Sun screen (Everyone's free to own a Cossie) :cry:
25-10-2005, 04:50 PM
#1
Sun screen (Everyone's free to own a Cossie) :cry:
Found this in one of our old newsletters, written by David Lewis back in 1999 - can't remember who he is though!
Suncream (Everybody's free to own a Cossie) by David Lewis:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 1999.
Own a Cossie.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying a Cossie would be it.
The long-term benefits of driving a Cossie have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own driving experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your Cossie. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Cossie until something replaces it. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your RS and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how fast you drove and how fabulous the handling really was.
You are not as fast as you imagine.
Don't worry about your fuel consumption. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to beat Collin McCrae on a special stage. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your Cossie-addled mind; like the unexpected grip on some isolated country road.
Drive around one corner every day that scares you.
Clean the seat afterwards.
Be reckless when driving other people's Cossies. Don't put up with people who are reckless when driving yours.
Polish it.
Don't waste your time on lead-replacement petrol. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only petrol.
Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting genuine compliments, tell me how.
Keep your old MOTs. Throw away your standard exhaust.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they would stop being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 40 year-olds I know still are.
Get plenty of kebabs, but don't eat them in the car - you'll never get rid of the smell.
Be kind to your Mongoose exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.
Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get a Focus Cosworth, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll enter the Rally of Gt Britain, maybe you'll drive round Silverstone nude at the next RSOC National Day.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate others. Your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is everybody else's.
Enjoy your Cossie. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what the lads might think of it. It's not THAT unreliable.
It's probably the only time you'll ever be able to drive fast.
Race.
Even if you have no-one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 - still do it, but expect the occasional humbling experience.
Ignore the directions to GGR, don't ever follow them.
Do not read Max Power or Fast Car, just cut out the pictures and put them on your wall.
Get to know your parents. You never know when you might have to tap them up for some cash for your next performance upgrade.
Be nice to Harvey Gibb.
He's your best link to a faster Cossie and the person most likely to relieve you of a serious amount of dosh.
Understand that Cossie models come and go, but with some decent modifications you should hold your own.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because the older you get, the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like you did when you were young.
Drive in London once, but leave before you become a pimp.
Drive in Liverpool once, but leave before your Cossie gets stolen.
Suncream (Everybody's free to own a Cossie) by David Lewis:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 1999.
Own a Cossie.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying a Cossie would be it.
The long-term benefits of driving a Cossie have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own driving experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your Cossie. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Cossie until something replaces it. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your RS and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how fast you drove and how fabulous the handling really was.
You are not as fast as you imagine.
Don't worry about your fuel consumption. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to beat Collin McCrae on a special stage. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your Cossie-addled mind; like the unexpected grip on some isolated country road.
Drive around one corner every day that scares you.
Clean the seat afterwards.
Be reckless when driving other people's Cossies. Don't put up with people who are reckless when driving yours.
Polish it.
Don't waste your time on lead-replacement petrol. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only petrol.
Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting genuine compliments, tell me how.
Keep your old MOTs. Throw away your standard exhaust.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they would stop being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 40 year-olds I know still are.
Get plenty of kebabs, but don't eat them in the car - you'll never get rid of the smell.
Be kind to your Mongoose exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.
Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get a Focus Cosworth, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll enter the Rally of Gt Britain, maybe you'll drive round Silverstone nude at the next RSOC National Day.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate others. Your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is everybody else's.
Enjoy your Cossie. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what the lads might think of it. It's not THAT unreliable.
It's probably the only time you'll ever be able to drive fast.
Race.
Even if you have no-one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 - still do it, but expect the occasional humbling experience.
Ignore the directions to GGR, don't ever follow them.
Do not read Max Power or Fast Car, just cut out the pictures and put them on your wall.
Get to know your parents. You never know when you might have to tap them up for some cash for your next performance upgrade.
Be nice to Harvey Gibb.
He's your best link to a faster Cossie and the person most likely to relieve you of a serious amount of dosh.
Understand that Cossie models come and go, but with some decent modifications you should hold your own.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because the older you get, the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like you did when you were young.
Drive in London once, but leave before you become a pimp.
Drive in Liverpool once, but leave before your Cossie gets stolen.
Last edited by Mike Rainbird; 09-10-2008 at 01:35 PM.
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26-10-2005, 07:35 AM
#21
Originally Posted by Huggy Bear
good but who is harvey gibb ? one of the beegees 
ROFL
ROFLI like the line about driving round one corner every day that scares you
26-10-2005, 08:12 AM
#23
Originally Posted by Mike Rainbird
Chip,
I've been using SCS since 1994
.
I've been using SCS since 1994
.
26-10-2005, 09:01 AM
#28
Originally Posted by chip-3door
Originally Posted by Mike Rainbird
Chip,
I've been using SCS since 1994.
I've been using SCS since 1994
.
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