After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larsson O'Neill), a Glesga couple decided that was enough because they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doc and told him that he and his missus didn't want to have any more children (Am no wantin ony mair weans).

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a Firework banger available from most east end corner shops all year round, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

The Glesga Ned in the Charlie Nicholas parlance said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I canny see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the Ned went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure is available on the NHS by the way and works in Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank, Parkhead, Caldercruix, Shettleston,Bishopbrigs, Carmyle, and Barlanark