Neil Clark

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches the bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the testicles."


Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice
but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20
years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he
walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing
store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a
moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in
the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around
the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old"
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you
one hell of a headache."

tracktoy

R4N SS

iTrader: (6)

R4N SS

iTrader: (6)

i got one...


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked
you at 80 miles per hour, sir."


The driver says, "Sorry officer, I had it on cruise control at
60,perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating."


Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and
growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"


The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."


As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"


The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic #50 fine."


The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."


The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."


And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"


The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


I love this part.... ...... .......................












"Only when he's been drinking

turbo terry

dvid

old but makes me laugh every time!