally, but my missus is, she wont go down that route with the doctor though as she thinks its a load of rubbish, but she has most of the above symptoms, wants to shut herself away, no motivation, constantly tired, etc. Not sure what to do, I have tried all sorts of things, but not really getting any good advice, especially as she wont go to the doctors about it. She is having some trouble with her stomach at the mo as well, which I think is all phycological and she has had all these tests that come up clear, endoscopy, blood tests, ultrasound.
Really worried and not sure what to do
As chip says, you cant force her.
How is your communication with her??? Are you working all hours so never there to give her the attention she needs??? Shit can build up over time if you dont have time or communication skills to talk to each other effectively.
An approach you might want to use is practically based one, eg working out what the issues are in her life that get her down rather than a CBT approach of changing thoughts. At least then as she works things out she should feel better.